Shayera found that the rising steam and the sound of the water rushing over her was rather calming. She let out a soft sigh and closed her eyes as she listened intently to the water as it flowed down the drain. That sound alone was almost soothing. It had been so long since she last took a shower. It was a simple shower but after so long it meant more to her than most things at the moment.
The hot water poured down over her sore muscles. The heat helped to loosen the tension throughout her body but the force of the water pelting down made the burns on her arms, shoulder, and wing sting.
Shayera leaned her head against the smooth tiled wall of the shower and just let her mind wander. Oddly enough the shower was the only place where she found that her thoughts could always flow freely. Here there was no need to come up with elaborate lies to escape from the intricate web of fabricated stories she had told. In here she didn't need to be the disgraced Lieutenant Hol of Thanagar or even Hawkgirl the former founder of the Justice League. In here she was just regular Shayera Hol. In here she could pretend that Hawkgirl and Lieutenant Hol had never existed.
As she stood there her life seemed to become considerably less complicated. There was no need to think ahead and for that small moment everything seemed so simple and so...normal.
Shayera frowned and opened her eyes. Normal was never a word she used to describe her life, not even when she was younger and still on Thanagar.
Shayera lightly shook her head and casted away the thoughts that had just entered her mind. She involuntarily shivered despite the hot water. She knew she still had that fever that just wouldn't go away. None of the spells Inza had tried seemed to rid her completely of the infection. Her wounds were still slowly healing, too slowly for a Thanagarian. Shayera couldn't blame Inza for the lack of success. The woman had tried everything since Fate had brought her to that tower four days beforehand.
Though Shayera could tell that the spells were very slowly working. The cuts on her arms were nearly completely gone and didn't even leave so much as a scar. The Nth metal burn on her stomach however did leave a very light and jagged scar over her skin. Shayera figured that was going to be her daily reminder of what she had done and how many she had betrayed.
Shayera let out a deep sigh as she resisted the urge to slam her fist against the tile. For now she'd enjoy the shower while she had the opportunity to.
The Tower of Fate was definitely a strange place. Its corridors were dark and there was a sinister atmosphere throughout the halls despite being home to a Lord of Order. Shayera found it to be rather ominous and unsettling.
On the other hand, there was a comfortable bed, clean clothes, and plenty of edible food that was actually nourishing for a change. Though Shayera still hardly ate throughout the day. She only ate enough to stave off her hunger. She felt too rundown and tired to eat. The Thanagarian knew this wasn't helping the healing process. Her body needed nutrients in order to heal.
"I see you're up and walking for a change," Shayera immediately stopped in her tracks as she heard Doctor Fate behind her. "That's encouraging to see."
She swallowed and turned her head towards him, "I just...I didn't feel like laying around all day for once. Besides, my back and wings were getting stiff."
Fate figured this was only a partial truth but did not press the topic. He knew she was scoping the tower out to find the exits. He instead simply nodded, "I see. Might I suggest you stretch out fully then. If you continue down this hallway, the last door to the left is the garden. There will be more than enough room for you to fly there. With any luck Inza will be there. That tends to be her favorite area within this tower."
"Right," Shayera quietly replied as she averted her gaze. "Um...thanks."
"You're very welcome Shayera," Fate walked past her. "I'll be off then. Don't be afraid to enter that garden. You may find your time there enlightening."
"You won't find me meditating in there if that's what you mean by enlightening," Shayera stated with an eyeroll.
"I see your quick wit is making a recovery as your body does," Fate stated with a small amount of humor. "Perhaps a better term I should have used instead was cathartic."
Shayera took a deep breath and exhaled before opening the door Fate had directed her to. She entered the 'room' to be greeted by Inza. Though Shayera was in too much shock of the landscape before her to acknowledge Inza at first. Shayera instead silently entered the domain as she looked around in astonishment.
Inza looked over their surroundings before turning back towards the Thanagarian. She lightly smiled as she spoke, "This room's magic can react to the psychological desire of the being within its realm. I myself cannot say where this place is but I will say the landscape is beautiful. It compliments my garden quite well."
"It's..." Shayera took in a shaky breath and swallowed before she continued. "It's Thanagar or at least how I remember it."
Inza paused for moment before continuing, "Your homeworld. It's quite picturesque. Where on Thanagar is this?"
"Veil of Valmorra," Shayera quietly replied as she looked over her shoulder at the gentle waterfall flowing behind them. "At one point in time there was a giant waterfall on Thanagar but by the time I was born it had already dwindled away to what you're seeing now. Surrounding Valmorra was a...I guess you humans would call it a canyon."
"A rather peaceful place I must say for a warlike planet," Inza commented. "Did you frequently go there?"
Shayera nodded, "Often enough to clear my mind whenever I needed to. It was always quiet and I always could think clearly there. Those canyons were also where we were trained how to fly when we were young."
"So I see it does hold sentimental value to you."
Shayera lightly frowned as her brows furrowed, "All of Thanagar does, not just here."
"I apologize," Inza bowed her head slightly. "I didn't mean it in that way. I can only imagine how hard it would be to lose the place you considered your home."
"It wasn't," the Thanagarian muttered.
Inza raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry Shayera but could you speak up? I couldn't quite hear you."
"No it's just," Shayera let out a deep sigh. "It's ridiculous. I was born and raised on Thanagar yet I still..." she looked away with a look of remorse. "I saw Thanagar as only a place to fight for but I never knew just what I was always fighting for. I wasn't fighting for myself or for anyone else during war. On Earth I had a reason to fight. I had a sense of duty to protect the humans who couldn't protect themselves. Then once we formed the Justice League I had a family to fight for."
Inza was silent for a moment, "Feelings can be fickle that way Shayera. What other differences did you see between the two worlds?"
"As I said Thanagar was a place to fight for but just for the sake of war I suppose. On Earth I had a chance of an actual future to fight for," Shayera paused for a moment before continuing. "Something I had always wanted but couldn't have on Thanagar."
"Which was?" Inza inquired. When the Thanagarian didn't answer, Inza pressed on, "Shayera?"
"That's one of our two moons," Shayera stated as she looked up into the sky. "Ryngor, it was always larger than the other moon Kalmor. At least that's how I remember it to be."
"Ignoring your issues won't fix them Shayera," Inza said to her as she gently placed her hand on her shoulder. "Ignoring your troubles may have served as a deterrent for feeling negative emotions in the past but you can no longer do so."
Shayera sighed, "How do I even fix any of this? I can't even begin to apologize enough to the Justice League, never mind the people of Earth, for what I've done. I don't deserve their forgiveness."
"I can't answer that question for you Shayera. As the saying goes, you've made your bed and now you must lay in it."
Shayera raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that a bit harsh for a pep talk?"
Inza lightly chuckled, "It's just a saying Shayera. What I meant is that you must discover the solution for yourself. Only you can do so. It won't be easy nor will it necessarily bring you absolute joy in the end. The road to redemption is typically painful and long. You may never even see the fruits of that effort while you are still living."
"Wouldn't that make any effort I put into this hopeless then?" Shayera asked. "Why would I even bother at that point?"
"Even in the darkest of nights there's always hope," Inza stated as she began to walk towards the exit. She then paused and looked at the Thanagarian, "The fact that you are still here and never left the tower after your first night means you still have hope within you Shayera Hol."