Drifting
my thoughts start with you
before the dawn
after dusk
in the twilight where dream
meets dream and reality passes
my hope is always for you
my joy, yes to you
my laughter already belongs to you
but my heart is
important
it can truly be yours
and no one else's
you can take it
i'm offering
will you
do you doubt
can you hear me
i'm giving it to you
am i dreaming
i can't tell
i want you to have it
is it me whose is not letting go
of past
of memories
of pain
or is it you who will not receive my treasure
of disgust
of hatred
of confusion
are you listening
i'm calling
to you
it's dialing to you
but is my voice lost
to the wind
like my hopes for you
like my love for you
like my patience for you
they are rite i know it
i was dreaming
because i never let go
i wanted to
i pleaded to
i begged my mind to let go of the ache
but i did not
i held on tight
like i do to what ever i have
except the chance i should have given you
the chance you deserve
i denied it to you
selfish
i was
you were always there
i never noticed
and when i did
you were gone
i want to know
do you ever dream
do you ever wish
to go back
to fix something
because honey, i do
i want to fix the way i treated you
i could never blame you
for wat i caused
i just long for you to see
wat i couldn't
you are my other whole
you do what i cannot
and express what i won't dare to
i just wish we could realize
presence
maybe I'm still dreaming
maybe i'm wrong
maybe pandora has let out perception
but i know i'm not.
you make me believe
i'm important
you complete me
when i'm empty
you shelter me
if i'm in harm
yet i never let you in
i never gave you the key
and now i'm getting
impatient
of you
no.
of me.
i feel were drifting
diluting
dissolving
no were not
do you hate me
i hate me
for not giving you that chance
yet i can never stay mad when i think of you
you make me feel desperate
maybe i am.
you make me fell longing
i know i am.
you make me feel alive
hopefully i am.
you make me feel deserving
wishing i am.
you make me feel protected
i am.
at least… when i'm with you.
you are my savior
my guardian of love
my angle on earth
my moon at night
but only in my dreams
because were drifting
without giving you a chance
were drifting
apart away from one another
we were never together
were drifting
i love you chris
but were drifting
i will always carry my regrets
in the back of my mind
but this
i shall keep in my heart
constantly beating alive
because that's how you make me feel
amazing
in motion
I need to be near you
and that's why this regret
goes into my heart
it will be mine
the day i die
i will remember you
not because of how i felt
but because
of how we drifted
you will always be
there
but you will never know
we share an unknown secret
shadowing hope you will stand
as you have
never leaving
always chasing you
never catching
were drifting
ocean and sand.
book and ledger.
hope and destiny.
avalon and camelot.
drifting.
for you will always be the traveler
but i shall always be the wanderer
looking for what i have lost
always drifting from the truth
you
the words
i can't share
"we are drifting"
or is it
... "i love you"
my heart knows
but that's the unknown secret
would you tell me
if we weren't fading
if we weren't drifting…
--me (may 8, 2006)