Title: Shatter
Author: ani
Word count: 487
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: it's CLAMP's universe, I'm only playing in it.
Warning: alittle ooc, angsty
He wasn't too surprised to find Yuko waiting at the gate when he finally looked up. But why was it dark already?
She gave him a caring look and a gentle smile before sending him home, the job could wait.
But all he could do was stand there in the dark, still wearing his coat, still holding his bag, still in his shoes.
It wasn't the shock, it was the confusion.
He'd never really thought about it. Sure, he grumbled about the fan club, all the attention… Doumeki could have his pick of any of the girls at school. But he never wondered why he didn't.
Why he was so distant, such a loner.
It could have been the whole temple thing.
"But his grandfather was head priest… It's not like he couldn't…" he mumbled.
He had admitted and accepted he didn't have many friends thanks to his weird nickname. You'd think being 'One of the Seven Wonders' would be a good thing. But Himawari-chan…
… was the only one who wanted to…
"No… who tried…"
even that didn't sound right. No matter how hard he tried, he could not remember why he started that first fight with Doumeki. He wasn't even sure why he hated him so much. He knows he should be grateful about the warding and the rescues. And, as much as he grumbled about it, he secretly took the lunches as a challenge – especially when they were out-of-season.
Maybe his fawning over Himawari…
He keeps getting hurt, risking his life.
Protecting me… saving me.
"They died trying to save me."
He was surprised when he realized he never really thought about his future. Sure, he worried about his assignments, the bills, when he'd finally get his wish fulfilled. But never about the life he wanted, the whole 'What I wanna be when I grow up'. He'd been taking care of himself for so long now, that the only time he really felt his age was at school…
"And with…"
he had chalked it up to the whole temple thing again as to why he kept turning to Doumeki for advice, confiding in him. Or was it Yuko's insistence that he be friends with him, they could help each other. He was right: he never questioned any of it, never argued, never fought, nothing.
"Blind faith…"
but he always believed; did whatever was asked of him. Sometimes what wasn't. he accepted everything – even the rants and insults (throwing more than enough back) – like it was nothing. As normal as breathing, as common as the sun rising. Like it was always a part of his life.
Like he wanted it to always be.
"But he keeps… I keep hurting him."
Directly. Indirectly.
Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally…
Every pain he's endured is because of me
"And now he's…"
he never thought…
he didn't want to… but he did.
He couldn't…
"He'll only get hurt again."
But he's…