WOT? No "stupid" genre? Well then, I guess I'll just have to file this under humor…
Please note: This is not to be taken seriously. It was just something that bit me and wouldn't let go until I wrote it. You know how those cursed bunnies can be…(whacks plot bunnies with hammer) AWAY! AWAY WITH YOU ALL! ONLY THE WTIA SEQUEL BUNNY CAN STAY! Speaking of which, I guess I will start work on that sometime tonight. My other one-shot-turned-multi-chapter fic can wait.
Again, don't take this seriously. It's meant to be stupid!
Disclaimer: I don't own the series, yadda yadda already, but I do, perhaps, own the plot, and Mr. Wilkinson. And while we're at it, I don't own Uzbekistan either.
Reality Life"A 'C'!" Danny cried.
Mr. Lancer grinned evilly at him. "Perhaps if you spent less time wasted on virtual reality games and more time studying, you would be better prepared."
Danny glared after the teacher as the portly man walked back to his desk. "I see Dash isn't the only bully at Casper High."
"Calm down, Danny," Sam, in the row across from him, whispered. "He does have a point, you know. You really should study more."
"Seriously, Sam, I think he just loves picking on me!" Danny hissed, quickly looking down at his paper as Lancer glanced his way. "And maybe if I weren't so busy saving the entire city from certain doom and destruction every day, I would have more time to study!"
"Time, schmime," Tucker, from behind Sam, mocked. "Can't you get your buddy Clockwork the all-powerful-ghost-who-has-complete-control-over-all-time to freeze everything for just a couple hours a day for you to study?"
Danny rolled his eyes. "That's not how he works, guys. He only uses his powers for the greater good…I guess. Though really, how would we know?" Danny seemed genuinely intrigued by this possibility.
"Well then, unless something should happen to Lancer, I guess you'll just have to find time on your own to study," Sam said, crossing her arms.
"If something should happen to Lancer…" Danny mused, then smiled darkly.
…………
The next day, Principal Ishyama stood before the class, a strange man beside her. "I regret to inform the class that your teacher Mr. Lancer has been relocated to Uzbekistan, where he is teaching goat herders English."
Everyone's mouths fell open in shock, and there were a few quiet cheers. Danny just looked smugly complacent.
"This is his replacement, Mr. Wilkinson," Principal Ishyama introduced. The man had red hair and large glasses and was extremely thin, wearing his pants way too high. One might have actually confused him for Mikey's father if one did not know better.
"Hello, clasth," Wilkinson sad in a nasally voice, giving a watery smile before sticking a bottle of spray up his nose and snorting loudly.
Sam looked ready to either throw up or pass out, or maybe both. "Will he be doing that often?"
Tucker nearly fell out of his seat laughing, but Danny looked unamused. "I'm going to have to talk to Mom and Dad about this."
"Why? What can they do about it?" Sam scoffed. "I have a feeling we're going to be stuck with Mr. 'Nasalson' for a very long time unless Lancer needs help with the goat herders in Nowherestan."
Danny shrugged noncommittally and turned back to the English book in front of him. "Maybe he'll be more fair than Mr. Lancer."
…………
After school let out, the trio went to Al's Ice Cream Shop, talking excitedly about what had happened to Lancer.
"I can't believe he was just up and relocated like that," Tucker said, distractedly glancing over the choice tubs of ice cream. "Banana nut, please."
"I know, it was so sudden and without warning," Sam replied. "It's almost kind of fishy. Frozen vanilla soy."
"Yeah, if I weren't so happy, I might be concerned," Tucker said, taking his cone and licking the entire top layer in one go.
"What do you think, Danny?" Sam asked, taking smaller licks of her soy cube.
He looked distracted, scanning the ice cream selection repeatedly. "Yeah. Hey, dude, where's your double-mocha-mega-cocoa-bean-bubble-gum-road?"
The pimply faced guy behind the counter looked bored as he drawled out, "Uh, yeah, that's been like, discontinued."
"Discontinued! It was my favorite!"
"Dude, only like three people ever got it."
"And when will you be getting it back?" Danny asked calmly, though his eye twitched.
"Like, never," the guy answered.
"We'll see about that," Danny murmured darkly. "Strawberry, then."
…………
The three were walking home when they passed Skulk and Lurk, Sam's favorite bookshop. A large sign in the window caught her attention and she gasped, nearly dropping her frozen soy. "Closing!" she exclaimed. "They can't be closing! This is the only Goth club in town!"
Danny frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Relax, Sam. I'll talk to my parents about it."
"Your parents!" Sam repeated. "Why do you keep saying that! What can they do about it?"
Danny merely licked his strawberry ice cream, his face remaining blank.
Sam groaned in frustration and resisted the urge to either smack Danny or rip the sign down and tear it up. Finally she settled for neither and the three continued on down the street.
"Ya know guys, I'm getting kinda bored," Tucker stated a minute later. "If we wanted to see life we could just live it."
"That's the whole point, Tucker." Danny rolled his eyes.
"Well I think it's boring. Can't we at least have a ghost attack or something?"
"Can it wait until we finish our ice cream?" Sam asked, also rolling her eyes.
As soon as the three were done, a shapeless green ghost suddenly appeared before them, growling and waving its arms menacingly. "Uh, shouldn't you be going ghost or something?" Sam asked as Danny just stood by.
"Nah, I think I'll just watch this one," Danny replied, leaning up against a nearby wall. "Tucker is the one who wanted a ghost fight. Let him handle it."
"Tucker Phantom, on the case!" Tucker grinned, jumping up as a ring formed around his waist. It split into opposite directions, transforming Tucker's clothes into a black and white jumpsuit with a white 'TP' on the chest. He now had white hair beneath a glowing green beret, and matching green eyes.
"Oh, so original." Danny smacked his forehead. "Dude, you do know what 'TP' stands for, don't you?"
"Hello, reality?" Sam scolded.
Tucker looked crestfallen. "Just this once?" She shook her head and he transformed back into human. "Well, if Danny's not going to fight, and you won't let me go ghost, then where's the fun in a ghost attack?" The green blob of a ghost promptly disappeared.
Danny and Sam shook their heads, continuing on down the street with Tucker in tow.
…………
The following day in school, Sam was ready to strangle herself—or better yet, someone else—by the end of English. Her eye twitched every time Mr. Wilkinson used his nasal spray, and her hands flexed into fists every time his voice reached the crescendo of its monotony and squeaked slightly.
Danny was happy, though. He had been late to class because of a ghost fight, but Wilkinson had only given him a warning. Danny could have been looking forward to detention if it had been Lancer.
Tucker hid a snicker behind his hand as Wilkinson's voice squeaked again, followed shortly by the use of nose spray. Sam's eye twitched. "Man, is this guy for real?" he whispered.
"I swear, if he doesn't stop that soon, I'm going to relocate him to Uzbekistan myself, courtesy of my boot to his—" Sam began darkly, but Danny cut her off.
"Oh, come on, Sam, you always wanted to know how school would be without Lancer. You just thought it would be different than this." Danny folded his hands behind his head. "That's what this is all about, you know," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "Seeing how the different choices we make could affect our lives."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Yes, so you've told us, only a million times."
"I still think it's boring," Tucker piped up.
"Shut it, Tuck," Danny whispered. "You don't have to be here." Tucker sat back, grumbling.
"Students, no talking in clASth," Wilkinson squeaked with a lisp. Sam formed a fist and glared at the teacher.
Danny waited a minute before whispering, "So, Al's Ice Cream after school?"
"I thought you wouldn't want to go back since they discontinued your favorite flavor," Sam whispered back.
Danny smirked. "Want to go or not?" Sam shrugged while Tucker mouthed, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and waved his hands slightly in the air. Wilkinson shot him a wary glance and Tucker pretended to scratch his head.
So it was that after school the three were again at Al's Ice Cream Shop. Sam had already ordered her frozen soy (complete with black sprinkles and dark icing, though they didn't carry any little gummy bats) and Tucker decided to be wild and order strawberry rainbow instead of banana nut. Danny just ordered his usual, the double-mocha-mega-cocoa-bean-bubble-gum-road.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, licking her icing before it could slide off. "You know they discontinued that yesterday." To her surprise, Danny got his cone with the DMMCBBGR just a moment later. "Hey, what's going on? He said they would never get it back."
"I talked to my parents about it," Danny replied simply, biting into the top. She shuddered. How could anyone do that?
"But how could they—" She stopped herself, shook her head, and decided to drop it. Danny could be so weird sometimes.
They left the shop a few minutes later, but not before Tucker decided he couldn't handle change very well and ordered a banana nut. The three were walking past Skulk and Lurk when Sam noticed that the sign in the window from the previous day had been taken down. Hoping beyond hope that they were not closing after all, she dragged her two friends inside after her.
The Goth running the bookstore part of the building cast a veiled look of disdain at the two boys as the three approached. "I saw yesterday that you were closing," Sam said to the other Goth. "But today the sign is gone. Are you still closing?"
The Goth didn't reply for a minute. Tucker figured he was probably trying to get a decent breath through all the piercings. "No…" the green-haired youth spoke slowly. "We were going out of business but some big corporation bought us out…let us run everything just the same though." Sam scowled at the mention of a big-name corporation, but figured if it kept her favorite store from going under, she could let it slip this once.
She noticed that Danny was smiling once they were back outside. "What?" She was perfectly prepared to hurt him if he made some crack about how good it felt to be out from under the gloom back under the sun.
"You're welcome," he smirked.
"What?" Sam thought back to the day before, then what had happened at the ice cream shop, and rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. You talked to your parents about it?"
Danny merely shrugged. "I told you I would."
"You're really weird sometimes, you know that?" she asked, though she could not help the smile on her face.
"Whatever," Tucker said. "I'm just glad to be out of that doom and gloom and back under the free sun." There was a loud smack followed immediately by a louder cry of pain and a, "What was that for?"
…………
Sam watched Danny as they walked in the direction of their homes, thinking over the strange happenings the last couple days. Danny complained how unfair Lancer was; the next day the teacher was relocated to Uzbekistan. Danny's favorite ice cream was discontinued; the next day it was miraculously restored. Her favorite bookshop was closing; Danny said he would do something about it, then the next day it was back to business. Sam's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Surely Danny wasn't using his ghost powers again for his own personal gain? And what was he saying about talking to his parents? Some lame cover story, no doubt.
"Hey, Danny," she unwittingly interrupted a conversation between the two boys that she had been too lost in thought to notice. "Is there anything you want to tell us?"
"No, why?" he answered, and if she hadn't known him as long as she had, she would have been convinced. As it was, though, she could tell he was panicking.
"Oh, I dunno, just everything that's been happening the last few days is kinda convenient, dontcha think?" she prodded, and Danny fidgeted. Good. That meant she was on the right track. "Have you been using your ghost powers for something we should know about?"
"It's a lie, my parents don't—wait, what? Ghost powers?" Danny realized what she must have thought, and he laughed. "Oh, ha, I thought you meant—ahh…never mind."
Sam narrowed her eyes in suspicion as Tucker looked on curiously. "You thought I meant what?" she asked.
Danny looked around nervously. There was no getting out of this one. Perhaps it was time they knew anyway…"Well, um, my parents, they kinda…rule the world. The whole ghost hunter thing is just a cover. We have a secret base under the lab where they can monitor all the important going-ons. And they're working on taking over the Ghost Zone next. Oh yeah, and they know about my ghost powers. And Jazz and I are going to inherit the business. Apparently it runs in the family."
The two blinked at him for moment, before bursting out in laughter. Danny joined them and soon all three were bent over, clutching their sides with laughter. "Dude, that's a good one," Tucker said, drying his glasses.
"You are seriously messed up," Sam laughed. "But as long as I have your word that you aren't using your powers for yourself, I'm okay with it."
The three had reached Danny's house by then, and parted ways from there. Danny waited until they were out of sight before heading down to the basement-converted-lab. He walked over to the ghost portal, flipping up the switchboard of the controls and pressing the hidden button beneath.
The section of floor he was standing on quickly sank twenty feet until he was standing in a huge room, filled with monitors and all sorts of technical equipment. Alright, so he had under-exaggerated a bit when he had said they had a secret base under the lab…it stretched at least under the entire block, thick pillars placed periodically to support the weight of the civilization three stories above.
Danny walked over to where his mother was surveying a wall of monitors, the screens depicting everything from small-town life to a café in Scotland, to a hotel in Hawaii, to the inside of the White House. His father was a little way off, apparently talking with the President about some new law.
Maddie stood with her hands behind her back, not turning to face Danny as her eyes constantly scanned over the monitors. "You told Sam and Tucker?" It was really a statement.
"Yes," he answered, also turning to face the wall of monitors. "They thought it was a joke. There's nothing to worry about. They thought it was just a joke…"
…………
The following morning on the way to school, Tucker was chatting animatedly while his two friends bore it in silence. "And then, I had this really weird dream that Vlad came and begged your forgiveness after you took over the world—" here he could not help but laugh, and Sam hid her smile behind a yawn, "—but then this giant stem of broccoli came and carried him away…"
"Wouldn't that be something, if Vlad decided to renounce his evil ways?" Sam smirked.
Danny returned the look. "Let's find out." Suddenly his ghost sense went off and Vlad Plasmius appeared floating in front of them.
"Daniel! Just the little halfa I was looking for," Vlad said. "I've come to tell you that I've renounced my evil ways! And given up on Maddie. From now on, I'm going to dedicate my life solely to producing dairy products! Oh, I almost forgot! Look, I got a cat!" He pulled a spotted tabby cat from the folds of his cape and made goo-goo faces at it, letting it lick his mouth. "You were right all along!" He pulled his cape around him and disappeared with a puff of smoke.
Sam rolled her eyes. "A cat, Danny? That really is pushing it. Oh my gosh, I have to go! It's getting late." Her entire body flickered for a second before she completely disappeared from sight.
"Yeah, she's right," Danny sighed. "Come on, Tuck. We have homework to do."
"Right behind you, man," Tucker agreed. Danny too, vanished, leaving the techno-geek by himself. He jumped into the air and transformed back into Tucker Phantom. "Finally, with those two out of the way, and no one to keep me from my fun, the ladies will be all over me." His eyes widened. "Hey! Don't you—" He flickered out of sight.
Tucker glared at Danny, who held two odd-looking helmets in his hands. Sam stood behind him with a third. "—dare."
"Oh come on, Sucker Phantom," Danny teased. "I thought you said it was boring."
"It is! Whoever invented this stupid game should be shot. It's bad enough we have to live real life, but play it in a virtual reality game?" Tucker insisted.
Sam laughed. "And a fine reality you two made it between Vlad becoming good and Tucker Phantom, and your parents ruling the world." The three laughed again at the thought. "But it really is getting late. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah me too," Tucker said, heading for the door. "And remind me to never play video games at your house again unless I bring the game."
Danny waited until he was sure they were gone before heading down to the lab and over to the ghost portal. He flipped up the switchboard of the controls and pressing the button hidden beneath. The section of floor he was standing on quickly sank twenty feet until he was standing in a huge room, filled with monitors and all sorts of technical equipment.
He walked over to his mother, who stood with her hands behind her back, scanning over a wall of monitors. His father was a little way off talking with the president of France. "You told Sam and Tucker?" It was more of a statement.
"Yes," Danny replied, turning to survey the many screens before him. "But they thought it was just a game. There's nothing to worry about. They thought it was just a game…"
The End! (runs around in circles laughing my head off) And you thought I was just being random about Uzbekistan in my disclaimer! Ha-ha! Yes, that's the end, the end. This is another one of those that works best as a one-shot, don't you think?