SG: Well boredom inevitably sets in so here's another chapter – hopefully you enjoyed the last one or I would be wondering why you're still reading this fic.

Disclaimer: I'm officially nuts so how could anything in this fic; even my own thoughts belong to me?

Chapter 2 – Flying, chewed up skateboards AND no cable!

After a day in his room all day, Harry was bored shitless and the day had felt like a week. How pathetic, at least in the book, he had to put up with three or four days of it. The Harry in this fic is such a baby.

It was night time and Harry lay asleep dreaming of what-ever the hell a pre-teen wizard would dream of. Needless to say we don't want to know.

His glasses lay on a copy of 'Which Owl?' because Harry had finally gotten around to deciding to replace Hedwig – he was sure she had been the one who had started the revolt where owls now got paid for their work, the ungrateful gits. Anyway, back to the story.

Harry woke up from some strange noise and spotted a UFO in the starry sky.

'What the fk is that?' Harry wondered to himself.

Harry stared at the UFO for several more seconds.

And then a few more seconds and then wondered vaguely what the editors had been thinking when they had added these crappy and boring shots.

Whatever it was pulled up at his window and Harry decided it was a giant skateboard.

'Oh crap a giant skateboard's after me!' Harry yelled stupidly.

Then he realized that Ron Weasley and his brothers Fred and George were driving it – no wonder why it looked so broken down and poor.

'Shit Ron, why couldn't you come in the morning to rescue me?' Harry whined.

'Well at the risk of being obvious I'd have to say because most muggles aren't used to seeing flying giant skateboards' he answered smugly.

'Oh right. Couldn't you afford the rest of the car?' Harry inquired

'Well er no, actually' said George.

'Oh alright then'

'Yeah whatever' said Ron. 'Couldn't you've at least packed your trunk before we got here, we are on a curfew you know!'

'Sorry, I forgot!'

Ron and the others broke the expensive jail bars (which Harry inwardly smirked at, satisfied) and the bars came down with a resultant crash.

Harry hurriedly packed his junk and took it to the flying skateboard and had jumped on before Hedwig went off her face because he hadn't taken her with him.

'Damn it! I was hoping she'd stay asleep so I could get rid of her for good!' Harry muttered, reluctantly grabbing her cage.

Her pleas of 'Take me with you!' woke up the Dursleys and now Harry had to make a run for it. In total Matrix envy, Harry performed a slow motion aerial jump onto the skateboard.

Just kidding – Harry isn't that talented. He tried and failed. Uncle Vernon grabbed his foot and yelled

'You and that pigeon aren't going anywhere!'

'I'm not a pigeon I'm a chicken' Hedwig yelled back.

'No you're not' Harry told her. 'You're a species-confused owl with a pay rise!'

Hedwig sat in the back and cried at the revealing truth.

Then Uncle Vernon did something fans never remembered reading in the book – he fell out the window without breaking a few vertebrae…amazing more incredible than Harry Potter himself…er no we won't go that far.

'By the way Harry' said Ron as he clambered onto the skateboard. 'Happy Birthday'

'Are you kidding? My birthday was actually yesterday and did you even get me a card?' Harry whined.

And with that he sulked for the rest of the journey, leaving Ron extremely confused because he was only following the movie script.

……………………………………………………………………………..

The Burrow

As Harry went inside, the first thing he saw was a sink full of dirty dishes. What a shit hole, he found himself thinking.

The dishes were washing themselves, which was lucky because the shippers had arrived.

Scrubbing brush/Frying pan shippers: Yay!

Anyway, they tried to sneak past Ron's saber-toothed mum, but animal-like as she was she smelt them a mile off, but then and again the BO from four teen and pre-teen wizard boys cooped up on a skateboard all night might have contributed.

'Where the bloody hell have you been? How on earth was I supposed to go extreme boarding this morning if you lot had bloody stolen it, you little shits!'

'But Mum' whined Ron 'It's part of the script and besides, Harry really had to destroy those expensive bars!'

'I don't care, now because of you I've missed my date with Tony Hawk – of course I don't blame you Harry' Mrs. Weasley said kindly to Harry.

'Brown noser' Fred muttered in Harry's ear.

'Well you'd better hope I don't use you three as a skateboard! Mrs. Weasley quipped.

In Harry's presence though, she did not seem to want to punish her sons further. Ron was betting that Gilderoy Lockhart wasn't the only famous wizard Molly Weasley fancied and did worry for Harry's virginity at his stay here.

'Time for breakfast' she said to impress Harry.

Enter Ron's little sister and Harry's future romance, Ginny Weasley running down the stairs. She wasn't particularly pretty in this film but at least that won't matter until movies 5 and 6…and possibly 7.

Ginny saw Harry after asking about her jumper and froze with fear.

'Oh My God – he's going to be my future husband?

Harry/Ginny shippers: Yay!

Harry/Hermione shippers: We're not delusional - we're not!

'Er, yeah sorry about that but I don't write the books' said Harry apologetically

'It's not that' said Ginny irritably 'You were a lot hotter in the book'

'Beggars can't be choosers'

'Indeed, well shit happens'

And with that she ran away to pretend to swoon over her 'secret' heartthrob (A/N: Yeah like we didn't know)

Arthur Weasley, the Weasley's not so efficient financial provider walked through the door.

He met Harry and asked him about the function of a rubber duck and Harry replied 'There is no spoon – I mean function (A/N: I was having a Matrix moment)

'Oh' said Mr. Weasley, clearly disappointed.

'Anyway' said Harry; changing the subject 'Do you guys have cable here?'

As one, the Weasleys turned to face Harry and asked him: 'What's cable?'

The only thing Harry remembered before blacking out was his own shriek of horror. Things had indeed gone wrong…

……………………………………………………………………………

Author's Notes

SG: Well the chapter was going to go for longer but then it was getting too long. Quite frankly I wouldn't want to read a two thousand-word parody chapter by me either.

Harry: But it was about me!

SG: What's your point?

Harry: Cries

Hedwig: I don't care about him I just want it known that I am indeed a chicken

SG: Right, well anyway tell me what you think and has anyone noticed some strange references to The Matrix? I'm starting to scare myself here…

Reviewer Replies from last chapter in no particular order:

Rustyspoons: Loved the poetry, it would explain why I have a friend who's afraid of crows and when I go out next time I might just carry a shotgun with me!

i-am-invisible: Thank you – yes I've been meaning to get unsigned reviews allowed for a while now. I'd probably have more reviews if I did…but anyway, all fixed now

Essence of Light: Random as ever and always the first, things will never change and I do plan to spread the religion of chocolate worshipping!

Beautyandthegeek: Thanks for being nice even though I know you wanted so dearly to be evil – see you at school