DREW

"Wow," the word came out of my mouth as incoherent noise as I stared at this erotic fantasy turned real.

Flesh and blood human in an Amanda Bunny costume.

Same woman that was on stage. I could tell by the general shape of the face, the breasts, and the legs. Plus, it seemed pretty unlikely that there would be tons of noid women lurking about in the same area when I hadn't seen any at all for most of the day.

To be honest, despite how much all those animated females may have turned my head, I really wanted this. From the start. A real woman.

"Hi," I stammered. "Voodoo woman, right? I, uh...liked your show."

"I thought you did," she said with a smirk. "There was a heart popping out of your shirt, and music and everything."

I paled. "It's not like that. I don't like doodles like that. I...you know, males and their subconscious minds. I'm an adult. I really much prefer human beings to cartoons."

"It's okay," she said. "I meant to confuse you. Sexually. It's part of the show."

She put her hands on my shoulders, smoothing my cartoon suit. "I'm not offended at all."

Again I heard Peter Gabriel singing "My heart is going boom boom boom" as a cartoon heart exploded from my suit. I clamped a hand over my chest to hold it down, but it only made little hearts bubble out.

She covered her mouth to suppress a giggle.

"You changed your hair," I said, trying to shift the focus away from the hearts.

The woman nodded. "One advantage of living in an animated world is that you only need to step behind the right dressing screen to get a new look."

"Or a classic one," I muttered.

"Your father did say I was in the new comics."

"You've met my father?"

She grimaced, saying nothing.

"That bad, huh?"

"He's, um, very difficult to get along with."

Noticing a neon pink flash out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at a nearby mirror, but Amanda threw a blanket over it before I could see what it was. A cloud of dust puffed out.

Behind me, I could hear Sneezer making sniffling sounds.

"Please don't," I cried. "Please, Sneezer?"

"Sorry," the mouse said in between sniffles. "It's just," the sneeze kept building up. "It's just...I'm allergic...I'm allergic to..."

"Out," the woman barked.

Sneezer just inhaled again. "Dus-"

"Out!" the woman yelled. "You're not doing that here! You'll make a mess!"

And she dragged him out into the hallway by the ear, slamming the door.

A second later, I heard an explosion, several somethings breaking and shattering, and then a "Bless me."

The woman gave me an apologetic smile. "Doodles," she said. "You are so lucky. I'd kill for a single, normal utterly boring day in your world."

That explains what she sees in me, I thought. "Then I'm sure you'll love it when I sit down with your tax paperwork and E-File your 1040."

She laughed, then pointed to her arm. "See that? Goosebumps."

I suddenly noticed vaporous entities floating through the room. Ghosts, skulls, a mouse in a martini glass.

I supposed their random nature was why they were called `doodles', but I hoped for a better explanation. I pointed to a floating sunglass wearing chihuahua head. "What's all this?"

"There are other dimensional wavelengths besides Cool World," she said with a shrug. "Sometimes they cross over here."

Having nothing to say about that, I offered her a hand. "We, uh, haven't been formally introduced. I'm-"

She cut me off. "Drew Deebes. I know." She returned the handshake. "Kate Bunny."

I was staring. I forced my eyes to look up, admiring the golden bangs stylishly projecting from the headdress. My suit was doing that super heartbeat thing again.

"Would you like me to do something about that?" she asked, poking the thudding heart.

"Uh..." I said. "Well...I mean, if you like it, it's fine, but..."

Without a word, she grabbed a brass button on one of my coattails, twisting it like a knob.

All of a sudden, a red heart appeared on my lapel, glowing and pulsating like that power cell thing Tony Stark wears in all those Iron Man movies.

"Better?"

I wasn't sure if it was or not. Well, until she changed it to patterning the suit entirely with rainbow colored heart shaped polka dots. Iron Man was more my style, so I told her to change it back.

I couldn't fix the Peter Gabriel thing, though.

"So," I said as my heart pulsated at a brighter intensity. "Important question. What are you doing here?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "You saw what I'm doing here. Making you drool."

I swallowed. "No, I mean, you're a noid. How did you get into this world of cartoons?"

She paused for a minute, biting her lip.

"I was b-" She stopped herself for some reason, giving me an embarrassed grin.

"Sorry," she said. "I was checking you out. Completely forgot what I was saying. Anyways, it's been a long time since I've seen another noid my age. I was, brought here. As a baby. I don't know my parents. They abandoned me in a Disney theme park. behind one of their animation studios."

I could imagine it happening. Those places were crowded.

Moved by pity, then guilt, I focused my eyes on her face. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay," she said. "Some doodles came out of a mural, took me to live with Mrs. Honeybunn and her two daughters. I grew up with the girls, the Get Along Gang and the Care Bears until I started growing breasts." She shrugged. "Then I moved on."

"I think we have something in common," I said. "I was practically raised by television."

She laughed.

"Mom was out a lot," I continued. "In between night shifts at the hospital and going to school, she was either sleeping or gone. I basically had to take care of myself."

She looked at me with an expression of sympathy, smirking a little. Not a sexy moment, but a very real and meaningful one, nonetheless.

"So," I said, switching to what I hoped to be a lighter subject. "What's the deal between you and `M'? You two almost look identical, except she's animated."

"Um..." Again looking flustered, Kate stammered, "You're going to laugh, but it involves a mad scientist. You know how this place is, right?"

"I...have an inkling..."

Kate sighed. "After I grew breasts, I started hanging out in the X-Mansion." She rolled her eyes. "X-Men. Can't even take a nap without something blowing up. But I loved those tights.

"It was only a matter of time before Apocalypse captured me and a pair of obscure mutants, attempting to extract our DNA to make a half human doodle super soldier.

"Cyclops and his buddies stopped his machine before she could be weaponized, but, well, I suddenly had a new sister."

I stared at her, unsure whether to be skeptical or suspend my disbelief and accept it as a true part of this crazy world.

"That's weird," I said. "But I guess anything's possible here..."

"You have no idea."

I swallowed hard, wondering what horrible things a cartoon mad scientist could do to me if I kept hanging around Cool World.

I pointed to the covered mirror. "What's with this?"

"What do you mean?" she said in a defensive tone.

"On stage, you choreographed it perfectly so that your sister shows up in the mirror every time you pass it, so it looks like you, moves like you, acts like you, then I could almost swear that you appeared in the mirror. And neither of you ever showed up on stage at the same exact time."

"It's an act." She uncovered the mirror.

Her cartoon reflection winked at me, unzipping a barely visible zipper on the front of her identical looking rabbit costume, exposing more flesh. When I looked back at Kate, her top was still zipped.

When I glanced at the reflection again, her cartoon self stuck out her tongue and stepped out of view.

I watched with astonishment as the real girl touched a glass devoid of her reflection.

I could see my reflection just fine, but I couldn't see hers at all.

"This is insane," I said.

She stuck her hand through the glass, which rippled like water. "I know."

"Is that a trick mirror or something?" I asked. "Some kind of cartoon magic prop?"

"Yes," she said with a mysterious smile. "Want to go out?"

"What," I said. "Like, in the mirror?"

Kate chuckled a little. "No, silly. I meant, do you want to go out on a date."

I swallowed, my cartoon heart thudding. "Uh, sure!"

She walked toward the door, her rubber outfit creaking with every step.

"You're going to wear that?" I asked.

Kate gave me a look that said, `Really?' And then verbally said, "This is a comic, and I'm a stripper. Of course I'm wearing this."

"I'm not complaining," I said. "I just don't think I'll be doing much looking at your face."

And then I forced my eyes upward to illustrate my point.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't just an illustration.

"Maybe I don't want you looking at my face," she said.

"Why?" I asked. "You have a beautiful face."

She smiled a little. "You're sweet."

"So. I've never been in Cool World before. Where do you want to go?"

"How about the Land of Lost Stuff?" she said.

I sighed, thinking of Vanessa.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just...I was dating a doodle, and, well..."

"You talked about going there with her," she finished.

I nodded. "I know. It's silly. You're real and she's not. Still, I feel a little guilty."

She snorted through her nose, covering her mouth. When she removed her hand to cover a chuckle, she said, "It's Vanessa Vixx, isn't it?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

Kate paused a minute before speaking. "We're friends."

I frowned. "I somehow doubt you'll be friends after this."

"You'd be surprised," she said with a grin. "We share."

My mouth suddenly felt dry. "You share boyfriends."

Kate nodded. "We share everything."

Blushing, I said, "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."

She took my hand, pressing it against her bare thigh. "I'll make you comfortable."

She let go and I withdrew my hand. "I..."

I stupidly wanted to apologize for touching her thigh, but then stopped myself. "We don't know the first thing about each other..."

I was about to say, "And I'm already touching your body," but she interrupted me.

"That's why we're going on a date. C'mon."

When she opened the door, Cleo marched up to her, muttering something about Officer Harris in a low voice.

Kate thanked Cleo and rubbed her head, sending her away.

"We'll have to use the secret exit," Kate muttered.

She led me by the hand to a cardboard couch, then shoved me into it. Somehow it became a real leather loveseat that I could lay upon.

To my alarm, I found her climbing on top of me, warming me with her body.

Okay, maybe it was more like surprise than alarm, but I still felt it wasn't right.

"Wait," I cried. "We've just barely met!"

"I know," she said, pulling a lever.

The couch suddenly flipped upside down, and we were crashing down on a rubber mat inside an underground parking garage filled with weird and futuristic looking vehicles.

Most of them were hybrids, combinations of cars and airplanes or helicopters and cars, making me wonder if this were the MASK base until I saw the bird shaped bike from Darkwing Duck and the talking car from the Pole Position cartoon.

"Hi," Kate giggled as I lay atop her. "Mind getting up?"

"I might," I said with a smirk.

We got up, brushed ourselves off, and I followed her through the garage, staring at the various vehicles.

I saw lots of classic, expensive looking cars, some cars from programs like Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch that have eyes and talk, and a Transformer or two, but they were all sleeping. There was also a suspicious version of the Scooby Doo bus with eyes, wrong looking flowers, and sixties style lettering that said `Mastery Machine.'

After walking a fair distance, we arrived at an armored personnel carrier with a striking resemblance to the tank-ish vehicle from the B-movie Space Hunter.

It had a pickup-like body, but there were armored sliding doors on the sides, a ball turret with a machine gun up top, and a dome-like windshield with guns sticking out on the sides.

Kate pulled a key fob out of her top, making the vehicle chirp and open its sliding door.

A second later, Detective Harris walks out from behind the vehicle, regarding us smugly.

The spider joined him, aiming his gun at my new acquaintance.

Kate's ears, normally curved and bent at the tips, now stood ramrod straight. "Eeep!"

"Well well well," the cop said. "Deebes and Bunny. I never would have seen that coming!"

He had this expression on his face like he knew something I didn't.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked.

Harris grinned like it was some kind of joke. "Nothing! More power to you! I'm just surprised, that's all."

"I told you," I said. "I'm not like my dad. I like real women."

He furrowed his brow. "All right, then. I'll let you off with a warning. But if I see you hanging out with a doodle, touching a doodle, or even thinking about doing a doodle, I'll make you regret it." Then he coughed. "FYI, Riffraff says if you come within a foot of his girlfriend again, you're dead. Let's just say I will look the other way if that happens...And probably laugh my ass off while doing so."

I stared at him in disbelief, both at how quickly the word got out about our little encounter, and how much a stink a cat with no visible genitalia could make over nothing.

Unless...

My vast mental warehouse of meaningless trivia pulled out an episode of Heathcliff where Cleo wanted Riffraff to `go steady', and by the end of the episode they mutually decided not to commit.

I shook my head. If Cleo wants something, I thought, she can forget it. She can't hold a candle to Bunny.

Harris made a gesture and his spider companion holstered his gun.

"Oh, and Deebes?" he said. "One more thing."

Harris punched me in the face.