Disclaimer is in chapter 1.
After Halloween the school quickly returned to what passed for normal in an ancient haunted castle entirely populated by pubescent witches and wizards, ghosts and, as near as Xander could tell, totally insane adult witches and wizards.
Of course he was basing that conclusion on the Headmaster, the Defense teacher, and his own head of house.
Of the three, Snape appeared to be the least nutty, but Xander suspected that was only cause he was younger than Dumbledore and more disciplined than Quirrell. He obviously had a hate on for Harry, though it was only marginally worse than he appeared to hold for anyone dressed in Gryff colors, and there was no way that was healthy.
No, given a few more years Xander was pretty sure Snape would be at least as insane as the Headmaster seemed to be... if not quite as senile.
The big Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch match came and went, with the Gryffs taking the game when Harry damn near swallowed the 'snitch'. His housemates were in an uproar, so Xander was frankly glad that he and Wednesday were working on the Troll Project.
Those studies brought him into the library more often than he'd like, but there seemed to be little he could do about that.
'Honestly, who wants to hang around a dusty old library?' Xander thought not for the first time as he made his way in and nodded politely to Madam Pince.
The Librarian nodded back and Xander found his regular table, cram session already in progress.
"Honestly," Hermione sighed in what was now a familiar sound. "I'm telling you there's no such thing, I've read the reference material front to back. Trolls simply can't interbreed with most magical species."
Wednesday merely raised a single eyebrow, eyeing the bushy haired Gryff with what was... for her... a tolerant look. "Really?"
Xander snorted, shaking his head.
This sort of thing had become quite normal in his life, and for the life of him he couldn't decide if it felt like good old Sunnydale, or a nightmare version of his home town. Sure, back home Willow would be constantly correcting everything people said, but here there was someone constantly standing ready to not only contradict her, but willing and quite able to prove her wrong.
Sometimes it was funny, most times it drove Xander back to the Slytherin bunks where he could relax by listening to Draco whine about Harry.
"Yes, really, it says so right in The Great Book of Magical Beasts."
"Beasts?"
Hoo Boy. Xander grimaced, knowing that wasn't going to go over well.
"So you always trust the word of a bigoted fool who doesn't bother to research his data over the word of someone with first-hand knowledge?"
The words were delivered calmly, of course, Wednesday wasn't the type to yell after all, but there was no mistaking the cool steel in her tone. Not if you knew her, as both Xander and Hermione did by now.
The Gryff hesitated, stuttering slightly as she tried to parse her arguments.
"W... well, I... I mean, it's in the book and..."
"Hey, Herms," Xander started, smirking uncaringly under the glare the girl gave him for the nickname, "You do know that not all books tell the truth, right?"
"B... but it's a TEXT BOOK!" She protested.
Xander paused, then shrugged and looked at Wednesday, "Well she has a point there. You'd think someone would have checked to make sure they're teaching the truth."
"You would, wouldn't you?" Wednesday replied dryly.
"Hey, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that Herms has good cause to believe her source. It's not like it's some random book pulled out of a store. It's in the library at our school as a *reference* material."
Wednesday seemed to consider that for a moment, then inclined her head just slightly. "I concede that her ignorance is not wholly her fault."
Oi. Xander grimaced rubbing his forehead as Hermione huffed up and started ranting about calling people that most insulting of words, ignorant. Playing peacemaker was such a pain sometimes.
"Hey! Harris!"
Xander paused, glancing back as Draco sauntered in his direction, the two ape like bookends following along behind him.
'This I do not need.'
Aloud, however, Xander merely nodded. "Hey, Malfoy. What's up?"
The blond boy frowned, then looked up as if he actually expected to find something above him, causing Xander to suppress the urge to either roll his eyes or tweak the other boy's nose while it was stuck in the air.
"What on Earth are you talking about, Harris? There's nothing up there."
Xander shook his head. "What do you *want*, Draco?"
"I understand you're hanging around with that mudblood of Potter's, what game are you playing, Harris?"
"Gee, why would I hang around in the library with a Raven Claw and a Gryffindor who between them probably account for more brainpower than the rest of our year combined?"
The sarcasm was apparently lost on the blond.
"That's what I'm asking you, Harris. What's your game?"
"We're studying, Malfoy." Xander said slowly and clearly, in a tone that would get the crap kicked out of him in Sunnydale. "You know, with books and stuff?"
Apparently the wizarding world, while it may have discovered sarcasm in the last couple years, had missed out entirely on condescension in the form of speaking as if to a four year old.
"Why would you do that?" Draco blinked.
Xander had just about had enough of things by this point. Not merely Draco, but the entirely school as a whole. The whole place stank of a mental ward, and he was finally starting to believe that it *wasn't* some big joke aimed at the 'muggle born and raised'.
He reached forward and rapped the back of two knuckles on Draco's forehead, clucking his tongue in time to the knocks to make a hollow sound echo through the old stone hallway.
"It's a school, Draco. They're the two smartest people I know, around here anyway," Xander shrugged slightly, unwilling to nudge Willow from the top slot out of loyalty as much as anything else. "You know, top marks and stuff? Is any of this ringing any bells?"
"Stop that! How DARE you touch me!" Draco jerked back, slapping Xander's hand and grabbing for his wand. "I should hex you right here!"
"Go ahead."
"W... what?"
"I said go ahead," Xander replied.
Draco hesitated, looking around as he sensed a trap. "What are you playing at?"
"I'm not playing at anything. You think I've never taken a beating before?" Xander asked, fists clenched to keep his hands from shaking. He could feel his heart pounding, like it always did when he found himself face to face with a bully.
He couldn't win this, not as a fight, and he knew it. But there were two things that tended to set a Bully back on his heels. First, having their target reverse the tables. That usually worked best, but Xander knew he couldn't take the two blockheads, even if he could out hex Draco, which was frankly unlikely. The Second option was a target that simply didn't bother fighting back.
That one always messed with them.
Oh, it wasn't enough to just submit to a beating. That was what they thrived on. No, you had to take the beating and act that it was hardly worth your time. That was something Xander had learned to do a long time ago, take the pain and make it look like he was bored to tears rather than crying in agony.
That sort of indifference always freaked everyone out.
Draco, however, wasn't having any of it just then. He was falling back from Xander, eyes casting about as his voice rose slightly.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Harris. We're just going back to the dormitories, stop trying to pick fights."
With that the blond and his bookends turned and hurried off, leaving Xander to ponder the rather odd outcome of the confrontation.
Christmas was looming quickly, and the Great Hall had been decorated accordingly in a fashion that put anything Xander had ever seen to shame. The floating decorations changed the normally cold feeling of the old castle to something far more festive, and it showed on the entire student body.
Well, mostly.
Some were so stuck in their ways that nothing seemed to impact on them, for good or ill. Xander ducked Malfoy and his goons for that reason, not wanting to put up with the downer they'd bring to the generally cheery mood. Wednesday and Hermione were, for the most part unchanged. Hermione because she rarely seemed to notice that the decorations were there, her nose being perpetually stuck in a book despite the efforts of Harry and Ronald Weasley to shake her out of her self-imposed comas.
That relationship had Xander shaking his head, but he supposed that you couldn't hold saying something stupid against someone. Lord knew, he'd said some bad ones in his time and, if he were being honest with himself, would likely do so again. Still, Ron had been more than a little hurtful on Halloween, and it had been malicious, though probably only through his own stupidity rather than through actual intentions.
Outside of Classes, which were going ok as far as he could tell, Xander tended to hang out mostly with Wednesday and Hermione or the other Americans attending. Either or, that is, since neither group could stand the other. Wednesday scared the rest of the American kids, her name alone seemed to spook them more than when someone said 'Voldemort' to one of the Brits. He had to ask her what she'd done to them sometime, but honestly Xander didn't think he wanted to know.
Hermione, well she had a reputation of a know it all, and few of the American kids wanted anything to do with someone who was constantly correcting everything they said. Actually, few of the British kids wanted anything to do with someone like that either, come to think of it. Xander sighed, it had taken him years to gently persuade Willow that he didn't need to be corrected for every little thing he said wrong, just the important stuff. The definition of 'important' was something he and Wills were still debating, but that was another story.
Herms, however, had a lot more confidence in herself than Wills ever did, and as such didn't mind correcting the entire school if she thought they had it coming.
Xander was musing about that when a shout startled him as he walked toward the Great Hall for lunch.
"Wait! Hang on, stop!"
He twisted, but continued moving in the direction he had been and was blown across the hall when a light flashed in his face and something slapped across his body like the hand of God. He connected with the wall on the far side and saw stars before the world began to dim.
In the distance he could see two figures run up.
"Oh dear, Brother of mine, I believe," One began speaking.
"That we have most certainly made an error," The other continued.
"In judgement." The first finished, then frowned, "Not our first, I must admit."
"Certainly not," The other said cheerily, before looking down at Xander. "Is the ickle firstie alright?"
Xander groaned, and rolled off the floor to his hands and knees before starting the long climb back to his feet. "What hit me?"
The duo that Xander now recognized as the infamous bane of Slytherin's everywhere, the Weasely Twins, glanced at each other, then down at Xander and winced.
"Ah, well you see," The first began.
"We were setting up a little harmless prank..."
"Harmless!" Xander snapped, then winced and held his head. "Oh man, what a bump. What did I do to deserve your attentions anyway?"
"Actually, we were lying in wait for Flint." The first admitted.
The second nodded, "Marcus has some payback coming for the actions of his team in the last Slytherin/Gryffindor match."
Xander closed his eyes, still holding his head. "And throwing him across the hallway is your idea of payback?"
"Umm... well, not exactly."
"That is to say, not entirely."
Xander looked at them, and the both seemed to blush, which caused him to pale. "What did you do!?"
"HARRIS!"
The Weasley Twins bolted at the sound of Snape's voice, leaving Xander standing there in confusion as his head of house stormed up.
"Explain yourself, Boy."
"Excuse me?"
"Your robes!"
Xander looked down and winced, this time not because of his head but because of his clothing. Instead of the Green and Silver of Slytherin, he found himself wearing Red and Gold with the words 'Slytherin Cheaters Never Prosper' animatedly running around them. He gritted his teeth and just thanked God that he hadn't continued into the Great Hall like this.
"Sorry Sir, I seem to have run into some trouble."
"That much is obvious," Snape said, moving to block Xander from the hall as he drew his wand. "Who did this? I thought I saw the Weasley twins, it was them, correct?"
Now, to Xander's mind, telling the truth here wasn't even remotely an option.
"Sorry, Sir, I don't know." he lied through his teeth.
Snape eyed him closely, then snorted, "Just tell me, and I'll handle it."
"Can't tell you what I don't know, Sir." Xander replied stoically. "I have no idea who did this."
He could tell that Snape didn't believe him, but didn't care. This wasn't a matter for the adults in his opinion. You didn't go running to adults for every little problem, it just wasn't done. The only question was how to handle the twins.
Xander was pondering that while Professor Snape tried ending the charms on his robes, only to find that they had been trapped with various trigger spells that resulted in more and more rude insults appearing as fast as the Professor could eliminate them.
Finally he exploded, "Fine! Back to the dorms and change then, and five points from Slytherin for being out of your house colors!"
Xander nodded and retreated, deciding not to push the man any further as he seemed to be spectacularly frustrated both by the prank itself, his inability to disenchant it, and the fact that Xander refused to name the twin Gryffs.
Down the hall, Xander turned to head down to the dungeons, ignoring the snickering from those who were watching him walk by. Twin hisses caused him to pause just out of sight of those students who had been witness to his humiliation and glance to one side to see the twins hiding in an alcove and staring at him.
"What do you twits want?" He snarled, seriously unhappy with the situation.
"Oi! Listen to the ickle firstie," the first smirked.
"They grow up so fast," the second sniffed.
"Or they think they do, at any rate."
"True, oh brother of mine, true."
Xander sighed, "What do you want?"
The twins looked at each other, then back at him.
"We want to know," The first said.
"Why you didn't tell Snape it was us?" the second finished.
Xander rolled his eyes, "What do I look like?"
"Well right now, you look rather like a suicidal Gryffindor..."
"About to go into Slytherin territory in robes even we wouldn't risk."
Xander scowled at the duo, and they held up their hands as they smirked.
"Buy normally you look like an ickle firstie snake,"
"True, brother of mine," The second frowned, "but a snake would have gleefully let Snape string us up by our entrails."
"Excellent point, dear brother, so what have we here?"
Xander smirked back at them, "Sorry, you got me mixed up with Draco. That's not a Slytherin trait, that's a spoiled rich kid trait."
"Is that so?" Twin One asked.
"And what, pray tell," Twin Two began.
"Are Slytherin traits in your opinion?"
Xander grinned openly at the duo, making them drop their own smirks and hesitate slightly.
"Payback." he said, then simply turned and walked away.
Fred Weasely watched him go, then turned to his brother George, "Hmmm brother of mine, it would seem that the snakes have themselves an interesting new member."
"Oh I must agree, brother dearest." George nodded in agreement. "What do you think?"
"The same think you do."
"Then it's agreed, we watch this one."
Xander threw the charmed robes into a pile in the corner of his room, annoyed at the twins, though not so much as he supposed he might be. They hadn't been aiming at him, after all, and Flint was a prick.
Still, he couldn't just let that go without an answer. Oh no.
Xander smiled slowly, no ignoring Bullies was one thing. Being the butt of jokes, however, was something else. The only problem was that he didn't have a CLUE how to pull off anything like the twins had just done to him.
But then hey, what good was it to hang out with geniuses if you couldn't pick their brains a little?
"I bet Wednesday will have some really... interesting thoughts." He grinned to himself as he pulled out another set of robes. His stomach growled, and he hurriedly threw them on and bolted back for the Great Hall.