Radek Zelenka was sitting quietly at his desk in the Astrophysics Lab, staring at his computer screen as if it contained the answers to the mystery of life. In reality, Radek's mind was AWOL; he was contemplating the past week's events.
It had seemed like a normal week, relatively speaking, for no week on Atlantis was ever normal. Kavanaugh was sulking in the chemistry labs, keeping out of Dr. McKay's way, still sore after being kicked out of the Astrophysics Lab. Rodney, for his part, gave the impression that he was back to his usual snarky self, sniping at everyone, correcting equations… he even managed to annoy his staff so much his sparked yet another spectacular row between himself and Dr. Winter. Radek smiled at that memory; he had been nearby and broke up the argument before any blood was shed, by rendering both combatants unconscious with a Wraith stunner. Not everybody gets to shoot their boss. It could have been nasty though, he remembered, there wouldn't have been enough left of the two physicists to put into a matchbox for burial, if they'd been left to their own ends.
The Czech was abruptly woken from his mind's wanderings by a loud and excited yell.
"Oy, Radek, the list's full!"
Radek swore in Czech as his tea spilled on the desk, mercifully not on the laptop or papers.
"Am busy, Rodney"
Rodney ignored him, bouncing on the balls of his feet and brandished a piece of paper in Radek's face.
"The Sam Carter List. It's been filled. Do you want to take a look, or would you rather stay staring at the computer like you've been hypnotised?"
Radek groaned, belatedly remembering Rodney's 'brainwave.' "Very well. What mad schemes have the people of Atlantis deigned to scribble on the notice?"
"Let's see… number one, from Lydia Winter… 'Can you build a rocket to which you could strap patronising scientists?' Hmph! She had better not be referring to me!"
"I'm thinking Kavanaugh," said Zelenka tactfully. Rodney grinned, like a hungry shark that's spotted a lone swimmer in the water.
"I'm thinking, I like the way your mind works, Dr. Zelenka. Ok, we'll consider that possible… but just between you and me, I don't think Elizabeth would approve. Ok, next…" Rodney stopped in incredulity, "You won't believe this one… 'Is it really possible to generate finite amounts of probability by hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a Brownian Motion producer and from that, make all the molecules in people's underwear jump one foot to the left, and does it have to use a cup of tea?' Oh, for heaven's sake! Who the bloody hell came up with that?"
Radek peered at the notice. "It is simply signed 'Reefgirl'. I would assume that, whoever she is, she enjoys reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." He looked up at Rodney. "I would also assume that we will not be trying this idea."
"Got that right! Moving swiftly on… 'Can you develop a device that makes paperwork do itself and/or disappear entirely?" Hmmm… I wish! Put it in the 'give it a go' pile. We've all got a vested interest in that…"
Radek laughed at the next suggestion. "Look at this, 'Can I use Kavanaugh as a punch bag during training sessions?' Anonymous…"
"As much as I like the sound of that, I suppose we'll have to just settle for poster pin-ups of his slimy face… they could use them in the target ranges too! Too much paperwork, otherwise…"
"But if we solve the idea before it…"
"True…" Rodney grinned. "'Puddlejumper FM?' Is Colonel Sheppard serious? He wants radios in the puddlejumpers?"
Radek looked thoughtful. "Is possible at least to download a music programme and songs from a laptop into the jumper's programming… essentially, he could listen to his own music collection in flight."
McKay just shook his head. "Whatever keeps the flyboy happy. Ok… 'Can you set up traps in the hallways – such as those in the Indian Jones films.' From a security standpoint, that's one worth considering. Imagine if the Genii got in here again and we could send a giant ball of rock rolling after Koyla…"
"But would such things be possible?"
"We'll find out! Check this… Dr. Davies wants to know if we can use Energizer bunnies instead of ZPMs." At this, Rodney just dissolved into laughter.
The pair of scientists whiled away the rest of the afternoon, happily going through the ideas of the expedition members. The most frequent request was for various ways in which to torture Kavanaugh, which included being set upon by wolves, being sent to another planet, flogging, being left in a room with Ronon etc. There were a few more that Rodney thought were possible, including a gem from Lindsey Novak, 'Can we design space transmitters to act as relay stations between Atlantis and Earth so we can receive TV signals.' Both Rodney and Radek though that it was a long shot and would be difficult to maintain, but worth it if they could receive up-to-date episodes of Wormhole X-treme.
After a few hours, when both physicists were tired but cheerful, they decided to call it a day. Pausing before leaving the lab, Rodney pinned up the notice in a prominent position above his desk. Radek watched him with a smile playing about his lips.
"It has been gnawing at me… Why call it 'The Sam Carter List'?"
"Because Colonel Carter comes up with the most certifiable ideas that I've ever heard of… and they usually work too."
"So you used her name for a list of idiotic ideas? Won't she be offended by that?" questioned Radek.
Rodney just laughed. "Yes, but it's not like she's ever going to see it!"
Radek Zelenka shook his head. Rodney was much happier now, much less stressed out than he'd been a week ago. So what if it took a few crazy ideas to put him back on track? It was much more satisfying to disprove Rodney's theories when he was on the ball, and besides, who knew? Some of those ideas might prove to be useful.
A/N: Thanks to Reefgirl for her suggestion with the Hitchhiker's Guide and to BiteMeTechie for the use of Dr. Winter yet again! I should also point out that the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was written by Douglas Adams, I'm only borrowing it, don't sue, yadda yadda.