Authors note: This was suppose to be the final chapter, but I was home alone with all the time in the world the write and damn if I didn't go a little over board. So this is the conclusion Part A with the next chapter Part B. Thanks for hanging in there.
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Sam felt it as he franticly reach out for his brother. A push of power emanating from his hand knocking Dean's hand forward as the gun went off. He cried out when he saw his brother's head snap back as the bullet made impact. Sam was barely able to catch Dean as he experienced his brothers excruciating pain and together they collapsed on the floor. Blood poured down Dean's face as John and the others rushed to their side.
"Dean Dean Dean Dean…." Sam kept calling his brothers name as he winced from the almost overwhelming pain echoing in his own head. He cradled Dean as Missouri handed John a towel and he gently wiped the blood from his sons face to examine the wound Sam held on to his brother tightly not wanting to see the inevitable damage to his brothers head. John's initial look of despair was suddenly replaced by a look of hope as he saw the deep groove the bullet left across the side of Dean's forehead.
"There's no entrance wound." he said looking up at Sam. Sam looked down not believing him and saw the same thing. The bullet had only grazed his brother's temple. His body suddenly relaxed and he almost lost his grip on his brother.
"John we've got to get these boys upstairs" Sam heard Missouri say to his father. Somehow the words seemed further away than the inches she was to him. He felt Dean lifted from his arms and he immediately tightened his hold.
"Its okay son, I've got him." John gently pried Sam's hands off his brother before pulling Dean up over his shoulder.
"Sammy do you think you can stand up?" he heard Missouri ask.
"I've got him Missouri." Bobby answered as he wrapped Sam's arm around his shoulder and pulled him to his feet. Sam's legs felt weak but he was able to lean on his father's friend long enough to get upstairs. Missouri followed behind them as they stopped at the first bedroom finding John already had Dean on the bed.
"Dean…" Sam said weakly as he watched John tend to his brother. He tried to pull away, but Bobby held on to him firmly.
"Damn it kid, you need to lie down." He said as he watched Sam struggle against him. Dizziness was starting to overwhelm Sam and he felt suddenly weak.
"Bobby get him into the other bedroom quickly, he's about to pass out." Missouri said moving ahead of them into the other room. As they reached the doorway Bobby felt Sam's body go limp and together he and Missouri dragged Sam to the bed and laid him out on top of it. Bobby stood back as he watched Missouri cover the youngest Winchester with a blanket.
"I'll stay here with him." she said pulling up and old desk chair next to the bed. Bobby nodded to her as he headed for the door.
"I'll go take care of the body." He said as he turned back to Missouri.
"Robert make sure somebody finds her. She was somebody's daughter once and she may have family looking for her. They deserve to know what happened to her." Missouri requested of her friend. Bobby nodded again.
"You know I will Missouri." He promised before leaving the room. Stopping at the first bedroom he peered inside hoping to tell John goodbye. After his task was over he was going to head straight back up to his place where he had a special project waiting.
"John." He said lowly. So engrossed in tending to Dean, John didn't hear his friend call his name.
"I'll make sure he knows Bobby." Missouri said poking her head out of the other room. Bobby looked back at her as he heard her voice and gave her a sad smile in return.
"I'll call later when I get back home." He assured her before heading back around and starting down the stairs.
"Bobby" Missouri called out stopping him. He turned around and looked up at her. "Thank you."
"I'll call later…" He assured her again and headed down to the parlor. Missouri didn't need to read his mind to know he would do as he promised with Meg's body and understood his need to leave as he did. She was about to go sit down at Sam's bedside again when she decided to go check on John and Dean in the other room. She found John sitting on the edge of the bed, his head sunk in his hands. He looked up at her as she entered the room.
"How's he doing John?' she asked moving to the other side of the bed. She reached down and touched the blood soaked bandages that wrapped around Dean's head.
"He tried to kill himself Missouri, how the hell did it ever come to that? My son tried to kill himself." John said as he turned and looked at Dean's face still not believing what Dean had done to himself.
"John, he may need to go to the hospital. This wound is serious, we shouldn't treat it lightly."
"Oh yeah I can hear it now Missouri. I'll just explain to the doctors that he shot himself in the head after I had already shot him in the shoulder, not to mention the drugs you gave him, which by the way I'm sure are still in his system. Then there's the little fact that he doesn't know who we are and he held a gun on his brother earlier at the motel and on us just a short time ago. If he wakes up in a hospital he'll probably tell them everything, everything Missouri. If he did that, we would lose him forever and I'm not willing to take that chance."
Missouri saw the look of despair on John's face. She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.
"You're not going to lose him John." She said comforting him. Tears welled up in John's eyes and suddenly and spilled down his cheeks.
"I want to believe that Missouri. I really want to believe that." He said as wiped them away quickly before looking up at his friend. "Bobby gone?"
"Yeah he had business to take care of and then he was heading back up to his place." Missouri said filling him in. John was sure he already knew what business Bobby had to take care of. He smiled grimly at Missouri.
"I never had a chance to thank him." John said sadly.
"He knows John. He said he'll call when he's back home." She reassured him.
"Yeah I guess you're right." Lost in thought for a moment John reached over and squeezed Dean's left hand. "I never meant for any of this to happen."
"I know John but I don't think it's me you need to be justifying things too. You have two sons who have followed you to hell and back and maybe you owe them the justification."
"My boys know why I did what I did. I did it for their mother, to give her justice." He tried to defend himself.
"I know you believe that John. Perhaps if you had been more of a father and less of a hunter both your sons would not be lying unconscious in my spare rooms. They are what you made them John. You took the lives they were suppose to have and sacrificed them for your vendetta. The road you put them on has led them to where they are now and it may have cost you both of them." Missouri continued.
"I'm not the only one to blame here damn it. Why don't you try blaming the demon that killed my wife and left me with two little boys to raise?" John looked at Missouri, eyes blazing.
"Yes John, lots of men lose their wives and leave them with young children. They don't sacrifice their children for their revenge. I blame myself for this as much as you. Perhaps if I hadn't told you the truth when you first came to me…" she stopped as John interrupted her.
"No one is blaming you Missouri, not now not ever." John hung is head as he spoke. "I really screwed up didn't I? What if we…..what if we never get Dean back? What if he stays the way that he is…hating me? I don't know if I can bear the thought of both my sons hating me. It's bad enough to have Sammy feeling that way."
"Sammy doesn't hate you John, he just has a lot of moments when he doesn't like you." Missouri gave John a slight smile. "That boy is more like you than you realize, and the two of you are never going to have an easy relationship, not with the two of you so damn stubborn. He loves you John, trust me on this. If he didn't he never would have left Stanford to look for you. That boy thinks that was his one shot at a 'normal' life and he gave it up for you. You don't give up a dream because you hate someone. You hurt him deeply though, just as I suspect he hurt you but the one person you both have hurt is laying in the bed next to you."
"Dean…" John said sadly.
"He followed you all the way through hell. Every hunt, every order, every time you or Sammy needed anything, Dean was there. Who was there for Dean, John? The two of you so wrapped up in yourselves you didn't notice all the pain he had to carry by himself. You took a scared little boy who missed his momma and told him to suck it up like a man. Then you made him responsible for raising his brother when he never had a chance to grow up himself."
"I lost my chance to make it up to him haven't I?" " John asked despondently.
"I don't know John, even I can't see that answer. Time and hope will tell. I do think there is one other person you need to reconcile yourself with though." John at her with questioning eyes, then he realized who she meant. "They're her sons too. It's time John…go make your peace with your wife."
John nodded knowing she spoke the truth. Mary never would have wanted any of this for her boys. He stood up and helped Missouri up as well.
"I think you're right. I want to check on Sammy first though before I head over there." He said giving Dean one more glance.
"I'll look after the boys." Missouri said following John down the hall to the other bedroom and stood in the doorway. She watched as John touched Sam's long hair, gently brushing it from his forehead.
"You'll call me right away if anything changes, I mean anything."
"You know I will." She assured him.
"Thanks Missouri, for everything. I don't know if I can ever begin to repay you." He said as he turned to exit the room.
"Go see Mary. The boys and I will be waiting for you when you get back."
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A short time later John found himself traveling down long forgotten roads through Lawrence. The few times he had been back he purposely had avoided visiting the cemetery. He knew he couldn't avoid it now. The years had changed the neighborhoods and the town had grown up since Mary's death so long ago. Finally John came to the entrance of the cemetery and drove in.
At first John was frightened that he wouldn't be able to locate Mary's grave so long after his last visit. The trees and bushes so much taller he almost got lost until he found a tree that looked familiar and pulled over. A maple tree majestically towered over Mary's family plot and John sadly remembered they were her favorite. As he approached her grave, he was struck by how quiet it suddenly was. No birds, no breeze, no insects flying about, absolute peace. It was as if the world was standing still so it would be easier for Mary to hear him.
The lump that had slowly been forming in his throat was now blocking his ability to breathe as he leaned up against a nearby marker and looked back at Mary's headstone. So many emotions welled up inside him he almost turned around and ran back to his truck. Finally the dam he had built up for almost 23 years broke and he sank to his knees next to Mary's grave.
"Mary I'm soooo sorry." His tears streaming down his face. "It's all my fault…..Dean, Sammy, oh my god, I may have lost both our boys today. Dean, he tried to kill himself. Oh god, I couldn't reach him but thank god Sammy did. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't gotten to him in time. I don't know if I can bear losing either one of them, they're all I have left of you. It's all my fault Mary, it's all my fault. I've done something terrible Mary, I ruined our boy's happiness. I took away their childhoods. I made them become something they should never have had to become. If I hadn't been so obsessed with finding your killer…if I had just once in 22 yrs thought of our sons instead of my revenge….if I had just been their father…" his voice trailed off as he began to sob.
"Mary I may have killed Dean. It's all my fault, they shouldn't have been at that warehouse. I shouldn't have become so obsessed that I dragged them into that life. I've hurt them so badly and now I'm not sure if they'll ever be able to forgive me. If Dean dies, I know Sammy will leave and I will have lost both of them. I just was so damn angry Mary. I just want to know why you had to die and the irony is I still don't know why. Why was a demon there that night? Why did it take you and not me?" With that John fell silent and let his pain drain from his body.
"I love you Mary. I'm sorry I tried to do my best. I wish I could have been stronger. I hope you can forgive me."
He stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants. As he touched the top of her headstone one final time he felt a gentle and reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. Suddenly all his pain and fears went away and he felt peace deep within his soul. Reaching for the phantom hand he only found air in its place.
"Thank you Mary." He said out loud before leaving to return to Missouri's.
End of Part A