A/N: My goodness, I haven't updated this since the 8th of January. I am really truly sorry, my dear reads, please forgive me. Normally I would make up an excuse for not writing for so long, but I have none, so flame me if you wish! I won't take it too hard, I deserve it anyhow.

Disclamer: I don't own this stuff, right-o?

Matchmaker Moony

An Innocent Concoction

Chapter 3

Remus's POV

"Sirius?" I asked timidly, "Sirius are you absolutely positive about this?"

"Of course I am!" he said airily, "When have I ever been wrong?"

I took a big breath, ready to list the numerous occasions upon which Sirius had been as far from correct as possible.

"Nevermind Moony," he said, cutting me off, "It's nearly finished."

I stared down at the concoction brewing in the small pewter cauldron sitting on the floor of the sixth year boys dormitory. I watched as Sirius added another ingredient to the mix, not even caring to measure it.

"Padfoot, why did you persuade me to do this?" I said, massaging my temples.

"Just think of it this way Moony, it's all in the best interest of our dearest Prongsie!" he said happily, barely even looking at my horrified face.

"We might not have had to do this had you not snogged Lily, Sirius!" I said, glaring daggers at Sirius.

He merely shrugged. "I can't help it if the ladies can't keep their hand off me!"

I snorted in response. "Well, as you said 'its in the best interest of James.'"

He looked at me, nonpulsed. "So? What does that have to do with anything Moony-kins?"

"It means," I said, once again glaring at this primitive creature before me, "It means that you need to stay away from Lily during this…plan" I said, considering my wording.

"Alright fine, Moon-man" Sirius said tartly, looking put out.

I looked down at the cauldron sitting between us; the substance within had turned a deep shade of pink. I looked in the potions book that Sirius had nicked from the resticted section of the library and found that we had finished the potion. The love potion. I scooped out the contents and poured them into a vial.

I admired the potion that Pads and I had concocted. But after looking at it for a moment or two, I realized just how much trouble we could get in for having this. So many things could go wrong. We could get arrested. Expelled. The wrong person could drink the potion. The vial could break. Someone might tell a school authority…

Just then I noticed Sirius staring at me, his head cocked slightly to the side. How long had I been over-analyzing this situation?

"C'mon Moony, we wont get caught, he said, as though reading my thoughts, "Leave it to the Moon-ster to think thing through to much…."

"Sirius," I said coming out of my reverie, "Just how many nicknames must you make for me?"

"Oh as many as I see fit, Remmy-poo!" he squealed, sounding not unlike and dying hamster and a small school girl mixed together.

I told him of this resemblance.

"Oh Moon-iator! That's so sweet of you!"

I backed away from him. I try to stay out of his way when he puts on his girl voice.

"Alright…" I said, trying to scoot across the floor away from the deranged canine, "Let's go find some innocent bystander to test this potion out on, shall we?" I said feeling much unlike my usual self.

Sirius merely said "Like, okay!" in his high-pitched girly voice, as he grabbed my hand and started skipping towards the dormitory staircase.

Sirius dragged me into the Great Hall where our innocent bystanders we sitting eating their suppers…well, innocently. We split the contents of the potion into small glass containers, each containing about three drops of potion each; we needed to save as much as we could for Lily and James.

I walked casually over to the Ravenclaw table, and poured my part of the potion into an innocent bystander's glass of pumpkin juice, and ran back to the Gryffindor table before anyone of the innocent bystanders became suspicious of my, er, doings?

I met Sirius back there and we sat down to innocently eat our dinners and watched apprehensively, waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly, a Ravenclaw boy whose glass I must have poured my potions contents into, came over towards the Gryffindor table.

"Sirius, you didn't your part of the potion in a Gryffindor's drink, did you?" I whispered as James, who was sitting across the table from me, look at me as though I had grown antlers atop my head. As if I'm one to talk. Really, James is the stag here!

"No!" he whispered back "I put it in a Slytherin's!" he said as the Ravenclaw boy came towards the table.

I watched puzzled. Why was this boy, who appeared to be a third year, coming over to our table? I felt my stomach clench up. Something must have gone wrong when we made that potion…

And suddenly, before I could register what was happening, the third year Ravenclaw was standing right beside me, attempting to sit down next to me. Eventually he squeezed in, much to Sirius's disgruntlement, and started to caress…my arm?

I jumped out of my seat as though I had been shocked by electric wire. I ran out of the Great Hall, and sure enough, the boy followed me. I ran to the one place I knew he couldn't get me, the Gryffindor common room. He didn't know the password. Muah ha ha ha. Sorry. Done with the maniacal laughter now….

I was shortly joined by Sirius, out of breath, collapsing into the common room through the portrait hole.

"What—the—bloody—hell?" he wheezed, "A—first—year—Slytherin girl—chased—me," he said as he collapsed in the nearest armchair.

"Yes, well at least your's was a girl!" I said darkly.

At this Sirius cracked up and started gasping for breath all over again. There's a funny thing about Sirius: he seems to think every single bloody thing is hilarious. I gave him a full ten minutes to re-gain his composure.

"Now that you have stopped your incessant laughing, it is up to you and me to figure out where we went wrong when we made this potion!" I said, trying to keep myself from exploding completely.

"Hmmmmmm," Sirius said, pretending to think, "Well, obviously the drinker of the potion fell in love with the giver…"

"Wow Sirius, I'm impressed," I said, laughing, "There is something rattling around inside that head of yours!"

At this Sirius put on a face of great superiority, not having the slightest idea that I had just completely made fun of him.

"Well, that's a start at least," I said, wringing my hands together, "but I would really like to not have a third year boy in love with me!"

And of course, Sirius broke out in laughter once again, and it took nearly a quarter of an hour to get him to settle down.

"I have an idea!" Sirius said suddenly, out of the blue, nearly scaring the man knickers right off me, "We could just get James to give Lily the potion!"

Once again Sirius had a look of great pride that he had thought of something on his face.

"Sirius, that's a great plan and all," I sad as he puffed out his chest, "but there's one minor problem; James doesn't much fancy Lily"

Sirius looked crestfallen. The poor boy.

Soon everyone had come back from dinner, looking sleepy and full. After about an hour or so of conversing with James and Peter, I decided to retire for the night. Sleep on this problem. Maybe think of a solution while I sleep.

If I was planning to get a good, full night's rest, how very wrong I was.

I woke up around one o'clock in the morning. I kept my eyes closed trying to figure out why I had woken up. Then I heard the sound of breathing. And not the breathing of my fellow dormitory mates. This was much nearer. As if right next to my bed.

I opened my eyes and peered to my left. Nothing there but the unmistakable lump of Peter in the bed beside mine. I peered to my right. I nearly screamed out in fright. There standing right next to my bed, was the third year Ravenclaw boy, kneeling with his face inches from mine. The moonlight shone on his face, making him appear ghostly and grotesque.

I felt my eyes widen with fear. How did he get in here? He didn't know the password! Or did he…?

After many tries, I eventually convinced this child to lie down on the floor beside my bed. I laid there stiff and unable to sleep. I was never going to help a friend ever again. Especially if it included anything to do with romance…

That morning I tried to tip-toe around the sleeping possessed boy and get down to the Great Hall for breakfast without him awaking. No such luck. He seemed to be magnetically attracted to me. I got down to the Great Hall, feeling triumphant, until I noticed him tailing right behind me.

I sat down and waited for the rest of the Marauders to get down to breakfast. It took them long enough, but eventually they came.

"Who's this chap?" James said upon seeing the boy who seemed to have attached himself to my hip.

"…" said I. I had just realized I didn't even know his name.

No matter.

Why was Sirius's stalker not…stalking him as mine was? It was all so unfair. Its bad enough to have a stalker who is attracted to you romantically, but it's even worse when this stalker is of the same gender.

After breakfast, I pulled Sirius aside.

"Sirius, where's your stalker?" I asked, trying to get away from Jeffery, the Ravenclaw boy.

"Oh, her?" he said nonchalantly, "she's tied under my bed until this all passes."

I stared at him in disbelief. Of course! It will all pass! Even love potions wear of after a while.

Before our first class of the day, Sirius and I took Jeffery up to our dormitory and tired him under my bed as well. I put him out of my mind. For now.

Sirius and I rushed into Transfiguration, apologizing to the professor, and taking the open seats near Peter and James.

"Where were you guys?" James said to Sirius, wondering what he had missed out on.

"Oh no where," Sirius replied, brushing off a piece of dust from the sleeve of his robe, "You just missed the three-some Remmy-poo and I were having with a seventh year Ravenclaw. That's all"

James looked extremely jealous.

"WHAT!" I roared, not believing what Padfoot had just told James.

"Mister Lupin is there something you would like to share with the class?" asked the professor.

"Oh yes, Professor, sir," said Sirius, looking innocent, "Remus and I were just discussing the three-some we had right before this class."

Sirius smiled.

The professor blanched.

A/N: Yes that chapter was, well, alright I suppose. You should all feel very special, because I made this chapter over 2,000 words long just for you guys because I feel awful that I haven't updated in over 5 months. So really I made this chapter so long out of guilt. Oh and I do apologize if there are any glaring spelling or grammatical errors, but I was in a hurry to write this chapter and post it, to relieve my guilt and see just how many readers I have left. I haven't written fanfiction in ages, so I am really sorry if this chapter was terrible. I could use the criticism. Don't feel shy to give me this criticism. It helps me to see what I need to fix and such things like that. You can flame me, you can praise me, really, anything, I would just like some reviews. Please?