JESSICA

Encounter Record [0-1-5-1]: Kidd Video.

When I awoke from my faint, I was backstage.

Actually, my crotch woke up before the rest of me, because, you know, the patch.

After slapping my beaver a few times, it at last behaved, and I became totally embarrassed, because people were watching.

I lay on a chaise lounge in a dressing room, the type they show in cartoons about movie stars, you know, makeup table with the lighted mirrors, the dressing screens, and racks full of costumes. Of course, I spotted a bunch of musical instruments as well.

There I was, being gawked at by the entire cast of Kidd Video. Even Carla, in the middle of a makeup job, cast me a few glances...I wanted to faint again.

Their little pixie friend was apparently still part of the band. The sprite, clad in a bikini, headband and leggings, brought me a fizzy drink, I guess to revive me from my fainting spells. I still think the girl looks like Tinkerbell's personal trainer.

I drank the stuff, which pretty much tasted like Alka Seltzer, staring up at the faces I grew up with. "You're Kidd Video! You're really real!"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Kidd Video asked.

"I don't know. Is it true that you used to be real human beings, before Master Blaster captured you?"

The band members glanced at each other in worriment, then nodded.

"We crossed over in the eighties," Wiz said. "It was just as well since I was still being typecast for The Brady Bunch."

"How did he do it? I mean, Master Blaster."

Ash raised his hands defensively. "Whoa. Once you go down that path, there's no coming back."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," said Wiz. "There's a tremendous loss of sensation. It's not nearly as wonderful as you think."

"All right," I giggled. "But I just want to say that you're wonderful." Then, not wanting to offend, I added, "You're all wonderful. I always loved your show."

Wiz smiled and rubbed his head. "Wish I had, I mean, we had more fans like you back in the day."

"Is she awake?" came a voice from the door.

When I noticed who was stepping in, I blushed hotly, reaching into the rack for something, anything decent, to wear.

I found a gorilla suit, then a bulky astronaut's environment suit. Though decent, none of them seemed appropriate enough...for him.

My third hasty pick was a Vampirella style cape, with a high Dracula collar and a skull shaped brooch that you pinned around the neck.

It would have to do.

Feeling extremely self conscious, I wrapped this cloak around myself, trying to ignore the Valentine hearts bubbling out as he approached me.

Seeing me holding the cape closed with my hands, he brushed them aside.

"It's perfect," he breathed as he watched the cape fall around my shoulders.

The hearts exploded from the cape's interior like a cloud of butterflies. I was beyond ashamed.

"I'm practically naked," I said in barely a whisper.

In more ways than one, I thought.

"It's okay," he said. "This isn't the noid world. This is Cool World."

I swallowed hard.

He was right.

He was so right.

Comic book characters always run around in their underwear and nobody ever thinks twice about it, or even mentions it.

Still, I only gave him the slightest of nods.

I parted my lips, to whimper out a weak protest, but he pressed them together with a finger. "Shhh. Just relax, and be who you want to be."

Who I want to be?

I could be Holli Would, I thought.

Do I dare?

I trembled as he ran his fingers through my hair.

He took my hand, caressed the back part, massaged my wrist.

I trembled as I imagined him massaging other things this way, but I forced a placid smile.

"Just remember where you are..." he said, curling my hand around, bringing it up to his muzzle. "And who you are...and be yourself."

I felt ready to faint again, and that little heart factory kept pumping out Valentines.

I forgot all about Drew.

I swear I heard Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode playing in the background, perfectly on cue, like I were in a romance movie, and we'd just arrived at the mushy part.

"I must be so transparent," I said in a small voice I doubted he would hear.

He put an arm around my shoulders, speaking in that sexy voice. "If you are transparent, it is because you are a beautiful prism, through which plain ordinary light can emerge in a million dazzling colors."

I could feel the staring eyes of the other band members.

Be myself, I thought.

I scowled at my onlookers, responding with an indignant "What."

There, I thought. That's exactly how Holli would react.

Well, not exactly. But it's a start.

I want to be like Holli!

Oh, but I didn't want to offend them! They were my favorite cartoon characters!

"You can ignore them," he whispered. "It's okay."

I nodded, slowly gaining confidence.

With myself.

With my body.

With him.

Okay, maybe not with him.

Not yet, at least.

"My name is Chad Buckthorn." He kissed my hand. "And what shall I call you, mysterious flower from another world?"

I told him my name.

"Ah yes." He kissed a higher spot on my hand. "It is poetry in my mouth, and soothing to my fiery tongue."

He kissed my wrist, and for a moment I wondered if he intended to do that gag they always did on The Addams Family.

I reflected that I wouldn't mind him kissing me all the way up my arm, and elsewhere, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Where are my manners?" he said, again capturing me with that single brown eye that sparkled like a jewel. "We are far too close together without preamble. Let us go out together, so we can be...properly introduced."

"A date?" I stammered nervously.

He nodded. "Do you like ice cream?"

"Do I ever!" I cried, but then felt really embarrassed at how loudly I said it.

"It's a date, then. And shall we go somewhere beforehand? Say, possibly the museum?"

Trembling with nervous anticipation, my voice came out in a shrew-like squeal. "That sounds great."

Stupid corn dog.

Okay, so I'm not Holli Would.

Not yet, at least.