Shayera stifled a pained yelp from escaping her throat as she rolled up the jeans on her right leg. She ripped her crudely handmade bandage off and gently ran her fingers over the wound on her right calf. It hadn't stopped bleeding the entire night, neither did the one to her wing.
The gunshot wounds she had sustained were burning. Thankfully, within the same night, Shayera had found a pharmacy in the adjacent town over. She had easily broken in but had been spooked off the second she heard a nearby police siren not even a minute into walking into the store. All she managed to grab was one roll of gauze before she fled as fast as she could. Shayera knew she couldn't risk anymore injuries, especially gunshot wounds.
She deeply inhaled as she looked at the river before her. This was the last way she wanted to clean the wound. There was no telling what bacteria was in the water. Shayera tentatively placed her fingers in the water before immediately jerking her hand back. The water was still ice cold. Apparently the spring weather hadn't warmed it much.
Shayera lightly scowled as she knelt down in front of the stream. She had to keep reminding herself that she didn't have a choice. This was the best she could do.
The Thanagarian felt an involuntary shiver run down her spine as the frigid water ran over the wound. She ripped another piece off of her t-shirt and dried the wound before she wrapped the gauze bandaging around it.
Shayera contemplated wrapping the electric burn on her stomach but sided against it. She figured the gauze would only prove to serve more as an annoyance than anything else. What she needed was antibacterial and burn ointment at this point. Especially for her wing as there was no way she could wrap gauze bandaging around the wound. For now, she was going to have to try to keep the wounds as clean as possible.
Shayera frowned as she saw that some blood was beginning to lightly seep through the bandaging already. Knowing there wasn't much more she could do, Shayera took to the sky once more with a sigh. The sky around her was taking on a reddish hue, signaling the sunrise off in the distance.
She didn't know what it was about sunrises that she loved. All she knew was that they made her feel at peace and that she loved the tones the sky was colored right before the sun would officially rise. They somehow captivated her and she was drawn by the beauty that surrounded them.
She also new that sunrises were supposed to signal new beginnings. She had heard of a saying of some sort that past mistakes were all forgiven and that the person was granted a new beginning each and everyday. Shayera let out a cynical, short laugh at the mere thought.
There were no new beginnings in store for her. She deserved no forgiveness for her actions, neither on Earth or Thanagar. She had fallen far from grace. She had lost all of her glory.
It was odd. Shayera still had to wonder the various outcomes should she had acted differently. Would the war have really been won if the Hyperspace Bypass had been used? Would Karna currently be under Thanagarian rule? Would Thanagar had still fallen even if the Bypass had been used?
The Thanagarian Empire had said that a Thanagarian soldier's life was one of sacrifice. Which Shayera had found to be quite true. They were to be the protectors, champions, and defenders of Thanagar. Those at the top, like her and Hro, were regarded by many as the shapers of the Empire's future. Some would even go so far as to say that one Thanagarian could shape events of the next few hundred years. Another fact Shayera found to be entirely true.
Shayera had certainly accomplished that and it had only taken her a few weeks to do so.
Most importantly she had fulfilled her first obligation as a soldier.
Sacrifice.
And sacrifice she did. She made her own sacrifices during war before. To fight against enemies who only appeared to grow stronger. To avenge her fallen comrades. To make a better tomorrow for the next generation she swore to protect. To defend her homeworld no matter the cost. She had sacrificed her morals as she did so.
The five years she had spent on Earth was like living in a dream. She momentarily forgot the hardships she had went through. She forgot the bloodshed she had seen and caused. Losing herself to the peacefulness of Earth was like a breath of fresh air to her. It had given her hope for the first time in her life. The Justice League had given her a higher purpose in life than the Thanagarian military had. For once in her life, Shayera had felt as though she was making a difference for those she protected.
The past few days, Shayera questioned herself time and time again. Did she regret her choice? Did she regret the sacrifice that she had made? If she could go back and do it again, would she still choose Earth despite knowing the pain and suffering she would endure? Was losing Thanagar worth that sacrifice?
She found that she couldn't come up with any answers. She truly didn't know at all what she would choose at this point.
Her current journey began with a simple decision that she hardly thought through. It had been a spur of the moment decision. Shayera found it to be easier to run away from the damage she had created rather than face it head on. She was scared to see just what the Thanagarians had done while they were on Earth. She feared what they had done to the humans.
Shayera also still didn't know who or what she was looking for. Many times she wondered if there would be anyone or thing she could go to on this planet. She desperately wished to believe there would be eventually. She would miraculously just find her way somehow.
Why did the Justice League even spare her afterwards? Another question that she could not stop asking herself.
She was a betrayer of innocents, their enemy. How could they have not voted her out? They shouldn't have let her leave. They should have taken vengeance for the pain she had caused them. The pain she had caused the Earth.
Perhaps they had been able to read the disgust on her face that she had for herself. Perhaps they saw the despair that had hounded her, the depths of desolation she had sunk herself into.
She recognized her own growing hatred for the Thanagarian soldiers who had come to Earth in order to just destroy it. She recognized her own hunger for their deaths and the dark pleasure she would have taken in killing them in retribution. She also recognized the self-loathing which had caused her to run from Wayne Manor, seeking something to fill the emptiness that bored into her heart and soul.
Shayera scowled. She hated herself for what she had done. She hated herself for what she was.
She also partially blamed her actions on the humans' influence on her over the years. Encouraging emotions and thoughts within her that were not there before. She still couldn't understand why she had fallen for a human, for a Green Lantern, of all people. Why couldn't she just leave her thoughts and feelings for him behind? He obliviously did so with his. He didn't care what happened to her at this point. He was probably glad that she was long gone. He wouldn't care if she never returned.
A Thanagarian soldier's life was nothing but sacrifice. They were taught that as young children. Shayera had sacrificed Hro. She had sacrificed him for another man who now did not want her. Who did not love her in return. John would not return to her and Shayera was convinced that he never would. She would never...
There were some things that were often left better unsaid. Perhaps this was one of them. She still loved him with her entire being. Nothing could ever change that.
If ever two lost souls needed each other, Shayera believed it was them. There was just something that had pulled her towards him when they had first met. It had annoyed her. She didn't know how to interpret those feelings at first.
At least she could remember her time with him fondly, remember him as the one who let her feel true love for the first time in her life, and remember him as the one who had touched her life the greatest.
And how he touched her heart.
In the end, her memories were all she could take along with her. They would be her only companions going forward.
She may not feel honor anymore and, she may never feel it again, but Shayera was still a soldier at her core. It was second nature for her to sacrifice again.
That was why she could easily leave her family behind. She knew they had to be angry with her but it had to be done. She didn't have a place among them anymore.
A Thanagarian soldier's life was nothing but sacrifice. They gave up everything to protect their home and those they cared about.
Shayera let out a sigh as her expression fell. She had nothing left in her life. She had lost everything she held dear. She had sacrificed everything she could.
Shayera soared higher above the clouds and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She closed her eyes for a while and thought hard. Minutes ticked past before she sighed once again and looked ahead of her. She wanted to rest but she had a long journey ahead of her and it was best to get an early start.