Sadie gasped as her back hit the wall behind her and his bare chest pressed against hers. He chuckled lightly and nipped softly at her earlobe before latching on to her neck and sucking gently. Sadie barely registered the moan that escaped her throat, and her fingers threaded themselves through his belt loops, tugging his hips more tightly against her own. He sucked in a breath, his hands wandering across her sides, stomach, and chest...
"Oh, Sirius..." she whimpered, her own hands moving to run over the muscles of his back and tangle in his unbelievably soft hair. He groaned and captured her lips in a searing kiss...
"Merlin, Sadie, knock it off and wake up!" A voice whispered urgently.
Sadie let out an involuntary whine of regret as she was pulled back to reality. She forced her eyes open and blinked in confusion at Lily, who was staring at her with an expression of mingled disapproval and amusement. Her hand was pressed tightly over Sadie's mouth, but she slowly pulled it away upon noticing that she was awake.
"You're lucky you didn't wake up any of the other girls. I'm sure you don't want everyone knowing what kind of dreams your having about...not your boyfriend."
Sadie felt her heart plummet, and her cheeks burned. "I don't...what..."
"Honestly, if you fancy Sirius so much, why in the world are you with Gideon still?"
"I do not fancy Sirius!" Sadie spluttered indignantly, but she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince. "It was just a weird dream."
Lily shook her head disbelievingly but didn't argue. "Whatever you say, Sadie. Don't you have Quidditch practice in a few minutes?"
Sadie glanced at the time with a start and leapt out of bed. "Thanks, Lils!" She yanked on her clothes, grabbed her broom and rushed down the stairs, a new sign on the bulletin board catching her eye. The next Hogsmeade trip was in two weeks, and it happened to fall on Valentine's Day. Sadie bit her lip as she hurried through the portrait hole and made her way down to the Quidditch pitch. Maybe that would be a good chance for her and Gideon to spend some good time together. Perhaps that would help her to get her mind off of Sirius.
She had talked to Gideon the day before and brought up the issue of Quidditch practices. He had reluctantly agreed to book the pitch and managed to snag a time that morning. Then Sadie had hesitantly gone up to his dorm with him, where they had spent a good couple of hours making out. She was extremely relieved that he didn't try anything more than she was comfortable with, though she did find herself growing a bit resentful of his constant need for physical intimacy, and she was none too reluctant to return to her own bed when the time came. She must have forgotten to silence the curtains, however, and was relieved that she at least hadn't had any nightmares. Though that may have been preferable to what she had awoken Lily with.
She felt her face heat up once again and struggled to banish the mental images of her dream from her mind. She must have fallen asleep thinking about Sirius, and her mind had just combined that with her memories of Gideon.
Yes, that must have been it.
She quickly shoved those thoughts out of her mind as a familiar head of red hair came into view. She forced a smile and hurried to catch up with him, looping her arm through his when she got there.
"Morning!" She greeted cheerfully. Gideon looked down and gave a forced smile that looked more like a grimace. Sadie frowned. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," he answered. "I guess Quidditch just feels like a bit of a waste of time. I'm just anxious to get this over with."
"Oh," Sadie said quietly, fighting down a bubble of annoyance. "Well, maybe it will be good for you to get out and get some fresh air and do something just for fun."
Gideon shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe."
They walked in silence for a moment before Sadie spoke up brightly. "Did you see the next Hogsmeade trip is in a couple of weeks? It's on Valentine's Day!"
"Oh yeah?" Gideon forced a look of interest. "Well, that sounds fun! I can't wait to hear all about it!"
Sadie's smile faltered. "You...you're not going to come?"
"I'm sorry, Sade," he sighed. "You know how important it is for me to study. But I'm sure we can find some time to spend together that evening." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Before she could stop herself, Sadie bit out, "Right. Because that's all I'm good for these days, isn't it?"
Gideon paused and looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"All we ever do anymore is snog!" It was as though a dam had broken, and all of her frustrations were pouring out. "You never want to spend actual time with me! What exactly am I to you? Some kind of booty call for you to just use when you need to destress and take a break from more important things? I may be young, but I'm smart enough to realize that that's not love, Gideon, and it certainly isn't fair for you to say that I mean something to you and then treat me like the only thing I'm good for is a quick snog and an ego boost!"
"Are you done?" Gideon asked coldly. Sadie just glared at him. "I thought you would understand how important it is for me to study hard and become an auror. For Merlin's sake, you were there! You saw how evil they are! So, I'm sorry if my prioritizing the greater good over your silly 15-year-old fantasies is raining on your parade. I feel like I've done a pretty good job of taking time out of my day to spend time with you, but apparently that's not good enough for Little Miss Needy over here!" He gave her a disgusted look. "And here I thought you'd be a little more understanding and supportive given that I just lost my mother."
Sadie felt as though she'd been slapped. She opened her mouth to retort but found that she could not speak through the lump that had risen in her throat. She turned away from him angrily and blinked back tears, furious at herself for showing weakness.
Not another word was spoken between them as they walked the rest of the way to the Quidditch pitch, both silently fuming. The rest of the team was already there waiting for them, and Gideon shot one last glare at Sadie before having them start some drills. Practice lasted a whole thirty minutes before he blew his whistle, said everyone looked great, and ended it. Everyone looked around at each other in disbelief as he walked back up to the castle without another word.
James muttered some rather unflattering words under his breath. "We're doomed," he announced grumpily.
Sadie didn't even notice the scowl she was fixing on Gideon's retreating figure until Sirius approached her cautiously. "Everything okay, Sadie?"
"Just fantastic," she told him through gritted teeth. She turned to look at him and felt some of her anger melt away. She took a deep breath and offered him a small smile. "Really, I'm okay. Just...frustrated like everyone else." She swallowed hard as she suddenly found herself wondering what it would actually feel like for him to have her pressed up against a wall. She quickly shook the thought from her mind, however, and fought to contain the heat that was rising to her cheeks.
James continued to grumble unhappily as they made their way to the great hall for breakfast. Sadie didn't realize how close she had moved to Sirius until he wrapped an arm around her shoulders with a laugh.
"Are you cold or something?"
She flushed but gave a convincing giggle. "I guess so...Sorry, I didn't even notice until now." Merlin, she needed to get over that bloody dream. It didn't mean anything.
As they approached, the Great Hall, Cynthia walked through the doors. Sirius quickly withdrew his arm from Sadie's shoulders, leaving her with a kind of ache that she didn't quite recognize. Cynthia smiled as she saw them and changed direction to approach them.
"Done with practice already?" She asked, wrapping her arms around Sirius's neck. Sadie felt that ache intensify as they kissed briefly.
"Yeah, don't get James started again," Sirius chuckled.
Cynthia laughed lightly. "Well, come and get some food! Then we can go work on that Charms essay like we planned." Sirius glanced at Sadie for the briefest of moments, but then he grabbed his girlfriend's hand, and they walked into the Great Hall, leaving Sadie to stare after them, feeling as though she had run into a brick wall.
She thought her heart might break in half, and her head spun uncomfortably. "No, no, no," she thought despairingly. "This is not happening." And yet, she couldn't deny it any longer. The feelings she'd been shoving aside for months now were plain as day for her to see and recognize. She was in love with Sirius.
It was obvious, now that she allowed herself to analyze the situation closely. How she had gone so long pretending those feelings weren't there was a mystery to her. A wave of nausea washed over her, and she swallowed hard and closed her eyes. She felt James gently grip her upper arms, and she opened her eyes to see him looking at her in concern.
"You alright, Sade?"
"I feel a little sick," she mumbled. "I...I think I need to go back to bed for a bit..."
James nodded slowly. "I think that's a good idea. I'm going to help you upstairs, okay?"
Without waiting for an answer, he wrapped his arm around her and steered her gently up toward the common room. Sadie breathed deeply, willing the lump in her throat to keep at bay until she was safely alone in her dormitory. James helped her through the portrait hole and made to guide her up to the boys' dorm, but she shook him off.
"I need to go my own bed," she said in a hollow voice. James opened his mouth to protest, but she was already walking up the stairs. Her legs moved themselves mechanically to her bed, where she yanked the curtains closed, burrowed under the covers, and finally letting out the wail that had been building inside her all morning.
She wasn't sure how long she lay there, shaking and crying, but, eventually, the tears subsided, and she simply stared at the curtains, hiccoughing occasionally. That was how Lily found her that afternoon. The redhead hesitantly pulled the curtains aside and sat down.
"Sadie?" She asked quietly. "What's wrong? Potter said you weren't feeling well earlier, but...have you been crying?"
Sadie squeezed her eyes tightly shut in an attempt to stop more tears from flowing. "I'm fine," she choked out. "It was just...a really bad morning..."
Lily reached forward and gently stroked her friend's hair. "Did you and Gideon fight? He's seemed in a particularly foul mood today as well..." Sadie sniffed and nodded. "Well, I'm sure you two will figure it out. Every couple goes through spats, and you've both been under a lot of stress lately. Was there anything else?"
Sadie hesitated, but she shook her head, too embarrassed and ashamed to even approach the subject of her newfound feelings for her best friend. She almost felt as though she was cheating on Gideon, but she didn't feel like she could end things with him while he was already going through such a hard time.
"I'm not going to be that girl who dumps a guy a month after his mother dies," she snorted to herself. "I need to give it a little more time. Maybe things will still get better."
Lily was watching her with a furrowed brow. "Are you sure there's nothing else?" Sadie nodded. "Okay. I'll go tell your brother that you are still just not feeling well. Would you like me to bring you some food?"
"No, I'll get some at dinner," Sadie replied quietly. Lily nodded slowly and left the room. Sadie took several more minutes to herself before slowly crawling out of bed and making her way down to the common room. Gideon was seated at his usual study table, and he glanced up as Sadie approached him and sat down in the opposite chair, She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.
"You don't need to apologize," he told her, shaking his head. "We both said things we probably shouldn't have, and I am happy to forgive you if you can forgive me as well." Sadie paused but then nodded slowly. He gave her a soft smile and took her hand in his. "Want to go for a walk?" She looked at him in surprise. "It's still pretty cold, so we'll need to bundle up, but..." he shrugged. "Maybe we can just walk and talk for a bit."
Sadie bit her lip, the corners of her mouth turning upward. "I'd like that." He grinned and pressed the back of her hand to his lips for a moment before they both hurried up to their dormitories to get warmer clothes.
Lily watched them quizzically as they disappeared through the portrait hole, gears turning in her head as she took note of the almost unconscious glance that Sadie sent toward Sirius before they left.
A/N: Ohhhh the DRAMA! Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!
BlueHairedRaven: Yes, Mulciber is horrible. She does! She does love him! And she knows it now! And Gideon...sigh. He might be just a little off the rails at the moment...
Vicky Lopez: Thank you so much! The marauders are my absolute favorite too, and I am legitimately so sad at our lack of a canon marauders series.