My recalls of you

Hello! Some people have asked for the sequel for "Ashitaka to San no Sekki", well here it is! This takes its place few days after ATSNS. It's about San, who recalls her memories of life with Ashitaka before arriving to the forest of Shishi-gami and finding out who she really was, while waiting for Ashitaka's return to her and watching the forest grow back and Tatara Ba to rebuild.

Italics in the flashbacks are from San of now days.

I don't own Princess Mononoke, Hayao Miyazaki-sama does!

English is not my first language!

He is always there in this time, at the dawn of each day. And I'm always waiting for that, each day.

He waves to me, and I believe he's smiling at me, thought I can't see it. I really want to wave back, just to show some kind of attention, but I never mange to do that.

Because tears always end up falling from my eyes, and I break down.

Like it's said, you never know how much someone means to you, until you lose them

…..Well, I have not really lost him, he's alive and all, but he's not here with me. And it hurts. It hurts so much. I've became such a cry-baby. Sure, I've cried before, but never for really long. Because he was there to comfort me. He always pulled me to a thigh hug and let me cry on his shoulder. But now he's not here, and the tears won't stop falling.

I still remember it like yesterday, though it's been almost fifteen years. The day I met him, and my whole life changed.

My one and only love, and friend.

Ashitaka.

Flashback

It was a rainy day of October. I was three years old. I had never been allowed to go outside, since I wasn't a pure Emishi, so I had learned. I just spent time in the shire of the village, learning my oracle studies. I had been told that since I was an outsider, I had to make a place for myself at the village of the Emishi. And my place to be would be as the oracle, after my 'Adoptive mother', Hii-sama passed away.

That day, a woman entered the shire, with a boy about my age.

"Hii-sama, Ashitaka wanted to come here, when I told here was a girl his age. Is it okay for him to meet her?"

"Oh, you mean San here?" Hii-sama said as she gave look at me "Yes, sure she's harmless. Come here, Ashitaka-hiko"

The boy walked over to me. I was a little stared of seeing him, and I backed off a bit. He carefully sat after a little distance of me. He smiled at me and said:

"Hello, you must be San. I'm Ashitaka" I smelled his scent. He smelled like nature and rain. He was soaking wet, but didn't seem to mind. He was so outsider to me. Everyone always told me I was an outsider, but maybe they all were outsiders to me too.

Now that I think it, it sounded really stupid that I said to him, but I was only a three-year-old child

"You are an outsider" I said and pointed to him. The woman that had come with Ashitaka came over to me and slapped me over the face

"How dare you say something like that to him! You're the outsider here!" she looked furious and I stared crying, not only because of the pain, but also because of yelling. Hii-sama didn't even stick up for me. No one ever did when I was said to be an outsider. But now, for the first time, someone did:

"Mother, stop that. She's right, we are all outsiders to her, since we come from outside where she has never been. Isn't that right, San?" Ashitaka said and looked at me gently

"Y-Yes."

"You're very smart San. Would you like to be my friend?"

"Friend? What is a 'friend'" My question might sound stupid to you, but I really had no idea.

"It means that we like each other and spend time together. I like you, San"

"Ashitaka!"

"But mother, this girl certainly needs a friend. And I like her very much already. But, Hii-sama, do you think you could allow her to go outside? Trapped like this, she really will be an outsider"

"I think it wouldn't hurt so much if she's your friend"

"It's agreed then. Do you want to be friends, San?"

"O-okay" And then I did something I had never done before. I smiled. It felt good to have someone who cared for me and stuck up for me. And I swore to myself that I'd do likewise with him, whenever he needed me to.

End of flashback

That was the day I met him. The beginning of a very long friendship and care. Yet, I'm not sure if I anymore believe in that care. He promised he'd come to visit me. I know it's been only few days, but my longing is unbearable. Doesn't he miss me at all? Doesn't he care for me anymore?

Even thought of those, breaks my heart into million pieces.

Please, Ashitaka, just speak to me. I don't care what it is, just be with me! Hug me, smile at me, say it will be alright! Please…

This probably going to be my most dramatic story. I've always wanted to write something dramatic and angsty. I like reading that. Sure, there is "In my dream", but it's been a little while since I wrote that too….

Chapters are going to be short, I think, unless the flashback is longer, or there is two of them in the same chapter. I'll try to finish this during my summer vacation.