I'm sad, and I wanted angsty!Fuery, but I can't write angst tonight. Where the hell did my angst go? -looks back at his FFN account- Oh yeah, that Gundam Wing fic. Righto. Oh yeah, embarrassing Fuery is my new hobby. Can you tell? Oh, and watch out for the italicization. It's killer in this one. Rock! I heart italics. Sleepy time.

Oh yeah. And ULTRA-thanks to Shion-san for the lovely reviews. Lovely lovely heart heart.

Disclaimer: I'm looking for a boyfriend. Do you think I care that I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist?

Two hundred seventy-two words: Non-Fiction

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Sergeant Major Kain Fuery was licking an ashtray.

No, really, Fuery was licking an ashtray.

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc's ashtray, to be precise. Who else would have an ashtray in this office?

But really…licking an ashtray.

Hawkeye scoffed loudly and had to stifle a smile – not that it took much effort – when Fuery leapt almost a foot into the air and dropped the ceramic ashtray to the floor, where it shattered. He spun, twirled really, making three revolutions before he stopped at attention and saluted. "Ah – Lieutenant Hawkeye," he said, obviously abashed and red as a cherry tomato. "I can…I can explain."

"No, you can't," she told him matter-of-factly. "And I'd suggest that you don't try." What was she in here for, again, before she had caught Fuery in his ashtray-licking frenzy. Oh, yes. More paperwork, that was right. "You should pick that up," she added, waving at the shattered mess on the ground. Ch, forget the paperwork. Deal with it later. Take up Mustang's motto and do it later. Later, Riza, later. Leave Fuery to his ashtray. Er, Havoc's ashtray.

With a hand to her forehead, Hawkeye said, "Carry on," and turned abruptly, stalking back out the door. Usually she didn't let her thoughts get that jumbled – Riza Hawkeye, unlike many people (read 'men') she knew, was fairly organized. Of course, perhaps jumbled thoughts were just a part of walking in on Fuery having a rather intimate moment with an ashtray.

That could be the name of a bad romance novel, she mused: An Intimate Moment with an Ashtray.

By Riza Hawkeye.

She didn't bother to stifle the snigger that followed.