Dream: Hello and welcome to my newest humor fanfic of DOOM!
Zero: If you value your sanity, I suggest you leave now and find a different fanfic to read.
Dream: Ignore him; he's just grumpy because he needs to be taken to the vet for his rabies shots.
Zero: WHAT?! I'm not an animal! I don't need rabies shots!!!
Dream: Suuuure, you don't. Anyway, this lovely little package of funny goodness is a fanfic I've been meaning to write for a while. It probably won't be all that long but that's ok because I have plenty of other humorous fanfic ideas for afterwards.
Zero: Why the sudden burst of humor fics?
Dream: Because, sadly, school is going to be starting soon and I want to be able to lift everyone's spirits. That's why I'm going to be bringing back Anime Idiots Convention, but shh...You aren't supposed to know about that!
Zero: Well, I suppose I'll tell you the basics of the story. The main pairings of the fanfic are Autumn/Kurama and Hiei/Flash. The romance will probably be kept to a minimal since the main focus of the story is the humor.
Dream: Yu Yu Hakusho and its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. Flash and Lioness belong to Winter –iel –o burzum. Hinote and Vladimir belong to EternalBlackNight. All other characters and the story idea belong to me unless otherwise noted.
Zero: Now that that's out of the way, get started with the story. The sooner you start it the sooner it'll be over.
Dream: Okee dokee artichokee!
World Domination Weekly:
It was a warm, sunny, summer day in New York. Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama had decided to go to the beach, taking their local friends with them. Well, actually, Yusuke and Kuwabara had decided it. They then hogtied Hiei and stuffed him in a sack while Kurama contacted Flash, Autumn, and Hinote to see if they wanted to go. Now the four boys were waiting patiently for the girls and Hinote to arrive. Except Hiei, he was struggling and kicking in the sack that Kuwabara had over his shoulder.
Yusuke was wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans. Kuwabara had on his blue school uniform. Kurama was wearing his white Chinese outfit. People passing by gave Kuwabara strange looks.
"What's with them?" Kuwabara asked.
"Perhaps it's the moving bag that you're holding?" Kurama suggested.
Yusuke rolled his eyes and shouted at the staring people, "Oh, come on! It's not like you people haven't seen someone being kidnapped and dragged to the beach before!"
The staring people quickly cleared out of the area. Kurama sighed, "Must you scare everyone away like that, Yusuke?"
"I don't think it was Yusuke that scared everyone away." Kuwabara said as he pointed at three approaching figures.
There were two girls and one boy. One of the girls had dark brown hair that went to just below her shoulders and long dark brown bangs that covered her eyes at some points. Her eyes were greyish blue. She was wearing a long black T-shirt that said 'I survived the blackout of 2003' on it in white letters. She was also wearing black shorts and was wearing her blue and yellow sandals on her hands. She stood a bit shorter than Kurama. On her head she wore a black headband that had two black cat ears on it and around her neck there was a blue dog collar with a leash attached.
The other girl was holding the end of the leash. She was about Hiei's height. She had silver bangs and long black hair that was layered and went past her chest. Her golden eyes were hidden behind some sunglasses she had taken from some random person without them realizing it. She was wearing a black tank top, black shorts, and black sandals. She blew a bubble with the gum she was chewing as she let the girl with the ears lead her around.
Following behind them was a boy that was about Yusuke's height. He had curly and messy brown hair that was being hidden under a dark blue Yankees baseball cap. He was wearing khaki pants and a black 'Pirates of the Caribbean' T-shirt that had a pirate skeleton on it and blue behind it. He was wearing black steel toed boots.
The girl on the leash let out a yip when she saw the boys. She then ran forward, causing the leash to fly out of the other girl's hand, and launched herself at Kurama. Kurama, being used to this kind of greeting, absently put out his arms and caught her.
"Hello Autumn." Kurama smiled.
Autumn was hugging Kurama happily while yipping like a puppy. Yusuke pointed at the ears, "What's with the cat ears and why are you barking like a dog while wearing them?"
Autumn growled and bit Yusuke's finger. Yusuke yelped and pulled his hand back, "SHE BIT ME!!!"
"You'll get used to it." The other boy said as he and the black haired girl walked up to them.
Kurama nodded to them in greeting, "Hello Hinote. Flash."
"Hey." The girl, Flash, responded as she bent down and picked up the end of Autumn's leash.
Yusuke was holding his injured hand, "You really need to keep that girl on a leash!!!"
Everyone stared at Yusuke and then stared at the leash that was attached to Autumn's collar. They then stared back at Yusuke and responded in unison, "That doesn't help."
"Hey, where's Hiei?" Hinote asked.
A muffled sound came from the sack and there was a kick. Autumn blinked, "I think he's in that sack."
"WHAT?!" Flash yelled. She glared at Kuwabara, "Hinote, can I borrow one of your steel toed boots."
"Uh...sure..." Hinote took off a boot and handed it to her.
Everyone watched her take the boot and put it on one of her feet. Once it was tied she hobbled over to Kuwabara and kicked him between the legs as hard as possible with the steel toe of the boot. Kurama, Yusuke, and Hinote instinctively flinched in pain as they watched the boot toe connect with its target. Kuwabara dropped Hiei and fell to the ground, curled up and whimpering in pain. Autumn took the collar off. Flash took off the boot and handed it back to Hinote.
"Thanks." Flash said.
"You're welcome." Hinote squeaked in a really high-pitched voice as if he'd been the one she'd kicked.
Flash walked over and dumped the contents of the sack onto the ground. Hiei was lying there in his black pants with two white belts and blue tank top tied up. She untied him and he quickly stood up and glared at Yusuke. Kurama sighed and regained his composure, "Shall we go to the water?"
"There's a tropical storm causing a really bad riptide, nobody's allowed to swim." Hinote pointed out.
Yusuke shrugged, "I'm sure we can find other things to do."
"That's why I brought....A shovel!" Autumn grinned as she held up a shovel she had brought.
"Let's bury Kurama!" Hinote suggested.
Kurama shook his head furiously, "No! I don't want to get sand in my hair!"
"Too late." Flash stated as she dumped a bucket of sand over his head.
Yusuke, Hinote, and Autumn started laughing. Hiei smirked. Kurama turned slowly to glare at Flash who was smiling innocently with a shining halo over her head. The halo started making electric buzz noises and flickering. It then went out and fell to the ground.
"Damn it..." Flash glared at the halo.
"Well we could always just go stick our feet in the water." Yusuke suggested.
Autumn nodded and grinned, "Last one to the water has to put sunscreen on Kuwabara's back!"
That said, everyone took off running as fast as possible. Kuwabara was still lying on the ground in a fetal position while whimpering. Hiei was the first to reach the water. Then Kurama, followed by Flash and Autumn. Hinote tripped Yusuke and then ran ahead as Yusuke cursed at him. Hinote was whistling when he reached the others. Yusuke glared at them all as he walked up.
"There's no way I'm putting sunscreen on Kuwabara's back." Yusuke said.
"Relax. We're not even going to let Kuwabara take off his shirt. We value our eyes too much." Flash pointed out.
Kurama pointed at an empty spot in the sand, "Let's put our stuff down over there."
"Autumn, quit holding that shovel like you're going to kill someone with it and let's start digging a hole to bury someone in." Hinote suggested.
Yusuke grinned and took the shovel from Autumn. He started digging. Autumn tackled him to the ground to try and get the shovel. Hinote shrugged and also started trying to get the shovel. Kurama and Hiei sweat dropped as they watched. Flash took out a metal detector and started walking by the many sunbathing people while holding it above them to see if they had anything valuable.
"Never a dull moment when they're around..." Kurama sighed as he gathered everyone's stuff and moved it to the spot he had pointed at before.
Hiei nodded and followed. A moment later Kuwabara walked up to Hiei and Kurama, "What's everyone fighting over?"
"OW! MY HEAD!" Yusuke yelled as he held his head in pain after Autumn hit him with the shovel.
Autumn stuck her tongue out at him, "That's what you get for taking my shovel!"
Hinote whistled innocently before grabbing the shovel and running away. Autumn looked at her empty hands, at Hinote, hissed, and started chasing him, "HINOTE!!! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"
Flash came back to the group holding a couple wallets, a gold watch, some lady's silver bracelet, some earrings, regular rings, and some random person's gold tooth. She was whistling happily as she dropped the stuff in her bag. She looked up and saw Kurama frowning at her. She looked around to see if there was someone else he could be frowning at before she looked back at him.
"Something wrong, fox boy?" asked Flash.
Kurama narrowed his eyes, "You know stealing is wrong."
"Oh, is this going to turn into the 'Flash, we're in the human world now, and we have to abide by human laws' speech? Because if it is can you wait until I have a pillow and am in a comfortable sleeping position?"
Kurama glared as Yusuke and Kuwabara started laughing. Hiei smirked, "She has a point. Your speeches do seem to make everyone fall asleep."
Yusuke and Kuwabara nodded in agreement. Kurama sulked. Hinote ran by the group with tears in his clothes, missing a shoe, and screaming something about being attacked. A flock of seagulls followed immediately after him. Autumn was running after the seagulls laughing insanely.
"FEEL THE WRATH OF THE HELLBIRDS OF DOOM!!!" Autumn yelled as she chased the gulls while holding Hinote's boot in one hand and her shovel in the other. She dropped both next to Kurama and ran off again.
Everyone nearby was staring at Hinote, Autumn, and the seagulls. The strangers then turned their stares to Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Flash. Flash laughed nervously, "We don't know them..."
Autumn and Hinote suddenly appeared on either side of Flash, "Yes you do!"
"Gah!" Flash yelled as they both hugged her. Hinote then got up and started running from the gulls again while Autumn sat next to Kurama.
Yusuke picked up the shovel and started digging a hole, "Autumn, I'm borrowing your shovel. Ok? Thanks."
"Hey...that looks an awful lot like the shovel I st... err...borrowed from the little neighbor boy down the street..." Autumn said as she pointed at the shovel Yusuke was holding.
Kurama glared at Autumn, "You know you're not supposed to steal from your neighbors."
"Kurama, I'm hurt that you would think that I stole it! I asked if I could borrow it just like a good little girl." Autumn nodded.
Hiei scoffed, "I find that extremely hard to believe."
"Probably because it's not true." Flash pointed out.
"It is! Ok, so maybe it's not...but I did leave them a note saying I was borrowing it!" Autumn looked around at everyone's accusing stares, "Ok, so I didn't leave a note...but I did hogtie the mailman, put him in a shovel costume and leave him in their garage where the shovel had been!"
Everyone nodded, knowing that that was the truth. Hinote suddenly ran by screaming, tripped, and fell in the hole Yusuke had just finished digging. Yusuke blinked a couple times before starting to fill in the hole while Hinote was lying in it. The hell-gulls flocked to nearby the hole. Autumn waved her arm.
"That's enough for now. Thanks a bunch you guys!" Autumn smiled at the gulls and threw them a piece of bread.
The gulls attacked the bread. Randomly some guy wearing a yellow raincoat and a yellow rain hat in a little dinghy rowed by on the beach. Everyone stared at him. He lifted his hat, "Good afternoon!"
"Why are you rowing over the sand...?" Flash asked.
"Haven't you heard? There's going to be a flood of epic proportions and it's going to kill everyone. That's why I'm bringing two of every species with me in my boat. See? I've got plenty of different creatures with me." The man lifted up a bunch of Popsicle sticks that had animal faces drawn on them.
"Cool! A lion!" Kuwabara said as he pointed at a Popsicle stick that had a poorly drawn lion on it.
"That's an insult to my kind." Flash glared at the man.
Hiei raised an eyebrow, "I hate to be the one to ruin your foolish little world of idiocy, but those aren't animals and there isn't going to be a 'flood of epic proportions'."
"Believe what you will, but when you're all dead and I'm still alive you won't be laughing!" The man responded.
"Well, of course not. We'll be dead." Kuwabara stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The man in the rowboat started rowing away, "Just you wait! Once the rain starts it won't clear up until everyone's dead!"
As if on cue, the skies darkened and rain started pouring from the clouds. Autumn laughed and twirled in the rain. Kurama gathered his and her stuff before grabbing her and dragging her toward shelter. Hiei had to do the same with Flash. Yusuke and Kuwabara gathered up the rest of their stuff and followed the others. They left the beach and went to a small café not too far away.
They all sat down at a table and Autumn looked around, "I can't help but think we forgot something..."
Back at the beach:
Hinote was buried up to the head in the sand. He looked around, "Hello? Guys? Where is everybody?! I'm trapped! HELP!"
Some random hobo walked up and looked down at Hinote. Hinote stared at the hobo. They stared at each other for a moment before the hobo reached down, took Hinote's hat, and walked away. Hinote started struggling to get free of his sandy prison.
"MY HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!! COME BACK!!!!"
At the café:
"It's probably not important." Flash said as she sat down in a cushioned chair next to the chair Hiei was sitting in after getting a magazine called 'World Domination Weekly'.
Yusuke stared at her from a chair across the small coffee table, "World Domination Weekly?"
"Yup." Flash stated without looking up.
"It's the magazine she got her metal detector from." Hiei said before taking a sip of the hot chocolate he had gotten.
Yusuke exchanged looks with Kuwabara who was sitting on his left in a chair next to Hiei's. Kurama chuckled slightly from his seat on the small couch that was on Flash's right, "I wasn't aware they made magazines like that."
Autumn was sitting next to Kurama on the couch and licking the whipped cream from the top of her hot chocolate. She licked some off her lips and grinned, "That's because it comes with a cover pasted over the real cover that says it's 'Highly Educational Smart Things That Don't Involve World Domination Weekly'."
"Ah. How clever. No one would ever suspect a magazine with that title to be talking about world domination." said Kurama sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
Autumn and Flash smiled and nodded. Flash then went back to her magazine. Kurama went back to the tea he had ordered. Yusuke and Kuwabara ordered themselves some burgers and fries. Flash was a regular at the café so the waitress knew to keep bringing coffee every time Flash ran out.
Autumn and Kurama started talking quietly to each other. Yusuke and Kuwabara were too busy stuffing their faces to say anything to each other except for the occasional 'that was my fry, you idiot!' or 'pass the ketchup'. Hiei was wondering how long it would take before someone realized that they had left Hinote back at the beach buried in the sand.
Flash suddenly gasped, "HOLY HELL!!!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Flash. She showed them an ad in the magazine. It had a picture of a light brown hamster with a Mohawk wearing a tiny army jacket and holding a mini bazooka gun. The war-hamster had black paint stripes on its cheeks as it glared at the camera with its beady black eyes.
"'Now you can have the war-hamster army you've always wanted! Highly trained mini-minions willing and able to fulfill your every command! From taking over the world to vaporizing your homework, these hamsters can do it all! All this can be yours for one payment of $7,000!'" Autumn read aloud.
Flash grinned and hugged the magazine, "My fantasy has finally become a reality! I can finally have mini-minions!"
"You've already got a mini-minion. He's sitting right there." Yusuke pointed at Hiei.
Hiei growled, "If you hadn't taken my sword away when you tied me up, you would be dead right now."
"Flash, I hate to ruin your good mood, but how are you going to pay that amount of money?" Kurama, being reasonable, asked.
Flash looked around at everyone, "Empty your pockets."
Hiei took out some money he had collected by doing odd jobs for Flash's parents. Kurama put down some of his money that he wasn't going to be using to pay for his food. Yusuke put down about $2 and a bottle cap. Kuwabara put some lint on the table. Autumn put a mini-yo-yo, an acorn, a leaf, a seagull feather, a shiny new quarter, and a small chipmunk. The chipmunk sat there staring at everyone for a moment before running away.
"No! Chippy!" Autumn called after the chipmunk.
Yusuke stared at her blankly, "Why was there a chipmunk in your pocket?"
Autumn shrugged. Flash counted up everything on the table, "Ok, so with this and the stuff I picked up at the beach today we have about $27...so all we need now is $6,973 more and then I get my mini-minion!"
"Where are we going to get that kind of money? It's not like it'll just fly up and hit us in the face!" Yusuke rolled his eyes before a piece of paper flew up and covered his face. He screamed, "AAAAH! It's attacking me!!!"
Autumn took the paper and read it, "'Does your dog have what it takes to be a superstar? Uncle Chuck's, the company that brought you 'Uncle Chuck's motor oil' and 'Uncle Chuck's baby formula' now brings you 'Uncle Chuck's paper bag lunches for dogs'! To honor this glorious event, Uncle Chuck's will be holding a professional dog show to determine which talented pooch will appear in the advertisements of this product. Winner gets $6,973.'"
"Wow, what are the odds that the prize money would be the exact amount that you need." Kuwabara blinked.
Autumn and Flash gave each other a high-five and announced at the same time, "We are so going to win this dog show!"
"But you two don't have a dog." Kurama pointed out.
Autumn and Flash looked at Kurama and smirked. He looked back and forth between them and gulped, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Dream: So there you have it! The first chapter of my new humor fanfic in all its glory! I hoped you liked it. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible.
Zero: Review please.
Dream: GASP! Zero, you said please!
Zero: ...and...?
Dream: Maybe you really do need to be taken to the vet...