"So, what's the game plan mido-bro?" Mineta asked as he climbed atop the mimes' shoulders in preparation for the calvary battle.
Izuku looked around the arena carefully sizing up his opponents. The only students he saw that would actually pose a challenge for him were his girlfriend, and Bakugou. Not because they measured up to his skill and strength. No, what they held over him were some very efficient seduction and blackmailing skills.
Oh, who was he kidding they weren't actually going to beat him, but it was cute that they thought they had a chance.
Those two are so adorable trying to go up against me.
"That fucking nerd is looking down on us man hands" Bakugou grumbled.
"No, he's not, he has a little respect- oh wait never mind he just created a platform so he can look down on us" Kendo sighed.
"Ima kick his ass, and you're helping me" Bakugou ordered.
"Yeah, yeah. We both know I'm just going to flash him to distract him" Kendo mumbled.
"HEY IF IT AINT BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!" Bakugou growled.
"You comfy up there Mineta?" Izuku asked.
"All good!"
"Awesome, now I just gotta make some of these, and prepare that, and boom!" Izuku said.
Mineta stared at the space around him unsure of what "exactly" his friend had just prepared but didn't really question it either. Given the fact Izuku was the strongest student in 1A, Mineta saw no reason to doubt whatever his mime bro was doing. He knew in the end they were probably going to end up placing first anyways.
"Alright then! Here's your fishing pole Mineta and here's mine. Alright Mineta-you ready to go fishing?"
Mineta stared at his friend bewildered by what he meant. How the hell were they going to go fishing in the middle of the cavalry battle. Granted, with Midoriya's insane power no one would even be able to get near them, he was still confused on how they were going to fish.
"Uh Mido-bro how are we going fishing and for what?"
"With the fishing poles I just made, duh?" Izuku said as if that wasn't already obvious. "And well for whatever catches our fancy" he smiled.
"Alright, listen up you fuckin extras! The only ones here who truly know that nerd's shitty ass true power is me and man hands here. So, here's how its gonna go. I'll be on top, with man hands in front for when we decide to go on the offense."
"Yaomomo we'll need you and Kirishima in the back for support/defense, got it?" Kendo explained.
The two 1-A students nodded their head in agreement at the plan.
"Not that I don't trust you're plan, Bakugou, but my quirk is very versatile therefore I think I should be in front for offense don't you think?" Momo questioned.
Bakugou and Kendo both turned to the heiress and shook their heads. "No, because if there's anything that can possibly distract Midoriya enough to lower his guards its-
"My boobs" Kendo revealed, stripping off her UA jersey to reveal a thin white tank top, much to the shock of her team mates, well all but one. Bakugou already knew if they were to have any chance of winning this, man hands breast were the way to go.
Momo stared at Kendo appalled, how could she ever degrade herself in front of so many people watching.
"Yea-" Bakugou froze a moment before he zeroed in on what could possibly seal their victory.
"Holy shit, man hands I just got the craziest idea." Bakugou said smiling evilly.
Kendo looked at Bakugou, skeptically. When she turned to see what he had been eyeing she knew they had all but won the cavalry battle.
"Alright, change of plans everyone" Bakugou and Kendo said at the same time.
Line break
"TIMES UP! Looks like everyone has formed teams, so without further ado let the calvary battle BEGIN!" Midnight announced.
"CHAAAARGE!" Monoma yelled, heading straight for Izuku and Mineta. While it seemed weird that the two teammates weren't moving from their spot despite over 30 students rushing towards them, the few who stayed behind knew that the reason Izuku had no qualms about the rush of opponents heading towards him was because he was already protected from everyone.
"Ribbit, we're staying away from Deku right?" Tsuyu asked.
"Definitely." Shoji said as he and Tsuyu rushed after those still trying to decide who to go after.
"So, you see, you just whip it back like this" Izuku demonstrated, "then when you feel a pull on it you pull back and whoa! Not what I was aiming for but still quite the catch am I right Mineta!" Izuku chuckled, showing Mineta the fruits of his labor.
In Izukus hands was a ruby red sports bra that seemed to be for someone with quite the rack.
"Oh boy whoever this belonged to has some big boobs" Mineta drooled.
"Tell me about it. So anyways, you get the idea of how to use the fishing poles in order to snag the headbands right?" Izuku explained, ignoring the girlish screaming not that far from them.
"Hell yeah, this is gonna be an easy win for us!" Mineta cheered as he and Izuku positioned themselves for some "fishing".
"Alright ready extras! When I say go, ponytails gonna use that jetpack to propel us forward then-
"AHHHHH!"
"What happened Momo? Why are you screaming?" Kendo shouted worried.
"My sports bra is GONE! Who took my sports bra!" Momo cried.
Kendo and Bakugo both looked at eachother before shaking their heads. They already knew who did, and were already planning on how to punish the idiot.
"Don't worry Momo we'll get your bra back." Kendo sighed.
"How was that even possible?!" she cried.
The two veterans of Izukus antics merely shrugged. Even they were confused at the mechanics of the boy's quirk.
"Look just like make a new one and prepare yourself okay" Kendo consoled. "Oh, but make sure its black alright, Izuku likes that color".
Momo simply nodded her head in resignation, what else could she do but go ahead with their insane plan that she couldn't help but agree would most likely be their best bet at winning.
"Whoa, dude, that's a huge score" Mineta said in awe.
Izuku couldn't help but nod in agreement, "fishing is so fun" Izuku grinned.
"Everyone prepare yourselves. Jiro, you use your whatever power it is you have to throw them off their feet and Ashido toss your acid at the wall Midoriya made. There's no way that thing can handle even acid" Todoroki ordered.
"Kaminari, I want you to use your electricity on them after Ashido melts their shield."
"GOT IT!"
"So, there I was sriracha sauce-on my titties..."
"Stop, stop! Izu-bro you don't even have titties!" Mineta cackled, while watching everyone fail to reach them. At the moment Izuku was retelling a hilarious story and retrieving plenty of headbands at the same time.
"And who said that we men, cannot have the right to label our chest titties too!" Izuku declared.
"My pecs do deserve the right to be labeled titties if I do believe so, or even mommy milkers! Why do only women like Midnight or ryuku or even Mount Lady have the right to label their chest titties! I say no more my friend, from now on I will only-
"Izuku Midoriya, shut the hell up and get back to the competition!" Midnight yelled, embarrassed for the first time in her career.
Izuku stuck his tongue out at the dominatrix hero before continuing on with the game as requested.
Although, at this point it was a one-sided slaughter. Izuku and Mineta had already gathered about a neckful of headbands basically guaranteeing their win. Groups of teams were dropping out of the game like flies. Once they lost their headband, they knew it would be virtually impossible to get it back and just went to sitting on the sidelines with the business students.
Of course, that was those weaklings. A whole different fight was happening on the other side of the field with Todoroki and his team. For some reason despite how far they went they could never get pass a certain point of the field which led them to having to battle almost half the teams that were left. Which wouldn't have been so hard if they all didn't somehow decide to team up and start attacking Todoroki's team.
"Uh, you guys are embarrassing me. I need to get to Midoriya now!"
At first Todoroki had prepared him and his team to go straight to the mime but something had stopped them. Before they could even question what, they were getting attacked on all sides by a multitude of students vying for their headband.
Little did Todoroki know Izuku figured he would be one of candy canes targets and had boxed him and a few others in a giant box. With the way they were all busy attacking the dual powered boy they were none the wiser at the fact they were trapped in a small space.
"Hahaha, good job my boy! TRAPPNG ALL YOUR OPPONENTS IN ONE SPACE IS BRILLAINT!" All Might cheered.
The pros around All Might stared weirdly before finally putting two and two together. The reason it seemed like half the UA students were stuck battling on one side and half on the other was because that mime kid had trapped them like that! Just how powerful was this kid?
However, while everyone else assumed the battle was pretty much over with Izuku and Mineta as the winners they had all but forgotten about one team that had been slowly creeping up on the duo with quite a few headbands themselves.
Team Baka- "Shut up Yaomomo, it's our name combined Momo!", was on another level...not really but they had one advantage over izuku that no other team did.
"Alright guys, you ready" Kendo said with a determined glint in her eyes that was overlooked by her slowly unzipping her jersey preparing to strip it off when in front of Izuku.
"You know it, and remember once you get him to look at you strip off that jersey faster than shitty hair can say "red riot".
"Is this really going to work, I mean from what I've learned from spending time with Izuku he seems to be smarter than he looks and that's even while acting like a mime?" Momo questioned, as she too slowly began unzipping her jersey.
"Yeah Izu-bro doesn't seem like he'll fall for a trick like this that easily." Kirishima agreed.
Bakugou and Kendo both began laughing aloud at their friends.
"You'd think huh?" Bakugou chuckled.
"And see, that's the beauty of it. Because he is smart enough to not fall for it, but in the end my breasts win out." Kendo said proudly.
"Ponytail's boobs are just to give us an edge."
Whenever someone asks Mineta about the first round to his first-year sports festival his mind goes blank trying to mentally block out what exactly had happened between him and his idiot teammate. To be fair they didn't technically lose, lose, but it sure felt like they did with how it all went down. They were two minutes away from the round being over, seemed like no time for any turn arounds if you ask him, but boy was he wrong. Instead, he and Izuku Midoriya suffered what had come to be known as the most humiliating defeat in all of UA'S sports festival history.
"Damn sexy boobs."
What's crazier is only those who were actually there know how everything went down because no one was able to record that moment or even witness on their tvs because of some strange commercial that popped up mid show. What luck.
Mineta was in the middle of snagging a head band off a literal horse girl when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was enough to almost make him fall off the shoulders of his teammate which proved to be his ultimate mistake because that made Izuku turn to see what had almost caused Mineta to fall over.
Not too far from where the two idiots stood was Bakugou's team who had come up with a very sketchy plan. However, they agreed to still go through with it despite the criticism they might receive.
"Okay, yaomomo are you ready?"
Yaoyorozu sighed as she finished fully taking off her UA jersey. "Let's do this".
How was she going to explain what was about to happen in the next ten seconds to her family.
"Good, now then, water bottles, shitty hair."
"Already prepared", He nodded.
"Alright shitty hair now!"
After Kendo and Yaomomo took off their UA jersey, bakugou and Kirishima made quick work of their water bottles pouring them over the 1-A and 1-B girl. In seconds, Kendo and Yaoyorozu went from respectable UA students to...well still respectable UA students, just ones who looked like they had joined a wet t-shirt contest.
"What in the hell is going on right now?" Aizawa said flabbergasted by his student's actions.
Nezu merely cackled at the students below, ignoring his peer all together. The students this year were quiet the bunch.
Izuku was in the middle of taking his sixth headband when something from the corner of his eye caught his attention. He tried his best to look away but once he turned his head, he knew he was doomed. Right before his eyes was his girlfriend and best friends team standing idle not even ten feet from where he was battling everyone. This wouldn't have stopped him mid fight had it not been for the fact his girlfriend and class VP looked like they had just come straight from a wet t-shirt contest.
"Holy shit, they just flung their shirt away" Izuku breathed, his momentary lapse in concentration causing his mimed walls to fall. "Oh my god she's shirtless, Mineta loo-wait don't actually look but like imagine. No don't do that either-dude my girlfriend is soaking wet and so is Yaomomo and their boobs are in full vi..."
"AND THAT'S TIME THE WINNER OF THE CAVALRY BATTLE IS TEAM BAKA ,WITH SECOND PLACE GOING TO TEAM MIMEY, THIRD PLACE IS-"
-" Eh. What just happened?" Izuku asked after sobering up. Before he knew it, they were announcing the winners of the cavalry battle and somehow, he had lost, well not lost he still got second place but not first which was supposed to be all but guaranteed. What. Just. Happened?
"YOU GOT PLAYED BY YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND IZU-BRO!" Mineta shouted. The midget student couldn't believe what just happened. One second, they were winning the next Bakugou is soaring over the mime and him to snatch their million-point headband and being pulled back onto his teammates back.
If Mineta didn't get to see two girls practically flash him he'd be so pissed.
"You censored that from the live showing right?" Aizawa asked.
"Oh, as soon as I saw them unzipping their jackets, I put on an All Might commercial for shampoo" Nezu laughed. No way was he gonna let anyone see his students get exposed like that. And anyone who tried to film it will notice that there was a momentary lapse where no electronics were working.
"Come on shitty hair let's go get a drink I'm fucking thirsty from this shitty ass round!"
"HELL YEAH, LETS GO BRO!" Kirishima shouted happily as they left to go celebrate.
"See Yaomomo I told you we'd win" Kendo smiled. Even Bakugou who hardly ever grins, had been smirking at the fact he was able to pull one over on his childhood friend.
"Yes, but at what cost" Yaoyorozu sighed.
"Cost of nothing, you won and you're going to the next round so get over it and accept that this is what some heroes need to do to get one over on their opponent" Izuku explained sagely as he walked up to his former opponents.
Momo's face dropped at such serious words coming from the jokesters. But they hit her quite hard and made her rethink that perhaps what she had just done wasn't so embarrassing and was worthy of her status of hero in training.
"I humbly accept my defeat to such admirable opponents" Izuku winked. "Also, if we could get a picture of you guys like that to memorialize the time, I lost to you via wet t-shirt that would be great."
Kendo slowly sauntered up to her boyfriend with a smile on her face, lifting up his chin by the tip of her finger, and whispering into his ear, "Fat chance."
Izuku fell to the floor red faced, "Critical hit".
authors note
sorry for not updating this story in so long but hope this satisfies you i got alot of people asking for an update and I had a half done draft that i finally said fuck it lemme finish it and boom its done so lemme know what you think comment like and whatever else.