"I don't wanna talk to him," Hisoka said flatly when he reappeared in the office, frightening Watari who was hunched in front of his computer, engrossed in his project-of-the-week. Or perhaps he was still hoping to get lucky with the sex-changing potion thing again. Whichever.

"Huh?" Watari blinked, after jumping three feet in the air in fright, and readjusted his spectacles. "What's wrong?" He rushed out of his chair. "Where's Tsuzuki? Is he in trouble?"

"He's fine." He turned and stomped towards the exit. "The girl's soul is safely with Enma Daioh now."

The library… no, somewhere where Tsuzuki would never find him. Preferably for the next three thousand years.

As soon as he said that, there was a loud thump. He whirled around to see Tsuzuki tangled with Watari on the floor. The both of them sorted themselves out, with Watari rubbing his head sheepishly, and Tsuzuki wincing in pain. With his presence, came the other part that he hated.

His head instantly throbbed. Fuck.

He turned to leave.

"Hisoka, wait!" Tsuzuki scrambled from the floor to his feet.

"I don't…" he replied tiredly. He was just as exhausted, if not more, than Tsuzuki. "I can't deal with this right now." It was his turn to direct a pleading glance to Tsuzuki. He was desperate to get away from him, if only to get a bit of a breather, and to gather his thoughts.

"I didn't mean to kill her."

Watari looked back and forth between the two of them, a confused look on his face.

"Please." A whisper, and Hisoka couldn't move. Desperation in Tsuzuki's voice, a cry to listen. He stared at Tsuzuki silently, and saw all the things that he didn't want to see. He saw a broken man, the fire, death, and so much sadness.

"I don't… I didn't mean to…"

"I don't need you to protect me," Hisoka choked, stepping backwards and against a table. How many times did he need to do it until he lost it? How many times until the scene with Touda repeated itself? "Why do you always act like you're the only shinigami out there?"

"The demon was going to get you!"

-Am I not worthy of being your partner?-

"It was sure as hell going to get you for all the thoughts you were thinking!"

A guilty look crept across Tsuzuki's face. He flushed, now knowing that Hisoka knew every thought that crossed his mind during the battle. An unspoken issue between the two finally introduced itself.

The lump in Hisoka's throat grew larger as he unwillingly fought the wetness in his eyes. He hated that vulnerable feeling. He hated Tsuzuki for provoking that feeling in him. He hated fearing that Tsuzuki would leave forever every time he had that look in his eyes. He hated that he was the one who was responsible for making Tsuzuki feel sad just because he made him stay.

"I'm not going to go anywhere, Hisoka. I promised," Tsuzuki said quietly.

"We're partners, Tsuzuki," he snapped, ignoring the last sentence and fearing the amount of truth in them. "Make sure you remember that every time you jump into battle without a care for the other people around you."

"Hisoka."

He whirled around, and brown filled his vision as Tatsumi brushed past him and reached over to hold Tsuzuki's elbow. "Careful with your words," he warned, glancing worriedly sideways at a dejected-looking Tsuzuki.

Right. He probably hurt Tsuzuki again with that comment.

He bowed slightly. "Sorry," he said softly. Tatsumi smiled, a reassuring one that did nothing to calm the nerves in his stomach.

"It's okay," he said easily, smoothing things out with that professional smile, and the comforting touches. Tsuzuki hung his head, and leaned in slightly to Tatsumi's shoulder. "You guys just returned to the field. There's bound to be a few glitches."

"And as for you, Tsuzuki," Tatsumi gripped Tsuzuki on his elbow and started steering him towards the door, "I believe it's time for our tea time appointment?"

Tsuzuki looked up, and glanced at Tatsumi, before looking over his shoulder to look at Hisoka.

He looked awkwardly away.

He felt bad, for making Tsuzuki worse. Tatsumi always seemed to know the right things to say to Tsuzuki to cheer him up, so it would be good that he spend more time with him.

"Hisoka," Watari coughed, breaking the silence when it was only the two of them left in the office.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Hisoka said decidedly, letting a note of determination creep into his voice.

"Tsuzuki needs a bit of time, don't worry 'bout it."

"I know," Hisoka said. He gestured lamely towards the door. "I'm just going to go… um… finish up the report about today's case okay?"

Watari frowned at him, crossing his arms across his chest. "This isn't like you, bouya," he said gently. "I know it's probably harder for you than for him at this point, but if you keep doing this, it's going to cost you, sooner or later."

"I'm fine," he said again, harsher than he intended.

Watari nodded, obviously still upset with Hisoka's nonchalant replies, but giving in. "Okay," he sighed. "Just, get more sleep, okay? And come to me if any trouble pops up."

"Right." He smiled. He grabbed a few empty papers on the desk on the way out, and a couple of pens. He waved them at Watari, showing that he really was going to do his reports, and dumped them in the nearest dustbin he passed along the hallway.

In a way, being alone was rather comforting. There were no one else's emotions to deal with but your own. You don't have to look after other people's feelings, or risk offending them in any way. There wasn't a need to make small talk, or laugh when you really didn't feel like laughing, or get cajoled into doing something you really didn't want to do.

He'd picked the darkest corner of the library, where even if one were to search carefully in between the bookshelves to peer into the shadows, it would still be difficult to pick out his profile. Just the way he liked it, just the way it has always been.

Only, there wasn't much solace to be found because the memories kept reliving themselves over and over again, like a broken recorder.

He really…

He really hated not being strong enough.

It was true; he would have been gone by now if Tsuzuki hadn't saved him back then. He hated it. He hated being weak.

He wanted to be a worthy partner to Tsuzuki, someone worthy enough to stay for.

"Hisoka?"

He blinked, snapped out of his brooding thoughts. The voice rang out, loud and clear, throughout the library.

Tsuzuki.

He huddled in his huge armchair, and listened.

Tsuzuki's footsteps were loud in the quiet of the library. He could hear it approaching nearer and nearer, and then suddenly, the sounds started to fade away. He let go the air he was holding in, thankful. The place he hid was dark enough.

"There you are." Tsuzuki walked into view, and sat across him, in the other arm chair.

Hisoka startled, and jumped. He stared at Tsuzuki with a slight blush, having been caught. He didn't expect him to actually find him.

Tsuzuki grinned. "Your favourite chair, Hisoka. I caught you sleeping here too many times to count already."

He flushed. Okay, so maybe he should have picked a more secluded place. "What do you want?" he scowled, more out of habit than anything.

"To apologise," Tsuzuki confessed. "Ne… we hadn't really," he scratched his head, and looked away, mumbling, "talked about what happened."

"I don't… I really don't have anything to say about it," Hisoka said, snapping his book shut, and looking at the cover. Anywhere but Tsuzuki.

"Then it's okay. Just listen, Hisoka. It's true, what I told you. I'm not going anywhere. Not for the next hundred years. And I'm going to be the best partner you would ever want." Tsuzuki was beautiful. He really was. He was kind, and earnest, and sincere. His hand was open, but Hisoka was afraid to take it. Muraki was like that too; charming and seducing, until Hisoka grasped those fingers, and descended lower into hell.

"I told you before." He leaned back, and brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

The look on Tsuzuki's face made him instantly regret what he'd just said. But he couldn't just compromise his own beliefs by agreeing with whatever Tsuzuki told him. That would be adding to the stack of false promises that had fallen between them.

"Just… make sure you protect yourself first. The next time we go out to battle."

Tsuzuki nodded furiously.

"And I don't mean physically either."

Silence between the two of them.

"So…" he coughed. "How was the tea?"

"Ah…" Tsuzuki looked uncomfortable. "It was great. Tatsumi gave me two cakes this time. I'm sorry. We'll go have cake another time, right?"

Hisoka smiled. He shouldn't have brought it up. Something ached in his chest every time someone made Tsuzuki happy and it wasn't him. Somehow, his smile seemed brighter when it was with other people, nervous and hopeful when with him. "Yeah," he said.

"Kay." Tsuzuki fidgeted in his own armchair, waiting for one of them to say something.

Hisoka reopened his book, and flipped to the page he thought he was reading (in actuality, he hadn't even started yet, the words were a blur to him) and pretended to be engrossed in it until Tsuzuki nervously made his leave.

Tatsumi made him nervous. Or rather, his small office made him nervous. The soft gaze on his face wasn't helping, like he was there to give him a gentle talking-to instead of a fierce lecture. Somehow, Hisoka thought, he'd much rather prefer the lecture.

He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, and glanced at the door every two minutes. Tatsumi was a difficult person to read. His thoughts were neutral, and carefully shielded. Hisoka didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"As you know only too well, Hisoka, that Tsuzuki uh… is still recovering from that incident," Tatsumi began, clasping and unclasping his fingers. He leaned in closer, bringing in the distance between the two of them from across the table.

"I know you didn't mean what you said earlier just now, and I know also, that Tsuzuki didn't mean to belittle you, from what I heard. He just … felt a strong urge to protect his partner whom he believed to be in terrible danger." He smiled at Hisoka, who was beginning to slide lower in his chair, wanting very much to get the hell out of the place.

"I know all that," he responded quietly, looking at his hands.

"I know you do," Tatsumi said easily, and then his eyes hardened. "But that's not my purpose in calling you here. Tsuzuki's hurting you, I can tell, and you're scared—" he promptly ignored any protests of 'Who says I'm scared?'- "but my stand remains the same. You're the best partner there ever was for Tsuzuki, and you're the only person who can save him."

It made Hisoka angry, although he didn't lash out at Tatsumi. He knew better. But what made him think that he was really as good as Tatsumi said? What made him think that Tsuzuki wanted to be saved?

"My words will only reach him this far," Tatsumi said, gesturing with his fingers, about an inch of space. "But he'll listen. To you. Closing yourself off from him at this point will only aggravate the situation between the two of you."

"He doesn't want…" Hisoka slammed his fist down on the table in frustration. "You don't know what he wants."

"And what do you think he wants?" Tatsumi frowned, and rested his chin on top of his hands, propped by elbows.

Death.

"It doesn't matter what he wants," he whispered. "He only cares about what other people want."

A shadow crossed Tatsumi's face at that moment, and he looked away before he composed himself.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Tatsumi asked. "Everybody's selfish, that's what you think right? But Tsuzuki… he is a different case. What he wants, is to see that everybody else gets what they want. You want him to stay… so he did. Why are you still beating him up over it?"

"That's not…" he gripped his knuckles so hard they became white. "I don't want him to stay…just for me."

"Well, you, like Tsuzuki," Tatsumi smiled, a strange and sad smile, "have to learn that not everybody gets what they want. You have to work around it."

"Ah," Tatsumi blinked, and looked over Hisoka's head. "You're here."

Hisoka whirled his head, and saw Tsuzuki leaning awkwardly against the doorway. He stuck out his hand and beamed when he saw Hisoka. Hisoka scowled. It was an automatic reflex, that. He really needed to work on it. Every time Tsuzuki had that sugary high grin on his face, he was up to no good at all, and made Hisoka want to smack him without even finding out the meaning behind the smile.

The panicky feeling returned. "I, um," he gestured vaguely, as he began to ease the chair backwards to get up, "need to go."

"Yup," Tatsumi said, almost gleeful in his otherwise stoic expression. The glint in glasses gave him away.

Hisoka stopped in his tracks, and eyed him suspiciously.

"And just in time too, Tsuzuki. Hisoka's just finished reporting to me the details of the last case. He's free to go now." Tatsumi waved Hisoka off almost too casually.

Hisoka narrowed his eyes at the secretary. "Where am I going?"

He didn't have time to weasel an answer out of Tatsumi. Tsuzuki grinned some more and waved his puppy dog tail enthusiastically at Hisoka, and he morosely gave in, trudging after his partner to wherever they were going and not telling him.

He glared when Tsuzuki had the nerve to ask him to close his eyes.

Truth be told, he didn't feel comfortable being led around with his eyes closed. Maybe, a while ago, he would have said yes, but not now, when his guard was this high.

Tsuzuki sighed, defeated, and gave in to his refusal. They walked down the hallway, (Hisoka noticed), a big gap between the two of them, both talking to each other, but refusing to make eye contact.

He really didn't want to be mean and spoil the surprise or whatever, but he wasn't in the mood for games right now.

"Here we are," Tsuzuki said, standing in front of the door which led to Watari's laboratory.

"What are we doing here?" Hisoka looked at him, confused.

Tsuzuki opened his mouth to answer but was cut short by a loud BANG! from within the laboratory. The both of them jumped, but didn't comment. They were too used to Watari's experiments to care by now.

"You'll see," Tsuzuki said, and pushed open the door, when the smoke stopped seeping out from the crack.

"Watarii," he called out.

"Here." A muffled voice.

Hisoka strained to seek him out.

The bang wasn't quite from what he had expected. He stared in surprise, at the sight that greeted him once the smoke cleared. The glass and beakers were moving, by themselves. He stared some more, wondering if the smoke got into his head. The little explosion was cause by well… a beaker and a glass tube. One had moved too fast, and tipped over to the beaker, caused the chemicals to mix and bond, and boom.

Watari was shaking his head at the mess. "My skills suck," he said tragically.

Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki for explanation. Tsuzuki seemed to sense that he was bewildered at the sight of inanimate objects having a life of their own because he explained without him asking. "Watari can bring objects to life," he said simply. "Or drawings. Haven't you ever wondered what his special skill was?"

"I didn't think…" Hisoka's widened with interest. "Watari, that's so cool."

"Maa…" Watari grinned sheepishly. "Thank you."

"Would you like me to draw something for you?" he quipped, the same time Tsuzuki said in a deadpan, "His drawings suck though."

"Hey!"

Hisoka tried to keep the smile off his face, but it was hard, really.

"Let's go, Hisoka."

"Go where?"

"Gensoukai."

His eyes really did widen this time. In fact, they almost popped out of their sockets. He'd never been to Gensoukai, even though he heard about it from Tsuzuki. It was where all the shikigamis resided. Tsuzuki went there often, to pay a visit to his twelve. Hisoka had only met three of Tsuzuki's shiki though. There was Byakko, and Suzaku…

And Touda.

"I had a talk with Konoe," Tsuzuki mumbled, his back to Hisoka. "It doesn't seem fair, that I am the only one with a shikigami, so…"

"What?" His heart started beating faster. Was he hearing things right? Did Tsuzuki mean…

He was getting a shikigami on his own?

Tsuzuki turned around, and beamed. He crouched next to Hisoka, and started drawing imaginary circles on the lab floor with his finger. "I know Hisoka is strong as well, perhaps even stronger than me. But I'm afraid. That's why I…" He finger stopped.

"That's why I called out Byakko that day."

"I want Hisoka to stay here too, just like you wanted me to."

"So… Konoe agreed that it was about time you searched for a shikigami on your own, so at least you have one to protect you," Tsuzuki finished, then peered at Hisoka for his reaction.

Hisoka couldn't believe his ears. He thought Tsuzuki would be adamant about always being the dominant one in their partnership, while all Hisoka had to do was to sit back and watch, and write up reports.

"I…" he said, fumbling for the right words.

There were none he could find to express his happiness.

I want Hisoka to stay here too, just like you wanted me to.

"Ready?" Watari asked, waggling his eyebrows. He stood, hands to his hips, next to his computer.

Tsuzuki offered his hand. Hisoka stared at it for a while.

And this time, he readily took it.

Maybe their partnership wasn't perfect. Tsuzuki needed a bit of work, and so did Hisoka. Both of them were screwed up in a lot of ways. But maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all, to have someone to depend on.

The smile he gave Tsuzuki this time was genuine, and the feel of his hands were warm, and safe.

"I'm ready," he said sincerely.

A/n: Sorry for the wait, it's finally complete now ) Waiii…. My first completed series. Feedback is always appreciated, and thank you.