Chapter Two
Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto
"That's right dead last." Tsunade attempted to hide a huge grin at Naruto's expressions. "I'm going to sell you."
Shizune glared at Tsunade, although when her mentor felt the gamma rays of hate radiating from behind her, she changed her expression to a reluctant thumbs up. "What Tsunade-sama means to say is that our favourite local charity," she paused, Kuso! Konoha has no charities! "ugh, G.I.V.E.M.O.N.E.Y. is having an event and they asked for help," she laughed nervously, she felt the gamma rays of hate too, "and we signed you up…to be bought…by girls." At this the entire group blanched noticeably, even the emotionless, hormonally challenged bastards.
"I've never heard of that charity," Kiba snarled, this whole idea was just ridiculous. There was no way he was going to be sold! Tsunade and Shizune were acting very strange as well. "What does G.I.V.E.M.O.N.E.Y. stand for?"
"Err well," Tsunade looked around, "Shizune knows."
Shizune glared. "Well, Great Importance Very Everywhere Means One Needs Everything Yearly. It's a charity for…people…who….need things."
Lee grinned, "Well, if it's for charity!" The rest of the males in the room, aside form Gai, gazed at him in disbelief.
Ino stepped forward, "I think it's a great idea!" She grinned. "I mean, a chance to see all the guys in this room working, without shirts, sweat-"
Sakura slapped a hand over her best friend's mouth. "Why are you doing this Tsunade-shishou? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're doing this because you need money." Nods of agreement from around the room.
Tsunade laughed nervously. Damn that girl is too smart.. "Well, you don't know better so leave." She looked around her desk momentarily, and then found what she was looking for - the bulky katana of Nidaime that she was supposed to have cleaned. She got up and proceeded to gesture to Sakura and the door with the axe. Sakura jumped and nearly ran there, spluttering all the while. She spotted Shikamaru on her way out, This one's smart too, She grabbed him by the ear and threw them out of the door. "That's right! And don't come back!" She opened the door as an afterthought, seeing both the retreating backs of the brightest minds of their generation. "Except you Shikamaru, we need you…you can come back! Oh, and you too Sakura! Bring your money!"
Tsunade slammed the door almost jauntily, feeling a sense of accomplishment. As she turned around she noticed that peculiar burning was back. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BRATS WAITING FOR! OUT!" She opened the door again and stood with her most Hokage-esque expression of anger. Nobody moved. "WHAT ARE YOU LITTLE PUNKS DOING IN HE-" Shizune appeared by her side, as quickly as only a ninja could.
She whispered, "Tsunade-sama, you're blocking the door and you're holding an axe."
Tsunade looked at her indignantly, "I knew that, and they did too! See, I told you they'd pass the test! They've all passed the ninja eye sight exams, you know, we can't have any more people running into enemy ninjas who have weapons. NOW GET OUT!" Still, nobody moved.
Shizune whispered again, "You're still in front of the door and you've still got the axe."
Tsunade moved, maintaining as much of her dignity as possible. "Neji, Naruto, Sasuke, and whoever else has an X and a Y chromosome in here. Report back here at seven a.m. sharp for your lessons."
Naruto nervously approached her, eyeing the axe nervously and the door wistfully. "Baa-chan, wha-what lessons?"
"Oh," she cackled madly in her head, "You'll see." Tsunade pulled him towards her chest absently mindedly, "You'll see."
"Right," Sasuke walked past her, trying very hard to maintain at least three feet of space between himself, and the crazy blond woman who obviously had placed genjutsu on the council who was in charge of electing a Hokage. I knew it…psychotically moody.
Neji, Kakashi, and Asuma merely shuffled after Sasuke; inwardly laughing at the awkward hold Tsunade had Naruto, whose face was turning an interesting shade, in.
"Well we, for two," Lee and Gai approached the Hokage, "think this is a fantastic idea Hokage-sama."
Lee grinned, his teeth shining under the incandescent lighting (Shizune frowned; I thought these lights were supposed to reduce blinding glares) "And may I say Hokage-sama that you look particularly youthful today! Let the winter of your youth…snow on!" (Shizune shook her head, he normally said spring time. Both really had a lot to learn about women.) He made his exit with his role-model.
"Well done Lee! Nice save!" Gai's teeth ping-ed in the corridor. (Shizune frowned again; these sound-proof doors really aren't that great either.) "To celebrate your charming manners and dashing good looks of youth, we shall run three-hundred laps around the village!"
"Gai-sensei!" Tsunade heard the waterworks starting.
"Lee!"
Gai-sensei!" Two set of teeth ping-ed.
"Er, Tsunade moved towards the door, finally releasing Naruto, who ran far, far away. "We should close this before they flood it."
"Ano, Tsunade-sama," Shizune's quiet voice cut through the hysterics in the hallway. "Do you have any questions about how this is going to work?"
"Just one," they had reached the door, "Where do they get all the water from every damn time?"
OoOoOoOoOoO
"So, " the five kunoichi who were at the interesting meeting were now gathered at the Ichiraku ramen stand. Tenten continued, "So…"
"Well, what did I miss?" …when Tsunade-sama picked up the giant axe. Sakura felt a sweat drop coming on, but resisted heavily.
"Ah, not much forehead girl." Ino grabbed her bowl of beef ramen and took a mouthful before continuing. "There was some yelling, some threatening, some weapon-waving. All in all, pretty average." As she bent over her ramen she saw three heads nodding in agreement.
"Ano," Hinata's quiet voice interrupted the hungry slurping, which, to a certain blond-haired ninja (even the thought made her blush) would be quite ritualistic. "What do you think Tsunade-sama meant by lessons?"
"Yah," Tenten's much louder voice cut through, "What could she possibly want to teach those guys without us there?" Her friends (plus a sensei) nodded in agreement.
Kurenai paused in eating her tempura to add in her thoughts. "I'm not sure; Hokage-sama is quite strange." This time, four nods of agreement.
"Guess that's the end of that." Ino bent over her ramen once more.
"We..we are following them right?"
Sakura looked at her in mock indignation, "Was there any doubt?"
Again, three nods of agreement.
OoOoOoOoOoO
"…then Hinata-chan will never talk to me, then she'll want to go out with you like every other girl in this whole goddamn country, then she'll marry you, then she'll have ki-" Sasuke smacked Naruto over the head with, or what used to be, a vase. "Sorry," Naruto glanced at the microwave again. "Shouldn't instant ramen be more…instant?"
"Dobe," Sasuke sighed, "you really are a dobe." The two of them had left Tsunade's office (Sasuke had waited) and went to the training fields for their weekly sparring time after regular training with Sakura and Kakashi. They hid the fact that, underneath it all, they liked to spend time with each other under their lingering rivalry.
Naruto glared, and then smiled as his ramen was finished. He took the two containers out, handed one to Sasuke, and then stuck two more in. And maybe moodiness isn't just for girls?
"Well," he began to speak through mouthfuls of noodles. He was practically inhaling the stuff. "She is always around our team, then she talks to use in that really cute quiet voice, then when we hear her and turn around she falls over, then when I pick her up she screams and runs away, that must mean that she likes you!"
Sasuke sweat dropped. "Naru-dobe," I really am getting soft. "How did we start talking about this?"
"Well, I said that Hinata-chan wouldn't buy me at the auction." Naruto's expression was so deflated that even Sasuke didn't have the heart to prod his friend's little crush.
"Well, she would have to be crazy to do that." Okay, so he lied.
Naruto really glared this time, and then smiled as the microwave ding-ed. He passed Sasuke one of the containers, inhaled his food once more, and then yelled. "And why wouldn't she buy me?"
Sasuke smirked, "It would take too long to tell you that. But," he blocked Naruto's fist and continued speaking, "I can anyways. You turn as red as a tomato," He inwardly salivated Tomatoes.., "whenever she's around, you start stuttering when she says your name or any other word to you, yo-"
"Okay, okay I get it!" Naruto moved from his small kitchen table to the counter. "How about we make this shitty mission interesting?" He smirked as he noticed Sasuke's eyebrow raise, indicating interest. "I bet that I can get Hinata-chan to buy me for more money than Sakura-chan will buy you for, if she even wants to buy you. "
"Oh, she wants to buy me."
"I was thinking more in the direction of Lee over you."
"Well, I was thinking that if you don't tell Sakura she should buy me, I would mention to Hinata about that time we played Truth or Dare and you ran to he-"
Naruto slapped a hand across Sasuke's mouth, "Did I mention how much Sakura-chan loves you?" Manipulative bastard.
"Hey, how many people do you think will be there? Not many, there's really not that many girls in this village."
"Hn" Sasuke added his agreement.
They had no idea how wrong they would be.
OoOoOoOoOoO
The sun had long ago set, yet Tsunade was still scribbling away at the paperwork she had managed to stay on top of, thanks to Shizune's watchful (obsessive) eye. Well, this part wasn't that bad. She was about to add the seven other letters atop her desk. She finished and began to walk to her quarters, also conveniently located about ten feet away from the vault containing the rest of the evil paperwork.
The letter read:
Kazekage-sama,
The Village Hidden in the Leaves formally requests you, and all of your eligible females, to attend a week of celebration festivities to be held in Konoha in one week's time. This activity would illustrate both your goodwill towards the solidification of our alliance with all other shinobi countries and your desire to see Konoha regain its strength from before the recent war between Otogakure, Akatsuki, and ourselves.
The festivities will commence with a traditional festival and end with a surprise auction, at which said females are encouraged to bid on the items for sale.
Godaime Hokage
Tsunade
OoOoOoOoOoO
Okay, so I know this chapter is shorter than the last, but it's only because I'm leaving in a couple of days for a month, and I really wanted to update before I left. So, how was it? I took PopeYoda1's suggestion and am going to be brining in some, well a rather large amount, of other characters. So, if you can think of personalities or incidents you think would be funny, don't hesitate to let me know!
I hope this was funny, I try lol. Tsunade was just, wwaayyy out there. Anyways, thank you for reading and please drop a review!
Next Time: The girls spy on Tsunade's 'lesson', the guys learn just what they've been dragged into, relationships are tested in some absurd circumstances, and our guest begin to arrive! Enjoy!