The days waiting for the new moon keep going much the same way.
Without fail, he either wakes up with the sound of his motorcycle or his alarm. In the latter case, no matter how much he yells at the rider, the darn prick never stops to look at him. If Kaito hadn't had such a bad experience with the police station with that first call, he'd be hitting them up to complain, stretching the trespassing laws to their limit. As it is, all he can do is notice that the ridiculous vehicle actually resembles a…
Shark.
Which almost makes him think that perhaps this guy is Yuma's friend, and for some reason is the opposite of Kaito, and his body looks much older than he is?
But that theory is shot down when he brings it up to Yuma right away, "No. It's not Shark. That I can guarantee you of."
Yet, any attempt to ask for further explanation only causes Yuma to go quiet.
Normally, Kaito wouldn't have an issue with that. He's a rather private person as well, and the sight of a sad Yuma is reason alone to drop the subject.
If not for the fact that Kaito has uncharacteristically shared so much of himself with Yuma already; over the past few days, he's admitted to Yuma just how he broke up with Mizael, a lot of details about their relationship, his lack of friends growing up, his strained relationship with his father. And most of all, his situation with Haruto in the first place.
"My brother introduced me to his new girlfriend." he explains to a completely attentive Yuma, "Which wasn't that unusual. Haruto, despite his health, was always very charming and sweet. He'd attracted quite a few girls in his school years alone, and now being able to walk around like a normal person most of the time as his health improved only upped his chances." he had trailed off, lost in the memories.
"But there was something off about her right away. I pretty much raised him by myself, and his special circumstances only made me all the more protective of him. My brotherly instincts are far sharper than most." he keeps talking, almost rambling at this point.
Honestly, he's perhaps getting into far too much detail here. But he's been holding this to himself for far too long; far longer than the time he's been living here. He desperately needs to tell this to an unbiased person, because everyone else, from Mizael to Chris, couldn't give him what he wanted.
He wanted confirmation that his worries were right all along. "I could tell the only reason she was with my brother at all, was entirely due to the fortune Haruto inherited. Nothing else." he whispers, setting down his coffee mug and staring at nothing.
Yuma respectfully nods, and once it's clear Kaito needs some more engagement, tentatively asks, "But he didn't believe you?"
"Of course not. He was already in love, the blind fool." Kaito says with a sigh and a shake of his head. Just remembering the look in his brother's eyes during all those conversations already makes his head ache, "And she put on a good act. Always had the sweetest voice and a smile on her face. Never had a bad thing to say about it. Very encouraging…"
Briefly, he shoots Yuma a look. He's aware that, besides the fake voice, the description could also fit Yuma to a T.
Which is only another reason why Kaito knows he was right about her. When he looks at Yuma, he feels nothing but sincerity behind the attitude. Whereas she always looked tired behind it all…because it was an act she was putting on. For Yuma, he was just being himself, hence it took no effort.
All that only makes him grip his coffee mug again, seeking any sort of comfort, "But it was so obvious that it was fake…why did no one else see it?" he asks the heavens.
But of course, he gets no answer from them. Instead, Yuma leans forward with a sympathetic look on his face, "Did you ever find any evidence of her being mean?" he questions. Kaito must have given him a look without meaning to, because Yuma immediately puts his hands in front of him and clarifies, "Like, if she was just interested in money, then maybe she—"
"I had the same thought, and hired a private detective to trail her and even keep an eye on all her social media." Kaito interrupts, immediately relieved that not only Yuma seemed to be on his side, but he also came to the same conclusion right away, "Sadly, she either covered her online trails well…or she was waiting before getting her hooks into my brother before she risked cheating on him. They had only been dating for a month, after all." he grunts under his breath.
And even then…who knew what she had done before Haruto introduced her to Kaito, and therefore, had no one to keep a close eye on her? Kaito hadn't missed the way her body always tensed up whenever she saw him. Likely because she knew he was onto her. Therefore, it wasn't a stretch that she may have assumed he was keeping tabs on her, and changing her attitude appropriately.
Yuma opens and closes his mouth several times, obviously at a loss for words,"Ah…that…"
Kaito only takes that as encouragement to keep going, "Which is only the more reason I was right!" he shouts, slamming his hands against the table in utter frustration, "I know my brother, and he had several girlfriends before. And yet…she got pregnant so soon into their relationship, despite Haruto swearing he always wore a condom?"
The younger boy freezes, and Kaito remembers he reacted much the same way when he got the news.
"I'm pregnant!" said in such a high-pitched voice, an exaggerated head tilt, eyes closed and a smile that was almost mocking him, "Please take care of me, brother-in-law!"
Next to her, Haruto, seemingly oblivious to how wrong this whole thing was, gave him a pleading look to boot…
Kaito had wanted to vomit back then, and thinking of it now didn't help matters. He must have been hyperventilating or something, as something touching him gently on the hand makes him snap his head up…and Yuma is looking at him in concern, having placed his own hand on top of Kaito's and slowly caressing it with his thumb, as if silently pleading, 'Calm down.'
Usually, Kaito wasn't the one to allow such intimate touches. But because he was caught by surprise, he finds that the tender action actually does make him calm down…at least a little bit. So he allows it to go until his breathing settles down, at which point he breaks the touch and continues talking.
"There was something fishy about that whole thing. It was so obvious she was using the baby as a way to trap him, and poked holes into the condoms herself!" he slips into shouting at the end once more despite his best efforts, "And yet, Haruto would have none of it! And Mizael just told me there was little we could do in such a situation. Can you believe that?"
Yuma flinches back a little, biting his lip as he thinks on it. Only after a few awkward minutes pass does he dare say, "I mean…I think he had a point?"
Immediately, Kaito's mood shifts, and he turns to him with a pointed look, "What are you even saying?" he growls, feeling rather betrayed that Yuma isn't giving him the sympathy he was expecting.
"Not that you were wrong about her! You're a smart guy, and obviously a good brother, so I trust your judgement." Yuma clarifies right away, subtly leaning back into his chair as if to put some distance between them, "But if she really is pregnant, then…what else can your brother do? He can't force her to end the pregnancy, and if he's like you, he's not the type to abandon the baby."
At that, Kaito reels back, dumbfounded.
And then he's overwhelmed by anger, "So that's it? You think I should give up too?" he yells in frustration, "Doom my brother to be taken advantage of because of such a terrible trap?!"
"No! But…" Yuma recoils into himself as he's shocked by the intensity of Kaito's fury, "It's not the baby's fault either…" he points out lowly, almost timidly.
"I know that!" Kaito screams back.
Because of course he knows. How couldn't he know? He, who raised his brother with fervour, instead of neglecting him like Faker did because of the fact their mother died birthing him…of course he knows an innocent child can't be blamed. Nor is it fair to cut its chances at living short, just because of the mother it was stuck with. Or to abandon the poor thing, leaving it stuck with a mother who might not even want to raise them.
Yet, he also can't stop thinking about his baby brother, and how dooming him to become some gold-digger's toy for a mistake he didn't even do, is completely unfair.
That's what he desperately wishes Haruto would understand. That Kaito is just trying to look out for him, as he has always done…and yet, "But that's why he should listen to me! At the very least, go with a prenup before he got married, but no! He kept insisting that was no way to start a marriage, and soon it devolved into him saying I was trying to curse his relationship without giving his poor 'girlfriend' a chance!" he almost throws his coffee mug across the room as he remembers the many conversations they had about it.
'Get a prenup that she's not entitled to any of your money. Make a trust fund for the child if you get divorced and lose custody of the baby.'
'Try to get custody for yourself only. She has no means to raise a child in comparison to us. Me and Mizael can offer to adopt it, if that's what it takes.'
And countless other suggestions. Only for them all to be met with.
'That's not something you do to the one you love!'
It made him want to freaking scream that Haruto had loved all his other girlfriends too, far nicer girls who had known him for more than a month and two weeks, and yet, not only did they never get pregnant, it didn't stop them and Haruto from eventually going separate ways. So why the heck is he so confident that this girl he barely knows is the one, just because…
Yuma's voice suddenly snaps him out of his thoughts, "I understand your side, but—"
"Do you?! How could you possibly?!" he asks, then switches to accusations, "You're the youngest sibling. You're the one who gets babied around. You don't have the deep seethed instinct to look out for someone you pretty much raised by yourself, only to get it thrown back in your face, 'Father is dead, niisan, and you're not him.'!"
He screams that last part as loudly as he can, and this time, he gets up and walks over to the wall, which he then punches. Yuma startles behind him, clearly surprised and maybe fearful of the whole thing. Kaito finally realizes what he's doing, but…he can't help it.
He's been going over this same thing for the past four months, with several people. Haruto, Mizael, Chris, even a therapist Mizael had convinced him to see that only lasted for two sessions. Even then, he was never able to let his real emotions on the matter shine, hiding behind a veneer of calm logic, hoping that would help his chances of convincing the others to take him seriously.
But other than Chris, none of them did. All he got was his brother growing increasingly distant from him, which in turn made him fall into depression as he realized there was nothing he could do to protect his brother, which made him grown distant from Mizael, which made Mizael start to argue that Kaito should just let this whole matter go because he couldn't 'baby' Haruto forever, which eventually lead to Kaito having so much resentment that Mizael wasn't helping him in his time of need, that they broke up.
In none of those instances, he had never screamed or cried. And now, telling this to the only person he had any contact with for weeks…well, the stress couldn't accumulate any more.
And he's already all angered out, so he settles for…crying. He doesn't realize it until he feels something cold slide down his cheek, but once he does, he starts to sob, until he sinks down to the floor in a pathetic mess.
Immediately, he feels a pair of comforting arms around him, "Hey…come on now…it's okay, just…" Yuma coos, trying to find a way to comfort him, but unable to.
Of course, because he's just sixteen, and almost a stranger to Kaito. It hits him, at that moment, just how untoward his whole actions have been this entire conversation…and then, he is overwhelmed by shame, "Please leave." he begs.
Not because he actually wants the boy to leave. Deep down, the touch makes him feel better than he's been in months, and that outburst made him deflate and calm down, after being on high tension for so long. This might just be what he needs; to scream out his emotions, and then allow himself to be comforted.
But not by Yuma. He shouldn't be acting this way with a minor. Not to mention, they've only known each other for less than a month, even if they felt quite close emotionally already.
Still, his pride cannot take it. The fact he just broke down in front of someone. And that he's so weak, he wants to crawl and wrap his arms around the other. Just sob it out for once. Like he used to allow Haruto to do to him.
So, when Yuma cries, "I can't just—"
Kaito responds by shouting, "LEAVE! NOW!"
And once again, Yuma's eyes widen as he flinches back.
Clearly, having had enough of all this yelling, Yuma gets up, and runs out without giving a glance back.
As soon as he hears the door slam, Kaito is overwhelmed by another emotion…guilt.
But he knows he shouldn't go out and run after Yuma. Not after what he just did. Their relationship was messed up anyway, with the way Kaito sometimes glanced at him…and the way he could sometimes swear Yuma looked back, especially each time he lost a duel.
Perhaps it's best for things to end this way. Kaito is clearly destined to be alone anyway…why not start early?
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
He spends the rest of the afternoon back in a haze, but unlike all the others, he keeps having flashes in between them.
Of the last time he and Mizael argued. Of how he had sent Kaito one last, clearly pleading look, only for Kaito to ignore it and focus on his laptop. How he had deliberately avoided the other the following month as he found a house and rushed to buy it and order some repairs on it.
Of the time he took Chris with him to meet with the realtor…
"You sure you don't mind doing this with me?" the taller man shoots him a questioning look.
"Why not? Best to have a second opinion, especially since you're the one who's going to help me bring my stuff over too, as soon as the repairs are done." he says with a shrug.
But Chris lets out a knowing sigh, "Is there a point in meeting the man if you're that set on buying it?" he points out.
"Yes, to get the number of local contractors." he replies, not taking his eyes off the road.
"With this rain, you won't be able to check out the land itself, though." Chris muses as he looks at the rain outside the vehicle, "Crazy weather, since it's almost summer, but I suppose we should get used to it."
Kaito rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh, "Please don't pretend you want to go into a scientific talk about the effects of our changing climate." he almost pleads, "Just come out and say whatever it is you want to say."
"If you insist. You should really learn that, sometimes, a pleasant chat is a great buffer for such awkward conversations." Chris advices with a shrug, before turning to look at him, "Are you alright with doing this with me? Instead of Mizael?"
The question is a loaded one, and Kaito cannot help but look at him briefly, then focuses his attention back on the road, "This house isn't for Mizael, so no."
"But certainly having me here doesn't help your state of mind. Wouldn't you rather do this on your own?" Chris questions, going back to staring out the window, "If Mizael knew we were doing this, he'd change his status to 'single and furious' right away."
It's obvious that Chris knows that Mizael was very jealous of him, even though Kaito had never shared that fact for the sake of their friendship, and because they both knew it was completely unfounded.
Which is not something Kaito wants to get into much right now, "So he would. There's more than one reason my status already says 'single'. He's just being stubborn about this, and I doubt that me buying this tiny house on my own will help him realize that." he vents, "Just more issues for me to deal with…"
"It is a darn shame for something that lasted almost a decade to fizzle out so quickly. Who'd have known that your shared love of the same Ace monster in a card game wasn't enough to keep you two together?" the other jokes with a low chuckle.
Normally, Kaito would take that as just teasing. Chris is an older brother himself, and unlike Kaito's, his brothers are prone to different types of mischievousness. It's not unusual for Chris to develop a very slight undertone of sarcasm in order to put them in their place from time to time.
As it is now…as it has been for these past few months , Kaito is too on edge to see a joke for what it is, and jumps to a conclusion, "Don't tell me you think I did wrong in breaking up with Mizael as well?"
Because of course Mizael had told Haruto, and this was yet another issue that had fuelled their arguments these past few days. And regardless of all the logical reasons Chris might have to give, Kaito is not in the mood for it.
But mercifully, Chris is Chris, and proves that he truly deserves the title of being Kaito's only friend, "Far from me to do that. You know what's best for you, after all, and you know I am not one to meddle. Hence, why I accepted your invitation in the first place. I'll have you know I am missing a very nice tea party with my brother's dolls in order to be here." he finishes with a dramatic voice.
And that does make Kaito chuckle. Proving just how right he was to trust Chris. So for once, he decides to be completely honest, turns to the other as soon as they reach a stop light, and says, "Thank you."
Chris closes his eyes and nods, "You're welcome, friend."
For the next few turns, the ride is quiet save for the sounds of the road and rain outside, as Kaito never turns the radio on. When it gets like this between them, it always feels comfortable instead of awkward, even if also a bit lonely.
Eventually, Chris breaks the silence by whispering, "Though, your tendency to let things go unresolved is worrying. You might die with a lot of regrets and not even know it until the time comes…"
Kaito doesn't reply, just blinks at him. At that moment, he doesn't get what Chris is trying to say at all, other than knowing it's about his break-up with Mizael, and maybe the situation with Haruto.
His pocket feels heavy all of a sudden….
Not wanting to think about it, Kaito chooses to keep driving, and ceases to pay any attention to those brief feelings.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
When he comes out of that particular daze, he almost falls off the couch.
That memory, so vivid and clear…that came completely out of nowhere. It's never happened with such intensity except for that one time he slept soundly, so…why now?
Then he recalls what happened with Yuma earlier this afternoon
A whole bunch of thoughts come to his tired, worn out mind.
Chris' last vague advice. His brother telling him that he's not dropping the subject until Kaito fully confronts it. Mizael's last sad look before he left the room during their last argument…
Suddenly, he knows his and Yuma's last meeting cannot end like this.
Of course, without Yuma to talk to, he falls into another daze. He likely didn't even have dinner, he can't remember. Not that any food has tasted like anything since he first set foot here. Thankfully, he still had the alarm turned on, and it faithfully went off…
Kaito only took notice of it when it kept going for who knows how long. By the time he finally snaps out of it and turns off the mercifully persistent thing, it's already two hours past their usual meeting time. Not only is it unlikely that Yuma is still there, but…
Wait, it's night. It was almost nightfall when he sent Yuma out there. So Yuma should either be here, to run from the moonlight, or he should be home. But his instinct tells him that the later one isn't the case, as Yuma might not be able to reach his home in time, and a quick search reveals that the first one isn't true.
And it's at that moment that he notices all the windows are open. Yet, he feels absolutely no fear at all.
Because today is the day of the new moon. A look outside the window reveals nothing but a clear night sky full of stars. They provide the bares of light, but other than that, nothing else.
He…he can leave?
Swallowing a knot in his throat, he steps out tentatively…but nothing happens once he's out. He doesn't even begin to hyperventilate. He doesn't feel much of anything really…
If his fear comes back tomorrow and continues to rise, then it means he and Yuma truly are alike. Though he can't even begin to understand how the heck he even developed this phobia, much less why he happens to share it with a random teenager from a nowhere village.
But no time to think about that. Without even thinking to get a flashlight, Kaito keeps making his way through the path he knows so well by this point. It might also be because he used to take nightly walks like this all the time back when he used to live by the countryside, when he needed a break from the reality that he, still a child, was now responsible for the life of another human being.
Everything around him is eerily quiet as well. And yet, he's never felt more at ease since he came here. It's like he belongs here, almost blending into the total darkness, his footsteps making no noise at all.
Once he reaches the cliff, he has to stop for a while, letting his eyes adjust to the complete darkness. When that is not enough, he slowly makes his way closer to the edge, hoping this night doesn't end with him falling to his own death.
But eventually, he can see him: Yuma, sitting on the same spot he always did.
Kaito doesn't even need to get right behind him for Yuma to turn around, the white of his eyes almost looking creepy as he gasps, "Kaito? What are you doing here?"
"What? You think our little spat would make me miss the one night I can leave the house?" Kaito replies sarcastically by reflex, only to regret it right away. He might not know much about apologies, but he knows enough that it's not a good way to start, "Please come closer. We can barely see anything. Sitting so close to the edge is extremely dangerous."
Mercifully, Yuma listens to him with no complaints, crawling his way over to him, "So we really are the same…" he observes as he looks up at Kaito.
Looking down at Yuma like this makes him feel strange, so he sits down next to him, "We don't know that yet. For all we know, this might cure my stupid fear, and tomorrow you'll be the only one stuck inside the house while I frolic outside to my heart's content…you know, taking advantage of my vast land of nothing."
Yuma actually laughs at that, "For your sake, I actually hope that's true. I'd do anything for us to get over this bothersome thing." he admits as he shoots a longing look at the sky, "It's good, but without the moon it also feels rather…cagey, don't you think?"
His tone and the look he gives Kaito implies that he was expecting the other to completely understand him and yet…for once, Kaito is at a genuine loss here. Sure, it's cold and dark, but neither of those things are necessarily bad, it depends on the context. The cold, for example, is rather pleasant compared to the inferno of a summer day. To compare it to a prison? Isn't that going a bit too far? "I don't quite get what you're getting at?" he asks with a raised brow.
To which Yuma gives an awkward smile, "You'll understand after a few cycles of this. If you're unlucky."
Well, doesn't that sound ominous.
But enough of such distractions. Now that it's clear Yuma isn't mad enough to outright refuse to listen to him, or start throwing insults as soon as he sees him, it's time to…gods, he can't believe he's doing this…
Actually trying to sincerely apologize.
Of course, saying is easier than doing, "Yuma…about this afternoon…" he starts awkwardly, fighting off the urge to mimic the way Yuma scratches the back of his head when he's nervous. (Which only goes to show how attached he is to the boy already, to want to pick up on his mannerisms.)
But Yuma cuts him off before he can gather enough courage to get to the main point, "Yeah…sorry about that. I kinda crossed over the line back there, haha." he finishes with a strained laugh as he looks away.
Kaito must spend at least a full minute just standing there, blinking in shock. Why the hell is Yuma apologizing?
So baffled he is, that he can't gasp but gasp "What?" in a very undignified way, once the hamsters working the wheels of his brain finally catch up.
To which Yuma just flinches into himself, as if he was trying to recede into his shell like a turtle, "You know…I shouldn't have tried to offer up advice. You clearly just wanted to vent, and I know nothing of your situation beyond what you told me, which means anything I said was worthless. Not to mention, I know older people hate having a teenager try to help them…" he offers while tentatively locking eyes with Kaito, "Sorry. I should have just kept my mouth shut and let you keep talking. That's what you wanted, right?"
It's clear that he's expecting Kaito to grant him forgiveness, and hopefully soon.
Unfortunately for him, all it does is make Kaito launch into a screaming tirade once more, "You're apologizing?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
Yuma almost crawls back as his face falls, putting his hands in front of him in self-defence, "Sorry, I just—"
But Kaito crawls over to him, getting right into his face, and continues to shout, "I screamed at you, punched things around and outright threw a violent tantrum in front of you, kicked you out of my house, and you're the one apologizing to me?" he accuses, only for a horrible thought to come to him. One major reason for someone to react that way was…"Were you raised in an abusive household or something, for that to be your reaction? Is that why you spend so much time at my place?" he asks, his frantic tone now laced with worry.
Now it's Yuma's turn to look baffled and be quiet for a few seconds before screeching, "What?! Of course not! My grandma is the sweetest, and despite having a temper sometimes, neesan would never hurt me!" he assures.
"Then what the hell? Why are you feeling guilty, when you should be angry at me?!" he asks, both to Yuma and the heavens, then pokes his own chest none too gently, "A man in his thirties, acting like a mix of a child and a drunk right in front of you. When we've only known each other for less than a month!"
He's finally out of breath by now, and has to take a few deep ones to calm himself. And Yuma's reaction is…to lean closer and tenderly rub his back. Which does help Kaito regain his breathing faster. But seriously…
Just what is up with Yuma? Sure, Kaito got the impression he was a nice person to a fault when he was talking about his life, but people always embellish their qualities at least a little. Surely, there can't be a person this nice, and not have some sort of issue.
Right?
Which makes him jump to the next logical conclusion, "I must have scared you so much you're now afraid to set me off again. I'm sorry, I'm usually not the emotional one but…" he stops, hiding his face in his hands as a realization comes to him, and shame overwhelms him, "I guess some of my ex finally rubbed off on me, and you're the one who was unfortunate enough to bear the brunt of it. I am so sorry…"
And then he laughs.
Because that makes sense. He almost just mimicked one of Yuma's mannerisms not two minutes ago. It's not that out of line for Mizael's reaction to stress and confrontation to have also rubbed off on him, and for it to only show itself with a completely unrelated person.
Honestly, he doesn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, letting it all out this afternoon felt good. But the consequences of it aren't feeling so good now, so…he'd rather go back to his logical, 'keep things to himself', way of being.
Now, he's rather glad he and Mizael are over. Besides the lack of support, this is not how he needs to be when he's confronted with overwhelming stress. Which the following months are sure to be full off, as the darn woman gets ever closer to give birth…
No, he needs someone to calm him down. To listen, to make him feel like he'll have support no matter what. Chris did the last one rather well, but for the first two, he needs—
"Hey, it's fine. It wasn't that scary, I promise." Yuma interrupts his train of thought with a shake of his head and a small smile, "Me and my best friend used to have nasty fights like that all the time. That would last for days. And Shark used to react waaaaay worse than you did, when he wanted to talk at all." he lets out an awkward laugh with that last part, but quickly moves on before Kaito can even think to question him about it, "I'm not fragile, and I get that you didn't do it to be mean. You're just going through a heck of a lot right now."
His eyes flash with sympathy, before he covers it up with a small jump and fist bumps the air, "The important thing is, you apologized! And quickly too! That is all I need to know. And all I need to 'forgive', if that's what you need." he almost shouts, but it's done in a completely different way than Kaito had done earlier. His shouts aren't meant to hurt, and only have determination and assurance to them.
Because Yuma is just the type of person who expresses himself in over the top ways. Usually, he'd find this type of person annoying and dumb…but given his current situation, it only makes him appreciate the other all the more, "Yuma…" he whispers in a trembling tone, not knowing what else to say.
Not knowing how to express his gratitude at having something work out so easily for once in his life.
And also not being able to bring himself to believe this is really happening. Surely, Yuma can't be this easy to deal with…right?
As if he was listening to his thoughts, Yuma's expression switches to a more serious one, "And even if you think that way, it probably was bad of me to give that advice. Like I said, I don't know your situation and to be honest…" he rubs his elbow as he gathers the guts to continue, "I actually agree. I don't think letting your brother commit what might be a big mistake is the right thing to do. Even if no one else believes it—" he pauses to think on his next words carefully.
"If you think there's something to it, it's not right for others to invalidate your feelings. You can't force your brother to leave her, but he also can't force you to be happy with all of this." he eventually settles for.
And it's so simple, and yet, so obvious, that even Kaito's propensity for self-loathing can't bring itself to find fault with that. But surely, that is selfish of him, to do such a thing to his brother…right?
That's what his conscience told him. That's what almost everyone else told him. That he should swallow his own feelings and just go along, for the sake of peace. And then not point out that he was right when his suspicions eventually turn out to be right and he's stuck dealing with the fallout.
That's how the polite world worked, right?
"I just ran my mouth anyway because I thought that's what most people would do? But it goes to show, it's best to go with my gut instinct most of the time, hehe…the crowd ain't always right. Though I might just think that because I am an idiot…I think." Yuma keeps babbling, his body language awkward all around.
An idiot…that's right, Yuma was an idiot, so…
Kaito now knows he has nothing to feel bad about.
"Yuma…" he smiles tenderly for the first time today, feeling grateful for the fact Yuma told him just what he needed to hear without even knowing it.
He got what he so desperately wanted after all. Confirmation that he was right. Along with a friendly ear too. He just had to travel to the middle of nowhere to get it. And he couldn't be happier that he bought that suspiciously cheap house after all.
Perhaps because his heart finally feels some genuine relief for so long, that the dam in him breaks once more. Might not be the greatest idea given what happened earlier, but he can't stop himself from confessing, "My mother's ring. He wants to give her our mother's engagement right."
The words make Yuma freeze all over again. As if he can understand, by the heavy weight of Kaito's tone alone, just how severe this situation is.
Kaito fumbles around with his pocket, but of course, his pants don't have deep enough pockets…only his coat—
"It was always assumed that I would give it to Mizael, but since we were taking so long…the right moment never came to us, you know? Truly for the best." he starts to ramble just before another headache can start, "But then it made him think he should get it after all. And even though I know it would be a nice thing, since she died in childbirth and never got to see him…"
Memories of his beloved mother flash through his eyes. Of her kind smile, her melodic laugh, her gentle eyes. Of her cold and lifeless inside a mortuary, accompanied by Kaito holding the new life that would take over the rest of his in his arms.
"I just can't stand it. The thought of giving our precious mother's ring away to that harpy. Especially not without an iron-proof prenup that states she HAS to give it back or face legal action if they divorce." he almost sobs, uncaring of how pathetic it sounds. To top it all off, he can feel a tear slip out of his eye, and he doesn't even care enough to wipe it away, "I just can't. That's why I moved here, in the middle of stormy weather, before all of my stuff was here…I wanted to run away…"
Yes, he remembers…that stormy night, screaming with Haruto, putting something in his pocket, getting his car key, and fleeing, just like that. Only for his cellphone to go off while he was driving, and—
The headache hits him full force now, and he's forced to cover his face with his hands. The pain mixed with his emotional state renders him unable to hold his sobs back, just like he couldn't control his crying this afternoon.
Just like before, Yuma comes to his rescue by pulling him into a tender hug, "Shhh, shh." he comforts as he pats Kaito's back, "It's fine. You don't have to do anything, Kaito."
His voice is sincere like always, and Kaito knows Yuma isn't judging him for this weakness like a lot of people would. Maybe even Mizael and Chris. So for once, he truly lets go, and hides his face in the crook of the other's neck, waiting for the pain to pass, and crying as the memories keep coming to him. He's so tired…
"Again, if it's in your possession, it must be because she gave it to you, right? He can't force you to give it up, any more than you can force him to follow your advice." Yuma sagely points out as he waits for Kaito to recover, "Maybe it's mean, but if leaving it in limbo is what makes you feel better…then just do it."
…! ...wai—
"I just don't want to see you this way." he finished off with a whisper. And it's so full of sympathy, so full of hope…
Kaito freezes. He feels the shackles that have been tormenting him from so long finally break apart, and let him breathe for once.
In his heart, he knows it's not as simple as Yuma is saying. For the sake of his conscience, and his relationship with Haruto, he has to man up and face the issue one day. Sooner, rather than later. He knows it, Haruto knows it, everyone in this situation knows it.
But to just hear that he could just not make a choice if he so thought it was in his right…it makes him feel a lot better. Like he has more power in this situation than he realized. And most of all, it alleviates his immense guilt, to have someone else give him his blessing to do just that. By someone as nice and pure as Yuma, no less.
"Thank you." he mouths against the other's skin, then fights to compose himself enough to pull away and whisper, "Thank you, Yuma."
Sure, his voice is more ragged than he ever recalls it being, and his face can't be all that pretty with all the tear tracks either. But at least, it's honest, and he looked Yuma in the eye while doing so.
That's more than he could ever accomplish during all his arguments with Haruto. More than what he gave Mizael during their break-up.
The fact he gets along with this boy better than he did with people he had known for so long…maybe it should make him sad, but at this point…he doesn't think he's ever seen a more beautiful person than Yuma. Yuma, and his bright, honest eyes. Sparkling even in almost complete darkness.
And perhaps, he doesn't look as bad as he thinks, for Yuma smiles and says, "You're welcome." before flinching away a little and going, "Ah…I just realized you're shorter than me. Your eyes shine so brightly even in this darkness…"
Not only can that not be true (because like Kaito observed before, Yuma is the one with shimmering eyes), but it also makes Kaito flinch back. Because…that look…
Is the one Yuma gives him whenever he loses their duels (which is always). The ones he gives when Kaito is babbling about the virtues of having simple black coffee, when Yuma can't even bear to come near the bitter stuff. The one he gives when he and Kaito just quietly lean against each other, hoping that the moonlight outside never reaches them, before Kaito has to inevitably go back to sleep.
It's the look that shows that Yuma IS interested in him in that way too. No maybe about it; Kaito has been the object of other's lust and unfounded crushes far too often to mistake it for anything else. That is the look Droite used to give him back in their school days…
And it's dangerous, because unlike with her, Kaito wants to reciprocate. Is likely already doing it with his own eyes. But the age difference—
Suddenly, the air feels cold around him. He can hear the rain around him, the water flooding his ears, wanting to throw his phone out the window, desperately trying to grab a hand he can't reach—
Save for the stars, many of them likely long dead, there is no light around them. Everything is eerily silent, because not even nature wants to be so close to the edge of a cliff.
There's nothing around them to witness this sin. Most importantly, no one else but them.
So…he comes to a decision.
"You must be talking about yourself." he almost purrs, trying to sound as seductive as he can and hoping he isn't failing miserably at it. Then he begins to lean forward very slowly, "Hey…Yuma…"
There's no mistaking his trajectory. Yet, he is giving Yuma enough time to pull away and make his own choice.
Yuma responds by closing his eyes and slowly moving forward too. Eventually, their lips lock, and lost in the moment, Kaito closes his own eyes too.
He finally feels warm since he moved in here. Happy. Safe.
So why does the whole world seem to tremble around them, as if the fact they touched made everything else fade around them?
A/N: Cover art was about this chapter, but it's not letting me upload it still. For those curious, follow the ao3 link on my profile, and check out the end of that chapter on there. Not much else I can do, really.