DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST DAMN IT! I DO NOT EVEN OWN MY OWN ASS, THAT BELONGS TO RACHEL… THE LOG BOOKS ARE FROM THAT CHARACTER'S POINT OF VIEW BUT THE REST IS IN THE THIRD PERSON. THIS IS MY FIRST FMA FIC SO BE NICE!

Logbook hellhole

Chapter 5

Hughes crept out from under his table in the cafeteria to look around as other officers were doing the same, covered from head to toe in food and pieces of tile and table. Roy had stormed out after Edward and Al and Riza had gone to pursue them both. Hughes sat down on a half exploded bench and sighed, wiping his forehead with his sleeve and leaning back to stretch his shoulders. A large drop of oatmeal fell from the ceiling to land square on his head and form a gloopy mass in his hair. He growled and frantically tried to claw out the sloppy substance but only succeeding in rubbing it deeper into his roots. He whimpered as he realised his fingers were now glued to his hair and unable to be withdrawn.

The wide double doors of the cafeteria slammed open and Riza entered looking extremely angry and flustered, dragging Al by his ear. She stormed past everyone and the officers she passed gave a little cry then went back to cleaning up the mess. She stopped in front of Hughes' table and thrust Al into the seat opposite him. She stood at the end of the table and put her hands on her hips.

" I am sick of all these pranks! Its got to stop."

Hughes turned to put his legs under the table and replied.

" And what do you expect us to do about it? We aren't the ones blowing the crap out of each other."

Riza's face darkened another shade or two and she leant forward until she was mere inches away from Hughes and Al.

" You two are the people closest to the people responsible so you must have some idea what the hell started this stupid prank war! I want an explanation from both of you!"

Then she slammed two pieces paper onto the table in front of them and then threw them each a pen.

" Get started. I'll be over here making sure everyone does their part to clean up! You have 30 minutes starting now!"

Hughes made a pathetic attempt at a laugh and spoke.

" Um Riza, I don't know if you'd noticed but my hands are otherwise indisposed."

He looked upwards and sort of flapped his arms to show that his hands were stuck. Riza stepped closer to him and grabbed his arms. Then with an unusually strong force she pulled his hands from his head, also taking some of his hair with them. Hughes cried out and then leant down to his paper with tears streaming down his face.

" Thanks Riza…."

Al bit his lip but then plucked up the courage and spoke.

" Riza I really don't think you should know about the Colonel and my brother…"

Hughes' head snapped up and his foot went straight to Al's kneecap to prevent him from saying any more. Riza however sprang straight to attention and replied hotly.

" What about Roy and Edward?"

Al replied while massaging his leg and glaring at Hughes.

" Nothing. Its not relevant. Honest."

Riza glowered at Hughes then spoke before turning her back and walking off.

" Fine. Just write down what is then."

Hughes exhaled deeply then whispered stormily at Al.

" What do you think you're doing? Roy and Ed told us not to tell anyone no matter what!"

Al picked up his pen and began tapping it on the tabletop lightly.

" I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking; if Riza finds about the reason this whole thing started then… oh I don't want to think about what she'd do to them, especially the Colonel."

Hughes picked up his own pen and replied.

" Oh Roy will be fine and so will Ed. We just need to let them sort it out on their own and hopefully it won't end too badly. For now lets just try and keep Riza off their tails."

Al nodded and they both bowed their heads in concentration, trying to fabricate a story that would hopefully pull the wool over Riza Hawkeye's eyes.

Riza sat down at her desk with the two mini essays in front of her. It had taken the two men only ten minutes to write down what they thought so she didn't have much faith in the pieces of paper before her. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and then opened them and picked up the first piece of paper. It was Hughes' entry.

Hey Riza old buddy, old pal hows it hanging? Ok then… um don't really know how to put it into words, this whole prank war stuff. I suppose you want me to write about Roy's point of view. Lets just say that someone hasn't been getting any for a while. He really needs to find himself a wife you know, I've lost count of how many times I've told him that he needs to buckle down… ok…ok I'll stop… I can tell you're getting angry with me and I'm not even with you. That's all I know, go easy on the guy, lets just say his 'ego' is going through a rough time and he's in the middle of a kind of slump right now. I don't know Whats gotten to him but whatever it is, is making him act this way; all out of whack and unhappy.

Hughes

Riza put the paper back down on the desk and smirked, maybe she'd gotten more out of that letter than Hughes had wanted her to. She pushed it aside then picked up Al's letter and began to read, with more interest than she had started with.

You need to understand, Riza that my brother is going through a lot of emotional turmoil right now. Its making him act strange and do things that he wouldn't ordinarily do. Okay so he pulls pranks all the time but he doesn't really mean it, I swear! He just needs to be left alone to heal. Trust me when I say that he needs to be left to sort this out on his own with the person concerned.

Alphonse

Riza leant back on her chair and smirked to herself happily. She had this all figured out and all she had to do was to place the right tools in the right and the pieces would move themselves into exactly the right places. She left her office and took the pieces of paper with her. She stood in the corridor for a moment then she saw Caine Fury turning into her stretch of corridor, humming to himself. He reached her and saluted.

" Good evening Lieutenant."

Riza saluted him and replied.

" Caine, could you do me a favour?"

" Yeah sure, Lieutenant. Just say the word."

" Thanks Caine. I want you to take this and push it under the Colonel's door. Then run back to your room as if your life depended on it ok."

Caine looked a little startled at the running comment but took the paper from Riza none the less and headed off in the direction of Roy's bedroom where Riza was sure he would be. She in turn turned in the opposite direction and headed for Ed's room hoping that her plan would put an end to all this turmoil and stupidity so that she could have at least ten minutes peace without having to stop one or the other of them from blowing up the compound.