Chapter 6
A few seconds passed before Rick realized what he was really doing. It was as if his alert consciousness had totally left him. It had never been 100% these days. The medication and medical coma affected him as if dazed. Sometimes he felt as if he were floating in a dream of which he remembered nothing but intense emotions. But at that moment he opened his eyes and his lashes got caught in the soft strands of Lisa's hair. Honey-gold hair with an auburn tinge and a heady scent .. They were Still liplocked, Rick's hand firmly squeezing her waist.
-Li... Lisa...I'm...I'm sorry!
He murmured as he pulled himself out of the embrace.
He felt flushing heavily and his breath was ragged. As she, likewise, turned away, Rick focused on her face. Her cheeks too were burning flames. She ran a hand through her hair, repeatedly, as she always did when she was nervous. She rolled out of the bed. Rick could swear that at hearing his words her eyes were flashed with a hint of pain. But she promptly recomposed her face. She was still touching her hair and tugging down her red dress, squeezing the hem.
-I... I'm sorry... as well...
Rick pulled himself up and sat on the bed, running a hand through his thick hair. He was simply shocked. He was still tasting the feel of her lips. Of her tongue entwined with his. It had been so good.
Why did they both say they were sorry? What was wrong with what had just happened?
Rick stared at the patterns of the celestine blanket on the bed, unable to utter another word.
But Lisa did come to his aid.
-I ... I ... I don't want to interfere between you and Minmay ... Rick-I ...
At that moment a wave of heat flooded his chest. He turned to look at her, frowning.
Why did she come up with Minmay now?
Rick got nervous.
-There is no...
he started...
-How to say it? He did not know what words to use and how to convey his feelings, his thoughts, in an understandable way. His voice came out harsher and sourer than he expected. His tone was angered
-There is nothing between me and Minmay! Didn't you notice yet?
I'm not committed... to anyone.
Lisa gasped to hear those words, that cold, surly voice. She could not believe they were coming from the same young man who seconds earlier had hugged and kissed her so tenderly. It was ever so with Rick.
An aimless desolation , such a familiar feeling, seized her. She roughly grabbed her bag and put it over a shoulder.
-It doesn't matter Rick.
She said bitterly as she fastened her crumpled coat.
-Let's forget everything.
Her voice had turned stiff. Cold as ice.
Now it was Rick's turn to wince. But how? She... she had just kissed him so... so warmly. She had caressed him as no one had in a long time, letting herself go softly on his body. And now, she regretted it all. So rapidly...
Maybe that was why she had mentioned Minmay. Rick was not even sure where the frenzied flow of his thoughts was taking him. He only felt a huge resentment, a helpless rage.
-Of course!
he said in a shrill voice which he immediately tried hard to temper.
-Let's not think about it anymore. Good night Lisa.
She let go a muffled sigh.
She glanced at him and saw that there was a storm in his eyes. Yet he kept his face composed in a politely resentful look.
-Y...Yes...
she murmured.
She instinctively took a few steps backward, like a crab. She saw that he was carefully staring at her and felt awkward, unsteady. Maybe she was not as pretty as Claudia, the girls, and Alex had told her. At least not to Rick. Maybe she had not been a good kisser. That thought hurt her deeply. Except for Rick, the only guy she had ever kissed was Karl. It had been so long. Lisa was still a vulnerable girl, insecure and immature in many ways,. The dread of suffering held her deep inside.
As she escaped for the umpteenth time, down the stairs of the New Macross hospital she complained at herself for being so weak.
She no longer had to let down her guard with him. She clutched the fur on the collar of her coat and walked into the dim light of the street lamps.
She glanced back for a moment and looked toward the third floor where Rick's room was still faintly lit.
I must not cry for him, I... I will never, never... again.
she ordered herself as she walked away toward the military quarter. A new snowfall was approaching the city, blowing icy winds from the distant peaks of the Alaskan mountains.
Christmas passed and so did New Year's Eve. The Zentraedis seemed to be happy about the holidays, at least those who had chosen to live as humans. Even the Malcontents were giving a break, temporarily hiding in their burrows in the Amazon boundary. Lieutenant Max Sterling had received a discharge to spend a few days with his wife. Miryia's tummy was big already. The baby was to be born in March. The young blue-haired pilot sat slackly in a chair in front of Rick Hunter's bed and was listlessly scrolling through the local offering channels. MBS was broadcasting old Christmas movies and the political news.
In the meantime he was relentlessly dipping into a bowl of cookies.
-You've got a tan, arent you?
Rick said lamely.
Max glanced distractedly at him.
-Hu, oh, yes. Pretty spectacular heat. We sat in our undies under that radioactive sun the whole time. 40 degrees in the daytime. 5 degrees in the evening. A freaking heatwave... These cookies are tasty, you know.
-Claudia brought in.
He said scornfully.
He was aware that Lisa had baked it. However, since that Christmas night she had not visited him again. They had been in touch occasionally, by text. Mainly she was asking him how he was doing with his health. They did not talk about the two of them, about that kiss. Rick was starting to doubt that it had actually ever happened.
-Rick.
suddenly Max's cheerful face became serious.
-I did learn that the Valkyria project has been temporarily shelved.
Rick winced. He pulled himself up on the bed.
-What...I... yes, I have ...I got news from Lang. I don't know very much really.
Max tapped his thigh with one hand.
-Come on, man! I'm sure as soon as you recover you'll be back flying that damn new VT!
-My VF-4 blew up into a thousand pieces. God knows why I didn't blow up into a thousand pieces myself. I don't think Lang will entrust me with such a big project again.
Max gripped his shoulder with one hand. His hold was steel.
-Don't say what I think you are about to say boss.
Rick looked at him-Max's gaze had acquired a new tinge he did not know. He looked more grown-up and more serious than ever. He would have said he was the younger of the two now.
-Don't call me boss I'm no longer...
-You are going back to piloting, Rick. Your team is waiting for you. Besides, Lang will never give up on the VF-4 project. It's for the Colonization Task, remember?
Rick ran a hand through his hair with a nod.
Yeah, yeah I know..
He knew. Someday a new fleet would leave for the stars, to search the unknown for a new planet ready to embrace mankind ... and ensure a future for the children of the world to come. It was a thought that anguished him deeply. He knew that one day he would have to take a stand on it. But now-now he didn't want think about it.
-Rick are you asleep?
He lifted himself up a little more on the pillows.
-Max-in four days I will be released...I have a few days alone at home.
-Great! Have you made any plans yet? Miriya and I could help you settle in. After all, it has almost been two weeks that you been here in the hospital.
-Oh don't worry Max
-Really, I do insist...
At the Command Center, the mood was laid back. Commander Hayes, at her station, silently surveyed the airspace around New Macross. The snowfall had become so intense in those days that it had been imperative to have the control tower radars constantly on.
Alpha, Apollo, and Skull Squadrons, this one temporarily led by James Ranmson, were rotating in patrolling the city and its far borders up to Granite and Monument.
The Lightning III project had been put on an indefinite hiatus.
However, Lang was still working relentlessly with his team, on the new fighter. Lisa knew that they would soon be back on the Factory satellite. The VF4 fiasco still burned like an open wound.
To each and every one of them.
Lisa knew that the air traffic officers summoned from Apollo to lead the tests would soon return to their former positions as well.
A beep from her smartphone made her wince.
Alex.
It was, as always, a text from him. After that night, at the Christmas party, he had realized that perhaps, Lisa Hayes did not want his company: not the way he did. They had not crossed paths since, not in the military mess, not in the long hallways of the base and at the Command Center.
Until New Year's Eve: the snow storms were giving a reprieve to New Macross City. The sky was high, clear and cold, and the moon was extraordinarily huge and white.
Lisa was at UEG Headquarters, at Gloval's bureau.
A late meeting to provisionally freeze the Lightning III project and relegate it permanently to the year 2010. No aftermath. Lang was here, along with his staff. Commodore Gloval, General Maistroff, General Leonard, Claudia and the four air traffic controllers from Apollo, were present, as well. Their placement would also be discussed.
The test pilots were not attending, let alone their leader, Captain Hunter, who was still recuperating in the hospital.
Alex Louan searched for her gaze from across the huge horseshoe table.
Lisa gasped. It was a sad, sad evening. The whole project was going into the garret until a later date. It was certainly not the end-of-the-year night anyone had expected.
After having deliberated about a possible rebuild of the three leftover prototypes, Lang put his final signature: he and his staff would proceed with the work on the Factory Satellite.
-I'm gonna miss the Earth.
said Gena Bartlow with a big sigh.
-In fact, I was counting on staying a lot longer ...
At those words, Lisa's heart took a leap and she turned to look into Alex's direction. He, too, gazed back at her with a resigned look. She blushed.
Claudia and Lisa stopped on the staircase leading to the grand avenue of New Macross, to enjoy the view. The young commander rested a hand on the frozen railing listening intently to the festive music coming from downtown. The celebrations were getting started.
Claudia eyed her with concern, Lisa was strangely silent and she had not been able to have a chat with her, two chats other than strictly essential ones, for two weeks.
-So!
she said cheerfully
-We can make a toast to the brand New Year!
A small wrinkle appeared on her white forehead.
-I don't...
-You don't think so, do you? Would you rather hole up in your room for the hundred thousandth time after a devastating day of work?
Lisa frowned.
Claudia was genuinely worried. She glanced at her carefully and saw that her pale face was even more gaunt and dark circles surrounded her green eyes.
-Come on, just a couple of drinks, after all it's New Year's Eve!
Lisa hinted a smile.
At that moment an excited noise of chattering and footsteps reached behind them.
-Let's go eat Chinese! I am begging you on my knees!
-No way! I want to eat a huuuuge steak!
-We're in Alaska you genius! Nothing but whale steak round here!
It was Gena Bartlow and Laslo Zand, bickering as usual.
-Ah yeah, so why don't we let our fellow officers decide? Lieutenant Louan what do you think?
Lisa turned instinctively to face Alex and the other Apollo officers.
Upon seeing the two High Commanders everyone snapped to attention.
-Captain Hayes!
-Major Grant!
Claudia smiled as she saw their eased faces. You could see a mile away that none of them had gone through the war.
-Good evening to you!
She said fondly. Lisa did not speak.
Then Gena gracefully arranged her hat on top of her head.
-Major Grant, Comander Hayes, the rest of us from Apollo...we were just figuring out where to dine for New Year's Eve...for the last time before we leave Earth! But we cannot get it together!
-Of course because Dr. Bartlow as usual wants to impose her will on us.
said Zand sourly.
-For me everything is fine and then...
At hearing those words Lisa froze. Her eyes focusing on the tips of her shoes.
So the Lightninig III project team would be sent back to the Factory satellite. And Alex with them.. A dull ache made its way through her chest. And she, she had been unable even to reciprocate his kindness once.
I really am a bitch...
she suddenly thought
I really am the Ice Queen...
She lifted her gaze and met his. It was a look she could decipher. Distance, disappointment, compassion. It was certainly not a cheery look.
She made a few steps, awkwardly, and ran a hand through her hair.
-Then it's decided, we are with you!
-Huh?
Lisa pulled herself out of her reverie and realized that Claudia had eagerly agreed to escort the officers to the Nyan Nyan
-No, Claudia I...
said Lisa with a hint of a voice, but the excitement of the crew silenced her.
Alex flanked her as they headed toward the downtown area brightly lit up for the celebrations
-Hello Lisa.
-Hello Alex I...
She would have wanted to say that she had been busy and had not had the chance to return texts and calls. But the truth was that she had avoided him. She didn't really know why.
The cheerful talk of other comrades was surrounding them.
-I'm so thrilled to finally see Minmay's restaurant!
Said a young air traffic controller.
-I'm more excited about the shrimp dumplings!
-Oh yeah I'm going to eat a whole basket
-I wonder if it might be possible to catch a glimpse of Kyle... is so charming!
Claudia smiled and then peered over her shoulder. Lisa and Alex were walking apart, shut in clunky silence. The woman shook her head, wondering if one day her friend would finally find her happiness.
So they had ended up at Minmay's restaurant. It was full of patrons, including lots of Varitech pilots, as always.
But Aunt Lena, who knew Lisa since the Space War, gave them a big important table, set behind a divider.
Alex rushed to sit by her side, while Claudia took a seat in front of them.
So Captain Hayes, you're a celebrity here at Nyan Nyan.
exclaimed Gena Bartlow.
-Oh no... no... I
Lisa passed a hand over her face, nervously.
-It's just that, a long time ago during an attack, I took care of the restaurant while the owners were seeking their son in the hospital...*
-You mean Lynn Kyle?
She replied with delight.
-He Himself...
-Oh how I would love to meet him!
said the doctor.
-Don't think idyllically of him Gena.
warned Claudia.
-I don't think Kyle would be as happy about seeing us.
The officers stared at her in amazement.
-Yeah its...
Lisa said in a low voice.
-It can no longer be denied that he has taken a rigid anti-militarist: he always has been but after the war his own convictions led him to attack RDF openly
Alex stared at Lisa in awe.
-But what, is this possible? After all that the military did for the people on the SDF1! and even now during Reconstruction...
-In spite of that it is so... furthermore it really has many supporters among the survivors.
said Lisa bitterly.
Everyone was disappointed. They could not believe that the Space War idols were hostile to the military.
-And what about Minmay?
On hearing her name Lisa sighed. The truth was that although she had been away for months, her ghost perpetually hovered over her no matter what she did and wherever she was. She thought of Rick, alone in a hospital room, and her face darkened.
Claudia noticed it immediately and switched the topic.
-Minmay is touring to bring her music to nearby cities.
You'll see, you' ll come across her soon here in New Macross.
-Oh I don't think so
Zand said dryly.
-What do you mean?
Gena Bartlow rested a hand on her cheek and huffed
-That's right Major Grant. The rest of us will all be back on Apollo, in the wink of an eye!
Lisa gasped: she turned right away to her
-What? You mean you will be moved back to the Factory Satellite?
Instinctively she gazed to her right, straight into Lieutenant Louan's eyes.
-You ... you air traffic controllers, as well?
He nodded without managing to utter a sound
-Yeah, that's a bummer.
Mumbled another officer.
-I would have gladly stayed on Earth but ...
-The VF4 project is all to go again and...
Their mutterings and complaints were soon shushed as the waiters brought pitchers of wine and sake and all sorts of delicious Chinese food. The young officers toasted copiously with sincere happiness and glee.
Lisa had walked to the balcony. From above she could see the patrons having fun downstairs here there was a crowded Karaoke station.
-A cent for your thoughts.
said a soft voice from behind her back.
She smiled sadly
-Just a cent? I was at least hoping for one Aussie dollar.
He burst out laughing, showing his bright-white teeth on his plump lips.
Discreetly he leaned on the balcony beside her. In his hand a tiny bowl of sake.
Lisa did not know how to start the conversation. So she just said.
-So you leaving.
He flinched: he had hoped she would talk to him about it but had decided not to say a word.. He longed to be with her but sensed that Lisa had put a wall between them.
-Well, Captain Hayes...
Lisa tightened up. She heaved herself up clutching the handrail with excessive vigor. Her knuckles whitened.
She wanted to tell him that she was sorry, and that she would like him to stay on Earth.
After all, he was an early friend. But sometimes it seemed to her that all that remained of her past were just old memories, frailer than a far dream.
He would have liked to take her hand but Lisa was so cold, so distant.
He recalled so well the young freshman at the Robotech Academy, so shy as well as haughty. She seemed to be from another world, and maybe she was. But then Karl fell in love with her, and Alex had stepped aside: maybe there was nothing left of that fascinating young girl. Yet the promise he had made to Riber, he could not forget.
"Take care of her for me."
-Lisa...
She turned to him, embarrassed.
-Yes, Alex?
-I can request the HR to change my destination.
He said all in one breath. He felt that he was blushing and a great warmth rising from his chest to his ears.
-My position is also required here at the air base, and I could keep up the work here, at New Macross...
Lisa, on hearing those words fell silent. She didn't know if it was the drinks or that immediate revelation she perhaps wished to hear but she felt her legs softening abruptly. She crossed her ankles taking a unsteady pose.
-You...
she said
Alex clenched his jaw tightly, thinking it was now or never.
-Just say yes and tomorrow I will ask for my retirement from Apollo. I will stay on earth.
He took a ragged breath.
-I will stay with you.
Lisa widened her eyes, feeling overwhelmed by an undefined feeling. Delight, flattery, longing. Suddenly all her loneliness flashed before her. The long sleepless nights, the panic attacks, and her heart exploding: all this made her wither away more and more each day. The love she felt for Rick Hunter was drying her up like a parasite.
-Alex
she murmured with a faint smile.
-You don't have to make such a decision for me. Your career is at stake. Besides, that's a senseless motivation, to say the least.
She tried to look commanding but her eyes were moist and languid, while his were shiny with anticipation.
-Is the most sense motivation I could ever come up with. Working on Earth represents a great challenge for me. On both a military and human scale. And then here ... here there's you.
he said again, without ceasing to stare at her so intensely.
It seemed so crazy to her, but only he, in all those years, had spoken to her so sincerely, speaking only to her, Lisa Hayes, and not to the terrible Commander Hayes, scarier than a demon .. the Ice Queen...
Just he and ... Rick Hunter, obviously.
Lisa felt her heart ache.
Rick.
-Tell me at least you will consider it.
Lisa lifted her long eyelashes to meet his warm gaze.
-Yes...yes Alex, I will think about it.
On January four, an RDF car stopped with a certain speed under the forecourt of the New Macross Hospital. Max Sterling, got out of the car and walked up to his friend and former commander, who with some caution and leaning on a stick was walking toward him as well. The sun was shining high in the blue sky, and you could glimpse the Varitechs arriving and departing from the Air Base.
Rick smiled as he spotted his friend wearing the old Skull Squadron leather jacket, the very same one they wore in these difficult and exciting days aboard the Space Fortress.
-I will never get rid of it, man.
He said smilingly, pointing to the old tattered jacket.
-I have kept it, too!
replied Rick full of eagerness.
Max nodded to the nurses.
-I'll take care of this old veteran from now on. Go ahead boss!
Rick leaned reluctantly on Max's shoulder and took another quick peek at the hospital, but then he was seized by the azure immensity of the sky crisscrossed by the mecha reactor dust clouds that streamed out every day to protect the city. He felt useless. His legs were still weak and his head often ached but now more than ever he felt the call of duty. He felt he needed to fly again. As soon as possible.
As the car passed through the military district Max did not stop talking for a moment about the Amazon mission. Especially he was raving about how he had handled the logistical part of the ground patrolling.
Rick was amused
-Gee Max I'm surprised, d'ya want to take over Leonard at Southern Cross?
Max burst out laughing.
-I must confess that I enjoyed coordinating the troops, but the VTs remain my first loves!
Rick grinned. He thought the same.
The car slipped into the highway crossing the main junction of the ropeway. Rick was not paying much attention to the view as they chatted amiably, but just then his gaze fell on a cabin that was touching down at that very moment. Two shapes came out of the automatic door. Rick widened his eyes and mouth too.
It was Captain Hayes! He could not help but notice her long, thick hair being tossed by the icy wind. She was again wearing that fur hat that suited her so well. His surprise turned to irritation when he saw another officer walking down behind her, dressed in the black coat of the Air Force. It was that Louan. He recognized his profile and his very black hair sticking out in the snowy white around himself saw them and turned instinctively at Rick.
-It's Commander Hayes, do you want us to stop and say hello?
The look on Rick's face caused Lieutenant Sterling to lose all of his small talk. His eyebrows were furrowed and a thick line ran across his forehead. His blue, almost dark eyes were cloudy. His jaw was clenched in a grimace that he did not care to censure.
-Why the hell should I stop and say hello?
He said in an all too altered voice.
Max looked at him with concern.
-But that''s it... I boss... no nothing... it was just an idea.
-Go ahead Max .
From the tail of his eye he kept looking back at Lisa and Louan. They were walking away toward the living quarters in the new sector: it was far newer housing.
He probably lives there now.
He thought with scorn.
As Lisa escorted Alex to his quarters she had a kind of dejavu. She remembered vividly when she had been doing the same with Rick Hunter almost a year earlier. Her state of mind could not have been more different.
-It definitely takes a female advice. These furnitures are so anonymous. Everything makes me think of a tin can...Lisa, you listening?
She blinked a couple of times and winced.
-Yes, yes I' m here.
Lisa quickly ran a hand through her hair as Alex shut the door behind her.
She had sent Rick a text asking about his health, and he had answered politely.
"I'm fine" or so.
And she had not dared to ask anything more than "How is he?" to Claudia when she had visited him.
She had sent him her cookies, which she had baked in the middle of the night after a long shift at the Command Center. Yet he had not even waste time for the barest "thank you."
Although she tried to focus on Alex and her apartment Lisa Hayes's senses were muddled. Her body temp was rising and falling, and a great discomfort had washed over her.
Dr. Newmann had recommended taking her pills and she had ignored her. She wondered why all her strength was failing.
-Lisa! Are you all right? You look pale.
-Come sit here.
-You look like a ghost!
In fact, she had started getting a cold sweat. Her legs were as heavy as the lead. She let herself go in the brand-new armchair. The intact material creaked under her weight.
Alex Louan handed her a glass of water but Lisa's palms were shaking and the glass and its contents ended up on the floor.
-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Alex!
He got scared.
-Don't worry about that. Lisa...
He instinctively grasped her hand
-You are freezing ...
She barely smiled.
-Maybe ...just a bit of stress... maybe I should just... rest...
Rick had back home. It was a sad return compared to the one that had followed his homecoming to Earth. That time the house was warm and brightly lit and every kind of delicacy had been packed in the pantry by Commander Hayes. Staggering slightly he snapped the key in the lock, while behind him Max carried his bag.
A silent darkness greeted him.
It was different... that time.
He turned on the light with a fist and the Android greeted him with its tinny voice.
-Good evening Captain Hunter. Welcome home! Remember to have your therapy at 6 o'clock, remember your therapy at 6 o'clock.
-Yeah, yeah... shut up!
He yelled out
-Tinhead! Max you here?!
He kept on in the same neurotic voice.
Max looked at him puzzled as he shut the door behind him.
-What's cold here? How about asking Tinhead to turn on the heat?
Rick tottered toward the kitchen and opened the fridge. A can of petit cola greeted him gloomily into the empty shelves. Rick huffed nervously.
-Boss you okay?
-How about a pizza Max? At the moment the pantry at Hunter's house offers only erh...this...
With one hand he raised the can toward his friend.
Max grinned.
-Pizza's always fine.
As the two young officers chatted while shoveling down synthetic pizza Rick kept talking back on the VF4 incident. Max Sterling realized that more than his body, it was his pride that was still wounded and bleeding.
Rick's own arrogance prevented him from seeing the objective problems of the task and consequently realizing that the responsibility was not his.
-Boss, you need to put this incident aside and focus on your squadron and the patrols. Im sure as soon as Lang has refined the new Vts the flight tests are going to restart successfully!
-Sure!
Said Rick angrily.
-And you will be the one to fly them.. certainly NOT me!
At that moment he caught a hurt look in his eyes.
-I...I'm sorry Max...that's not what I meant.
He, in all response, waved a hand in the air, as if to say nevermind.
-Rick, seriously, you need to move on from this issue. You need to focus on your role, you are the Captain of the Air Defense Force, dozens of men are depending on you.
Rick huffed as he let himself go limply on the couch.
-I don't know if-I don't know if I still want to be...
Max was stunned. Could it be that that hit had completely dumbed him?
-What are you saying... Rick you can't be serious...
He glared at him deviously, defiantly.
Why on earth did everyone expect so MUCH from him? He was just tired, incredibly tired, yes, just before he had looked up at the sky and heard his call loudly: his desire to fly was stronger than ever ... and yet still ...
-Did you try to discuss it with Captain Hayes?
Rick's cheeks immediately grew hot, his ears flushed.
-What... what? Why should I talk to her about it?
Max grimaced. Rick was truly being intractable, it was official.
-Huh, what do you say? Maybe because you both were in charge of the flight tests and shared the whole project from the start? Or simply because maybe, unlike me, Captain Hayes would be able to talk some sense into that thick head of yours!
Rick looked at him outraged but soon after his features relaxed and he burst into a giggle.
-I'm sorry Max. I'm turning into a real pain in the ass. I do hate me myself.
Max nodded in agreement.
-You bet, buddy. I'm sure she was there for you while you were at the hospital.
Rick gasped
-You... did you happen to talk to her?
He asked, betraying some nervousness.
-No I haven't had a chance to meet her yet...why?
Rick looked away.
Lisa was certainly not the type to talk about such intimate things. And to Max...no way. Why on Earth did he come up with such a thing. He was sure she had not told a living person. As had he, for that matter.
He blushed remembering how desperately he had held her on that hospital bed. Her scent had made his head spin. And then she had kissed him back so... passionately.
Rick felt a heat working its way into his low belly, almost unbearable.
-Rick you OK?
Said Max absentmindedly chomping on his pizza.
-Maybe you'd better rest now. Take your medicine and get a good rest.
Rick nodded, trying to squash those feelings away.
-Please promise me you will come visit me and Miriya, boss. It means so much to us.
-Thank you Max. You... you are a great friend.
Once alone Rick headed to his room and slowly stripped off his clothes. He lay on the bed staring at the poster of Minmay in front him. The pop star's sweet smile was like a dream, which he had been desperately chasing for years. And yet she was getting more and more distant, every single day...
-Minmay...
he muttered, between sleep and wake.
Her blue eyes, her heavenly features were mingled, all the same, with another face, another pair of eyes: elongated, magnetic and green like those of a cat. A barely hinted smile, a skin as white as snow, tiny freckles on a small nose...a deep sadness in a gaze.
Rick sighed; he missed Lisa more than ever. As if she was now part of his life he had the certainty that he could no longer go on without her. He didn't know if that was good or bad. Max was right, there was no one else who could understand him the way she did. She, who had gone through the same storm, with him.
He took the phone and with numb fingers texted her.
"Hi Lisa, this is Rick. I've been discharged from the hospital and I'm fine. Hope to see you soon."
He sent the text before he repented or anything. Then he fell asleep.
-I fell asleep in his house, it was so embarrassing...
Lisa Hayes sat on the doctor's couch in the middle of a pillow. This time she was determined to recover from this disease that was starting ruling on her mind, and body, and senses.
-Falling asleep is not the proper verbe...I'm how can I say it? I fainted! As if I had switched from wakefulness to sleep in the blink of an eye.
The doctor squared her carefully. Captain Hayes was thinner and stiffer than ever. She circled in red that name she had never heard before : Alex Louan.
Apparently her patient had a connection with this officer, which she was not going to talk about easily.
The doctor sighed as she looked out the window.
-I saw that Captain Hunter has been discharged.
-!
Lisa winced and looked at her in an overly-questioning way.
-I watched it on the MBS news.
she simply retorted
-Ah yes...yes..ok..
She tried to sound casual
-How is she doing? I know the temporary standoff of the Valkyria project was a bad blow to the whole team, and I imagine to you Lisa as well. But Captain Hunter... he almost died.
Lisa twisted her fingers in her lap.
-I was scared
she said in a low voice.
-I was really... scared.
-Why Lisa. Go ahead and say it, have no qualms.
She sighed loudly
-I was scared because I ... wasn't there while he had his accident ... I ... should have been following the whole operation and yet ... and yet...I wasn't there for him...
Her mouth was dry.
-If he had died I...
The doctor stared at her deeply with her caring blue eyes.
-He's not dead Lisa. He is still alive. Nothing beyond repair has happened. This is a reason to be happy don't you think?
Lisa wrinkled her eyebrows and evaded her gaze.
Of course, for what it took.
Rick seemed to have forgotten her.
Sadness began to grow inside her. She felt rejected, cast aside. She did not want his sympathy but neither his indifference. She wanted him to come back to her. And then, there was Alex...
"Hi Lisa, this is Rick. I've been discharged from the hospital and I'm fine. I hope to see you soon."
it was as if a genie in the lamp or some merciful deity had heard her. Lisa looked incredulously at her phone and had to reread the little text several times before the meaning dawned on her.
-Are you all right Captain Hayes?
Lisa blushed and raised her broad eyes. A small smile had brightened her features
-I'm... I'm fine... Doctor I have to go, but I...
she stood up abruptly and her hair whirled in the air.
-...I promise you that I will take all the medication from now on. I promise!
The doctor stared at her in disbelief. It must have been really good news that she had received. She shook her head and smiled. She was sure that Lisa Hayes would come out victorious from that battle with herself.
Visiting him right away was perhaps too much . And then he had written " see you soon" not "now." Lisa stopped in the middle of the street, her heart beating incessantly in her throat.
The doctor was right, he was alive. That was all that mattered.
She resolved to reply later asking him if he would enjoy a visit, or maybe a drive to New Macross, she imagined he still could not walk well. But then suddenly she recalled that she was going to have such a full day tomorrow, and would not be free until late evening.
Dr. Lang's team would leave Earth for the Factory Satellite, and soon the bridge officers would leave too. She thought back to Alex, in a hazy, confused way. He was still waiting for an answer.
" tomorrow is going to be a busy day and I won't be free until after 7pm... I hope :) if you want we can meet later."
And Rick's text was not long in coming
Lisa's face lit up with a sweet smile as she read those few words.
"7 o'clock then. See u tomorrow."
-What do you mean Commander Hayes is not here?
For the umpteenth time Rick Hunter stood before the wily triad of the former SDF1 bridge.
-She is at Headquarters for the Apollo team sendoff.
said Vanessa holding back a small smile.
-Oh...
Rick's face turned somber. So the project was truly and officially closed.
-Yep, Dr. Lang and his assistants are returning to the factory!
Rick struggled to lean against the supporting wall, momentarily leaving his cane on the ground. It was then that the girls noticed that he was hobbling.
-Oh my goodness Captain Hunter! You have a cane! Why don't you sit down!
Kim ran to get Lisa's chair and brought it next to him.
Rick smiled awkwardly
-You shouldn't have left your house! You are still weak!
Said Sammie, crossing her arms.
-Now we'll have Makizaki bring you a tea.
MAKIZAKI!
she yelled
Rick declined ...but in the meantime he had sat up. He felt light-headed, his legs still weak.
-Ehr... Lisa... I mean, is Captain Hayes supposed to come back here to the Command Center tonight?
The three girls looked at him with great interest.
-Did she tell you she's coming back? Vanessa?
said Kim with an eloquent look.
Vanessa was carefully examining her glasses lenses.
-I guess she had to come back to drop off her reporting to the next shift, though...
Though...
Rick huffed mildly. Maybe it had not been such a great idea to catch up with her at the Command Center. Every time he did it everything seemed to go wrong.
At the headquarter in downtown Macross, Lang's team after the official report, farewelled Commodore Gloval, Exedore, and the other government staff officers with friendly greetings. Handshakes and hugs were not uncommon among space war veterans. They had shared a hard and glorious past.
-Commander Hayes.
said Lang
-I'll be waiting for you on the Factory satellite. As soon as possible!
Lisa nodded emphatically.
-I am so honored, Dr. Lang
-Remember, the Lightning III project is only postponed. Everything will work out for the best
Lisa smiled at the scientist's bottomless optimism.
-And say hello to Captain Hunter for me. I would have liked to shake his hand. You do it for me.
-Lisa... I mean Captain Hayes!
Alex Louan had waited for her, as the other officers headed relaxed toward the exit
-Lieutenant Louan...
she said, not stopping walking, and glancing nervously at her watch.
He struggled to keep up with her pace and followed her toward the elevators leading to the parking lots.
She did not speak and it was obvious that she was in a hurry: she did not seem to notice him.
-Lisa.
he gently took her hand to make her stop, but her tense face made him wince. Immediately he let go of her wrist and his arms slid limply down along his hips. The elevator swung open.
Lisa watched appalled at the door in front of her and Alex's pleading eyes. She knew she was hurting him but could not do otherwise.
-I have a prior duty Alex. I have to go back to the Command Center.
-Then at least let me come with you. We could talk in the car... you know I...
Lisa swallowed. She wanted to meet Rick, and time was flying by inexorably. However, she had made a promise to Alex, and her sense of obligation kept her from not fulfilling it.
-Fine, come with me.
She said uncertainly.
After dropping off the reports for the night shift to Sammie she would rush to Rick. It was almost seven o'clock; she had to let him know.
At the thought of seeing him again all her tiredness had left, giving way to a shy enthusiasm.
Rick.
The car parked at Center main entrance, and Lisa got off like a rampage. A large wrinkle was crossing her forehead, and her eyes were squinted like those of a wild cat ready to attack.
The door slammed loudly on its hinges, and Alex hurried out of the car too, tailing her.
The brims of their heavy coats were flapped by the chilly wind. Lisa started to climb up the stairs of the Command Center, two steps at a time, without pausing. Her hair swayed at every move.
-Lisa please! At least talk to me. Tell me why!
She did not hear him. She didn't want to hear him. She could not let him stay on that condition. She knew it was not right.
She turned away, her cheeks on fire, her eyes ablaze. She stood a few steps ahead of him, and Alex was overwhelmed by the fire radiating from her gaze. It was frightening. In this moment he understood why the pilots were tell to be so afraid of her.
-Alex, if you want to get moved here go ahead and do it but not for a stupid oath you made 10 years ago!
He winced: she was denying everything Riber had represented to her, to him... to their whole world before the war.
-I'm fine, I don't need anybody! Anybody! to take care of me! And if this is your reason for being recast in the army, well it is not worthy of a soldier! Its not worthy of a soldier of the Defense Forces!
Lisa squinted her eyes; maybe she had gone too far. But she had to say it. She could not let Alex put his professional career on the line for her.
She saw the pain in his eyes, the disillusionment. She saw that he understood that she was rejecting him. That his offer of love, friendship, affection... he didn't even know what it was anymore... Lisa just didn't want it, just...didn't need it.
-Alex
she said, this times softerly.
-You can't repeat the past!
-Of course you can! *
He said as if out of his mind. He reached out to her, closing the distance between them.
He took her hands, which were gloved like his own, and squeezed them tightly. But Lisa wriggled away
-No, Alex, no...
she said pleadingly. At that moment she turned toward the doorway and spotted him. He was at the top of the stairs, resting one hand on a pillar: he was wearing his old leather jacket from the Skull Squadron. He had combed his hair straight back, but the wind had done its best to spoil all the work. Lisa saw his blue eyes cloudy as the stormy sky, saw his furrowed brows. Her heart took a leap.
Rick.
She begged God that he did not hear anything
Alex still kept his hands on hers.
-Rick...
she mouthed staring at him with such a hopeless face.
Then Alex let go of her hands and also stared at Captain Hunter. He was standing still as stone, his eyes glassy in awe. Only his hair was moving, tossed by the wind.
During the car ride none of them had spoken. Rick could clearly hear her sobbing as quiet as she could. He couldn't believe what had just happened a few seconds before.
When the car stopped at his place, he tried to help her out but Lisa was already on the walkway. Rick grabbed his cane, grabbed his keys and reached for her. In the pale light of the streetlamps Lisa's eyes were swollen with tears, brighter than ever.
Lisa.
When they were inside the house, and the android turned on all the lights, Rick leaned exhausted against the wall. He just couldn't stand to see her crying. Then she spoke, her voice cracking.
-I am so sorry Rick...you shouldnt have witnessed this ... well I...
At that moment it was as if a flood of tears swept over her. She brought her hands to her face to hide her soaked cheeks.
Rick ran toward her, with uncertain pace.
-Lisa... please don't cry.
She lifted her face toward him, still hiding it in her hands. Slowly, with a sweet smile he took first one palm and then the other and pushed them away from her cheeks. He lowered his arms, holding her wrists.
-Lisa, who is truly Alex Louan?... do you want to tell me what went on?
He said in a low voice.
She shivered. Still he was squeezing her hands
-Oh Rick
she whispered
-Please forget everything.
-I can't and I don't want to. Lisa, please trust me. You can talk to me.
Then taken by a protective instinct deeper than his consciousness he let go of her hands and took her in his arms. She surrendered without resistance, resting her face softly on his chest. Silent tears continued to fall. Then she embraced him for his waist too. She felt revived at his touch at his scent at his mere presence.
Rick rested his chin on her hair muttering something inaudible.
He smelled the sweetness of her scent and immediately a great emotion seized his heart.
Lisa... I will not let you been hurt
he got caught thinking.
He thought that maybe he had told her before, a long time ago. But he could not remember. He closed his eyes; she was there. He wanted her to be there, with him.
He wanted to know everything. He squeezed her tighter until he felt the small bones of her ribcage under his fingertips. Now she had calmed down, she was no longer crying. Perhaps... perhaps she was ready to tell. The whole story.
to be continued
notes:
1) From episode 23, Reckless
2) Quote from The Great Gatsby by F.S. Fitzgerald. One of my favorite books of all time!
Hello everyone, here I am after a long absence. I apologize for the delay, I really had an unhappy time the past few months. Just like Lisa I have decided to go to a therapist. Life can be difficult at times, anyway it is only thanks to you readers that I was able to get my fic back on track.
I especially want to thank Misa Ichijyo and BlackLeaf for their kindness, friendship and the many helpful suggestions and lovely chattin on our fave series, Robotech!
I also thank all the reviewers, Anita, Sempai Fokker, Ime, Adena, Myrkeyue and the various guests, I hope Ive not forgotten anyone.
You are the strength and the engines of my writing. I hope you are going to enjoy this chapter.
Until next time.
With all my heart, Mao