Rating: K

'There was a lot of vascular damage, but we stopped the bleeding for now.'

'Can I see her?'

'She's still in surgery.'

'There's a risk of sepsis and organ failure, but if we get through the next few hours…'

'What?'

'Lieutenant, if you haven't reached out already, any family members who should be here... you should get them here.'

'Okay, thank you, Doctor.'

'Are there any... any calls I can make? Family?'

'She, uh they're estranged.'

Beep...beep..beep..

Flatline

Olivia shot up from the sound of her alarm, waking her up from her nightmare. The same nightmare she'd had for six months. Only, it wasn't a nightmare. Six months ago, due to her careless decision, she lost one of her squad members. Every day she walks into the squad room and sees that empty desk, that nobody could get themselves to empty; she was reminded of her loss. Her body trembled violently, she shook up and down, her chest tightened, and her headache worsened as she broke down. Painful loud sobs came crashing out of her; unstoppable tears ran down her cheeks that opened floods gate and create an ocean of tears. Olivia began to gasp for air; her hard sobs made it difficult for her to breathe. She placed her hand on her chest and took deep breathes in attempts to calm herself, but it was no avail. The heartache of losing someone who you deep down you love and cherish is indescribable. It was a love that she had pushed away and burned deep down in the fiery pit within her. And it was a love that she had only truly recognized and had come out at the loss of her. It was her death that made Olivia realize that she had fallen in love with her, but it was too late. She will never be able to feel what true love is, to feel the soft lips on top of hers, or touch the smooth milk porcelain skin.

"Fuck" she whimpered, finally calming herself down...well attempting to. She reached out toward her night stand and grabbed a picture frame, and placed it on her lap. Taking her fingers, she gently caresses the glass frame. Again defeated, tears rolled down her cheeks once again as her fingertips delicately traced the figure in the picture. It was a picture that the blonde had given to her. A picture she took on Easter with her daughter, they wore matching sundresses. Jesse is smiling like a happy baby as the Easter bunny handed her a plastic bright pink Easter egg. Suddenly, without any warning, Olivia broke down again. Her shoulders shook up and down as the loud and chest hurting sobs came out of her. "I miss you," she sobbed.

Dusk had arrived as the sun began to set. The cool breeze blew her long brown locks, mangled across her face while goosebumps crawled her skin. An overwhelming feeling of sadness and guilt fell on her chest. Her shaky hand removed her mangled locks from her face, pushing it behind her ear. Olivia's brown eyes lost at the gravestone in front of her. She shook her head, trying to shake the memories that reminded her of the night in the hospital that Amanda had passed. She tried to remove beeping sound with the sudden flatline from her head, a sudden flashback of her being in the blue cold hospital room when Amanda's heart stopped.

"Mama."

Jesse soft voice broke her from the nightmare; her focus turned to the little one she held on her hip, pointing at her mother's gravestone. "Yes, mama, baby girl." She cooed at the small child.

Olivia kneed down slowly, setting Jesse down next to the gravestone. "Should we give your mama her flowers?" She asked softly as tears began to roll down on her cheeks.

"Mama."

Olivia took Jessie and sat her on her lap, placing a soft kiss on the top of her soft blonde baby hair. Her heart ached, even more, knowing that Amanda will not be here to see her daughter grow up, to become the best woman that she could be. Olivia held Jesse's hand with hers, both placing a freshly wrapped and cut of red and white roses on top the gravestone. Her brown eyes were mesmerized at the engraved stone as her fingertips delicately traced Amanda's name, the memories of their relationship flooding back at her. "I'm sorry." She whispered through her tears, keeping a tight grip on Jesse, who was wanting to break free from her hold.

She pushed back the golf ball of hard sobs, threatening to come out. "I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you. That I couldn't express my feelings..." her cries became painfully hard. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I love you, I am in love you...an..and it took your death to make me realize that." Her breathing became challenging. "I feel so lost without you. Why…. why did you leave me? Why did you leave Jesse?" Olivia shouted through her tears.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault…it's my fault that you're not here."

Jesse turned and wiped the tears from Olivia's cheeks with her little hands causing a small smile to grow on Olivia's face and she placed a wet kiss on the little one's forehead. "I promise Amanda, to take care of your baby girl. She will always know who her mama is; you will always be in her heart and in her mind. I promise." Taking her index and middle finger, she placed them on her lips for a kiss and returned to the gravestone in front of her.

"I love you."

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