Llamarama: Chapter IV

Hello again, all!

Yes, this chapter is slightly overdue. I apologize. I've been so busy with school and crap that I didn't even realize it's been more than a month since I last updated. But I'm on spring break now, so I have time to do this.

And I have officially decided that there will be a threequel, and I even have a vague idea of what it's going to be about. For the curious, the tentative title is ICHIGO'S DAUGHTER SAVES THE WORLD, which I'd like to leave in all caps when I actually do the story, but I know this site doesn't allow that.

But for now, we're still mired in Llamarama, and I need a disclaimer: Technically, I owned everything in the first two chapters, but I certainly don't own any real TMM characters.

Oh, and just as a warning, this chapter is about as romantic as a TEE story can be, which simply means I acknowledge the couples I like. For those of you who haven't read TEE (and if you haven't, go read it!), this means hints of shonen-ai.

The receptionist had arrived.

"W-well, you see, ma'am," started Ryou, reduced to stuttering out-of-character-ness by the furious desk worker before him. Luckily, before he could tarnish his reputation any further, Minto took over on the explaining front.

"We're getting rid of these damn Mary-Sues once and for all!" The rest of the canon characters nodded in agreement. "And there's nothing you can do about it!"

"…particle man…" Kish added, still sort of out of it.

"Oh, okay," the receptionist said, and left.

The video dimension resounded with stunned silence for a moment.

Retatsu and Keiichiro, who have a history of level-headedness in this series of fics, were the first to recover. They shrugged and started to tip over shelves, which fell in weird slow-motion. The other characters, jolted out of their shock when Retatsu and Keiichiro began to move, joined in the shelf-tipping fun.

They were all busy making a large mess of things when the first shelf Pai had knocked over hit the floor. In fact, the canon characters were so absorbed in what they were doing that they didn't notice that, while the shelf made no sound as it fell, as soon as it hit the floor, a mysterious, multicolored mist began billowing out from where it lay.

As more and move video shelves hit the ground, the mist (which, as has been established, was very mysterious) got thicker and thicker, until the canon characters couldn't see well enough to tip anything over anymore.

The dimension seemed to fill up with the low hiss of the escaping mist. Then, the sound abated, although the dimension continued to get foggier. With the sound gone, though, voices could be heard, drifting from the heart of the (mysterious) mist.

"What the heck?" cried Minto.

"This fog is so mysterious!" cried Ichigo, just in case you haven't gotten it yet.

"Aagh!" cried Keiichiro as Purin, mistaking him for a video shelf, tipped him over.

And then…

And then the dimension was filled with a cry so terrible that the authoress was only willing to even type out the last four words of it.

"Power, IN YOUR FACE!" The canon characters (and Llama, who had kind of been forgotten for this whole chapter so far) were filled with such unfathomable terror at this dubbed ululation that, for a moment, they didn't even notice they weren't alone anymore.

But alone they weren't. As the last syllable of that blood-curdling shout rang out, the mist that had been filling the dimension abruptly dissipated, revealing hundreds of eerily pretty young women in Mew Mew outfits.

The canon characters (and Llama) noticed the sudden influx of OCs at the same moment the OCs noticed them. Instantly, Ryou and Kish were surrounded by a crowd of the blasted girls, all proclaiming their love in loud voices.

Several of the Mary-Sues surrounding Ryou gave little grunts as Keiichiro viciously whacked them into unconsciousness with a frying pan he almost certainly hadn't been carrying before. However, the rush of Ryou-crazed Mary-Sues soon proved too much for him, and he backed off, trying to think of a better way to save his boyfriend.

Ichigo and Masaya held each other tightly as the OCs tried to pull them apart. Although Masaya was getting beaten up pretty bad by overly-pretty girls who hated him simply because their creators did, Ichigo arguably had it worse off. Mary-Sues had grabbed on to each of her legs, half trying to pull her towards Ryou, the others trying to pull her towards Kish.

The other real TMM characters were left more or less alone, as they tend to be in Mary-Sue stories. Sure, the occasional errant OC would try to make a couple of them hug, but it certainly wasn't overwhelming.

The only named character left completely alone was Llama. The pudgy, brown-haired girl pounded on the top of her head with her palms as she tried to think of a solution.

Unsurprisingly, nothing came to her, so, for lack of anything better to do, she decided to try to engage one of the Mary-Sues in conversation, hoping to learn some tips.

"Um, hi, what's your name?" She asked a girl whose pale purple outfit oddly resembled Zakuro's.

"I'm Lisa. What do you want?" Lisa replied curtly.

"Well, um, I'm trying to be a better OC and, um, I need, um, tips, and—"

"Well, I'm the most awesome original character EVER!" Lisa interrupted, suddenly peppy. "And I'd be HAPPPY to tell you about myself!"

"Um, tha—"

"I was infused with the DNA of a grey wolf while I was walking in the park, and—" This time, it was Llama who cut her off.

"Isn't that the same DNA, um, Zakuro has?" she asked, puzzled.

"Yeah. And…?"

"Well, um, are you, um, related to Zakuro then?"

"Ew, No! Why would I want to be related to a canon character? Only the LAME OC's do that."

"Then why do you, um, have the same outfit and animal as her?" Llama asked again, still befuddled.

"Because I'm the coolest OC ever…" Lisa said, but this time she sounded unsure. "Y'know, actually, I've never thought about it like tha—"

POOMF.

There was a puff of mysterious mist, and Lisa was gone. In her place was a video, which featured a rather shocked-looking Lisa on the cover.

Llama just backed away slowly.

Unfortunately, given how crowded the video dimension had recently become, Llama ran into someone as soon as she took a step backwards. The potato-girl turned around to apologize but stopped when she saw who she had hit.

Her hair cascaded in oceanic waves down past her head and went on for a long while after that Her chest was full and obvious without being disgusting, and the simple-yet-elegant shirt she wore over it showed her impeccable taste. And her eyes, oh, her eyes were golden like treasure beyond Croesus' most fevered dreams…

"M-Miko, right? You're Miko Lovliness?" Llama managed to stutter out.

"Yep!" The blue-haired girl responded happily.

"Um, you're a pretty good Mary-Sue, right?"

"Yep!"

"Can you teach me, um, how to be a good OC?"

"Sure! Take me for example, I…" Miko trailed off for a moment, squinting at something over Llama's shoulder as if she was reading off an invisible cue card. "When I was born, a demon was sealed into my body. It gives me super-duper magic powers, but it also makes me really, really angsty." She paused to nod at Llama. "That's part of what makes a good Mary-Sue. You have to be angsty."

Llama, who had been furiously scribbling down everything that Miko said in a little notebook she had materialized, looked up, confused again.

"Wait, that background was different from the one you gave in chapter two…"

POOMF.

By now, the canon characters who were not being mobbed by OCs, had noticed what Llama was doing.

"That's it!" yelled Keiichiro, throwing his frying pan in excitement. "If you confront a Mary-Sue with logic, they'll be sealed back into their videos!"

The others looked at him strangely.

"Why do you know that?" Retasu asked suspiciously. Keiichiro shrugged.

"If I hadn't said it, the authoress would've had to let the readers figure it out for themselves. Or try to show it subtly."

As one, the whole group, which also included Minto, Purin, Zakuro, and Pai, looked upwards and nodded. They knew how the people who write this sort of fic were with subtlety.

That unwieldy bit of plot out of the way, the authoress smiled and resumed telling the story.

The canon characters ran from OC to OC, pointing out the gaping plot holes in their powers and origins. Llama, who was still trying to get some advice, helped unwittingly.

POOMF.

POOMF.

POOMF.

POOMF.

The Mary-Sues, some of whom weren't as dumb as they looked, realized what was going on and started to attack. The video dimension was suddenly filled with ridiculous battle cries. Being fairly unoriginal creatures, many of the original character's attacks sounded remarkably similar. This led to some general confusion and even more POOMFS.

In fact, so many of the Mary-Sues had the same attack names, or nearly the same, that they really aren't worth typing here.

Except for one.

"Moon Tiara Action!"

The battle stopped for a moment as everyone, OCs and regular characters alike, turned to stare at the originator of that attack. It was a girl whose long, blonde hair was pulled up into pigtails culminating in a small bun on each side of her head. Her costume, rather than looking like a rip-off of a Tokyo Mew Mew character's, greatly resembled a Japanese school uniform.

"She looks just like Sailormoon!" Purin piped gleefully.

"Ew, you're right," Minto agreed, wrinkling her nose. "Blatant copying of us isn't enough anymore? Now they've gotta ape other animes? That's just sad!"

The blonde girl in the sailor fuku looked confused. "What? I'm not ripping anyone off! I'm not an OC! I'm actually Sailormoon!"

"Oh." Zakuro said nodding. "That definitely explains what you're doing here." Realizing that Sailormoon wasn't too good with sarcasm, either, the wolf-girl sighed and said, "This isn't a crossover fic, Usagi, it's just a Mary-Sue story."

"Oh, bugger!" Sailormoon responded, and promptly vanished in a flash of light.

There was another flash, and suddenly, she was back.

"Hey! You're not supposed to know my secret idenity! Stop using my name when I'm in senshi form!"

Yet another flash, and Usa—I mean, Sailormoon, was gone again.

Unfortunately, while all this had been going on, the OCs around Ichigo had continued to try to pull Ichigo in opposite directions, towards whoever they thought she should be paired with. Ichigo, for her part, was still clinging to Masaya, who had long ago fallen unconscious from all the abuse he was taking.

Something had to give way. And since neither Ichigo's love for Mayasa nor the popular insistence on pairing her with other people was going to let up, there was only one thing else to break.

Ichigo's body ripped into three pieces, which then vanished in a swirl of pink hearts. She didn't scream, and there was no blood, just a crowd of very confused-looking Mary-Sues.

Retasu, who had seen what'd happened to Ichigo, shook her head sadly and turned to Llama.

"Well, Llama," she said, "I guess you're our new leader."

Tee hee. Sorry, I just couldn't help it.

Oh, and I don't own Sailormoon either.

Is Ichigo okay? Will Llama be a good leader? Tune in next time to find out!

Well, okay, the answers to those two questions are "yes" and "probably not," in that order. But go ahead and tune in next time, anyway.

And don't forget to leave a review.