Coming Clean
Pt 1

Sharon debated the merits of sending the text message she had written so much that the screen tried to switch itself off three times. What she was contemplating was certainly a breach of etiquette. Didn't he just remind her to keep their off the clock stuff away from their on the clock stuff? Would the message read as pressurizing?

She was overthinking again, she knew. However, things used to be clearer when your work phone and your personal phone were two different devices. She almost missed the extra bulk the second phone brought to her purse and pockets.

On the fourth try the screen succeeded in turning itself off. Sharon let it remain so while she re-evaluated her options. She could ask Andy in passing when he came back in. She could leave him a note. She could dismiss her idea completely. Or she could be a grown woman and actually send the innocent little message. What was the worst that could happen?

Sharon rolled her eyes and sent the message.

'Could we meet after work? I think we should talk.'

Waiting for him to read it, Sharon backed out of the conversation. She re-read the message previews listed and, on a whim, accessed the conversation she had with Nicole. The most recent messages were from her, only a couple of hours old. There was a photo of the boys standing side by side in what was unmistakably Spanish fourth, looking off the camera and to the right. Behind them stood their dance teacher, hands on his hips and a frown on his face. The photo made her laugh but also insanely proud. That was even without the caption. 'Thank you?' complete with a rolling eyes emoji. Nicole had followed the comment with another message, containing an emoji, this time one with tears of joy, and accompanied it with a simple heart. The addition of that simple red blob melted her heart all over again.

What didn't melt her heart was Andy's reply as it popped up on the screen.

'Not tonight.'

The three dots following it softened the blow somewhat.

'Meeting at seven, need a change of clothes.'

'Can swing by yours, if OK?' Sharon replied as quickly as her fingers worked.

The three dots stayed on the screen longer than she wanted, then, 'Sure thing.'

How he spent a minute typing that, Sharon didn't want to consider. The main thing was that he responded, and in the affirmative. Feeling lighter, she navigated back to Nicole's thread and sent her a quick reply, complete with red blobs of her own. She hoped to see the boys again soon, but absent any plans, didn't know when to make it happen. And before she could think of those plans, she had to find a solution to this situation with Andy. She was disappointed in them, both of them, for losing the unity they had before. No matter what they did these days, they were always out of sync. Like she had suspected that night on the beach after their first kiss, there would be a lot of talking in their future. Sharon tried to push all that out of her mind for now.

It was almost six when she made it to Andy's, ahead of him. He had hurried out as soon as he was allowed and barely had time to inform her he would quickly stop at the store on the way home. She hadn't rushed, waiting out the downpour in the downstairs lobby of the PAB. On arriving at Andy's, the sky was still dark gray, but the rain had eased into few heavy, drunk drops lazily barreling towards the ground. Sharon parked her car curbside and hurried across Andy's tiny lawn to wait on his porch.

Despite the short distance Sharon could feel her hair sponging in all the moisture in the county. She was sure she could hear the curling as she took a seat on the rattan chair Andy had tucked in the darkest corner of his porch. Briefly she wondered if the chair was there for a reason as sitting down she could barely see anything but the edge of the railing and the tops of the greenery framing the house. She took the lack of view as an opportunity to think about what she wanted to say. Whatever it was going to be, it had to fit into fifteen minutes or less, depending on how long Andy was in arriving.

Only a few minutes later Andy's car pulled on the driveway. Sharon stayed sitting in silence until Andy strode on the porch and stopped on the top step.

"This isn't your usual meeting night."

"No, I promised a friend help to run things tonight."

Sharon nodded and tried to get her thoughts in order. As soon as she saw him her heart rate had jumped and whatever she had managed to plan flew out of her mind. The impulse to get up and leave without any discussion was strong.

"What did you want, Sharon?"

"We didn't finish our conversation." She looked up and licked her lips, looking for a place to start. "I was married for thirty years. Attached to a relationship that barely carried through five. And then it took another five for me to even think to file for separation."

"I know all this, Sharon."

"You do. But you need to understand what's behind all that." She took a deep breath before plunging in. "Me. I'm the problem. I can be so socially awkward it's pitiful. I can be so passive it looks like I don't care. I married my first real boyfriend because I thought it was the expected thing to do even if there were warning signs. I didn't want to see them, I wanted to keep safe and comfortable, to keep going with what I knew. Change is scary.

"If I look back on last year, there are so many little things I didn't want to see just to keep from having to rethink us. Now, we're here and I need to accept them, the change." Sharon, exhausted, reached into her inside breast pocket to pull out a paper which she extended in Andy's direction. After everything her hand wasn't as steady as she might have wished.

Andy didn't react in any visible way. He was looking at her thoughtfully but didn't reach for the paper. To some extent he knew it had been hard for Sharon to even hint at the reasons behind her reluctance, but at the same time the issues between them remained.

"Are you sure?"

"Why would you think I had the memo printed if I didn't want you to sign it?" A hint of frustration was starting to seep in her voice. "Take it. Please."

"Is this about me? Or about you?"

"I thought this, if anything, is about us!" Sharon took a calming breath and pulled back to herself. "I thought we were finally on the same page, but apparently not. I'm wanting to move on. Clearly I misunderstood your interest."

Resigned, Andy sighed and perched on the railing. "We both know I'm interested. Very interested. Fuck. The thing is, Sharon, I'm interested but not keen on backtracking."

Sharon was gobsmacked. "You doubt me."

Andy spread his hands and gave her an apologetic shrug.

She hadn't thought that he could be so unsure of her. Sharon took a moment to think about that, letting her eyes go a little glassy. In her mind they were just a little out of step with one another, but she had thought they were both seeing the same path ahead of them. This sounded more like for Andy their relationship was missing the most basic of foundations. She shook her head and extended the paper towards Andy again.

"This is not to keep you."

"Sure about that?"

"Andy, like it or not, this will change our careers. Granted, there isn't much for them to head towards anyway, but if you sign this, there'll be even less." She had a hard time getting him to understand what he meant to her, to see that she understood all the ramifications of the path she had chosen. "I have nothing but my career and my grown kids, even Rusty's getting ready to fly, and I still prefer you sign. Despite everything I've wanted."

"Sharon, I don't want you to go out as a Captain. Not because of me. Not because you think this the next logical step to prove yourself to me. Technically nothing's happened yet. There's no rush."

"Why wait?"

"Well, maybe you should first... Well, maybe we..." He completed the thought with a gesture between, ears turning a little red.

"I don't need a test drive," she said with a smile at his flustering. "Despite everything, I prefer you to... not you."

"You could adjust first."

"That's a process," she said with a flippant hand gesture of her own. "Andy, what I need to adjust to, is to having someone to share things with. Intimate things." Noticing Andy's expression, she rolled her eyes. "Not just physical things, Andy!

"Compartmentalizing has worked well for me, but you don't seem to want to stay in the box I've put you in. And right now I don't have a box labelled 'that infuriating Lieutenant who will sooner or later destroy my career, who also happens to be my best friend, my sorta maybe boyfriend for whom I need a better label when I can think as he's also a thoroughly distracting sexy beast who makes my brain not really think what it's supposed to think'. That's too many words for one box. And at the same time not enough for you."

He got up with a smug smile on his face and swaggered closer to her chair. "You think I'm sexy."

She rolled her eyes again. "That's the part you took from all that."

"Hey, it's a pretty important part!" He leaned in to touch noses and grabbed the memo from her lax hand. "Give me that." He read it over, noticing the fold lines were different from what he had made which led him to think it was another copy. It made him feel a bit better, like she really knew what she was doing. He studied her eyes to confirm that. She met his open and straight, calm and at ease. "Got a pen?"

Sharon reached into her pocket again, produced one and handed it over for his signature. Andy signed it without hesitation, folded the memo and handed both back. While she put them away, he kept looking at her, then reached for her hair and tugged on a strand.

"I like your hair."

"Don't," she responded and gathered all she could in one hand. "It's a fright."

"It's not!" He reached for it again, fluffing the ends of her temporary pony. "I like it curly."

"You do?"

"Especially a little messy. So sexy," he breathed and leaned closer. Andy's eyes dropped to her lips. "Goes with your petal pink lips."

Anticipating a kiss, Sharon tucked her chin down and tried ducking around his lips. With a laughter in her voice she reminded him, "I thought you didn't have time for me today!"

"Crap, I don't. What's the time?" Andy flicked his wrist to see it being too close to seven for comfort but seeing her wetting her lips and the bright smile directed at him, he got second thoughts. "Although, I can be a little late..."

"You can't!" Sharon pushed at his chest gently. He barely made space for her to stand up, but that was alright, as she really missed the sense of closeness between them. She reached for his tie, straightened it despite it already being perfectly straight and left her fingers on his chest. "We good?"

Andy slid his arms around her and started to back towards the door. "We always good."

Sharon rolled her eyes again, for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past minute but softened it with a tug on his lapels. "I can be difficult," she reminded him, getting only a hum in reply. "There will be times you don't understand me, at all. Times I will close you off and drive you crazy."

"Driving me crazy right now."

Now it was her turn to hum, especially after his lips met hers in a lingering kiss. When they parted, she patted his chest and stepped out of his arms.

"Go to your meeting."

He responded with a creative expletive to which Sharon could only laugh.

Andy watched her leave, walking across the yard to her car.

"Sharon?" he called as she was opening her door. "Dinner, tomorrow?"

She shot him another radiant smile. "Maybe."