For those that are saying Alyssa hasn't grown let's look at her last two years. The border was closed for over two years trapping her in Canada away from her family and the people she cares about and who love her, she watched her brother almost die and her mom talk about ending her own life during a high risk pregnancy. Alyssa had a high risk pregnancy with complications resulting in preterm delivery of her daughters without the support of her partner when he couldn't get his way. Her boyfriend cheated on her while she was pregnant and caring for her mom and brother. She found out about the cheating and became a single mom and moved back to Seattle with twins who aren't even one yet. She's been jumping from one fire to another in survival mode. She hasn't had time to truly reflect on what's happening; she's merely surviving. Now that she's in a new safe home she can start the healing process. It's hard to heal when you're still getting hit. And trauma takes years to deal with.
"Plan for the day," Megan asked as Alyssa came down stairs in her PJs.
"Finish Christmas prep," Alyssa replied, "I know they won't remember it but I will."
"We will," Megan agreed, "and how does it work with Matt?"
"He cancelled," Alyssa replied, "his girlfriend wants him to go to Kamloops with her family. It's okay with me because I have more time with my girls. I wish he had a consequence for not showing up but it's not going to happen."
"Are you doing okay," Megan asked.
"I'm trying," Alyssa replied, "I don't know why nothing is helping. I just feel broken."
"Maybe it's time for a new therapist," Megan replied, "maybe the clinical counselling approach isn't working. Try a psychologist or psychiatrist. There's medication. Alyssa try a new approach. I know trauma is hard and you've been getting beaten down for the last year."
"I'm just so tired of always fighting," Alyssa said.
"I know it's exhausting," Megan agreed.
"I've been doing online counselling because I don't have time," Alyssa said.
"Then in January book a real in person session I'll help you find someone with a different approach then you've had before and I'll babysit or my mom will," Megan said, "I'll take your girls so you can go. Alyssa you are not well. You need to put in the time and really do the work."
"Mom," Alyssa sighed.
"No alyssa I let you mope around in LA," Megan said, "I'm not sitting by and letting you continue to mope. You are the one wanting limits and making it harder for yourself by not letting me in. We need each other ladybug. Setting limits is making your life harder. It worked in LA and the last two weeks we've tried it your way."
"I don't want to impose on you,'' Alyssa replied, "I have to be independent. I was raised to be."
"Let it go," Megan replied.
"How," Alyssa asked.
"First of all we all eat together every night," Megan replied.
"Okay it worked in LA," Alyssa replied.
"Stop trying to control," Megan suggested, "it's the same trauma reaction Owen has. Things don't go well, Owen becomes Major Diamond and plans and controls every last detail."
"If you have a good plan it's less likely to go wrong," Alyssa said, "I didn't plan with Matt. I trusted my heart when he moved in when I came off birth control and decided it was time for a baby."
"Alyssa that was good," Megan smiled, "that was progress for you. Hold on to that."
"I feel like I haven't stopped for the last year," Alyssa said, "I've run from one fire to another."
"I know," Megan said, "I've watched you do it. But it's done, it's time you take the time to heal Alyssa."
"I don't want to go through all that again," Alyssa admitted, "it's exhausting."
"Then you'll keep hurting yourself," Megan replied.
"I can't," Alyssa said, "I've been doing it since I was 12. Mom I can't."
"You can, you're choosing not to," Megan said, "and I won't support it neither will Owen and Teddy. You've been moping for months and bringing up things you had moved past. Alyssa, grow up and face the truth. You have some hard decisions to make and some soul searching to do. None of us can do it for you. You have to do it."
"How," Alyssa asked.
"Get therapy," Megan replied, "a psychiatrist maybe?"
"How do I find one," Alyssa asked.
"Go to Grey Sloan," Megan said, "they have a psych department they can give you a referral."
"Can you find some names and numbers," Alyssa asked.
"I can," Megan agreed.
"We have to finish Christmas prep today," Alyssa said, 'it's their first Christmas."
"It is,' Megan smiled, "what can I help with?"
"I have to check the list," Alyssa replied.
"Mom," Faroke yelled walking in the door.
"What," Megan asked.
"I can't find my helmet," Faroke yelled.
"Garage," Alyssa replied, "you left it on the floor I put in on the shelf above the freezer where it belongs."
"Where are you going," Megan asked.
"Around the block," Faroke replied.
"Take your phone," Megan answered, "and home before the street lights are on."
"So in an hour," Alyssa replied.
"About," Megan agreed.
"Is he okay," Alyssa asked.
"Lonely," Megan replied, "but he's got good social skills and will make friends quickly."
"Its hard to move and he's been through so much," Alyssa said.
"He has," Megan agreed, "but you're not going to take it on. Alyssa you take on everyone else's stuff, you worry about you and your girls I have Faroke."
"I feel like I have to look after everyone," Alyssa admitted.
"No just you and your girls," Megan said, "help out but you don't have to take it all on."
"It's not fair to my girls that I couldn't make it work with their dad," Alyssa said, "it's not fair to them."
"No," Megan said, " you are showing them respect for yourself. Alyssa, you shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship for your children. You are being too hard on yourself. Alyssa I know how it feels raising your children on your own and feeling like you're responsible for it. But Matt made the decisions here as much as Derek did. Your ex chose to cheat, he chose to drink excessively. You do not have to accept that behaviour from him and you shouldn't."
"But they don't have a father figure,' Alyssa said, " I at least had Uncle Owen."
"And you are not going to be alone forever," Megan said, "take your time now but one day you will want to date again."
"Who would want me," Alyssa asked.
"A good man," Megan promised, "and they are out there."
"How did that work for you," Alyssa asked.
"Nathan and I have nothing to do with this," Megan said, "Nathan and I grew apart and changed too much. We tried but it wasn't right. That doesn't mean he isn't a good man and that we're not friends. We're not a good couple but that doesn't mean he's not a good person. Alyssa there is a good man out there for you. Take some time but when you're ready you can date."
"We'll see," Alyssa replied.
"Lets finish the christmas prep when Teddy has your girls and Faroke is out," Megan replied.
"It's the 23rd already," Alyssa said, "we're hosting Christmas Eve dinner."
"We are,' Megan said, "lets get what we can prepped."
"I need to finish wrapping," Alyssa replied.
"It'll be okay," Megan said, "why don't I run and get the last of the groceries and you wrap."
"I'd rather go get the groceries then my girls," Alyssa replied, "the two of them and Hannah are so sweet."
"The three musketeers," Megan smiled.
"They will be," Alyssa replied, "I miss that with Catie and Kira. but I'm going up on the 26th for the Jarretts boxing day party."
"Good," Megan replied, 'you need them in your life."
"Do you want to come," Alyssa offered.
"I'm working but ask your brother," Megan replied.
"I will," Alyssa replied.
"We can start teaching him to drive this spring," Alyssa smiled.
"I can," Megan said, "I missed that with you and I want to do it. Who taught you?"
"Uncle Owen and Henry," Alyssa smiled, "Henry would make me drive home from school or an activity. I can let him drive when he's with me."
"He is not learning on your truck," Megan replied, "it's too big."
"I'm going to go get the groceries then get my girls," Alyssa said reaching for her keys and wallet.
"You go do that," Megan said, "I'll prep the glaze for the ham."
"Okay," Alyssa said, 'and tonight can we have mac and cheese if I grab the cheeses?"
"We can," Megan agreed, "you know what you need?"
"Sharp cheddar, gruyere, monterey jack and havarti," Alyssa smiled, "and cream. I want cream for coffee."
"I need whipping cream," Megan replied, "and I want to put some sort of protein in the mac and cheese. I usually do ham but with tomorrow."
"Bacon," Alyssa suggested.
"We can have bacon in it, the salty might be good," Megan replied.
"I'll go get groceries and my girls," Alyssa agreed.