Chapter 19: And I really really really care, and I really really really want to, and I think I'm kinda scared, 'cause I don't wanna lose you.
The main Barnes and Noble was packed, trays of finger foods covering the tables in the coffee-shop part of the store, dozens of people milling and mingling around the stacks. The lights were dimmed with a few disco balls tossing shards of light around, and most people were wearing fluorescent glowsticks. Xander walked into the store, Buffy on his left arm and Faith on his right. To the casual observer, it would appear that he was escorting the women in, but upon closer examination, it was apparent that the girls were holding onto Xander similar to the way two police officers would hold on to a suspect who might try to escape.
"Just remember," Buffy said, "Not everything has to be rectified tonight. This is a chance to patch up a few old wounds, and lay the groundwork for a long-lasting relationship."
"Yeah." Faith agreed. "The important thing is, that this new long-lasting relationship is built on trust and honesty."
"Ladies." Xander squeezed both of their hands. "I know you're trying to help, but please stop. Tonight is going to go fine. I forgive Spike for keeping the poetry a secret, and there's just one thing I have to say to him, and then we can move on with our lives."
"We just want to see you guys happy." Buffy said.
Faith winked. "And make sure you weren't planning some kind of payback or something."
There was a basket of various glowing jewelry next to the door, and Faith snagged a small yellow glowstick, cracked it, and popped it in her mouth. Buffy picked out a blue and pink necklace, and Xander was still deciding what he wanted when Faith whistled.
"Goodness gracious golly gee whiz." Faith exclaimed, catching sight of Spike.
Buffy grinned. "Now that's a blast from the past."
Xander looked up from the basket of glowthings, and froze. Spike was dressed in a wrinkle-less white oxford shirt, with the collar and first few buttons undone, revealing a silver chain - a necklace Xander had bought him one time when they were out on the town. The lights were too dim to tell if his trousers were black or navy blue, but Xander could see that they were crisply pressed and hung well on Spike's lean frame. A belt with a simple gold buckle and loafers with those little tassels completed the outfit, but Xander noticed with a start that the clothes weren't the only thing different about Spike. Brown hair curled ungelled around his head, and a smart pair of wire-rimmed glasses framed blue eyes. A tiny sparkling caught his gaze and Xander realized the small silver piercing in his left eyebrow was the only thing left from the punk-look. The light glittering on the piercing was like a siren's call and Xander couldn't resist, his feet moving him closer as Baith made themselves scarce. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation.
"""
Spike couldn't breathe as Xander approached. Xander looked magnificent in silver and black, and he thought he might faint. Surely the room wasn't this warm a few moments ago. The shirt shimmered as Xander walked, the light fabric a perfect contrast to the smooth and supple leather, and hey... was that his duster? Spike shivered at the sensual thrill of seeing his lover wearing his clothes.
"What is all this?" Xander asked, gesturing to Spike's appearance.
Spike tugged on one of his sleeve cuffs nervously. "I'm becoming William again, for you. I thought that you'd want that."
Xander shook his head. "I don't want William."
Spike's gaze dropped to the floor, and he was surprised when he didn't see the shattered remains of his heart lying at his feet. That should teach him to get his hopes up. He'd known this was coming, but that didn't make it hurt any less. "I don't want Spike either." he heard Xander say, and he could feel hot tears prickling his eyes. Not here, please don't let me start crying here, Spike thought to himself, but his body wasn't listening. If only he could figure out a way to get out of the store before he embarrassed himself any further...
Xander's hand gripped his chin, lifting his face up and meeting his eyes. "I don't want them, because they're just masks, roles you play for the rest of the world. All I want is you, the real you. Doesn't matter what you look like or what name you call yourself, I want you." Spike stared at him, too shocked to move. This was everything he'd ever wanted, and he was afraid that if he blinked, Xander would vanish and it'd all be a dream. Xander licked his lips nervously. "Do you still want me?"
The faint undertone of uncertainty in Xander's voice was enough to spur Spike into action. "Oh, God yes, Xan. I love you."
And suddenly he couldn't get close enough. He smashed his lips to Xander's, harshly kissing him, bodies pressed together as hard as possible. Spike moaned at the feel of Xander in his arms again. It had been way too bloody long. Xander gave back as good as he got, mouth trailing down Spike's neck, sure to leave vibrant bruises in the morning.
"Get a room, you guys." Willow giggled, sipping on a glass of punch as she walked by. "You're almost as bad as Buffy and her girl."
Xander buried his face in the crook of Spike's shoulder, body shaking in muffled laughter. Spike grinned, scanning the crowd for the girls. Faith was sitting in a large chair amid the stacks, Buffy on her lap, and it looked like they were well on their way to third base. "Battle for the glowstick." Xander whispered, and now he noticed the small neon rod being passed back and forth.
"Looks like a fun game. Wanna play?" Spike said, and Xander blushed. He kissed Xan's shoulder, "Stay here, I'll be right back." and headed for the entrance of the store. Xander couldn't stop smiling as he watched Spike disappear in the crowd.
"Somebody's in a good mood." an amused voice said from Xander's left. He turned to see a man totally decked out in the Halloween spirit, from his red eyes and horns, to his green skin and purple suit.
Xander got over the outrageous costume quickly. Tis the season, and what not. "Yeah, well, I'm having a really good night."
The guy sipped his punch. "That's good to hear, gingersnap. Although, if I were you," his voice dropped to a hushed tone, and Xander barely heard him over the music and party noises, "I wouldn't count my chickens before they were made into a fabulous entree. There's always another obstacle on the road to eternal bliss." The guy walked off to mingle with other people, and Xander stared after him, confused by the spontaneous advice.
A touch on his shoulder and Xander jumped. "Woah, it's just me." Spike said, hands raised in defense. "You okay? You look a little spooked."
Xander shrugged it off. "Nah, I'm fine. Just some Halloween craziness." He forced the weird guy and his weird riddle to the back of his mind to dwell on later, and smiled at Spike, who was a much more pleasant person to focus on. "Did you get it?"
"Yep." Spike winked, sticking out his tongue to display the small glowing rod, before slipping it back inside the confines of his mouth. "Now, where were we?" Xander captured those smirking lips in a kiss, ready and willing to try and rescue the glowstick from its prison.
"""
The weekend found them sitting on the edge of the stage, watching the girls frolic like children, laughing and twirling around. Faith was dressed as a fey, with bells and ribbons woven into her long dark hair and sewn here and there on her clothes. Her outfit consisted of long strips of gossamer cloth attached to a barely decent corset and mini skirt. The light pink and pale yellow strips fluttered and swirled around her body as she moved. Halloween was the only day of the year that Faith ever wore pastels. Buffy was dressed as a harem concubine, dark pink shroud hiding most of her face, matching the dark pink blouse and gauzy pants. Silver bells and mirrors were sewn into her costume, and she had bells and dark pink ribbons woven into her hair like Faith. Together they danced barefoot in the grass, improvised steps and spontaneous moves forming an intricate flowing, ever changing work of art.
"They look like they're having fun." Spike lisped through a pair of cheap plastic vampire teeth. He ran a hand along his scalp, rubbing the thin layer of light brown peach fuzz that was all that was left of his hair. It still felt weird, although he didn't really notice his hair was gone unless someone touched his head or he walked past a mirror. After Xander's speech about how he didn't want any of his fronts, he just wanted him, Spike decided to try something different, and had his hair shaved off so that it could re-grow in natural. He wondered idly what his natural light-brown curly hair would look like with blue streaks.
"Yeah." Xander replied, petting Spike's head. Spike made a sound deep in his throat that sounded suspiciously like a purr, and leaned into the touch. "Want to join them?"
Spike hopped off the stage and extended his hand to Xander. "May I have this dance?"
"Why certainly, good sir." Xander smiled and took his hand as he hopped off the stage, the layers of fringe on his cowboy outfit rippling. They kicked off their shoes and socks, joining the girls in the middle of a grassy part of the park. Spike and Xander linked hands and began to spin, using their weight to offset each other and spin faster and faster. The world around them faded away, the girls melting into streaks of pink and yellow, and all that existed was the other's grinning face, their hands clasped together, and the wind whipping around them as they spun. The moment broke when one of them stumbled, sending them both tumbling to the ground, laughing. Buffy and Faith sprawled out near them in the grass, and they all lay there for a while, catching their breath and making pictures out of the clouds that drifted past. Xander's hand found Spike's and their fingers intertwined. "Love you."
"Love you." Spike replied, turning his head to look at Xander. "Perfect day."
Xander quirked an eyebrow. "Perfect day?" he pouted playfully. "So last night wasn't perfect?"
"Oh, pouty." Spike grinned wickedly. "Look at that that lip. Gonna get it." The corners of Xander's mouth twitched into a smile, and Spike rolled over so that he was lying half on top of Xander. "Gonna get it." he repeated, his voice dropping into a seductive rumble. Their lips met briefly, a gentle brush before Spike pulled away slightly. "Every moment with you is perfect." Xander's mock-pout broke and they kissed, long and slow, lazy like the branches moving in the fall breeze. The plastic teeth impeded their movements slightly, but Xander enjoyed wrapping his tongue around the blunt fangs and making Spike laugh with the sensation.
A shadow fell across them. "Spike? Is that you?"
Spike looked up and blinked, a hand coming up to shade the sunlight from his eyes. "Oz?"