A/N: It's not safe for me to venture outside.

A tree attacked my yesterday.

A tree.

A branch fell on my head.

Then there are the rabbits. The same three found me blocks away from my house and stared.

They must know what I'm writing.

Changing topic, a part of this chapter is largely to blame on, err credited to Agitha, the plot bunny BiteMeTechie sent me.

Chapter 4

Every swear word in every language, sci-fi fandom, and Middle Earth language I committed to memory threatened to explode out of my mouth. I was biting them back since I was in front of a woman I had only known for hours and didn't want to give a wrong impression of me or the Expedition, but a few things leaked out under my breath.

I picked up the glass after my brain decided to register it would be a good idea and out of the corner of my eye I saw Euil running to the cabinet. She probably said something, but I didn't hear it, I was too busy cursing quietly and wondering what the hell to do.

I was sure hitting my laptop wasn't really going to help it out of its caffeine rush, so I hit the shutdown button. It promptly went black and didn't even bother attempting to do the shut-down screen dance.

I killed it. It was gone, kaputs, dead. I might as well have gone outside and dug its grave in the alien soil on the alien world where it died and went to computer heaven.

Frakin Pegaus Dew. It wasn't some cool alien concoction, not what we toasted at brunch with or even the goram airwe, but a knock-off of Mountain Dew.

To top it all off, I really had to pee.

Like a racehorse.

Euil returned with a stack of white towels and I breathed a grateful, albeit quiet and terse, thank you, and immediately took one and started wiping off the keyboard.

I really wished I knew some Chinese swear words right about then. Swearing sounds really cool in Chinese. Or Mandarin, or whatever Joss Whedon had them speaking in Firefly and Serenity.

Hey, I should watch that when I get back and learn a few.

"Will it be alright?" Her concern broke me out of my daydream.

"Maybe, but probably not." What the hell was I supposed to do about the Pegasus Dew that leaked in? Turn the laptop over and hoped it leaked out?...

Well, it wasn't a totally bad idea.

I took another towel, spread it on the table, and turned the laptop over, rocking it side-to-side to see if I could get the liquid out. What seemed like a lot dripped out, and I set it down so more could leak out. Of course, it wasn't flat because the stupid frakin screen didn't bend back all the way. So now there was Pegasus Dew dripping on the screen.

"But you do have other ones, correct?"

Oh bless her trying to make it all better. "Yeah. I guess I got rid of another Dell in the world. Galaxy. Place." And thankfully I still had my own Vaio I brought from home with all my pictures, music, and writings safe back in my quarters. I was about to rub my face, but realized my hands were sticky and I had yet to pee. "Is there a restroom around here?" She looked at me strangely so I elaborated, "Bathroom, somewhere I can wash up and things?"

"Oh, yes." She gestured, "The next door down."

"Thanks. I'll be right back."

I quickly excited the backroom and the lab, turning right down the hall when I heard my name.

"Dr. Santella?"

Turning around and hiding my annoyance I replied, "Just going to wash my hands, Major." I noticed Capt. Coffman and Lt. Reed had appeared at his side.

He nodded as I turned back on my way. Did he have to know what I was doing at every single moment? It wasn't like I was going to fall down a well and he was going to have to get Lassie and save me anytime soon.

Or maybe, he's Lassie.

Nah, I liked Major Cutie.

The door to the restroom was open, but the room was dark. There had to be a light switch or something, right? How else would they turn the lights on? The Stineans weren't quite as advanced as us so…

I brushed by hands along the wall to the left of me. Instead of feeling bricks, it felt more like… ceramic tiles. My eyes adjusted to the low light and with touch and a little sight, I made out a button.

It didn't look red… so I pushed it with a wince.

Soft lights emitted from the ceiling, getting stronger over a period of a couple seconds. After closing the door, I turned a bolt lock. One of the last things I wanted was a Stinean walking in on me, or anyone else for that matter.

The room was a good nine by six feet and kept in the Middle Eastern style with rich colors, intricate flower motifs painted on the tiles, and pointed vaults.

Rising to the height of a chair, a boxy cream-yellow ceramic seat about two feet long was pressed against the wall on the right. In the middle of it, there was a lid. Was that the toilet?

It had to be the toilet. What else would it have been?

There wasn't a lever, so how did it flush?

On the other side, a matching counter floated out of the wall with a small sink in the middle and a mirror above on the wall.

It certainly looked like a bathroom.

Doing a little dance because I really had to go, I quickly rinsed my hands off so there wouldn't be goop all over my pants too.

Hesitatingly, I lifted the seat.

Huh.

Strangely, there was nothing there. No bowl, no water, no light, just a big black void. It reminded me of a campsite toilet, but without any smell whatsoever.

Weird.

There was a little brushed metal box on top of the whole contraption with little cloth-like papers. So us Earthlings weren't the only society to make toilet paper.

Thank the FSM.

After my business was taken care of, I went to the sink to wash my hands and used the little bar of pretty jewel-toned purple soap that smelled flowery. After a quick rinse of the soap, I rubbed the back of my neck and took a deep breath.

It hit me that it was the first time I was alone since leaving Atlantis.

Sighing loudly because I could without anyone looking at me funny, I made sure my hands were clean under the running water, and finally looked in the mirror.

Oh. My. God.

My plum eyeliner had smudged below my eye, my skin was greasy, and my hair had reverted from wavy as I styled it to fluffy curly.

I looked… scary and messy and dirty… and there I was working with a top scientist on another planet in another galaxy.

I pulled the hair back up into a ponytail with the band I had taken out of it before brunch and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe my face and fix the eyeliner.

That done, I unlocked the door, turned the light off, and left.

The Marines had vanished again, this time Major Lorne wasn't standing alone but was talking with Vector Vain a bit… intensely. Two guards were behind the Vector, armed with swords and with what I assumed were guns in their holsters.

I didn't like the looks of it.

One of the guards drew his sword and I froze. I sure as hell didn't do anything wrong, and Dr. Beckett wouldn't do anything to offend the Stineans, so unless the soldier men did…

Well, I had my sidearm and though I was no marksman, I'm a damn good shot.

The guard handed his sword to Major Lorne, and I relaxed. Panicked for nothing.

"This is a fine piece of craftsmanship." The Major remarked to the others around him as he eyed the blade and handle.

Vector Vain beamed, "We pride ourselves in our trade skills."

Not wanting to interrupt, I started to slip back into the lab.

"Dr. Santella?"

I took a backwards step and answered, "Yes, Major?" I winced at the sight of his now purple bruise.

"We need to be heading out in twenty." He still had the sword in his hands and didn't look at me until the end of his statement.

"Okay. Why?" I'd be lying if I said the sword didn't scare me. The P90 he had was fine, but for some reason the way that sword was gleaming was downright menacing.

He gave the sword back to the guard and turned to face me, "The erberts are prey to the nocturnal stenos. From what the Vector tells me we don't want to be caught out at night around them. The sun will be down in a little over an hour."

"Oh. I'll wrap up." Remembering my manners and thankful I cleaned up my appearance, I told the Vector, "Nice to see you again, Vector."

"And you."

Gulping, I made my way to the backroom in the lab, intent on leaving in half that time. From how the day was going, I needed all the help I could get.

Euil was dutifully reading a book as large as an unabridged dictionary and probably was half my weight. "We're gonna be leaving soon."

She kept her eyes in the book, "That's a shame. It didn't seem you were here very long."

"Yeah, well, we need to get back to the Stargate before nightfall because of the … stenos."

That caused her to break her lock in the book and looked up to me as I was packing up, "Stenos have moved in?"

"Yeah." I turned off the tablet pc, "What do they look like?" I glanced over and caught fear in her eyes and thought that I shouldn't have asked.

"They're slender reptiles, as tall as a human, bipedal, tails long enough to reach the ground, and they have these claws-"

I didn't want to hear anymore, "So pretty much a dinosaur? Great." I closed up my folder and put it in my pack along with the tablet pc and notebook I had been furiously writing in the whole day. I really did not want to run into a leftover from the Cretaceous period. Meeting the Monty Python killer rabbit's evil bastard cousins had been enough.

"I don't like them either." She started closing up her books after placing ribbon bookmarks in them. "There must be an erbert herd in your path then."

"We ran into them on the way here." I turned my attention to the laptop, giving it a final jiggle before turning it over and closing it. At least it had only been mine since they issued it to me and everything of value had backups back in Atlantis.

"How did you like them?"

"I didn't." I packed the dead piece of machinery away too, and started folding up the towels into a nice little pile. I didn't want to leave a mess.

"I can see how it would be startling to walk into them without knowing they were there."

"You can say that again." Where was my hat? Hat… um… I peered under the table and found it.

"Do you have everything?"

"I think so." I rubbed the itch away in my hands and picked up the pack.

"When do you expect to return?"

Um… "I don't know. Whenever Dr. Weir clears me to come back, if she even does. I should know in a couple days." Yep, all I needed to do was convince her giving the Stineans an NSAID was a good idea. Well… they already had it, they just needed a better way to produce it.

She stood and extended her hand, "Until we meet again."

I started going for her hand, but remembered what the Vains and the … Arbiter couple did at the brunch and grabbed her forearm, "I'll look forward to it, Doctor." I still couldn't remember her last name. Damn it.

The hall was getting crowded. In addition to Major Lorne, Vector Vain, and the two Stinean guards, Lt. Reed and Capt. Coffman that had reappeared, and another, but female Stinean guard had come out of nowhere.

The Stineans sure seemed to have equality of the sexes. Cool.

"Ready to go, Doctor?"

"Yes, Major."

He must have noticed me eyeing the guards because he explained, "Vector Vain has offered an escort to the Stargate experienced with the stenos."

"What is this, now?" Through the hoard of people I could see my boss had come out of the Medical Lab with all his stuff and after … Capt. Coffman gave a quiet and short answer I couldn't hear, he nodded.

"We're all ready."

"Please follow me." Vector Vain ambled down the hall in his baby blue and white silk outfit. Was he wearing slippers? Oh no, they were made out of the same material as the rest of his clothes.

I found myself in the middle of the pack with Dr. Accent… Beckett. My boss. And we quickly struck up a conversation about what we did all day, pretty much ignoring what was going on around us. Once he got passed the scientific language barrier with Dr. Trin, things went a lot easier for him too.

On the way back, Major Cutie… Lorne was ahead with one of the male Stineans and the woman, my boss and I were in the middle, and the marines and the last Stinean behind.

Not only did the conversation with my boss keep my mind off the possibility of stenos launching in and attacking us, I was busily scratching my hands and neck. They were itching like hell and it was really irritating me. My hands were also getting red and radiating heat.

"Are you alright?"

So, the boss had finally decided to say something about it. "Yeah, they're just really itchy. It looks like a rash."

He took my hand and somehow examined it as we walked, "How long have you had this?"

"It started just before we left the city."

"It might just be contact dermatitis but I want to take a closer look once we get back. Is there anything you can think of that would cause this?" He released my hand and I started to rub it. "It's best not to scratch."

Feeling scolded like a schoolgirl, I stopped. "Maybe the soap in the bathroom." But then why my neck?... Ooh…because I rubbed it before rinsing my hands of soap fully. Maybe the Pegasus Dew I had gotten on my hands… but then I'd be dead if I was allergic. Nevermind.

Well, at least I didn't wash my face with the stuff. That would have sucked. I would have been a big glop of red rash that looked like I belonged straight out of one of the Star Treks. Hmm… if it had been green all I would have needed was a scandalous outfit since I already had the funky hair goin on and good ol' Captain Kirk would be mine. Or if I was blue. Any color really. As long as I didn't wear a red shirt.

I kinda like Scotty though.

My glance fell on Dr. Beckett.

Ahh!

Okay. That's just freaky. Though Dr. Beckett has way better hair than Scotty and he isn't going to be beaming anyone up anytime soon.

Gah, I really need to stop comparing my boss with my favorite sci-fi characters. Seriously. Someone might think I'd need professional help.

My hands and neck continued to itch like mad and just when I was about to give up and claw myself to death, the rash be damned, we marched into the clearing that housed the Stargate.

And we didn't even run into any of those erbert giant killer rabbit things.

Relief swept over me until the thought of how I was going to face the debriefing crossed my mind.

Maybe I should make a request to Dr. Weir to stay on Stinea even after I went back to help Euil with her work with painkillers. It wouldn't be too drastic, would it? It wasn't like I had actual friends in Atlantis. I've only been in Pegasus a week and a half.

The sun was lowering in the sky and both moons were rising. I could just go back with the guards now and stay overnight even without a computer, hopefully skipping out on the debriefing.

Hey, maybe I'll stay indefinitely. That cot in the corner of the lab's backroom would suit me just fine.

I'd have to send for my own toiletries though. And clothes.

I could see Major Lorne's face in my mind if I asked to stay now - this look that said he was going to make sure I made it back to Atlantis even if he had to break my nose.

I wondered how much trouble he'd get in if I just stayed anyway, but I didn't want to aggravate him anymore than I already had.

The Stargate did its whole flooshing to life thing and after Major Lorne sent his IDC and after we all said goodbye to the Stineans, we climbed the steps.

This time when I went through the Stargate, I prepared myself for the force of the wormhole and with only a slight stumble, came out the other side.

If it wasn't for the impending humiliation of the debriefing, the Gateroom would have been a beautiful sight.

"Welcome back, how'd it go?" Dr. Weir asked innocently from the Control Room.

Once Major Lorne looked up, she pretty much got an answer. "Nothing pressing, ma'am."

"Good. It's getting late, we'll debrief at eight hundred hours."

I could've kissed her. But that would have been… awkward. I was sure the men around there wouldn't have minded though.

She turned away but stepped back, "And make sure you get that checked out, Major." She gestured shortly to her nose.

"Yes, ma'am."

Everyone else started to file out of the Gateroom, and I followed since they were all going the way I had to take to get to my quarters.

They all turned left, but I turned right. All I wanted to do was take a shower and listen to some music, some Alkaline Trio followed by O.A.R. Maybe go the lab later once the rest of the living left. And get some hydrocortisone cream for the rash.

"Dr. Santella?"

Ahh, boss. I stopped and turned around, "Yes?"

"Post-mission medical exams are required."

Oh, right. Forgot about that. No wonder why they were all walking together. "Coming."

For some reason, they took the stairs up to the infirmary. Probably just to spite me for the killer rabbit thing. And for Major Cutie's nose. Somehow, he still managed to be cute even with a purple nose. How the hell did he pull that off?

I sat through an exam by one of the other doctors - a very tall, dark, Russian man, and practically ran out of the infirmary with the cream on a mission of my own to disappear into my quarters and isolate myself from human contact for at least two hours and then sneak out to get food. Maybe.

A/N: Running on four hours of sleep is not a good thing, so good night and tell me what you think. Thanks bunches!