SG: So here I am…again…damn for all of you guys reading this. This chapter we shall see the return of the crazy shippers and of course the constant threats to Harry's virginity and his continuous fainting fits. I would like to thank my good friends Ashley and Michael who gave me excellent ideas for Chapter 5. Anyway, on with the chapter…
Disclaimer: I'm disclaiming, so yeah that pretty much says I own nothing for everyone who didn't know what disclaimer meant. I hope they're weren't too many of you but then if you've been reading this story for a while the IQ level wouldn't be too high at the moment in which case…you're forgiven!
Chapter 6 – The Most Boring Part of The Movie
When Harry woke up again all he could see and hear was the rants of Snape and a crappy newspaper. Evidently poor Ron hadn't been able to find any toilet paper in the last chapter and had resorted to anything he could find which unfortunately had been Snape's newspaper.
'You were seen!' Snape snapped, 'by no less than…um I can't really read this thanks to Weasley…OK let's just say it was bloody ten muggles you little shits!'
Harry wished Snape would stop the pigtail pulling and just confess his love for Ronald Weasley.
Ron/Snape shippers: Yay!
'I told you we should have put the invisible thingy on before we got into the air' Harry whispered through Snape's raving.
Or maybe it wasn't Ron that Snape loved maybe it was Harry. Harry suddenly got the familiar shuddering that told him he was again fearing for his virginity.
Harry/Snape shippers: Yay!
Ron simply gave a non-committal shrug and stared into space.
'If I could I would have expelled you but as it is you're not in my house you little gutter snipes!'
'Is that a kind of flower?' asked Ron.
'No I don't think so' answered Harry, 'but it's kind of like the name Gertrude. It's a girl's name but it sounds more like a foot fungus.'
'Oh'
In the midst of Harry and Ron's musings, Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore had arrived.
(A/N: Have you noticed that Snape's robes make him look like a mix between a vicar and a vampire?)
And in a short amount of time Dumbledore had taken complete control of the situation like the control freak he was, of course making Snape pout.
Snape/Dumbledore shippers: Yay!
'Damn you shippers! We're just friends!'Shippers: Denial!
Dumbledore ignored the shippers and Professor McGonagall turned her attention to Harry and Ron.
'I'm not expelling you today Potter and Weasley simply because I'm being paid to be here for another few movies at least and if you don't get paid, I don't get paid.'
'Besides, Professor McGonagall said smiling slightly. 'You are Harry Potter.'
Harry fainted with relief.
Hogwarts castle, Greenhouse Three
Note the really pointless view of the castle and the recycled theme music from the first movie, anyway…
The second year students were getting ready for their first of about three lessons for the entire school year. Professor Sprout wandered in and began teaching the second years about Mandrakes.
'OK class, I'm going to let you handle plants that can kill you but as most of you are twelve, you're all quite capable! Oh and don't worry, they can't kill you just yet…'
'Do you ever think she sometimes thinks we're a little too capable?' Harry whispered to Hermione, who had of course just correctly answered Sprout's question.
'No! Do you ever stop whining Harry?' Hermione whispered back angrily.
Choosing not to answer, Harry tried to re-pot his mandrake ignoring the pout that Draco gave him. Harry was again starting to fear for his virginity.
Harry dimly noticed the puppetry work of Jim Henson and breathed a sigh of relief. Puppets were annoying on the most part, but usually not fatal.
Neville fainted because he was a wimp and Sprout continued as if nothing had happened. She was later arrested by the board of education for gross negligence.
Everyone else began to work on his or her killer plants and Draco's mandrake bit him.
Draco/Mandrake shippers: Kinky!
(A/N: Has anyone wondered why the students can hear and talk to the teacher when they're supposed to be wearing earmuffs?)
Back inside the castle
Note the random shot of Nearly Headless Nick and the only reference to Percy's girlfriend.
Entering the Great Hall we find food…mmm food…oh and um that Harry Potter dude as well.
Ron was trying to fix his wand and Harry was being the greatest friend in the world by telling him he was doomed. This was mostly because Harry was being spiteful – he hadn't forgotten the smell he had had to endure yesterday.
Just then a random little snot rag took a picture of Harry.
'Hi Harry! I'm Colin Creevey and I'm going to follow you around for the rest of the school year and annoy you'
'Right' said Harry 'Listen can I have a few copies of that picture when you develop it?'
'Sure, why?'
'No reason really. One for me, one for my msn profile, one for Ron, one for Hermione, one for Ginny and one for me'
'Erm, sure Harry'
'Now get lost you little snot rag!'
They were interrupted by the arrival of Errol the owl, who dropped a letter in front of Ron and ran into the bowl of what looked to be Texas BBQ chips. (A/N: Does anyone remember that flavour?)
Ron looked at the letter and found it was a howler. The letter opened all by itself. It began yelling at the top of its lungs and it sounded just like Mrs. Weasley.
'How dare you steal my skateboard! How can I go extreme boarding with Tony Hawk now? You've ruined my date and you never let me say goodbye to Harry! Your father found out about Tony Hawk and it's entirely your fault – if you put another toe out of line I'll tell everyone that you still shit the bed!'
The howler destroyed itself and left Ron completely mortified. Hermione gave Ron a look that said 'if you still shit the bed by the time you ask me out you can forget about ever sleeping with me'
Author's Notes
SG: Yeah I know it wasn't very long or very good but you will get over it and it wasn't exactly the most exciting part of the movie. More to come very soon – the holidays are coming up and I plan to update every story. I'm sorry I didn't have Harry fainting as often the opportunity didn't arise…
Harry: Hey!
SG: Anyway press the purple button and review and I promise to try and update more (I checked and I haven't updated since Christmas – OMG I'm as bad as Essence of Light) but hey year 12 is a drag. Note to rustyspoons that my msn and email is broken until I fix it which explains my unexplained absence. Until next time let the randomness consume you…