James and Sirius were walking back up to the castle after mapping out the last area they needed to finish their map. It was a couple of days before the next full moon, so they didn't feel any ill effects from being so near the forest, and it had only taken them around fifteen minutes to complete their task. They crowded together under the invisibility cloak and spoke in hushed voices as they made their way through the castle.
"So, Sadie really didn't give a reason for not being able to go with you tonight?" James asked, brow furrowed.
Sirius was quiet for a moment. "No, she didn't say anything more than that she couldn't come. I dunno, she's been a bit off lately. I can't get a read on her even when I am with her, which hasn't been very often."
"Yeah, I've noticed that she suddenly hasn't been coming up to sleep with you anymore...Did you guys have a fight that you're just not telling me about?"
"Not that I know of!" Sirius shook his head in bewilderment. "But it does seem like she's been avoiding me lately." He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, but he'd never been good at keeping things from James, who gave him a knowing look.
"How's Cynthia?" He asked in a would-be-casual tone.
Sirius groaned. This was not a subject that he felt much like talking about, and his insides squirmed with guilt as he thought about his girlfriend. It wasn't that he didn't like Cynthia; he actually liked her quite a lot. She was intelligent and witty, and he genuinely enjoyed the time that they spent together. But the more time went on, the more Sirius was coming to recognize that he would not be getting over Sadie any time soon. He knew it wasn't fair to Cynthia; she deserved to be with somebody who could give her their all and make her their top priority, and Sirius, as hard as he might try, was not that person.
There were fleeting moments when he thought Cynthia must know where his feelings really were. Her eyes would narrow almost imperceptibly when she noticed him and Sadie together, and she was usually very eager to pull him away. He would almost always allow her to, however reluctantly, though it had been more than a week since it had been necessary at all. He hadn't been exaggerating when he told James that Sadie seemed to be avoiding him. She'd hardly spoken three sentences to him since Quidditch practice the weekend before, and she hadn't met his eyes once. Sirius had spent more hours than he would care to admit agonizing over what he might have done to make her upset with him, and, thus far, he'd drawn up a blank. There was one fear that kept creeping into his mind, and he figured it was about time he asked James about it.
"Cynthia's fine," he said shortly as they climbed through the portrait hole and headed up to their dormitory. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited until they were shut inside their room before clearing his throat. "Hey, you haven't, you know, mentioned anything to Sadie about...um...how I feel about her, right?"
Remus lowered the book he was reading and looked up at them, Peter sitting up on his bed to do the same. James stared at Sirius incredulously. "What kind of friend do you think I am?!"
Sirius gave a forced laugh and held up his hands. "Just checking...um... has she said anything to any of you about me? Or maybe about why she hasn't been talking to me?"
All three boys shook their heads and shrugged. Sirius sighed and nodded glumly, walking over to his bed. James rolled his eyes.
"Look, mate, I don't know what's going on with my sister at the moment, but I do know that she completely adores you. She wouldn't let something like you having the hots for her get in the way of that." He ducked out of the way as Sirius chucked his pillow at him. "Come on, what was that for?! We all know you do!"
Sirius didn't respond. The fact was that "the hots" did not feel like an accurate way to describe how he felt about Sadie. Call him a sap, but his feelings ran much deeper than that. Of course, he was attracted to her on a physical level; she was bloody gorgeous, and he'd laugh in the face of anyone with the gall to pretend otherwise. But there was much, much more than that. She was, usually, so full of simple wonder, somehow finding beauty and happiness in the small details of life. His problems always seemed so miniscule in her presence, as though her existence was enough to give him the strength to conquer anything. She had such a strong, genuine desire to nurture, and he craved the opportunity to care for her the way that she cared for him and for others. Her laugh came easily, the most glorious sound he had ever heard, and he could talk and laugh with her for hours without tiring. It was almost painful how badly he wanted to share every moment with her for the rest of their lives.
No, he would not say that he had "the hots" for Sadie Potter. But he also didn't have the desire to try and describe these things to her brother.
"He's off in Sadieland again," Remus snickered, bringing Sirius back to the moment. James groaned, though he was grinning.
"Come on, Pads, I'm right here! Stop having dirty thoughts about my sister!" He laughed and dodged another pillow.
"I was not having dirty thoughts," Sirius sniffed indignantly. "Let's hurry up and finish the map so that I can go to bed. I'm done with all of you. Except Wormtail. He's the only one who's nice to me."
The other boys chuckled and shook their heads. James pulled a small bit of parchment out of his parchment while Remus removed what was to be the finished product from his bedside table. It was only a few minutes before the four of them were gazing proudly at a nearly perfect layout of Hogwarts along with hundreds of named dots, some of them moving but most of them stationary in the various dormitories and teachers' quarters throughout the school. Of their own accord, Sirius's eyes flicked to the girls' dormitories, where he knew Sadie's name would be hovering over her bed. To his surprise, however, her dot was nowhere to be found. He blinked and flipped over the flap that would show him the kitchens, wondering if she had gone down to get a snack, but she wasn't there either. His eyes scanned the rest of the map in confusion as he turned over the various flaps.
Suddenly, Remus made an odd sort of sound between a cough and a squeak and made to pull the map away from the other boys. They stared at him, keeping firm grasps on the edges. He coughed lightly.
"We should get to bed. We can look more tomorrow. It'll be more interesting when people are awake."
Sirius narrowed his eyes suspiciously, a rather unpleasant thought entering his mind. Before he could stop himself, he whipped his gaze down to the boys' dormitories in Gryffindor Tower. Sure enough, there was Sadie's name, hovering so closely to Prewett's that it was difficult to distinguish between the two. His stomach dropped uncomfortably, but his immediate reaction was to look up at James, who didn't seem to have noticed what Remus and Sirius had. Clearing his throat, Sirius closed the map.
"That's a good point, Moony," he said levelly. "I'm dead tired anyway."
James and Peter nodded reluctantly and made their way over to their own beds. Remus was gazing uncertainly at Sirius, but Sirius carefully avoided his eyes as he folded up the map, vanished its contents, and climbed under his covers. It wasn't long before the other three boys' breathing evened out, and Sirius knew they were asleep.
His mind was racing. He knew it was none of his business, but, try as he might, he could not stop thinking about Sadie and Prewett all cozied up together doing Godric-knows-what.
"Well, I suppose now I know why she hasn't been sleeping here anymore," he thought somewhat bitterly. He immediately felt badly, however. She had every right to choose her boyfriend over him. He had no claim over her at all, and it was stupid of him to feel hurt over this. Despite that knowledge, though, he couldn't shake the heavy weight that had settled over his chest. He was jealous, and, although that wasn't anything new, he was feeling it more strongly now than he ever had before.
After several more minutes of trying and failing to shut off his brain and go to sleep, he finally grumbled to himself and climbed out of bed. According to the map, there hadn't been anyone down in the common room, and sitting by himself in front of the fire sounding like just the calming experience he needed right now.
Meanwhile, Sadie was fighting to keep her eyes open as she tried to figure out how she was going to sneak back to her dormitory without waking Gideon. He was laying with his head on her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her body. Her fingers toyed with his hair, and she smiled tiredly at his soft snores. Things had gotten slightly better since their fight; he seemed to be making more of an effort to use their time together to talk rather than just snog, and Sadie was trying hard to be more patient with his drive to study. She could tell that he still wanted much more from her physically than what she was comfortable giving just yet, and her newly discovered feelings for Sirius were putting a bit of a hamper on her desire to push her own limits in that area.
She was distracted from her thoughts as Gideon suddenly tensed in his sleep. His breathing became heavy and ragged, and a soft whine came from his throat. Sadie sighed, used to this by now, and shifted out from underneath him. He let out a low moan, and Sadie turned over to gently run her fingers along the contours of his face. It took a moment, but soon his muscles relaxed, and his breathing quieted. He rolled over in his sleep, and Sadie pulled the blanket up over his shoulders, tucking it around his body before standing up and stealing quietly out of the room. She wrapped her arms around herself as she crept down the stairs and into the common room. To her surprise, a figure was crouched in front of the fire.
"Sirius?" She blurted out before she could stop herself. He jumped and whipped around to face her.
"Sadie," he breathed. "What are you doing down here?"
She opened and closed her mouth a few times. "Um...Gideon and I were just up late talking. He's asleep now though, so I was just heading back to my dorm..."
"Talking?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, wincing slightly at the accusatory tone in his voice. He shook his head. "Cool. Um, hey, Sadie-"
"I should go to bed," she cut him off, avoiding his gaze. "Goodnight, Sirius." She made to hurry past him, but his hand suddenly darted out and grabbed her arm gently.
"Wait, Sadie," he pleaded. "Please talk to me. I miss you..."
Sadie's heart broke as she turned to face him, looking him in the eyes for the first time in over a week. She could see the hurt and confusion there, but her heart also thudded painfully in her chest. She wanted him desperately, but she knew they were both with other people, and she was sure he didn't have feelings for her anyway...
Still, she found herself quite unable to refuse as he hesitantly pulled her over to the couch. They sat down, and Sadie placed her hands in her lap, looking down at them. She could feel his eyes on her, but she knew better than to look at him, worried that she would do something she would regret or that he would see her feelings in her eyes.
"Sadie Mae," he said quietly. "What's going on? Did I do something wrong?"
Sadie blinked. Did he think she was angry with him? "No, of course not! Why would you think that?"
"You've been avoiding me," he answered promptly. "And don't even try pretending that you haven't. I've barely seen you in days."
Sadie swallowed hard. "It's really nothing, Sirius. Girl stuff. You wouldn't understand."
Sirius was quiet for a moment before letting out a relieved laugh. "Is that it? Merlin, Sadie, why didn't you say so? What can I do to help? Do you need chocolate? A hot bath? I'll bet we could sneak you into the prefects' bathroom if you wanted! Wait, maybe baths aren't actually the best, now that I think about it...unless they are and that's what you want! But what about a hot compress? Are there any potions that help? You can vent to me and cry if you need!" He snapped his fingers. "Oh! Ice cream!"
Sadie had been fighting a smile since he'd started talking, but she finally gave in and burst out laughing. He quieted, looking confused, and Sadie finally allowed herself to look at him fully, her eyes shining in adoration and amusement. "Not that kind of girl stuff. But thank you. Next time I'm on my period, I'll know who to go to."
Sirius's brow furrowed. "Well, then...what kind of girl stuff?"
"It's nothing," she shook her head firmly. "Please let it go, Sir. As my friend...This is just something I need to work through on my own."
Sirius hesitated. "Do you promise that you're okay?" She smiled at him and nodded. "Okay...are you going to start talking to me again?"
Sadie bit her lip. She missed him terribly, and it was clear that he missed her too. She wished she could tell him that she wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment with him (and, frankly, the sleeping ones too.) But that was out of the question for multiple reasons. It would definitely be smarter for her to keep him at arms' length until she could get over these stupid feelings.
And yet, as she met his gaze, she could not find it within herself to continue distancing herself from him. He meant the world to her, and damned if she was going to give up their friendship just because her foolish heart had to go and fall places it shouldn't. She could keep her feelings under wraps, she was sure. She'd just have to act normally. It would be fine.
"Yeah," she smiled. "Sorry if it seems like I've been avoiding you. I miss you."
A grin broke across Sirius's face, and he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. Sadie's heart raced as she turned her face into his neck, breathing in deeply, and scooted closer to him to return his embrace. She lost track of how long they simply sat there, but, eventually, he pulled away from her. She unconsciously tilted her face upward, silently willing him to kiss her, but he merely stood and reached out a hand to help her up.
"You're still welcome to come up with me if you'd like," he told her softly. Sadie's stomach did a somersault, and she almost agreed. But then she remembered the dreams she'd been having about him lately, and her face burned at the thought of having one while he was asleep next to her.
"I shouldn't do that anymore..." she told him awkwardly. "I just...Gideon probably wouldn't like it if he knew..."
Sirius's face fell for the briefest of moments, but then he smiled and nodded in understanding. "Right. Got it. Goodnight, Sadie Mae. See you in the morning."
Sadie chewed on her lip as he disappeared up the staircase, thinking despairingly:
"Merlin, I am in such trouble."
A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!
Vicky Lopez: I'm so glad! Thank goodness for fanfiction for giving us the spinoffs we all need, amirite?
WindSongEnchantment: Yay! I really hope you continue to enjoy it!