"Edward-san!"
A familiar voice awoke Ed from his sleep. He blinked a few times, almost grumbling to his brother that it was still too early to wake up…
Only to remember that this Alphonse was different from the Alphonse that used to wake him up.
"Alphonse…what time is it now?"
"It's already ten o'clock. It is about time you woke up."
"Right…"
Ed sat up, scratching his head. He looked at his window, and noticed the sun was high up. He thought Alphonse probably waited until the last minute to wake him up. Alphonse was always like that.

"Edward-san, I'm leaving, okay? I'll tell everyone in the factory that you're going to be late."
"Yes, okay…"
Ed answered as he went down the stairs to the kitchen. He heard the sound of the door opening and closing, and knew Alphonse left.

Machines he never would have dreamt of in the Alchemic World stared at him in the kitchen. It was amazing how the people here thought of all these…going into space sort of things.
Surely what Winry would have been interested in.
Ed thought, somewhat absentmindedly, and reached for a glass of water.

It had become his habit to think of anything related to Winry, or the Alchemic World for that matter, in a detached state of mind. He learnt that it hurt less when he did that. He also learnt how to blur everything with alcohol when memories came flooding back to him, and how to cover up his arm so he wouldn't remember about automails.

It was a part of his daily life already, but apathy started eating up on him.

Was this 'rocket' really going to take him to space? If it did, would that be a way to return to his own world? If he really did go back, would Winry remember him? Did Al really come back? What happened to the colonel?
Did he have a place to go back to?

Ed shook his head, trying to get those thoughts of his mind. It wasn't a good sign to have these thoughts so early in the morning… Usually, it meant he would get himself severely intoxicated at the later part of the day. He rose up, somewhat reluctantly, and splashed his face with the cold tap water.

Never had he thought that there would come a day when he'd feel so…pathetic. After all those things he had done back home, this only was fair retribution… Equivalent change was, after all, the one and only principle that kept haunting his life. But he still remembered Winry, and Al, and everyone else. He remembered how he left without saying so much things he should have said…especially to Winry.

Ed couldn't help but smile at the memories of Winry and her letters. He only wished he brought them with him, but as far as he knew, it was still in the drawer of the desk in his military dorm. They probably would have been burnt by now. The only thing he had with him was the last note from Winry.

He stared at it, sometimes, just to remember the Alchemic World wasn't something in his dream. That note from Winry, her handwriting, her motherly tone… They were the only thing that kept him trying. But even that was coming to a limit. There are some things that just never seem to work out.

Maybe, he thought, I could write a letter to her, like those old times.
Yes, he knew there would be no reply. But it still didn't matter. At least, he'd have something to do…
He did not feel like going to the factory anyway. He actually never did anymore, but he could not say that to Alphonse. Not after how much Alphonse helped him…

Ed went upstairs to his messy room. And he pulled out a clean sheet of paper with great difficulty from a huge pile of blueprints of rockets. Looking for a pen was a lot harder… It took him about half an hour to find one that actually worked.

It was so funny how he didn't even care to clean up once he came here.

xoxox

Winry,

I know I sound like an idiot, which I actually am, writing this letter. I know perfectly well that this will never get to you. Which means I am wasting my time and effort writing this because you won't read it. Or, maybe that is the only reason why I'm writing this. Since no one will ever read this, I can put what I really feel about everything.

You may not believe this, since I cannot really believe it myself, but I am alive. I am just in another world. The way my father says it, on the other side of the Gate. Here, there is no alchemy. Instead, they have machines that can do just about anything. You'd probably love it here, there is just so much things you'll never find out there… I am trying to learn some of these "technology" as they call it, because there might be a way to go back through this technology. If I ever go back, which I am starting to feel is highly unlikely, I'll teach you some of them. Might help with your automails.

The city where I live now is called Munich. I'm in a boarding house owned by a lady who looks so much like Glacia-san. And I share the room with a boy called Alphonse Heiderich, who, well, looks a lot like Al. Strange, isn't it? There is no alchemy here, but everything else seems so alike. Even the people.

I've been trying for three years already to go back, and as you can see, so far I have not made any progress. I miss everything back there, and I really need to go home, because I am no sure, even at this point, if I succeeded in bringing Al back. If I didn't, I would have to try again. Even if it meant giving up my whole existence for that.

I miss that world. Not being able to use alchemy is horribly difficult for me. I miss all those people in the military, even. Yes, I would have to admit that even meeting Mustang would be a nice change. Did he…beat the Fuhrer? Or was he killed? Is Glacia-san and Elysia doing fine? Izumi-sensei…Is she still fine? Rose, did she get over her past? Her baby has already grown up, hasn't he? And, Al. If I really did bring him back, I really would want to see him. Does he hate me? Does he regret the 4 years we spent looking for the philosopher's stone? He's my brother, he is the only family I have left, and I couldn't bear for him to hate me.

Most of all, I miss you. I've missed you when I was in Central, how much more when I'm in this crazy city called Munich? It's just so hard. I have no one that I can really trust and count on here. It's so ironic that I never noticed how much you actually meant to me until I completely lost contact with you. You've heard of people who say they never knew how much someone meant until he died? I understand them now. You are not exactly dead, but it's as close to dead as anyone alive can be.

This might sound crazy, because it seems crazy enough to me, but there's something I couldn't tell you when I was there. I guess I never really understood what this was about. Or maybe I've known and wanted to tell you ever since, but I never had the courage. Winry, I know this sounds crazy, but I love you. I think I did ever since we were kids, but this feeling got stronger since I left for Central. At that time I didn't know why I looked forward so much to your letters, or why I felt so guilty when you were worried about me, but now I know. Now that I'm in this other world, I somehow cannot get you off my mind. You were always there, but I don't have you anymore.

You probably forgot about me by now, and are moving on with your life. The automail shop, friends, maybe even a boyfriend… But somehow, I have a feeling that I will never get on with my life. You will always have that special place in my heart. I just wished I had noticed it earlier, and told you while I had the chance. I know it's no use now, but I just keep thinking that.

Do you remember that note you gave me? You told me to choose, so I won't regret. Right now I am not sure if I made the right choice. Of course, Al meant a lot to me, and I would have transmuted him anyway, but sometimes I do regret it. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Humans are weak and selfish. I am no exception. I just feel pathetic.

We may never meet again. But if we do…or even if I will have a chance to appear in your dreams, I swear that the first thing I will say is I love you and thank you. Two things that are long overdue, the two other reasons why I have to go back to the Alchemic World.

Edward

xoxox

As he wrote the letter, he felt long lost emotions come back to him. He felt alive…real, for the first time in years. He remembered how much he cared about Winry, and Al, or course… About the days with Izumi, the state alchemist exam… Working in the military, listening to sarcastic comments from Mustang…

A teardrop fell on his hand, and he quickly brushed it off. Winry, Winry, Winry…! He felt so pathetic for the millionth time… An 18 year old boy wasn't supposed to be crying, after all.

But at least, he was happy he was feeling something again…

He smiled a little, which was another thing he hadn't done for a long time. He yawned, and rested his head in his arms. He felt a light drowsiness take over him… It was also long since he felt sleepy without drugs or alcohol.

"Edward-san? Are you here?"
Later that day, Alphonse came back to the boarding house to be answered by silence. He frowned…Edward usually answered, even if it was only a word or two.
"Edward-san!"
Alphonse opened the door to Ed's room, and sighed to see Ed there. He hadn't showed up in the factory the whole day, and was he just… sleeping here?

Oh, wait. Sleeping?
Alphonse looked again at Ed in disbelief. No alcohol, no pills around. That was a change.
And he noticed a slight smile in Ed's face.
"Oh well…"
He shrugged, and walked out of the room without waking Edward.

Everyone noticed that Edward seemed more cheerful since that day, and that he even managed to smile…and laugh at times after that. They thought something good happened to him…

Little did they know that it was only because of two folded pieces of paper…Winry's note and his letter… which was inside his pocket so he wouldn't have to leave it anywhere anymore.
Memories were, indeed, very powerful things. It had tortured Ed for three years, but it seemed as if they now helped him live on.

Let me just tell you that this particular chapter is dedicated to a friend of mine, who so kindly downloaded "Conqueror of Shamballa" for me (you know who you are), since I have dial-up... No, I do not live in the old stone age.
Yeah, thanks again! And please review people!

One more to go...!