Dream: OMIGOSH—I'm using that phrase too much today—ANUPDATENOWAYWTF1!thirty-seven!
Zero: Bloody hell! Use some punctuation! Remember the Caravanamo!
Dream: But…I'm so excited. O I haven't updated in forever. And…I still haven't finished that story that was supposed to be one chapter long. XD That's sad. How pathetic I am.
Zero: As true as that may be, it still doesn't excuse you from neglecting your space bar.
Dream: Fine. Space . Happy?
Zero: Indeed.
Dream: Ok, well I'm not at home right now and once I get home I need to finish photoshoppin' something so I won't get the chance to post the results of that poll. Anyway…CHAPTA TIUHM. -- never let me say this again.
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Last Time:
"We'll do it!" both girls yelled at the same time.
Loki and Vlad exchanged worried glances, as if to say 'Oh shit...what have those two gotten us into this time and who's going to be paying the hospital bills...?'
Now:
Remember the Caravanamo:
"Ok Mr. Glowing Dookie Ball, what's the challenge?" Autumn asked, her hand offered palm up to the orb in a strange useless gesture.
"The challenge is…TO FIGURE OUT THE CHALLENGE! MUAHAHAHAHA-cough wheeze-HAHAHAHAHA! … HA!" And with that the orb vanished.
Flash growled. "You cannot do this to me! For I am God and you are forbidden to aggravate God and therefore you cannot do this to me for I am God and cannot be aggravated due to my Godly godliness that prevents me from being aggravated! …FOR I AM GOD."
"Oooook…Calm down there Flash; it's going to be ok. No need to go all crazy repetitive on us…" Autumn tried to calm her down.
Vlad rolled his eyes. "This is stupid. Let's just leave."
"But we can't leave, you fool." Hiei responded.
Vlad arched an eyebrow. "And why not…?"
"Because that thing won't let us leave without doing this challenge thing." After a moment's thought, he added, "Besides, there are no doors."
"We're outside, Hiei. I thought you'd be smart enough to realize that doors are not necessary when there are no walls!" Vlad stretched out his arms to indicate the vast expanse of wall-less nature-y things. (and a monkey with pompoms…)
"O rly?" Hiei asked, his body changing to that of a white owl.
"Ya rly," responded Vlad, his body becoming that of a grey owl with some brown.
"Then what's…" Hiei became a statue of a scantily clad armless woman. "…this!"
Vlad became a giant smoldering pile of dog poo. "A psychic anomaly that causes rapid shifts in form due to some imbalance between the amount of stupidity and intelligence in the world today which is almost always foreshadowed by the appearance of a RUMP (Random Unidentified Monkey with Pompoms)."
"No, idiot, this." Hiei became Hiei again and pointed to his left. Everyone looked to see…a random door! GASP. Gaze in wonder at the splendor of the door. Oh mighty door, we salute thy splendid door-y-ness! I beseech thee, tell me the wonders that only one such as yourself might know!
"Alright. That's the last time we let Autumn narrate." Kurama said as he suddenly became Kurama again.
"…" Flash stared at Kurama. "What the hell? You're ruining my plans! Change back!"
Kurama laughed. "Not a chance. I'm free!"
"And pink!" Yusuke, fed up with not having had any lines in the chapter as of yet, pointed out happily.
"Wait, aren't you supposed to have been attacked by Hiei? And wasn't Hiei in the process of attacking you? I don't see the logic in any of this chapter thus far. It has created many questions about the plot advancement. I don't get it. The mechanisms of this malfunctioning chapter completely elude me." Kuwabara shook his head. When he looked up he was faced with the flabbergasted faces of all of his companions. "Hwut?"
Autumn screeched and pointed. "He's possessed by the grammatically correct spirit of Mr. Caravana!"
"Mr. Caravana's not dead." Vlad narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Autumn. She whistled and dug her toe into the dirt. "Autumn, what have I told you about killing the good teachers in the world?"
"But…he gave Briana a better grade than me on our creative writing things AGAIN! I had no choice! He provoked me. It's all his fault. I blame you!" Autumn accused the innocent shrub at her feet. It looked at her with pain evident in its eyes before picking up its roots and running away sobbing.
Flash watched the chaos with one eyebrow twitching. Finally she used her best deep manly God voice to silence them. "SILENCE. God commands all of you to stfu and listen to what she has to say! Obviously one of us has been replaced with a mutant android space oyster from outer space and we need to figure out who it is before we all get eaten by gentlemanly voles."
"I know!" All eyes turned to Autumn as she relayed her plan. "All we have to do is open the door and all the secrets of the universe will be revealed to us."
All eyes turned to…THE DOOR. GASP. Gaze in wonder at the splendor of the door. Oh mighty door, we salute thy splendid door-y-ness! I beseech thee—"Yeah, yeah, we got all that the last time you started blabbering like a blabbering fool." Hiei interrupted me, the narrator, using the Godly powers he stole from Flash.
"So that's where my Godly powers have been going…" Flash rubbed her chin thoughtfully before hitting Hiei with a frozen turkey. "Gimme my powers fool!"
The impact of the turkey on Hiei's head caused a strange reaction to take place. First, Hiei turned plaid. Next, he inflated to eight times normal Hiei size (he was taller than Kuwabara, omg!). Finally, he exploded into a flurry of confetti. Just as Autumn was about to throw her arms in the air and scream 'Shiny!' in happiness, the confetti then formed a cloud over the cemetery. Three evilly slanted red eyes appeared in the cloud along with a mouth that contained little evil fangs. The cloud took on a constipated look for a moment before finally a tuft of spiky black hair with a white starburst popped out of the top of the cloud.
"Oh my Me!" Flash exclaimed as she stared up.
"Hiei's a cloud, yo!" Autumn added.
Yusuke realized the painful results this situation might produce. Just as he was about to let out a loud string of curses, his fears were validated. Hiei began raining upon them. But this was no ordinary rain, oh no. It was fire in raindrop form. All of the shrubs and blades of grass in the cemetery screeched and ran away. Yusuke attempted to do the same, but tripped over a speck of dirt and fell flat on his face.
Flash, meanwhile, was laughing insanely and holding her arms out to the sky like someone seeing rain for the first time after a long drought. "Fire!"
"Flash, you fool, move out of the way!" Loki yelled as he cowered in his house made of straw.
Yusuke and Kuwabara walked over to Loki's house and knocked on the makeshift door. Kuwabara decided to speak when there was no answer, "May we come in out of the fire?"
"Not a chance. Get your own house." Loki responded.
Hiei's now manly voice boomed from the sky, "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll burn your house down! I can do that, you know. I'm an evil fiery cloud."
Loki screamed in terror as fire plummeted toward his house. Since he had installed windows, the house came crashing down in a heaping pile of useless trash even before the fire got close enough to catch it on fire. Loki dug his way out of the rubbish and stood next to Yusuke and Kuwabara as they watched the ex-house catch on fire. A firedrop fell on Yusuke's sleeve and he screamed and ran in circles until Loki yelled at him the three S's of fire safety: "STOP SUMO AND SPINACH!"
Kuwabara blinked. "I do believe what you're thinking of is 'Stop drop and roll'."
Yusuke's eyes were tearing when he finally stopped to catch his breath. All of the running in circles had caused the flames to grow larger; they were now engulfing most of his upper body. A shadow fell over the poor flaming boy. He looked up to see…a sumo wrestler (and a particularly large on at that D)! Yusuke's face paled as the sumo took a sumo fight stance. The defective detective released that the hands on knees stance he'd taken to catch his breath closely resembled the sumo's own stance. Apparently all hell was about to break lose. "Oh sh—"
Before Yusuke could finish his obscene word the sumo charged at him. The poor outmatched boy was caught in the sumo's grip as the lummox continued to charge. The charge ended only once the sumo had slammed Yusuke into the invisible walls surrounding the cemetery. The sumo then walked over to Flash who gave him a twenty dollar bill with a strange device attached to it. They bowed to each other before the sumo walked away. Flash took out a tiny remote and pressed a small red button which activated the device. This caused the bill to jump out of the sumo's wallet and come hopping back to Flash saying 'Mommy mommy!' in a small childish voice.
Loki walked over and poked Yusuke. He was on the ground bruised, beaten, and twitching. Oh, and he was still on fire. Kuwabara turned to Loki. "What was the third thing that you said for Yusuke to do?"
"Ah! Spinach!" Loki reached through a tear in the time space continuum into some disgustingly old cartoon and pulled out a can of spinach! The tear then closed before an angry little guy could jump through and attack. Loki lifted Yusuke to feed him the disgusting veggie.
Instantly Yusuke was revitalized. He stood up laughing and like magic all of his bruises healed and the fire went out. He then struck some poses to show off his spiffy new muscles. Vlad groaned. "Stop showing off and get on with it already!"
"Say, when are you going to change back?" Kuwabara asked.
If giant piles of poo had eyes, Vlad's would have blinked. "What are you talking about; I already have!"
"You've always been a giant pile of poo?" questioned Loki.
"Well duh. Where did you think that horrendous smell came from?" Vlad retorted.
Loki directed his gaze to Kuwabara who looked at him with a 'hwut?' evident in his eyes. Loki shook his head. Yusuke walked over to a house made of sticks and knocked on the door. "Yo Kurama, let us in! It's raining fire out here."
"I'm sorry Yusuke, but if I let you in Hiei will destroy my house." Kurama responded.
"Actually I'm going to do it anyway." Hiei pointed out.
Kurama was flabbergasted. "But we're friends!"
"Yeah but…I don't like you."
"But but…Hiei…! I loved you! How could you betray me like this?" Kurama ran from his house sobbing and was never seen again…until he came back with a box of tissues dressed all in black with black-died hair and emo glasses. O
"Oh my Me! You made Kurama emo! Shame on you!" Flash yelled while still dancing in the fire. God is good at multitasking.
"My life…is sad." Kurama sighed melodramatically.
Hiei rolled his eyes. There was a 'poot' sound as a big wad of fire dropped on Kurama's house.
Kurama let out a strangled cry of pain. "Oh woe is me! I must write a sad poem about my poor house."
"What the hell?" Yusuke asked as he and Loki swam over.
Kurama cleared his throat. "Hark! The house of Abe Lincoln's birth…has burned. Not a thing is left but a black mark. It reminds me of Uncle Larry's large girth. Alas! Poor Uncle Larry! The tears run down my face in rivers. I am sad."
Suddenly a giant frog came and ate the emo Kurama. The frog sat up on its hind feet and beat its chest. "Emo yummy!" it roared.
"Shall we try the next house?" Kuwabara asked. Loki and Yusuke nodded. The three ventured toward the brick house built by Autumn. As they were walking an electric fence appeared and they all died. What a shame.
"Well damn, I died." Loki snapped his fingers in disappointment.
Yusuke cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "Hey Autumn open the door!"
Moments upon moments of silence passed. Loki rolled his eyes. "What could she possibly be doing that she can't hear Yusuke hollering?"
Inside the house, Autumn literally had her forehead glued to the TV and drool hanging from her open mouth. The TV volume was on the maximum and it blasted its message at the poor girl: "I love you; you love me!"
Back outside, Yusuke stumbled upon a revelation. It stood up and growled at Yusuke in a Brooklyn Italian accent. "'Ey! Watch whea you goin!"
"Oh sorry," apologized the detective. He then had a thought. It tasted like chicken.
"Hey wait a minute…" Kuwabara caught a firedrop in his hand. "This doesn't hurt at all!"
"But what about me catching on fire? And my burning flesh?" Yusuke asked.
Loki laughed maniacally. "Yes! It was I! I am the one who did all of this! I burned your flesh!"
"No!" Yusuke gasped.
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Ye—alright shut up and ask me who I am."
"Oh, ok. Who are you?"
"I am Hiei's father!" Loki pulled down an imaginary zipper to reveal…himself!
Yusuke and Kuwabara gasped. Hiei shook his head in denial. "It can't be!"
"Oh but it is." Loki put a hand on his son's shoulder. "You see my boy. When I was in college I liked to party a lot. One night I got so drunk that I hooked up with a huge thug named Butch. I don't remember what happened that night. All I remember is waking up with a fifteen-thousand pound baby crushing my esophagus the next morning. I did what any sensible man would do; I sent the baby to Jenny Craig. Years of weight loss programs later that baby became a supermodel for HurrWeIsAnorexic Magazine. But after developing a horrible food addiction that plummeted him into a life of desperate cravings and begging on street corners he finally saw the light—the light of an exploding apartment building—and knew what he had to do; he had to follow his dream of becoming a professional ballerina! That baby was you, my son. I'm…so…proud…"
Yusuke and Kuwabara joined Loki in crying at the sadness. Hiei just stood there, but before he could respond he was tackled and strangled by Flash. "Give.Me.Back.My.Fire!"
"Flash! You're going to kill him!" protested the talking poo.
"I'll save you, Hiei!"
All eyes turned to the door of Autumn's house. Flash continued strangling Hiei while gazing in wonder (again, Godly multitasking). Autumn was there…in a purple dinosaur costume with a little cape. "I am here to save the world with love and friendliness! Quick, you two funny looking guys kiss and everything will be well in the world!"
Yusuke and Kuwabara shrugged at being given permission to do something they'd always wanted to do. Kuwabara wrapped his arms around Yusuke and—the Koala bear is a cuddly little creature that likes to eat Eucalyptus leaves. Eucalyptus leaves have sometimes been known to fight back against the Koala using nuclear weapons sold to them by the United States.
"Excuse me? There is no way I'm letting the US take credit for what I did." Flash appeared, her arms crossed.
"Very Melon!" yelled Autumn as she danced around.
Loki called a timeout. "Wait! We've forgotten something very important!"
"The search for my sanity?" Autumn asked hopefully.
"You never had any." Loki waved a hand dismissively.
Kuwabara pointed at Hiei. "Hiei's the oyster!"
"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN!" The mutant android space oyster from outer space said for dramatic effect.
Flash donned the robes of a priest. "There is only one way to find the truth…Throw him in a cage with pancakes! If he gets eaten then he is innocent. However, if he does not then he is an oyster."
"Pancakes! Pancakes!" an angry mob cheered as they prepped Hiei for his punishment. Actually, let's just skip the prepping and get straight to the punishment.
"AAAAAAAARGH! IT BURNS!" Hiei screamed as he clawed at the floor, desperately trying to pull himself from the Kuwabara-in-a-bikini shaped pancake.
Autumn looked at Flash. "You know what? Yusuke and Kuwabara kissing didn't fix things. I think that Kuwabara needs to kiss something so powerful, so extremely awesome, that it's at the point of Godliness! Do you know something like that?"
Flash looked over her shoulder at her ass (hahahaha kiss my ass, get it? D hahahaha I killed the joke. Hahha what a loser). She then cringed and said, "I don't want to put that kind of torture on anything."
Kurama fell from the sky in front of the girls. Apparently his parachute had not opened and it had caused him to make a three-foot deep indentation in the ground. He stood up and snapped all of his bones back into place. "Woo boy that felt good."
Flash smirked and looked at Kuwabara. "You know, Kuwabara, if you kiss Kurama the world will be saved…"
Autumn gasped. "No! Not Kurama!"
Kuwabara started running through a field of brightly colored flowers towards Kurama in slow motion as corny love music played in the background. Kurama was on the other side trying to take off his failed parachute. The latches were stuck. Autumn yelled 'noooooo' in deep slow motion voice and began running for the one thing which could save Kurama from a fate worse than death: the door. It was a race against the clock. Who would get to their destination first? It was Kuwabara at the turn, but Autumn was catching up. They were neck and neck but—oh! It would be Fat Ole' Uncle Larry up from his couch to get a beer from the fridge. He turned the knob and opened the door in one motion.
And the world stopped for a moment. Then screaming souls poured out of the doorway and engulfed Uncle Larry. Explosions started happening randomly around the world. The impossible became possible; the Eiffel Tower sang opera, pigs started to fly, and George W. learned how to speak correctly! Oh my Flash, this is terrible! What's going on! I can't feel my spleen! Arrrrrrgh
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And somehow, in spite of it all, Abraham Lincoln won the Dog Show.
THE END.
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Dream: Ok, so obviously this was my April Fool's chapter.
Zero: Oh, obviously.
Dream: I apologize in advance if I don't get a new chapter up (which I most likely won't). Project after project… Sigh. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little…thing. I sure enjoyed writing it. XD
Zero: Oh, and Dream would like to say that she owns none of the random things that appeared in this chapter. She only owns Autumn, "Remember the Caravanamo", the orb, the challenge, the door, and…myself.
Dream: Also, I was wondering. If I were to make a community on livejournal for all things fanfic, how many people would be interested in joining (or interested in watching the community itself if you don't have a livejournal account)? Nothing's definite yet, I'm just wondering. Anyway, Happy April Fool's Day.