Chapter 3
As quiet as he could be, Ed tiptoed through the house, seeking out his culprit. He found her fixing Den's automail, which looked very rusty. Slowly, very slowly, he snuck up behind her. 15 feet away. She was bent over the metal, examining it closely. 10 feet. There was a look of pure delight on Ed's face. 5 feet. From out of nowhere, a wrench came sailing through the air, hitting Ed square on the forehead. The next thing he knew, Winry was sitting on top of him, and his foot was twitching.
"Ya know, even though you're the size of a shrimp, you still make a lot of noise!"
"Who are you calling a flea so tiny you can squish it between your fingers!" Ed screamed, flailing his limbs.
"I keep saying, if you just drink your milk-"
"You know I won't go near that stuff with a 39 ½ foot pole!"
"Relax, Ed. It's just milk. Which reminds me, why are you home? You only come back if you need-" she stopped, for Ed had just taken off his coat, revealing the stump that was his left arm.
"And how did you manage that?" she screamed, while taking a wrench out of her tool-belt and taking aim.
"Winry, please! I can explain!"
"It was the milk huh?" Winry asked while throwing wrench after wrench at Ed. "The milk made you do it, right? I'm going to end you lactosephobia once and for all!" She then stalked out of the room, leaving Ed twitching on the floor.
---
"I tried to warn you Ed," Alphonse said while thousands of stray cats climbed on top of him.
"Is it my fault that I have an obsession with hating milk! I mean, that stuff is gross! Vile! Foul! Nasty! Disgusting! Atrocious! Repulsive! Nauseating! Ummm…Crap! I ran out of good synonyms! Al, do you happen to have a thesaurus on you?"
"Yeah, actually I do." He opened his armor, and thousands of cats fell out and landed on the ground in a giant meowing heap.
"How do you fit so many in there, Al?"
"It's a gift, I guess. I know I have it in here somewhere." He started sifting through the cats that were still in his armor, looking for the thesaurus. "Oops, sorry Mrs. Flufflufagus. Oh, Mr. Tinkles, not again! Move out of the way, Sugarplum. Excuse me Mr. Pink Sparkles. Aha! Here it is!" He pulled out a chewed up, peed on book and handed it to Ed. "There you go."
"Umm…thanks?" Ed took the book by the corner, and held it at arms length. He flipped through the pages until he found the one he wanted. "Now where was I? Oh yes. Appalling! Loathsome! Revolting! Sickening! Unwholesome! Dreadful! Ghastly! Gruesome! Frightful! Offensive! Al! The rest of the page is chewed off!"
"Oops, sorry Ed! Sugarplum Fairy likes to bite things. Sometimes I think that she thinks she's a dog."
"I need to attach your automail Ed!" Winry called from the house.
"Fine!" Ed screamed and raced up the lawn, Al following, leaving a trail of kitties behind him. "I'm coming!"
"Nice to see you Ed," Winry said in a pleasant sweet voice. A large smile was plastered on her face, and she was giggling slightly.
"Winry," Ed said hesitantly, "Have you been drinking anything lately? Like milk? Or steak sauce?"
"No, Ed. Why ever do you ask? And besides, I have to agree with you. After giving it much thought, I have decided that milk is utterly repulsive. No pun intended," She added as she took a sip from a brown liquid in her hand.
"You have seen the light! I have converted you to anti-milk-ism! One down, 7,418,880 more to go!"
"Don't be silly Ed." She giggled and took another sip.
"Will you be joining me on my quest to rid Amestris of the vile liquid that calls itself milk?"
"Ed, you're funny." She smiled and, yet again, took a sip of the drink. It seemed Ed had only just figured out she was holding it.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing to the glass.
"Oh, this?" she said, holding up the glass and shrugging. "This is just a chocolatey beverage. You want some?"
"Chocolate? Give it to me!" he grabbed the glass out of her hands.
"But only take a sip." But Ed took one gulp and downed the glass. Winry smiled and walked away, saying she was going to get some more. Al snickered.
"What's so funny?" Ed said, who had a brown mustache from the drink.
"You do realize that was chocolate milk don't you, Ed?"
"WTF!" Ed screamed, jumping up and spitting, although all the milk was already in his stomach. "I JUST DRANK MILK! WILLINGLY! BUT IT WASN'T WILLINGLY, RIGHT! 'CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MILK!" Ed started ranting to himself. "BUT WAIT, IT TASTED GOOD. WHAT AM I SAYING! IT'S JUST BECAUSE IT WAS CHOCOLATE, RIGHT? YEAH, THAT'S IT. OH, I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK!" He then ran off, covering his mouth with his hand. Both Al and Winry, who had been watching, were laughing hysterically.
THE END
Now review...or I'llsend the milk-loathing pipsqueakafter you!MWAHHHAHAHAHA