I yanked Holli's hand out of my shorts and shoved her away. "That's it. We're done here."

"Are you sure?" she said. "Because I'm almost positive I felt you kissing back a couple times."

I was, but I hadn't been thinking for a moment. "That was a mistake."

"Yes..." She slowly unbuttoned my shirt. "A sexy mistake."

I pushed her hands off me. "No, just a regular one."

The line worked just as well as it did in the cartoon I stole it from.

She let out a feminine version of that sound Yosemite Sam made when his plans were thwarted. "If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were Frank Harris's kid!"

I pulled the cardboard bedroom door open. "Coming from you, I consider that a compliment."

I marched through the outer living space, strode to the door, but then stopped a moment before leaving. I still had questions.

I spun around, facing the temptress, who incidentally still trailed me.

"How did you find me?" I said. "How did you know I was here to begin with? Did you use that big telescope thing, or what?"

She shook her head. "A Little Sneezer told me."

Holli marched over to a cardboard couch, pulling the white rodent out by his ear.

Sneezer smiled and waved at me.

"I understand you have a date with a noid," Holli said.

"Yeah. At least that's halfway normal."

I would have said `normal,' but we're talking about Jessica here. At least, that was the idea.

"Well, if you're not too busy, there's one more thing I want to show you. I think you'll find it twice as interesting as my telescope."

"Let me guess," I said. "It's under your sheets."

She smirked. "I'll admit that is interesting, but the thing I'm talking about will positively blow your mind."

I just stared at her, waiting for the punch line.

"Come to the Halftone Club at six tonight. There's something you've just got to see."

"Six o' clock?" I said. "Really? This place has no sense of time! How will I even know?"

"Most doodles here have an internal clock." She slipped a wristwatch off her ankle, handing it to me. "Here. It's from Back to the Future, one of the few cartoons that tell time."

Despite the slightly sexual origin of the gift, I put it on. "Thanks."

Holli reached into Sneezer's diaper, pulling out...my other pair of pants.

"Here," she said, throwing them to me. "You're going to need these."

"Wow!" I said with honest gratitude. "Thank you! Really!"

She giggled. "Don't mention it."

I stared at Sneezer in disgust. "Wait. Why did you have those in the first place?"

The mouse shrugged and said "I don't know," but I guessed it had something to do with him getting his jollies, sexually.

"Do you happen to also have my other shirt in there?"

Holli dug this out of his diaper as well.

"I'm not sure I want to know how you fit all that stuff in there without creating a bulge."

"It's called Hammer Space," the mouse said.

"What a weird name for your rectum," I muttered.

I turned to face Holli.

"Um," I said. "Would it be too much trouble for you to also toss me my wallet?"

Holli shook her head. "Sorry, Drew. You and Sneezer had an agreement. I'd hate for you to go back on your word."

"Fine," I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Whatever. Thanks for the pants, at least. It's been...real."

I pulled my slacks back on and pushed my way out the cardboard door.

"So," I said to Sneezer as we made our way to the elevators. "Do you know where I can find this Hoofnagel's place?"

The mouse nodded. "Most doodles know where that is. It was right up the street from where we came in."

I raised a hand to the elevator call button and stopped. "What about Officer Harris? What about the police?"

"We'll figure something out. You still got that pencil, right?"

I dug in my pocket, showing him the stub.

"Good," he said. "Keep it handy."

The first door that opened when I pushed Down was the one that looked like a skull, with googly eyes.

Eager to get out of that place, I hurried over to it.

"I...wouldn't go in that one if I were you," Sneezer warned.

"Oh yeah? Why not? Is it just an empty elevator shaft?"

The mouse just shook his head.

"What will it do? Send me to a cartoon devil or something?"

"Nothing that bad..." he said.

"Will it at least get me to the first floor?"

"It'll definitely do that!"

Annoyed at him being so mysterious, I marched through the open mouth.

The elevator dropped so suddenly that I thought someone had cut the cables.

Through a pair of small windows, I could see strange objects rushing past, skulls, bones, ghoulish faces with distended jaws and long tongues, chemical equations, a clock, a giant eye...it was like the opening sequence to The Twilight Zone.

Electronic music started up. Not the Twilight Zone theme, but an oddly familiar tune. Something with a beat.

The elevator came to an abrupt stop, and a giant boot kicked me and Sneezer in the rear.

We went flying through this darkened void filled with surreal bric-a-brac, landing on a conveyor belt. It was only then that I recognized the music.

The theme song to Filmation's Go-Go Ghostbusters.

We rapidly rolled down the conveyor belt, and in the space of a couple minutes, I was stripped naked by a set of mechanical arms, I received a shower, and I found myself clothed in an animated yellow and brown uniform and boots, with a ghost belt buckle.

A robot arm slapped a heavy brown rucksack to my back, and another boot kicked me off into space.

I screamed until I fell down a bone slide, which twisted around for what seemed like miles.

I landed with a painful thump in the back seat of a yellow Model T Ford.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" the similarly uniformed mouse said as it landed next to me.

I gawked at my surroundings. The vehicle stood in an alleyway, but, strangely enough, I didn't see the same buildings I saw when I first approached Holli's high rise. "Where are we?"

"Behind the Go-Go Ghostbuster base. Where else?"

The car coughed and twisted around. "H-hey!"

The machine sputtered like it were having engine trouble. "W-what's the b-big idea!"

"Take us to Hoofnagel's," Sneezer said. "And step on it."

"Wait," I said. "Where's my clothes?"

"They're in your backpack," the mouse said. "Right next to your ghost blasting equipment."

"G-g-ghost blaster!" the car cried. "You're not g-going on one of those ka-ka-krazy m-missions are you guys?"

"No way," I said.

"He's just going on a date," Sneezer added.

"Pshew!" the car sighed in relief. "Not to wuh-worry, I'll hah-hah-have you over there in two cuh cuh clicks of a cuh cuh carburettor!"

"This was a great idea," the mouse said. "Harris will hardly recognize you in that uniform."

"I hope so," I muttered.

The car dropped on its scissor legs, and its rocket engine shot us down a street of generic looking buildings.

Then, all of a sudden, we stopped in front of an old timey looking soda fountain.

The place had been styled after the soda shops of the 1950's. Lots of chrome, art deco furniture, and neon. Nothing too insane. In fact, rather...calm for a cartoon locale.

When I saw the bearded white face of the proprietor, it all snapped into place.

The Get Along Gang.

Mr. Hoofnagel was a goat, or rather, a ram, with curly horns and a striped apron. He shared many similarities with the kindly old ice cream clerk from The Brady Bunch. For a moment, I paused, recalling a scene from Get Along Gang where the sheep, or maybe the dog, took over the goat's job. I also wondered how the guy ever made money when he never had any real paying customers.

In the background, the jukebox was playing some Time Life collection of malt shop songs, interspersed with the Get Along Gang theme song.

This might sound crazy, but the reason why I liked Mr. Hoofnagel, at least while I was stuck in that crazy universe, was because he was actually boring. Although that's insulting to say about someone in the real world, in Cool World boring was a very precious commodity. I knew (at least from the cartoons) that I could trust Hoofnagel to be a straight shooter.

I marched up to the soda counter occupied with a moose, the girl sheep and female dog, smiling at Cool World's Most Uninteresting Ram.

"Hi, Mr. Hoofnagel," I said. "How are you?"

I refrained from calling him `pops,' but I wanted to.

He stared at me. "You're Drew Deebes, aren't you? Jack Deebes' son?"

I leaned over the counter, lowering my voice. "Whatever they're saying, they're wrong. I came here with a very real non-animated girlfriend, and that's who I'm leaving with. Could you do me a huge favor and not tell anyone I'm here?"

The ram nodded slowly. "Does that include your nice lady doodle friend with the glasses?"

I swallowed. "No. She's, uh, fine. Did you see her come in?"

Hoofnagel pointed a paw at a booth in the back corner.

The girl was reading a book in front of a partially consumed strawberry milkshake. I smiled, amused by the seeming normalness of the scene.

Actually, more than amused. I had to check myself to make sure there weren't any Valentine hearts floating out of my chest.

"Thanks," I told the clerk.

Then, glancing at the door, I thought about Officer Harris and muttered, "And for the record, we're just friends."

Hoofnagel nodded. "May I suggest a pair of chocolate sundaes for the just friends?"

I shook my head. "I don't have any money."

"That hasn't stopped me before," he said, casting his other customers an accusing glance. "But it's up to you."

"I'd hate to impose," I protested.

"Relax, Drew," said Sneezer. "I got this." He threw a few bills on the counter.

A couple seconds later, I was holding a pair of soda glasses filled with chocolate drizzled ice cream.

Sneezer took up a seat at the counter, sipping something foamy as he nodded me toward the girl.

He and that nosy gray wolf looking character in a headband and track suit seated next to him watched with bemused looks on their faces. I decided to pretend they weren't there.

Feeling a little embarrassed, I slipped into the chair opposite my new female acquaintance, setting down the sundaes.

"Hi!" I said nervously.

"Meep!" she cried, and a pair of cat's ears exploded from her hair. She slapped her book on the table.

I chuckled. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay," she said with an embarrassed laugh, her slender fingers struggling to push the springy feline ears back into her hair.

She only succeeded in concealing one. The other just snapped back out like part of a broken umbrella.

"Sorry," she said. "The second one's always a little tricky."

"You're fine," I said. "Leave it out. It's cute."

Now both ears stuck straight out of her hair. Her face turned a deep salmon color. "I know it sounds silly, but I always felt self conscious about them."

"Look around you," I said. "You don't have anything to worry about."

I picked up the book, staring at the cover.

Frank Herbert's Dune.

"Wait a minute. This is real!"

I flipped through the pages. Everything was there, from Paul's trial at the Gom Jabbar to the final battle with Baron Harkonnen. "Where did you get this?"

"The Land of the Lost Stuff," she said. "Beneath The Lost Sock Laundromat. It's where all the good noid stuff winds up. There must be a spike around there somewhere."

"Interesting choice of reading," I said.

She nodded. "I love the depth and complexity of the story. He's thought of everything. The culture, the economy, the religious society..."

"I wish more doodles had your kind of class," I said. "Most the ones I've met so far seem to think books are only for hitting people with."

Vanessa laughed. "Tell me about it. Around here, the bookstores only carry Romeo and Juliet, A Christmas Carol, nonfiction how-to books, and anything with a pun in the title."

"Gone with the Wind and The Sun Also Rises," I guessed.

"Exactly. I tried reading their Moby Dick once, but it's only the first sentence and a bunch of blank paper."

I chuckled and shook my head. "`Call me Ishmael...'"

"So..." she said. "What did you talk with Holli about?"

I shrugged. "Something about my father...and holes in the fabric of space/time. She was making me feel really uncomfortable."

She chortled through her nose. "Holli has that affect on people."

"Anyways," I said. "I was glad to get out of there."

She stared at the sundaes. "Is this for me?"

"No," I joked. "I was just really hungry." I pushed it toward her.

Vanessa smiled, digging in.

After swallowing a mouthful, she pointed her spoon at my outfit. "What's with the getup? Trying to impress me?"

"I don't know," I said. "Is it working?"

She giggled. "Maybe?"

"Actually, it was just something that got thrown on me."

Vanessa laughed through her nose as she swallowed another bite.

I decided to try a bite of my own, just to see what it tasted like. It turned out the stuff tasted like plain yogurt, not to be confused with vanilla.

An awkward silence fell between us as we stared into each other's eyes.

Little Valentine hearts popped out of her blouse, floating up around her head.

Her face turned a solid pink as she raised her ice cream spoon, stabbing each heart until it popped.

She gave me a nervous grin as another heart drifted out of her shirt collar.

"S-sorry," she said in almost a whisper.

"It's okay," I said. "It's-"

"I know, it's cute!" she blurted, her face flushing red. "You don't understand! It's not okay! It's not! You can see my secret feelings and I can't see any of yours!"

I drew a heart on a napkin, thinking I would have a paper valentine to show her, but instead, to my surprise and satisfaction, I created an animated floating heart instead.

It was a little tricky, but I caught the heart between my thumb and forefinger, holding it up to the side of my head. "Does this help?"

Vanessa chuckled, sighed happily. "Maybe?" She took my hand and squeezed it.

I smiled, giving the ram an uncomfortable sideways glance.

My female acquaintance turned her head that way. "Where's your little friend?"

I stared at the empty stool. She was right. Sneezer was gone!

I really hadn't been paying attention. He could have gone anywhere.

"He's not exactly my friend," I said. "He's a little creep, and he stole my wallet." I thought about mentioning the deal I made with the mouse, but wasn't sure how she'd react.

"That's too bad," she said.

"I'll figure something out." I smirked at her hopefully. "In the meantime, maybe we could, I don't know, go on another date, maybe see this Land of Lost Stuff you're talking about."

Another heart flew up around her head. "I'd...like that."

I grinned. "I can tell."

Vanessa gave me a playful jab. "You rat."

She leaned over the table, gazing at me.

I leaned forward, smiling, anxiously waiting for those brightly colored animated lips to touch my real ones.

Already I could feel my skin tingle as her face and the breath from her nostrils disturbed the air particles surrounding my skin.

The subtle atmospheric music, for some reason, had shifted to This Kiss by Faith Hill. Ordinarily, I would have complained, but my mind was on other things, so I just ignored it.

All of a sudden, I notice her wristwatch flashing and beeping.

It was like one of those `Return to Base' watches they had on superhero-ish cartoons like MASK.

She blushed, retreating to her chair.

"What was that?" I said.

"Nothing," she mumbled. "I, uh...gotta go to the bathroom."

"Is that superhero code for `I gotta go save the world now'?"

She laughed. "No, I really gotta pee. The watch is just to tell me to take my insulin."

Before I could question her about her diabetes and eating sugary ice cream, she hurried off through a door in the corner of the shop.

I sat there for roughly eight to ten minutes, waiting for her.

When I thought about how most cartoons, like the one featuring Mr. Hoofnagel's shop, for example, never showed there being a restroom, I got curious.

Curious, and somewhat in need of actually using said facilities, if they existed.

I marched around to the place I'd seen Vanessa disappear into, and actually found a bathroom.

If it's horrible to sleep with a noid, I can't imagine what kind of damage human urine does to cartoon sewer and septic systems. But I had to go.

I'm not sure I want to know the result. Let's just say that there was a wet alligator, and leave it at that.

I came back out and waited for Vanessa some more.

The Get-Along-Gang characters had left the scene, perhaps retiring to their caboose, but I could still see Heathcliff and his girlfriend Sonya sharing a soda in the opposite corner.

"Did your friend stand you up?" the ram asked me.

"Yeah?" I groaned. "I guess it's just as well. You know the law."

Seeing her book still on the table, I handed it to `Mr. H.' "Could you give this back to her when she comes back?"

He nodded. "Good luck on finding your noid girl."

"Thanks for not turning me in to the cops, Mr. H."

"Vanessa is a special girl," he said. "She needs a friend who understands her. Maybe one day, if something happens to you like Officer Harris..."

I swallowed hard, thinking about how horrible that kind of existence would be. "Yeah...that...would be swell."

Feeling a hand tugging my arm, I turned and saw the little Ghostbuster mouse looking at me with a very grave expression. "Drew! I found her!"

"Who?" I said. "Vanessa?"

The mouse smacked his head in annoyance, then dug one of those Car-X birds out of his uniform.

When the bird saw me, it made that shortened version of the Bridge Over River Kwai song that certain cel phones make when you get a text.

The avian flew to me, nuzzling against my neck.

I suddenly understood why Jessica let them sit on her. They were adorable.

"Where is she?" I cried.

"She's at the Savoy," Sneezer replied. "But you're not going to like it."

The bird mournfully whistled the opening to Beethoven's Fifth.