Chapter 4: A Bitter Root

*******Friday at Neptune High School*******

Lauren Sinclair walked into school excited about the day. She'd gotten a solo in her choir's winter showcase. She was the only sophomore to get one, and today was the first day of rehearsals. The previous two years had been so unbelievably hard, so awful that she was glad the New Year was starting off so well. Distracted, she hurried to her locker to get her books for her first class. She failed to notice the whispers or looks. Some amused, others concerned. When she got closer to her locker, she finally noticed the wall of students near it. Frowning, she pushed through them.

"Excuse me," she said.

Her friend Sara came up to her, her eyes troubled. "I didn't know if I should take it down or if you'd want to see it. I was going to go get the principal," Sara hastily explained.

Lauren frowned in confusion. "Take what down?" she asked. Then she saw her locker door. A gasp came out of her as she stopped and looked at the poster decorating her locker. It was a picture of her. One where she wasn't smiling. Her eyes looked sad and lonely. However, someone had obviously photo-shopped her image because she was bald in it. An obvious cancer victim. The caption read, "Cancer Girl Given Solo." There were musical notes above the words so that it was clear what it was referring to.

Lauren stood frozen, unable to believe anyone could be so cruel. They had taken something that had meant so much to her and destroyed it. It implied she hadn't earned her solo, but she had been gifted it as a pity gesture for the cancer girl.

Ryan McKenzie had gotten a text as soon as he arrived at school. One of his friends warning him that someone was messing with his sister Lauren. Ryan's hands clenched as he read the message. He and Lauren had instantly connected ever since the whole baby switch revelation had come about. He knew that Mac was not his blood sister but the awful Madison was. He had no use for her. However, he really liked Mac's sister Lauren. She had become like a little sister to him—one he didn't know he wanted. When the rumors had begun circulating about them around school because he was always by her side, he'd proclaimed her a sister since she was his sister's sister. He didn't bother explaining the exact connections to many people—only his closest friends. They knew, though, how protective of her he was. Although Ryan was no 09er, he was immensely popular. One of those guys that all groups liked. He was smart but not too smart. Athletic but not too athletic. Good-looking but not too good-looking. It helped that his best friend Brad was an 09er. Even though they were just sophomores, most people in school knew who they were. It helped that Ryan had started dating a cheerleader recently.

He marched into school ready to do battle. Ryan shoved his way through the ocean of bodies surrounding Lauren's locker. His eyes widened in surprise then anger when he saw the poster on her locker. Lauren seemed immobile as she gazed at it. Reaching for her hand with one hand, he reached out with the other and tore the poster off the locker. He glared at his audience.

"Who put this up?" he demanded. The students surrounding the locker looked around in confusion and denial. He heard giggling nearby and saw his girlfriend Kristen standing with a few other cheerleaders. Kristen looked guilty while Nicole Pomrey and Amanda Bishop looked entirely too pleased with themselves. Ryan suddenly realized this was probably the result of Mean Girl drama. Uncertain how to proceed, he barked, "You guys think this is funny? What's wrong with you? Leave now!"

The students started to scatter as the first bell rang. Ryan looked at Lauren, her eyes filled with unshed tears. He knew she was trying hard to not let them see her cry. He didn't understand girls sometimes. Lauren was the sweetest, kindest girl he'd ever met. And the bravest. He wasn't sure he could've faced what she had so well. Not without being very angry at his fate.

He made a show of tearing the poster into pieces. "Do not waste any of your energy on this crap! That's all it is. Bullshit. Some people don't have anything better to do than drag others down," he told her.

She nodded. She knew this. "I know," she said softly. She struggled to blink back the tears and gave him a grateful look. "I got a solo in the choir's winter showcase. I beat out several upper classmen, including Nicole and Amanda."

Ryan nodded in understanding. "Figures," he said in disgust. "Nicole thinks she's much prettier and talented than she actually is."

Lauren smiled warmly at him. He always managed to find the right thing to say. "Thanks. I better get my books," she said. She didn't voice the thought that was now in her head. Maybe she hadn't earned her solo. Maybe she'd only gotten it because her teacher felt sorry for her. That thought upset her more than the poster.

Ryan waited for her to get her stuff. He slung his arm around her shoulder after she closed her locker door. "Walk me to my locker?" he asked.

She nodded. However, before they could get down the hall, Kristen came up to him. She flashed Ryan a winsome smile and gave Lauren a compassionate one. "I'm so sorry about that, Lauren!" she said. Lauren was never sure how to take Kristen. She always seemed sincere but sometimes Lauren would catch her looking at her with a frown, as if she didn't get why she was hanging with Ryan.

Ryan removed his arm from Lauren and reached out to take Kristen's hand. "We're about to go to my locker. Wanna come?" he asked, smiling at her.

She returned his smile. "Of course," she said as she fell into step with them.

"You need to get some new friends," Ryan said to her. "I don't know why the ones you have now have to be so spiteful and mean."

"We're on the cheerleading squad together," Kristen explained. "That doesn't make them my friends."

Lauren wasn't quite sure about that. She had the three of them in her geometry class. They seemed quite close to her. "Well, I need to get to class," she said carefully, stepping away from Ryan. "I'll see you guys at lunch." She started to walk away, hating to feel like a third wheel, when Ryan reached out and grabbed her hand, stopping her.

He gave her a searching look. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "I'm fine. It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me," she said lightly. Then she regretted her comment when his eyes darkened unhappily. Ryan had never had a family member with cancer. He'd never really lost anyone close to him. Reminders of her sickness always upset him even though her cancer was—in many ways—what had brought them together. "I'm sorry. I just meant it's not a big deal. I'm fine. Thanks, though." She turned and walked down to hall toward class.

Ryan frowned at her retreating back. He hated being reminded that she was in remission for cancer. It wasn't the first remission she had had. It was just the only one that had occurred because of Mac's bone marrow donation. Ryan didn't like to think about what would happen if her leukemia came back. He knew that the survival rate of leukemia was quite high compared to some other forms, but it still frightened and upset him to think about.

Kristen saw his frown and sought to distract him. She rose up on her tip toes and kissed him. When he returned her kiss, she relaxed. Kristen wasn't always sure his feelings toward Lauren Sinclair were brotherly. But they'd only been dating a few weeks. Not nearly long enough to make any waves about his other relationships. She would bide her time.

******Sunday******

Dick walked into his kitchen Sunday morning yawning. He never slept well anymore without Mac next to him. Last night, they'd had dinner together at her favorite restaurant, but he'd been unable to convince her to stay at his place. She wanted to get to work early at Faces before brunch at the Sinclairs. He waved at Weevil, who was sitting at the table drinking coffee and eating a bagel.

"Your coffee in here is better than mine," Weevil said, feeling the need to explain his presence. He really enjoyed the surprisingly cozy pool house, but he still felt uncomfortable in the main house.

Dick grabbed the coffee pot and shrugged. "You can drink whatever you want whenever you want. I've told you that like a million times. You live here," Dick said. He looked at Weevil and noticed he was dressed up. "What's with the clothes? Isn't your place closed on Sundays?"

"Yeah, we don't work on Sundays. I'm going to mass. Jason and Jazmin will be here in a bit to pick me up. We try to go to mass at least once a month," Weevil said. "It makes our grandparents happy. Their grandparents are as devout as my grandmother."

"Mass? Is that like church?" Dick wondered.

Weevil looked at him to see if he was joking. When he realized that Dick honestly didn't know, he shook his head in amazement. "Yes, it's church. Catholic Church. I take it you're not religious?"

"I went to Lily's christening. Lilly Kane's funeral was in a church. Beav's funeral was at the graveside," Dick said. "I consider the ocean my church."

"Don't let my grandmother hear you say that," Weevil said. "Confession is good for the soul. So she tells me."

Dick laughed. He was a bit envious, though, of Weevil's grandmother. He wished he had one. An idea occurred to him. "Do you think I could, like, go with you?" he wondered.

"If you wanted. Sure," Weevil said with a shrug.

"You don't have to be, like, Catholic?" Dick wondered.

"Nah. Anyone can go. Don't take communion, though, unless you feel like it," Weevil advised.

"What time does it start?" Dick asked.

"Well, we were going to go to the ten o'clock mass, but I can call Jaz and tell her eleven," Weevil suggested.

"Good. I'll go wake up Wallace. He can come, too," Dick said with a grin. He drank down his coffee before heading to the stairs. He bounded up them two at a time. He stopped at the first door and banged on it. "Wally-World! Wakey-uppy!" He pushed open the door. Wallace opened his eyes and glared at him.

"Dude, what's your deal? I got up at the crack of dawn yesterday to go surfing with you! You were supposed to let me sleep in today!" Wallace grumbled.

"It's after nine, dude. I did let you sleep in!" Dick said with a grin. "We're going to go to church with Weevil. There's an eleven o'clock mass."

Wallace sat up and gave him a confused look. "Mass? Us? Why? You're not religious, and I'm not Catholic," Wallace said.

"So. It's all the same right? Baby Jesus and all that?" Dick asked.

"No, it's not the same. Protestants don't do confession or holy water or pray to saints," Wallace said.

"So we won't do any of that. What's the big deal?" Dick inquired.

Wallace looked at him curiously. "What's the sudden interest in church?" Wallace asked. "Is something bothering you?"

"No. Just thought it'd be cool," he replied with a shrug. He had spent a few tormented weeks after his brother died contemplating the existence of hell and whether or not his brother had been sent there or not. Then he figured if God really did exist, He'd surely have compassion on someone who was as messed up as his brother. "You don't have to go if you don't wanna."

Wallace sighed in resignation. "Fine. I'll go. Let me get in the shower," he said. He knew Dick didn't like to do many things without a close friend with him. Wallace figured that stemmed from always taking his brother Cassidy with him everywhere. Unlike Wallace and Darrel, they had been much closer together in age.

Dick grinned. "Cool! I'll have Weevil make us some pancakes," Dick said. He had quickly found out that Weevil's skills in the kitchen far outweighed theirs.

An hour later, they were on a pew in a semi-full church. Neptune only had three Catholic churches. This was the one that was closest to campus and had the most college students. The one Dick had been to before was the one in the 09er district—Duncan's church. Dick had been surprised to see Daisy there with his fraternity brother Chip. He didn't know Chip went to church. They had arrived earlier and were sitting closer to the front. Dick sat at the end of the pew next to Wallace, who was next to Weevil. The twins were on Weevil's other side.

The singing wasn't too bad since they had a really good choir. Dick was really digging the musical arrangement of the voices. As he listened, he realized he hadn't heard a choir since high school. Madison had been in the choir freshmen year before she discovered cheerleading. The church choir, though, sounded better than the choir he recalled from high school. Then the priest started his sermon. This was the part Dick figured would put him to sleep. However, this priest was younger than Duncan's priest and passionate. He managed to keep and hold Dick's attention. The priest was talking about forgiveness and how unforgiveness hurt the wronged party more than the one who wronged you. Unforgiveness led to bitterness and bitterness ate away at the soul.

Dick thought about that. He figured it was a good point. Then the priest started talking about how some people were good at compartmentalizing, putting bad things out of their mind. He said that seemed to be a good solution because the person wasn't as angry or bitter. However, the priest insisted that later on the anger and unforgiveness would spill out, destroying future relationships. It was a bitter root that must be weeded out. The priest ended his sermon suggesting the congregation spend a few moments in silent contemplation or prayer. "Search your heart. Is there anything you're holding onto? Anything that might one day poison your happiness and relationships?" he asked. "If so, face it. Ask God to help you forgive. Only through forgiveness will you be free and happy."

Dick thought about the priest's words. He wondered if he'd forgiven his mom for abandoning him and Cassidy. Had he forgave his dad for encouraging Dick to be cruel to his brother? Had he forgiven himself for not seeing how damaged his brother was? This was on his mind as the service was concluded. He decided he wasn't going to come up with any answers that morning. He'd have to talk to Mac about it. Mac always knew how to make things better whenever he was struggling with something.

Jazmin suggested they go grab some lunch. Even though Dick had eaten before church, he figured hanging out with his friends would be cool.

"That's fine with me," Dick said with a shrug.

Jason agreed. "I'm going to go say hi to Daisy," he said.

He slowly walked to intercept Daisy with her brother Chip. She looked wary when she spotted him. Chip looked annoyed.

"We're going to have to find a new church," Chip said pointedly. Daisy put her hand on her stepbrother's arm in warning. He glared at Jason before moving away to say hi to Dick.

"Sorry about that," Daisy said. "Chip is still kind of mad."

"I get it. I'd be the same way if Weevil hurt Jazmin the way I hurt you," Jason said, a note of sorrow in his voice. "How are you? How was your first week?" He hadn't seen her since the wedding, and he couldn't help but drink her in. She was as beautiful as always. He'd missed seeing her, talking to her, even holding her hand. He clenched his fist so that he wouldn't try to reach for her.

"It was good. How about yours?" she asked.

"Fine. Full," Jason said, dismissing the subject. He really wanted to talk about something more important. Something that mattered. "So what did you think of the sermon?"

"I think it's much easier to preach forgiveness than to do it," she said with a shrug.

"I wish you'd forgive me," Jason said tiredly.

"Forgiveness won't mean things will go back to the way they were," Daisy pointed out. "I don't think we're good for each other." She wasn't sure that was true, but it was all she could think of to say. It hadn't dawned on her when she came into church that he'd be here. He always went to ten o'clock mass. She hadn't had a chance to steel herself.

"You don't?" he asked, looking more upset than she'd have thought over her words.

"Do you?" she asked, instead of answering.

"I thought so. But what do I know?" he said dejectedly. "I'll see you around." Then he turned and walked away.

Daisy found herself shaken by both his words and the pain he seemed to be in. She wanted to forgive him, but she was afraid.

******Mac's Place******

It was late in the afternoon and Madison was due to arrive at any time. She glared at Dick, who sat on the couch with his bowl of popcorn. "There will be no show!" Mac said firmly. "Madison is going to look at the place, take some notes, and talk to Daisy. That's it!"

Dick grinned knowingly. "Keep telling yourself that, babe!" he said as he threw a kernel in his mouth.

Mac rolled her eyes in annoyance. The doorbell rang. "She's here. Behave and don't instigate anything!" she ordered, giving him a pointed look.

"I'll be good. It's not me you should worry about!" Dick said as Daisy came down the stairs.

"Is that the doorbell? Is Madison here?" Daisy asked.

Mac opened the front door. "Yep," she called over her shoulder. "Hey, Madison. Come on in."

Madison managed a smile. She was conflicted about this assignment. Although she knew she needed the project completed for class, she wasn't sure it was a good idea to use Mac's house. On the other hand, her mom was practically beaming with joy and approval when she left the house to come here. Madison knew it was important to both sets of parents that she and Mac get along. Although she still didn't care much about Mac, she wasn't as bad as her best friend Veronica. At least Veronica didn't live here.

"Thanks for letting me do this," Madison said to Mac.

"No problem. You remember Daisy?" Mac said, introducing.

"I'm unforgettable," Daisy said airily, causing Dick to snicker. He watched Madison to see if she'd give her normal snide response. Madison bit her lip. Dick laughed out loud at her restraint. Mac glared at him.

"So let's get started," Mac said. "I'll give you the grand tour."

Daisy decided to let Mac show Madison around, and she sat down on the couch next to Dick. "I can't believe you dated her," Daisy said, wrinkling her nose.

"She could be fun," Dick said. "She got much more unpleasant after Lilly died, though."

"I'm going to enjoy telling her what to do," Daisy said with a grin.

"Yeah, I know you will," Dick said, grinning. "So how come you didn't come hang out with us at lunch?"

"You know why. I don't want to hang out with Jason. It's awkward," Daisy said.

"It doesn't have to be. It wasn't like a small group. With you and Chip there, you wouldn't have had to sit nowhere near him," Dick said. "The priest said you should forgive or you'll be poisoned by bitterness. Don't you think you should get over it by now? It's not like the dude cheated on you or anything. His sister almost died. His dad is majorly scary. Who can blame the guy for needing to take a beat?"

Daisy glared at him. "I do!" she said. "I deserve more than his crumbs."

Dick frowned. "I guess so, but I don't think he was trying to give you crumbs. He was just scared. I know I was pretty messed up when my brother died," Dick shared.

Daisy gave him a compassionate look. She couldn't imagine what Dick must've felt when his brother committed suicide. Dick's frankness on the subject was surprising, though. "I know Jason was scared. Maybe I'm just not the right person for him. You're right. I should be more understanding," Daisy said with a sigh. "I just don't want to be, I guess."

Their conversation was interrupted by the reappearance of Mac and Madison. Daisy rose to her feet. "So are you ready to get started? I'll tell you my ideas," she said with a bright smile. "I hope you brought a notebook, so you can take notes."

Madison nodded and reached into her purse for her small notebook. This was so not going to be fun.

*******Later That Evening*******

After his disappointing encounter with Daisy earlier, Jason wasn't really in the mood to socialize, but plans had already been made. Jazmin was gracious enough to make dinner, and he promised to clean up. Eli came over early to help her. They were trying out a recipe of tiramisu for dessert. Jazmin knew Veronica had loved her grandmother's when they were in Italy, so she had called her to get the recipe. Jason had told her about his exchange with Daisy at church, so she knew he wasn't in the mood to socialize. She, however, was looking forward to the dinner. The doorbell rang.

"They're here!" she said excitedly. Since she was still busy in the kitchen, she called to her brother. "Let them in."

Jason got up from the couch to answer the door. He put on a smile and opened it.

"Welcome. Come on in. You're just in time," he said, stepping back to let them in.

Veronica handed him a bottle of red wine. "Your sister said to bring red," she said.

"It's perfect. Thanks," Jason said.

Veronica looked around with interest at the apartment. She hadn't been over since they'd unpacked. "It looks like you've settled in nicely," Veronica commented.

"It's not much bigger, though, than the place you and your dad lived in," Logan commented.

"Which was big enough. But the hot water sucked," she said, remembering.

"So far we haven't had any hot water problems," Jason said, smiling.

Eli appeared to greet them. "Hey," he said.

"There's my little college buddy," Veronica teased. Eli rolled his eyes.

Logan couldn't resist adding, "So when are you going to show up in one of my classes? I want to have those joy-joy feelings your presence brings."

Eli flipped him off. "Never!" he vowed.

"So did you bring dessert?" Logan asked, a wicked glint in his eyes.

Eli rolled his eyes. "No," he said.

Jazmin appeared. "We just finished making it. Tiramisu. My grandmother's recipe," she said.

Veronica squealed in delight. "Oh my God! If it's half as good as your grandmother's, it's going to be awesome!" she exclaimed.

"It goes well with the lasagna I made. I don't cook as much as my grandmother, but that's something I make well," Jazmin said.

Logan grinned. "It's been a while since I've had homemade lasagna. Too bad my ball and chain here can't feed me like I deserve," he said, smirking at Veronica.

"I'm going to show you ball and chain if you ever call me that again!" Veronica warned with a glare.

Logan laughed and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her against him. She elbowed him in the stomach. "Down, Bobcat! I was teasing!" he assured her.

"Some jokes aren't funny!" she said, trying to hold on to her frown. She loved being teased about being his wife, but she figured she owed it to all women to not let him get away with that one.

"Well, I hope you're hungry because it's ready," Jazmin announced. She led them to the small kitchen area that was just big enough for a good size round table.

"It's a good thing you didn't invite anyone else," Logan said as he pulled out Veronica's chair for her.

"Yeah, Nick should've picked out a three bedroom for us. There would be more space," Jason agreed.

"This is big enough," Jazmin said. "Our bedrooms aren't next to each other since the bathroom and laundry area are between them. That's all I care about."

"Very true. I don't need to hear Eli when he's staying over," Jason said, snickering.

Since it'd been too long since Jazmin had given him a reason to be loud, Eli didn't comment. When he noticed Jazmin looking away, obviously uncomfortable with Jason's remarks, he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked up at him, and he gave her a look so full of love and heat that she blushed. Jazmin knew he'd wait for her as long as she needed. It made her feel so treasured to know how much he loved her. It wasn't about sex with him; it was about her and how much he loved simply being with her.

Jazmin decided to change the subject. "I thought you might bring Richie. Didn't you tell me Trina was in New York this weekend?" she asked.

Logan nodded. "She'll be back Tuesday. We gave her a stay at the Four Seasons in New York City, so she could spend some time with her new boyfriend as her Christmas gift. Since tomorrow is MLK day, he was off work," Logan explained.

"Dick and Mac are watching him. We dropped him off before we left," Veronica shared.

"Dick gave us a blow by blow of Madison's decorating consultation with Daisy today," Logan said, smiling.

Jason's eyes darkened at the mention of her name. Veronica noticed and couldn't resist asking, "Is she still keeping you at a distant?"

Jason nodded. "Yeah. We saw her at church today," he said.

"I don't know what's wrong with her! Jason's apologized like a dozen times!" Jazmin said hotly.

"Sometimes an apology isn't enough," Veronica said.

"And some women won't even let you apologize," Logan added, giving his wife a smirk. "Or they delete your apology voicemail without actually listening to it."

"Only when the guy starts it off accusing you of stuff," Veronica countered. She looked back at Jason. "Don't let her forget what you mean to her, though."

"That's just it. I don't think I mean much to her. Maybe I never did," he said quietly. He sipped his wine. Jazmin passed around the salad bowl.

"Not true. You mean too much," Veronica insisted. "That's why she's being so stubborn. Out of sight, though, is out of mind. If she's able to get used to you not being there, reconciliation is harder. Logan started dating one of my friends after we broke up the last time. He didn't even wait a full month."

Logan opened his mouth to protest. "That's because I was tired of being so miserable. And Parker was nice to me. Unlike you!"

Veronica stuck her tongue out at him. "Not the point," she said. Then she turned back to Jason. "If you really want her back, don't let her forget how things were between you."

"We don't have a single class together this semester. I didn't see her on campus at all this week," he announced glumly. "I guess Mac helped make sure our schedules were different."

Veronica looked guilty. "Probably," she admitted. "But if it didn't hurt to see you, she wouldn't have wanted that. Logan and I got back together mostly because he was in one of my classes and I got to see him all the time. We became friends again."

"True," Logan agreed.

Jason nodded, his mind thought of a few things he could do to keep Daisy aware of him. "Thanks," he told him.

"So I want to hear all about how Daisy tormented Madison," Eli said. "What did Dick tell you?"

Veronica grinned and launched into the story Dick shared. Her tale was interrupted by Logan's moan of ecstasy as he took his first bite of the lasagna.

"Oh God! This is amazing!" he declared. He looked at Jazmin would new eyes. "So do you want to be a sister-wife and marry me? You can be our cook!"

Jazmin laughed while Veronica glared. "Seriously? Not even married a month and you're already proposing to one of my friends!"

"She better start giving you cooking lessons if this marriage is going to work," Logan said, a teasing light in his eyes.

"You're going to regret that," Veronica said. She leaned over and whispered in his ear so quietly he barely heard it. "I can go much longer than you without sex. Remember that."

Logan's eyes widened in alarm at her threat. He put his arm around her. "I was just kidding, snookums. You know I have money enough to pay a cook if I wanted one. No one can replace you!" he assured her, kissing her cheek. Their friends laughed.

Eli liked seeing Veronica so obviously happy. Even her mock anger had no real heat to it. "Marriage agrees with you, V," he said to her.

Veronica beamed. "It really does," she said, looking up at Logan. The love between them was tangible to their audience. Their happiness served to make Jazmin and Eli smile. Then Veronica took her first bite of the lasagna. "Okay, he's right. You totally need to live with us!" she said to Jazmin.

Everyone laughed.

*****Chapter End*****