Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the copyrighted characters/things I may have mentioned in my story.

Rewritten/edited June 19th 2006

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On The Edge of Seventeen

Synopsis: As Sakura's fragile world is pulled apart by an illness she has plagued upon herself, she struggles to find her solace. (eventually SasuSaku)

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Chapter One: When I Fall Apart

"Do you want to die?" It was her very first mission as an ANBU captain, and young kunoichi Haruno Sakura could feel the tip of her captor's kunai being pressed against her neck. Her attacker wreaked of blood, and as the more she thought about it, the sooner Sakura realized it was most likely her teammates. She wanted to cry, let out a simple wail, but Sakura was logical enough to know that wasn't possible, after all, the first rule of being a ninja is to show no emotion.

"No...at least not currently..." Swiftly kicking her adversary, Sakura regained her composure, taking charge of the situation.

"Well we all have those lies we tell ourselves." A smirk slowly made it's way across her attacker's face as she looked up at Sakura, waiting for her reaction.

As those few words seeped into Sakura's mind, her body became less tense and her battle stance faded. Memories flooded back to her, memories Sakura thought she had suppressed years ago.

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"Do you want to die?"

It was a frigid January morning, and of all the places to be, 17 year old Haruno Sakura found herself standing on the ledge of a bridge.

The river below had frozen over, which wasn't too uncommon for that particular season. The cherry blossom trees resplendently glowed as the sunrise reflected off the icicles that dangled from their branches. For most people, It was that magical time of year when time almost seemed to be at a stand-still, but for Sakura, it was suffocating.

Sakura turned around and observed the other person on the bridge. He was a tall, pale man who wore unfamiliar clothes. He clenched a sketchbook in his right hand, and withhis left hand he sketched rapidly. He looked on at the striking landscape oblivious to her observations.

"Hm..." Turning back around Sakura's toes slowly caressed the cement edge.

"You still didn't answer my question." The man's voice stated unforgivingly.

"Define want..." Sakura answered with her chin straight, not bothering to turn around and look him straight in the eye.

There was another good few minutes of silence, and all that could be heard was the scribbling of his pencils. But the stranger's curiosity was still not satisfied, and he was the first to interrupt the absence of sound.

"You're on the edge."

Annoyed, Sakura turned around and gave him an almost "duh" look. As his eyes met up with her's her head bowed a bit and her eyes narrowed.

"I am the edge."

"mmm..." He observed.

His curiosity was seemingly satisfied as he revealed from his parka a box of oil pastels; using them to bring color and life to his otherwise flat drawing.

At this point Sakura's body had begun to grow numb as the cold temperature started to seep in. Letting out a shiver as a brisk wind passed by, her fair skind burned, revealed by the light kimono she wore. Sakura began regretting her choice of clothing, but then remembered that she hadn't expected it to take this long. Or have an audience for that matter.

"Are you cold?" The man asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

"Hm.." Sakura let out a grunt.

"I'm guessing that is a yes."

Sakura stared back down at the frozen river. She had already made up her mind.

Nothing was going to stop her, especially some nosy outsider.

Letting out a sigh of dejection she knew it was now or never.

"Do you plan on jumping?" If Sakura had a kunai in her at that moment, she would have impaled the man.

"Maybe..." Sakura kept her eyes focused on the frozen channel below.

"Mmm..." He continued to color in his picture, with his now pastel stained hands.

Sakura's lips pursed open. She wanted to say something. A last word, a final farewell, a simple cry, but something was stopping her. The man...

"You're not going to stop me?" Sakura asked, stunned by his lack of compassion for such an otherwise depressing situation. It was almost as if he didn't care.

"No. Unless you want to be stopped. And before you jump, what color would you consider the river?"

He couldn't be serious. Was he? Turning around fully, Sakura stepped off the ledge and let her bare feet meet the pavement of the bridge.

"Gray..." She answered dryly.

"That's what I thought originally." A grin slowly crept it's way across his face as he put his finishing touches on the picture.

Sakura just stood in place as she watched from the man on other side of the bridge flipping shut his book and sighing.

"Oh, you're still here. I guess the reason wasn't good enough."

"What reason?" Sakura was now really ticked off.

"Why you wanted to give up your own life. I'm not saying that I am here to judge, but for someone as beautiful and lucky as you to go and throw something so precious away like that, well you must have been through hell."

At that moment something finally had reached Sakura. Her cold demeanor softened as she stepped closer to the man.

Sakura took a deep breathe, attempting to hide the raspiness in her voice caused only by weeks of crying. "Thank you..."

The man at this point looked up, and took a good look at Sakura. He seemed a bit confused by her statement, judging by the expression on his face.

"For causing you to reconsider taking your own life? Well it was my pleasure."

Sakura shook her head and paused. "No...that was the last thing he told me before stepping out of my life..."

The man's otherwise temperamental expression showed a bit of warmth as Sakura bowed her head and softly cried.

"Oh, I see..."

Sakura sniffled and looked up at the man, revealing her now puffy, red eyes.

"You know, you don't need a man in your life to validate you existence."

"No, you don't understand, it wasn't like that." Sakura turned back around and headed towards the ledge, but stopped and leaned her arms on the metal support beam.

"I understand that deep down inside, something is hurting you. And whatever he may have done to you has caused this pain. And maybe all this time you have been lying to yourself, putting on the happy facade to the people around you, bottling up this hurt inside. I may not be from around here, but I know of the almost inhuman vow shinobi are forced to make - you must posses a heart that never shows tears. Is this just your attempt at a cry for help? Do you just want to make the hurt go away?"

Sakura looked up at the man, eyes filled with rage. "You know nothing about the pain I've suffered through! Things I have witnessed, the emotions I have suppress deep inside. The numbness that comes with this way of life."

"I never said I did. I'm just stating what is visible to me. And what I see is one heavily broken young woman looking for a temporary mend. And trust me, your way isn't the answer."

Sakura took her hand off the metal beam and felt the sudden urge for a cold shower. His words made her feel dirty - filthy for attempting such a mortal sin. And she had to admit, he was right about one thing, in the long-run jumping off a bridge isn't going to solve anything.

"Do you think...that's it's possible? Will the numbness ever go away?" Sakura looked up at him with her wide jade eyes.

"Maybe, if you have the right attitude."

Sakura smiled. She couldn't help it. The Pandora's box opened a long time ago, yet it seemed she only recently discovered hope.

"Would it be improper if I asked for your name?" The man asked her politely as possible.

Sakura almost blurted her name out on impulse, but made a pregnant pause. Would it be wise to tell him her name? What if he is some high ranking official and would inform Tsunade of her act? What if he is some weird stalker? Sakura met her eyes with his once more. By then she just stopped thinking and ignored her instincts. After all, they're the reason she is on this bridge in the first place?

"Haruno...Haruno, Sakura." Sakura struggled to pronounce her name, and it came out

like a squeak.

"Sakura, cherry blossom. Suits you."

Sakura winced. She hated being called that. Yeah, her parents were real clever. 'Since she has pink hair let's name her Sakura!' She stopped counting how many times she has come close to rinsing her almost magenta mane with peroxide.

"Such a beautiful flower, yet so fragile..." His voice stated smoothly.

"I'm not that defenseless..." Sakura smirked and showed a hint of enthusiasm in her voice.

"Well Miss Haruno, I never said you were." Sakura flinched at the use of foreign honorifics. As if his accent, appearance, and attitude weren't dead giveaways, Sakura, at that moment, realized just how far this man came from.

Sakura paused for a moment. "Is everyone from Konoha...this blind?" That was the only way Sakura could put her thoughts into words, describing her feelings was never one of her specialties.

"Define blind..." Sakura let out a grimace. Now he was just being obnoxious!

"I should be going." Sakura turned around and started to head towards the beginning of the bridge, and the forest that stood behind it.

"Wait." The man ran up towards Sakura, and intertwined her delicate fingers with his. "Miss Haruno, I want you to have this." Pulling out his sketchbook, he handed it over to the slightly perplexed Sakura.

"Um, thank you?" This was one of those rare moments when Sakura was truly speechless. Clenching the spiral bound book in her hands; to Sakura, it might as well have been the Ten Commandments.

"Tell yourself what you need to sleep peacefully at night, but promise me you will fill this book with the truth. The images, emotions that you must hide. Express yourself."

Sakura pulled the sketchbook into a close embrace. "I promise.."

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"How else would I fall asleep at night?" Sakura's eyes narrowed as she performed a quick hand seal.

"Now you don't seriously expect that to harm me?" The ninja said in a mocking tone, right before the genjutsu even took effect.

"Now you don't seriously expect to intimidate me?" Sakura jumped up making sure she wasn't caught up in her own illusion.

The truth was, Sakura wasn't even sure if the illusion was going to work at all, and just performed the handseal on impulse. It was a simple genjutsu trick she had picked up from Kurenai, and never thought about using it in combat. Then again, for the past couple of weeks, it felt like she hadn't been thinking at all.

"Gotcha!" Sakura stuck out her tongue, a whimsical little habit she developed as a child.

"Bzzz...Sakura-sempai, are you alright..bzzz.." Sakura listened to the transmission from her headset.

"Yeah, everything's under control." Sakura replied, observing her genjutsu's effect from the safe distant of a tree.

Sighing with relief, Sakura leaned her back up against the bark of the tree. "I guess I really have improved. And to think, all of the trouble I dealt with just to convince Tsunade that I was in good enough condition to go..." Sakura stopped her sentence when she noticed the accumulation of blood on her ANBU uniform.

"Shit!" Sakura thought aloud; loud enough to be heard over the headset.

"What's wrong?" One of her concerned teamates asked.

"I'm...not sure. I'm bleeding." Sakura tried not to sound panicked. The last thing she needed was for her team to know everything wasn't under control.

"Try to stay calm. We're coming to get you." The voice on the other end stated.

Sakura felt queasy. Maybe it was the sight of blood. Maybe it was the lose of blood. Or the thought of another forced sabbatical.

Drifting into a blood-loss induced slumber, Sakura sat back and swung her foot off the edge of the branch. Looking up at the sky she asked herself one, and maybe final, question.

"Am I still on the edge?"

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June 19th – A/N:

Wow, this story is a lot better after I edited it. Hehe, I couldn't have done any-of this without everyone's support - Sunny