Llamarama: Chapter V

Here it is, folks, the final chapter of Tokyo Ew Ew: Llamarama! I know you're all crazy excited to get to the fiction, but first, I'd just like to share the prospective tagline for TEE III, otherwise known as ICHIGO'S DAUGHTER SAVES THE WORLD:

"All the Mew Mews have grown up and had daughters, and now those daughters… Aren't Mew Mews! Apparently it's a recessive gene or something. Go figure. At any rate, can this new generation of powerless OCs save the word AND deal with their crippling feelings of inadequacy?"

Exciting, nein? Now that I've dealt with Evil Mary-Sues and New Leader Mary-Sues, I figured the next logical step was to poke the heck out of fics where the Mew Mew's kids are the new TMM. Plus, because I know everyone was wondering, I'm pretty sure these are going to be the pairings in IDSTW:

Ichigo x Masaya

Ryou x Keiichiro

Minto x Zakuro

Retasu x Pai

Purin x Kish

These pairings are, for the most part, not up for debate, although if anyone can correctly guess why Taruto is the only major character not included (and, yes, there IS a reason) I just might listen to their opinion. Although probably not.

Anyway, the disclaimer still stands.

Llama, never having been designed to be the new leader of anything, let alone a group of color-coded superheroes, reacted rather badly to Retasu's announcement. She began running in panic circles around Keiichiro, prompting Minto to whisper,

"Y'know, that's all Ichigo ever did in these stories, anyway. Maybe Llama will be an okay leader, after all…"

Suddenly, a small plane flew through the video dimension. Behind it there was a long banner that simply read, "NO."

Everyone shrugged at went on with the battle.

"Um, so does that mean I'm not the new leader any more?"

Hundreds of Mary-Sues still left in the Video Dimension turned to glare at Llama, who seemed to shrivel under their stares. Various cries of, "No! I'm the new leader!" resounded through the hall and more than one Mary-Sue POOMF'd out of the Video Dimension as they discovered, to their chagrin, that maybe they weren't the new leader after all. Further OCs disappeared as they fought one another over who was the new leader.

In all the confusion, no one noticed that Llama had turned into a potato due to sheer stress.

Luckily for the canon characters, this didn't matter very much because at that moment Ichigo reappeared with all her limbs and everything. In response to the stunned looks of her canon brethren, the cat-girl just shrugged and said,

"Didn't you read A La Mode? I'm allowed to come back from wherever the heck I was just in time to save the day."

Feeling something similar stir within themselves, the brighter OCs still remaining went through a cognitive process which looked similar to this:

(a) I, too, always appear just in time to save the day, so

(b) I must have arrived just in time to save everything from

(c) Myself? Aren't I technically the antagonist here?

POOMF.

Purin, rather bored now that the Mary-Sues were basically destroying themselves, began to juggle Llama.

Llama is still a potato at this point, remember?

Sadly, though, Purin was rather out of practice, as she hadn't juggled anything at all so far this fic, and so poor Potato!Llama went flying off and hit a random OC in the head.

"Ow, what the—"

POOMF.

Retasu had been watching the whole thing, and she picked her way tentatively over to where Llama lay. She picked up the seemingly unremarkable potato.

"Llama? Are you okay?" Surprisingly, Llama the potato didn't respond. Retasu paused for a moment, reflecting on the small, slightly dusty lump of vegetable matter in her hand. Then she threw it as hard as she could at the nearest Mary-Sue.

POOMF.

"Wait, how does that make sense?" Minto asked skeptically.

POOMF. No more Minto.

That plane from earlier in the chapter flew by again, this time with a banner reading, "ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?" The canon characters, or at least those canon characters still functional, shook their heads vehemently.

If anyone ever decided to make a sport out of what happened next, the rules of said sport would be something like this: The players divide into two teams, one of about six people and the other out of the other hundred or so people who are just hanging around. If you're on the six-person team, your goal is to bounce a potato off as many of the opposing players as possible. If you're on the other team, you just have to try to stay away from the potato and keep thinking illogical thoughts. The potato never switches possession.

Although he told no one at the time, Pai, who wrote the above rules, christened this game "Llamaball," thoroughly confusing the inhabitants of his home planet after explaining the game without making it clear that, despite the name, llamaball does not involve any actual llamas.

The upshot of all this, though, was that now the canon characters were alone in the video dimension. Llama was still a potato; Kish, Ryou and Masaya had been knocked out; Minto had been sent back to the regular TMM universe; and Ichigo had been pulled apart, although she was back together so it wasn't that big a deal, really.

Actually, the authoress thought, I'm not really sure why I mentioned that last one at all. It doesn't reinforce my point or anything. Oh, well, it's kind of too late to start worrying about bad writing…

Because this is a positive, upbeat fic, most of these crises were relatively easy to resolve. Kish and Ryou and Mayasa slowly regained consciousness. Not only did none of them sustain any lasting injuries, but apparently a good bump on the head was just what Kish needed to act normal again. Minto simply won't be needed for the rest of the story, so she could go ahead and just hang out back in the regular universe. Everyone already knew that Ichigo was okay.

That just left Llama.

Everyone sat around staring at her potato self for a while, but she didn't change back.

"I guess there's no other choice," Ichigo intoned gravely. "We just have to leave her here and hope nothing eats her." This seemed like a good plan to everyone. They shook their heads sadly and started to walk away.

Then they all turned around again, simply for the sake of plot exposition, just in time to see Ryou kissing Potato!Llama, who immediately turned back into herself.

"I'm not sure I understand," said a very confused Ichigo, being careful to word her concern in such a way that she wouldn't be POOMF'd away. "When I'm in cat form, only the kiss of another cat can change me back. Shouldn't Llama have to get kissed by another potato?"

All eyes turned to Ryou.

"So what if I inject myself with whatever random DNA I have lying around? I get bored! Stop looking at me!" When no one did, he decided to attempt to change the subject. "Er, so, how are we going to get back to the real world?"

Normally, this might have posed some problem, but the sheer lack of logic in Ryou's confession was enough that all the canon characters POOMF'd right out, back to the stories from whence they had come.

And, lo, when none but young Llama were left, then did the receptionist poke her head back into the chamber.

"You know, Llama, you can go back, too. You've always had the power. All you need to do is click your heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like home.'"

Which would have sent the brown-clad girl catapulting into a series of fantastic adventures as an OC, were it not for her utter lack of coordination. Try as she might, Llama just couldn't click her heels together three times in a row. After picking herself up off the floor for what seemed like the thousandth time (but which was actually the 42nd), she grinned sheepishly and asked the receptionist,

"Is it all right if I just stay here for a while? Sorting videos in another dimension makes more sense than being a Mew Mew."

Yes it does, Llama.

Yes it does.

Eh, I'm not too happy with the resolution of all that, and I apologize that the ending wasn't really funny.

Actually, though, my first idea was to kill Llama off in the finale, but I just couldn't do it because I like her too much to give her a silly death, but this story is too silly to justify a heroic death for her.

So, yeah, I doubt I'll get IDSTW up very quickly, but in the mean time you can go read my one-shot "Tokyo Ew Ew: On the Rebound," which frankly isn't all that great, but it certainly got rid of my writer's block, so I'm proud of it anyway.

Thanks for reading, everyone!