Omg! Look who's alive! Yes I'm back and I am super sorry for the long wait but it wasn't completely my fault. I won't go into details about what happen because I know that's not what you came here for. Saying that…onward to my story.
Chapter 5: Enough is Enough
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. How in the hell did I get myself into this mess? I stare down at the blank piece of paper then at the girl who happily sat across from me. She was all smiles and it was seriously freaking me out. She gushes about me and how she can't believe that she was actually here with me. Truth be told I really didn't think that I'll be recognize, I knew there was a chance I might but I wasn't actually prepared for it. When I tuned back into the conversation she told me that she was a big fan an had to order the CD's, posters and everything else off of the NG website, since we weren't as popular in the states as we are in Japan. That offers me a slight sense of relief. So I could go around as I please if I change my appearance a bit. I took the pen next to me and start drawing on the paper. After a couple of line, thought bubbles, and words I was finish. I look back up at the girl who was once again smiling at me. I guess she was waiting until I was done to start the conversation again. I apologize to her and she said it was no problem at all, she was just glad to be with me.
She then asks me what I was doing here. That took me back; I have to come with a believable story while letting her know I didn't want anyone to realize I was here. I ended up telling her I needed time away from everything: the paparazzi and all. Also that I'm trying to keep a very low profile, that I really don't want anyone to know that I'm here and got her to agree that she wouldn't tell a soul.
After about a couple of minutes more of conversation I told her I have to go and get some rest. She agrees and apologize for keep me so long. She smiled at me and asks if she can see me again. I thought about it and figured maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, so agree to meet with her again tonight. She gleam with exuberance and hugged me.
XxX
I went to the room and plop down on the bed, stretching out strain muscles and popping bones which brought immediate relief to my body. I sigh what to do now? I reach over to my bag and dug for a clean pair of clothes. My heart drop as my photo album fell to the floor. I flip through various pages, laughing at the memories they brought along with them. Was this the right decision? Just to get up and leave everything behind? What going to happen with the band and my family? Will they look for me? I go into my bag and pull out a gold tinted picture frame. I stare at the photo it held. It was a simple picture of me and him. It was on the nightstand by his bed, I took it that night, the last time I saw him. I'm surprise he had it. I ran my thumb across his face, maybe he did care about me…maybe it could have been different this time. I hug the picture already missing him, his touches, and his presence. Tears sting my eyes. This decision was to rash I should have stayed. I wasn't thinking how this was going to affect all the other people in my life. I place the picture on the nightstand next to me, similar to how he had it. Will you come looking for me? I turn away giving up all hope on that idea and force myself to go to sleep.
xXx
I woke up feeling much better that before. Then I was faced with that picture and realize how much I miss waking up to him even thought it was a rare occasion. I glance at the clock 6:58 ok I have time to relax a little bit. I grab my clothes and head towards the shower. I wonder if anyone even know that I'm not it Japan anymore. I know Hiro knows and I told him to tell my family if they get to frantic, but it has been at least a day…I think. I took out my laptop wondering if anyone e-mailed me…well if Hiro e-mail me. He's probably mad. I tap the internet icon and sign on. I had two new e-mails and Hiro was online. I click open the first one, then I hear the stupid 'bing' notifying my I have an instance message. I click the flashing bar and see 'Where the hell are you?' I minimize it deciding to ignore Hiro's question. I read the e-mail from him: 'Where are you…stop being stupid…it's not worth it…typical Hiro things.
I was reluctant to open up the next one—I didn't know the address. I opened it up against my better judgment. It was a simple e-mail but it tore through my heart. 'Brat where are you?' I close the e-mail struggling to hold back my tears. I click on that stupid flashing IM icon and tell Hiro not to worry that I'm fine. I close the internet immediately after. I don't want to deal with this I left this behind. The tears ran down my cheek as I lost my struggling battle. How could he care now…when I'm gone half way around the world. Why didn't he care about me before? Why? Why do you still torture me so, hold my heart in your hand and crush it like a bug? All you've done is toy with me emotions. I'm not having it anymore.
I charge me way into the bathroom and turn the shower on. I need to be free. I strip and jump into the hot water, each drop cleansing me of a problem that I had to deal with in my past. All of the constant name calling, the put downs—making me feel unwanted and unneeded…unloved. I pound my fist against the wall letting out all my pent up anger and frustration. But who was I angry at? Yes he treated me horrible, caused me the most pain that occurred in my life, no person deserve to be treated like that. But I allow him to damage and use me. Me. I let it happen. I allowed him to do it to me. I grab the soap and scrub every inch of my skin trying to purge him out of my system. By the time I was finished, my skin was red and tender but I could still feel him in me. I step out of the shower not wanting to do anything. I drop to the floor and wrap my arms around myself. Damn him it all his fault my tears begin to fall again. I don't want to be here. I want to be home with my family, friends, and fans. What's going to happen to my career, Hiro's and Suguru's too. It took us so long to get us where we're at now, all that hard work and effort we put in. I shiver realizing that I'm naked, brawling on the bathroom floor. I gather a towel and quickly dry the remaining water off of me. I flinch at the pain I feel from the contact of the towel to my sore skin. Arrggg enough is enough I have to forget about the past, the other people. It's time to be selfish and think of myself. I grab my clothes and check the clock, it was 7:30. I figure I meet up with…damn I never ask her man that was rude of me. Well I'll ask her over dinner. I tie my hair back and took a deep breath, this is my new life an I'm going to live it to the fullest.