Calcutta Mercy that is mentioned in the beginning of this chapter is a real organization. However, the hall of faith and the quotes in this chapter do not come from its founder. I have never been to India or toured their hospital. I did get a chance to hear the founder and his wife speak once years ago, so the things I attribute to them are true. Helping the children of India is an amazing thing for anyone to do. I was inspired by their words and ministry. However, the words I attribute to them in this chapter are just words I picked up in church. I like showing a growing Dick (unlike Rob Thomas who showed absolutely NONE in the movie or the new books), so I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 33: Faith and Loss

******Calcutta, India******

Mac and Dick were finishing up their last evening in Calcutta. It had been an experience of a lifetime—one that was both heart-wrenching and rewarding. They spent much time with Dr. Nick as he was called by everyone at Doctors Without Borders helping him pass out medicine, food, and nutritional advice. Friday was their last day. They were flying back to the States late that night.

This last day, they were working with another group called Calcutta Mercy. This group had actual hospitals that were completely free for people. They did a lot of free surgeries, especially operating on the many cleft palates that plagued many children in the area. They also fed and educated the populace like Doctors. The main difference that Dick and Mac could see was the Calcutta Mercy was a Christian organization funded by many churches worldwide. Its founders were good friends with Mother Teresa and had worked in feeding the people of Calcutta for sixty years.

Dick was touring one of their hospitals. Evidence of Christianity was everywhere. One hallway had posters about faith everywhere.

Faith is Believing When You Don't See

Faith is Obeying When You Don't Understand

Faith is Giving When You Don't Have it.

Faith Always Involves Risks

Dick stopped in front of bulletin board that had news articles about the founder Mark Buntain. Excerpts from the man's sermon about faith. "How do you give when you have nothing? Faith is persisting when you don't feel like it." Dick frowned. He didn't know what persistence had to do with faith. He read more. "Faith doesn't mean God will give you everything you ask for. God will meet all your needs but not all your greeds. Why? Because God is more interested in your character than in your comforts."

Dick didn't understand how the Big Guy in the sky could allow all the suffering and poverty in Calcutta. He supposed focusing on character was better than being depressed about going hungry and not having stuff. He started to walk away when another quote caught his eye. "Mature people live by their commitments, not their emotions." That quote struck him. He didn't know what it had to do with faith, but he respected it.

"What are you looking at?" Mac asked, noticing him standing in the hall staring at something.

"This hallway's got all this stuff about faith. I was reading it. Then I saw this article with words from the guy who opened this place. What do you think?" Dick asked, pointing out the last quote.

Mac nodded. "That's good. Too many people live just by their feelings. Feelings change. One day you love a restaurant or a hobby. The next you're bored by it. But when it comes to people, your commitments should matter more than what you feel," she said.

Dick took her hand. "My commitment to you is based on what I feel, though," he said, frowning.

"Yes. I think all commitments are based on feeling," Mac agreed. "However, I think what it means is if you're really committed to someone, you'll stick with them even if you aren't feeling it some days. That's what marriage is."

"Oh," Dick said, thoughtful. "Do you think that's why so many marriages don't last? People are reacting to their feelings?"

"I'm not sure it's as simple as that," she said with a smile. "But I think if a man or woman gets injured and is bedridden, shouldn't the commitment to the marriage keep them helping their partner when the passion isn't there anymore?"

Dick had seen some sad shit in India. He'd seen more gross deformities that made him want to throw up. He'd seen people with missing limbs. Thinking of Mac with something like that was very upsetting. However, he couldn't imagine not loving her if she had something awful happen to her.

"I'd love you even if you became deformed, you know," he told her.

Mac smiled. "You say the sweetest things," she said, raising up to kiss him. She wasn't oblivious to the way their volunteer work had affected Dick. He was quieter and more contemplative than she'd ever seen him. The poverty and despair had struck him hard. However, the simplicity of the lifestyles had, too. So many people were satisfied with so little. Dick, who had been exposed all his life to the obscene wealth of the 09ers, was rattled by what he'd seen. She also was happy to see that he was now more aware of what poverty really was than ever before. She knew that he would never forget what they'd seen here. Neither would she.

"Do you think the balls will get here before we leave?" Dick asked worriedly. He'd ordered dozens of various sports balls. He was determined to give those kids soccer balls and every other kind of ball before they left. It was a small thing. Some would say it was a waste of money when so many kids were starving. However, Dick believed that kids growing up without fun was too horrible to contemplate. Seeing this side of him made her love him even more.

"I hope so," she said, smiling at him. "If not, they'll get here eventually."

"I wanted to pass them out. I wanted to give that boy the ball I promised him," Dick said anxiously.

"Well, let's hope they get here," she said.

An hour later, they were back at Doctors. One of the nurses was smiling when they arrived. "Dick, I think that package you were waiting on is here," she told him.

"Yes!" Dick exclaimed excitedly. The balls he'd ordered were here. He'd get to give them out before he left. He knew it was probably frivolous, but he couldn't bear thinking that those poor kids would never get to know the joy of playing sports. It was the least he could do. However, he vowed that it wouldn't be the last.

*****Neptune*****

It seemed liked days had gone by while they waited to hear from the doctors. Duncan felt sick with fear and frustration. It'd been a long time since he'd felt so powerless. The woman he loved could be dead or dying, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Finally, the doctor came into the waiting room. They all stood up expectantly. Duncan was so afraid to ask that he looked at Veronica beseechingly.

"How's Parker?" Veronica asked.

"She's alive," he answered quickly. They all let out a breath of relief. Veronica reached for Duncan's hand while Logan held her other. "The bullet in her shoulder shattered her collar bone, but we repaired the damage by inserting a pin. It was the other bullet that caused the most damage. She flat-lined once while we were working on her. However, she's tough and pulled through."

"That's good!" Veronica said, turning to smile at Duncan, who still looked scared.

"Unfortunately, the bullet caused extensive damage. Her bodies undergone too much trauma. We had to repair damage done to her spinal cord and put her in a medically induced coma in order to give her body a chance to recover," the doctor said.

"She's paralyzed?" Duncan asked, horrified.

"That remains to be seen. Most likely she will have some mobility issues. However, we cannot ascertain the extent until she regains consciousness," the doctor said.

"So she's going to live?" Duncan asked.

"She is stable, and we are hopeful she will remain that way," the doctor replied.

"How long does she have to stay asleep?" Veronica asked.

"At least a day," the doctor said. "You may see her when she's out of recovery. The ICU allows two visitors at a time."

"Thank you, doctor," Duncan said.

"She's going to be okay," Veronica said, hugging him.

Duncan sat back down in a chair, his head on his hands, trying to breath. He could feel a seizure coming on. It'd been so long since he'd felt the familiar tingle. He breathed deeply.

"Are you okay?" Veronica asked in concern.

"I'm about to have a seizure," he announced.

Veronica threw Logan a look of concern. "What can we do?" she asked.

"I'll be okay," he said.

"Do you need any medicine?" Logan asked.

"I take it every day," Duncan said. "It can't always prevent them. Extreme emotions can cause an overload." He closed his eyes, using the breathing techniques he'd been taught. His mind went blank.

Logan looked at Wallace pointedly. He nodded and ran to get a nurse as Duncan hit the floor.

Duncan's friends watched helplessly as he had the first seizure they'd ever witnessed. Logan felt a mild relief that he wasn't having one of those violent episodes his seizures used to bring on. Veronica was upset that she'd not thought about his disorder in so long that she'd forgotten it was something he still struggled to manage.

The nurse was there when he opened his eyes. She'd given him a shot to calm him down. He could feel a boneless sensation, a type of numbness washing over him.

Logan was helping him sit up as an orderly moved to help. Duncan waved the orderly off. "I'm okay. It happens," he said.

"We want you to lie down in a room until you've regained control of all your extremities," the nurse ordered. She nodded to the orderly who helped him into a wheelchair.

"I'll be okay," Duncan protested.

"We can't see her right now anyway," Veronica said. "Let's get you feeling better. Logan will go stake out the ICU and let us know when she's allowed visitors."

"I'm on it," Logan said. Wallace followed him.

"That was disturbing," Wallace commented as they walked to the elevator.

"Not as disturbing as the episodes he used to have," Logan said.

Wallace remembered what Veronica once had told him. "Yea," he acknowledged. "I should call Piz, but how will Duncan react?"

"Piz and Parker were together a long time. It'd be wrong of you not to call him. Duncan will deal," Logan said.

Wallace got in his elevator and pulled out his phone. He sent Piz a text. Call me asap. Parker was in an accident.

Logan saw the text. "Accident? Is that what we're calling it?" he asked.

"I'll explain when he calls. He could be in the studio. I don't want to freak him out too much," Wallace said. When the elevator stopped, they got off. Wallace's phone rang. It was Piz.

******Chicago******

Jazmin listened to her father in shock. Joseph was dead. Someone shot her roommate. Parker was in surgery. Joseph was dead. Parker was hurt. She tried hard to comprehend what her dad was saying. The words kept reverberating in her head. How could Joseph be dead?

Her mom glanced at her husband in concern, tears in her eyes. "How can this be?" her mother gasped.

"I do not know," Sebastian said grimly. "I must inform our best friends that their son is dead."

"Why would someone kill Joseph? He doesn't know many people in California," his wife said, reaching for her daughter's hand.

"From what Jason says, he wasn't the target," Sebastian shared. "Two times Parker was shot. Jason moved to push Veronica inside the house—they were at her beach house. Joseph moved in front of Parker. He was shot in the back, but the bullet hit his heart. He died in surgery."

"Why would someone shoot Jazmin's roommate?" her mother asked.

"I don't think anyone knows yet," Sebastian said grimly.

"I've got to go back to Neptune," Jazmin said. Joseph was dead. The shock couldn't seem to penetrate.

"I will get our plane ready, but I must go to the Romanos first. They must hear it from me," Sebastian said grimly.

Jazmin's mom wiped her eyes. "I will go with you," she said. The Romanos were like family to them. Joseph's mom was often the only one who understood their life. Being there for her was the least she could do.

"Are you going to bring him back?" Jazmin asked her father.

"It's a murder investigation," Sebastian said. "They may not release the body right away, but I will go."

Jazmin's parents hugged her before they left, and she walked numbly up the stairs to her room. Joseph was dead. The words kept ringing in her ears, but it didn't seem real. She went to her room and sat on the bed. Her mind racing. She wanted to call Mac but knew she was out of touch. She and Dick were supposed to be back in Neptune tomorrow. Trying to call and give them bad news seemed wrong.

What if Parker died? Jazmin had never had close girlfriends until she'd moved to Neptune. Veronica and Mac had befriended her first. However, it was Parker that she'd spent late nights talking with when they were roommates. Parker, whose easy manner could disarm anyone, had laughed at her grandmother's jokes when they'd all been in Italy. She could picture Parker's joy as they toured the countryside. Her enthusiasm had been contagious. Jazmin had watched Duncan fall for her more the short time he'd been with them in Italy. Parker had called Jazmin as soon as Jazmin had gotten home for spring break and told her about their reconciliation. She'd been so happy. Jazmin had been happy for her and Duncan.

Joseph was dead, and Parker could by dying.

Her phone rang, jarring out of her musings. It was Jason.

"Jazzie, Parker made it through surgery," he told her, sparing her the details.

Jazmin felt relief course through her. "She's okay?" she asked.

"She's in ICU, but Wallace told me the doctor seemed hopeful," Jason said.

"We'll be there soon. Daddy is telling the Romanos now. He will come with me," Jazmin said.

"Good. Mac's not here, so I know Veronica could use your support. She's supporting Duncan and has Logan. But I know she'll be glad to have you close," Jason said. "Daisy's driving back down now."

"That's good. I know how much you need her. Wallace and Eli are with you?" she asked, not wanting her brother to be alone.

"Yes. Eli's here. Wallace just left. We're going back to the beach house to see what news there is," Jason said.

"Joseph is dead," Jazmin said bluntly. Saying the words out loud made it seem real.

Jason was quiet a moment. Finally, he said softly, "I know, mia dolce sorella." Jason closed his eyes, trying hard to push away the wave of grief that hit him. "I feel like I have lost a limb. He'd been working so hard to earn back my friendship. I hate that I was so hard on him. He needed me."

"He needed us," she corrected. "Did we fail him?"

"I do not know," Jason answered honestly. "I know that he died a hero. He saved Parker's life. That is the friend we loved and thought we'd lost. Whatever else happened, the boy we loved was still there inside him."

Jazmin hung up after saying goodbye. She went to her closet and pulled out a box. Placing the box on the bed, she looked down at it before opening it. It contained most of the good memories she'd had of Joseph. Being a sentimental Italian, she'd been unable to destroy everything connected to him. All the gifts he'd given when they were dating, she'd thrown away. However, things from their younger years, she'd held on to. Lifting the lid, she moved it to the side and reached inside the box for the small photo album. Her mother had made this for her for her thirteenth birthday. Her dad had gifted her with the camera she'd wanted, but her mom had given her this. It contained photos of her and her brother.

Jazmin sat down on the bed and turned the pages slowly. Joseph was in nearly every page. Pictures of them at the lake playing in the sand. One of Joseph pouring a bucket of sand on Jason with Jazmin looking on in disapproval. Several of them were of her standing between Jason and Joseph, their hands intertwined. One was of Jason with just Joseph, their arms around each other's shoulders, grinning. Both were missing a tooth. They were so adorable. Jazmin smiled, remembering so many things. Things she'd not allowed herself to really think about because Joseph's betrayal had hurt so badly.

The last photo was of her and Jason's twelfth birthday. Jason and Joseph were smiling at the camera, but Jazmin was looking up at Joseph in adoration. Her mother had captured so effortlessly the love Jazmin had always felt for their only real friend.

Joseph was dead. Jazmin let the tears come as she mourned the friend of her childhood, letting go finally of all the anger and resentment the past few years had birthed. He'd been her friend long before he'd become her tormentor. When David had hurt her so badly, terrorizing her, Joseph had given her what she needed to feel safe. In retrospect, she had to consider the fact that she might be dead herself if Joseph hadn't been willing to give her the gun.

Joseph was dead, and Jazmin let herself feel the loss.

******Chapter End******