DREW

The interior of Kate's Space Hunter-esque vehicle, being a cartoon prop, was bigger on the inside than the outside.

It looked was a strange combination between a bedroom and a SWAT tactical van. Computers, radar devices and video monitors ran along the walls, an arsenal of guns and science fiction weaponry hung on racks, but the compartment also held a coffee maker, bookcases full of real looking books, a little spiral staircase, a queen sized bed, shower, and an aquarium.

The steering control looked like an alien deer, its antlers growing in a semi-rounded wheel, its shape more like an airplane steering yoke than an actual circle. I noticed quite a few items on the dashboard were merely painted on, like the odometer.

I climbed in the front seat, staring at my surroundings. "This is nice," I said. "Do you live here?"

She laughed. "The amount of time I spend here, you'd think so, but no, I have an apartment."

Kate had an expression on her face like I should know that fact, but didn't express it verbally.

Books were scattered everywhere. I picked one up and saw it was Dune. The cover looked identical to the one Vanessa had been reading. "Do you find a lot of duplicate stuff in this...place we're going to?"

"Oh?" Kate said. "That's Vanessa's. I was borrowing it from her."

"So you have a little book club going?" I said. "That's cute."

I thought I saw her blush. "She's...one of the few doodles that I can actually have meaningful conversations about literature with."

"Hello, Bunny," said a Knight Rider-esque computer on the dashboard, a virtual equalizer moving with every syllable.

"This is Drew," she said. "He's a friend."

"He must be, if he's riding around in your mobile bedroom."

"Chips, I'm a grown woman. And I singlehandedly brought down a Sentinel. I can take care of myself. Especially around this guy."

"Don't get overconfident," it said.

Kate just shook her head.

Our six wheeled armored carrier rolled through the garage, passing more strange and fantastic vehicles.

Jayce's Wheeled Warriors.

Go Bots.

Disney's Cars.

The Grape Ape van.

We reached a ramp, passing through vaguely familiar streets.

"Is all that stuff in your comic book actually true?" I asked. "Did you actually fight Judge Myxo and Insectia and destroy the Atmos Terraformer?" Yes, I may have picked up an issue or two...and maybe read it cover to cover.

She smirked. "I might have."

"So you climbed up on that tower and everything?"

"It was kind of scary," she said. "But it had to be done."

She furrowed her brow. "By the way..." She pushed a button on my chair, and a holstered gun popped out of the side. "You may need this."

I frowned. "For what?"

Kate only shrugged.

I was staring again. "Your costume looks real. Did you find that in the place we're going to, or are there regular clothing shops in Cool World?"

"Depending on the material," Kate said. "An animated piece can turn real if you wear it long enough, or if it's exposed to the wavelength of the real world for an extended period of time."

She tugged on her top. "I got this from an alien planet. They formed it around me using a special molding process."

"We should go into space some time," I said. "I mean, judging by the Scooby Doo room I went through, it seems rather easy to get to."

Kate nodded. "That would be fun."

Then she laughed, opening a glove box. "You just reminded me..."

She pulled out a pair of elbow length fingerless gloves the same material and color as her costume, sliding them on. "I forgot to accessorize."

I grinned. "I just thought something was missing from your costume. Of course, you look...just as nice without them."

She snickered.

I suddenly noticed she had a fancy watch thing around her ankle. A watch that looked identical to the one I'd seen Vanessa wearing earlier that day.

"I didn't know you were diabetic," I said.

"What?" she said, confused.

"The watch on your ankle. It's like Vanessa's. She has diabetes."

Kate grinned. "That's not what it's for. Vanessa is such a bad liar. This..." She pointed to her ankle. "This is our superhero signal."

"So you and Vanessa have to run out somewhere and stop crime when you see that signal. Like when you had to fight that cyborg Brontosaurus."

"Bruce," she said with a nod. "Exactly."

"I figured that's what it was," I said. "The way she stood me up..."

She laughed. "You know, she told me she felt really bad about that..."

"Do me a favor," I said. "If you're going to fight crime, tell me. You can take me along or make me stay at home, but I want to know what you're doing. Don't stand me up, okay?"

"It's only fair," she agreed.

Our vehicle passed a few more generic scenery changes, and suddenly we were rolling in front of a laundromat.

Yeah. I know. Lame place for a date. But well, it was a weird laundromat.

The outside of the place was just your average concrete and glass store front, its company logo a sock with the name of the business next to it. Through the windows, you could see rows of washers and driers.

We got out of the vehicle.

Kate pushed a button on her key fob, and the entire armored carrier folded down into a suitcase with the letters AB embossed on it. It was like something from the Jetsons.

The interior of the establishment was fairly realistic. I seldom see cartoons featuring a laundromat, so maybe that had something to do with it.

The patrons, at this point, did not surprise me. I saw quite a few superheroes washing their tights, or pretending to wash other types of clothing and secretly washing their tights, thinking no one was looking. I caught Generic Superman doing the latter.

A couple dogs were amusing themselves with shrunken clothing. Of course, now that I think of it, most cartoon animals tend to wear tiny shirts and no pants anyway, so maybe it's a style?

Of course there had to be non-traditional uses of the machinery. Beavis and Butthead, for example, were using a machine to wash a dog. I've seen them do that before, but I suppose it doesn't take much to amuse them.

The attendant was a strange looking fat woman with nictating eyelids and a really wide mouth, like one of those disguised space aliens from...Men In Black, Bureau of Alien Detectors, or some other alien cartoon. I didn't really want to find out what her, his, or its story was.

Amanda lead me up to one of the industrial driers, climbing inside with her suitcase.

I frowned at the machine with apprehension, but then joined her when I saw a panel opening at the rear of the drum, and my new girlfriend disappearing into the dark.

When in Rome...

After crawling in the dark for a few moments, we emerged in a vast desert, our secret tunnel apparently a mouth-like feature in a grotto built into an immense matte painting that made me think of Road Runner cartoons.

At this point, I wasn't phased by the weirdness. My only thought was: That's interesting.

"You don't seem surprised," she said. "Have you been here before?"

"What can I say?" I answered. "I step into an elevator, enter another dimension, and come out wearing Ghostbuster clothes. I'm almost at the point where I'd be freaking out to see something that isn't strange and unusual."

She laughed. "So that's why you were wearing that!"

I reddened. "You saw me?"

Kate shook her head. "Vanessa told me you were wearing something silly, but kinda cute..." She cleared her throat. "Anyways..."

She clicked the button on her suitcase, and our ride reappeared.

We climbed in, and Kate pushed the pedal to the floor, sending us rocketing across the flat dusty landscape.

The speedometer read ninety, then a hundred, then two hundred. Wispy clouds rolled overhead as small rocks, skulls, sagebrush and tumbleweed flew past.

"Um, Mandy?"

She frowned. "It's Amanda or Kate or Kay. No Mandy, please. I'm not going to come and stop you from shaving."

I grinned. "Fine. Kay. Have you seen my dad?"

Kate nodded.

"Great. Where is he?"

"I'll, uh, show you later."

"Can you...tell me anything about where he lives, or what he's doing?"

She rolled her eyes. "He's drawing, of course. That's all he does these days. Lives in a little picture perfect house with a picket fence and all. Um, Holli didn't share in his little dream, so she dumped him."

I supposed that explained her attempts at seduction. "So who's he with now?"

"Oh?" she said. "Some Japanese chick. Chori Tart. Something like that."

Suddenly I didn't feel like seeing him. The situation sounded a little...awkward and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know any more. I knew I had to see him at least once, I just I figured I needed a little time to think before dropping in. "You're right. Maybe we should go there later."

We drove on in silence for a few minutes, staring absently at the endless stretches of desert. The uninteresting scenery reminded me, once more, that Cool World wasn't for me.

"Um, I know this might sound bad, considering how we're kind of friends and all, but I'd really like to leave this crazy place sometime, you know, go back to earth. I figure you, being a human and all, would know something about getting out."

She glanced at me, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Anyway," I said. "I'd be happy to take you with me if you wanted to come with. Maybe you could stay at my apartment or something..."

Now she looked embarrassed, which is weird, considering her present state of undress.

"Or I could help you find your own apartment, maybe take you to Walmart or something so you can wear something normal for a change."

"Don't you like what I wear?" she asked.

"Yeah!" I said. "A little too much. That's kind of the problem. There are other people..."

"I'd like that," she said. "I mean, the apartment, Walmart, everything..."

"So...do you know how we can get out of...Cool World?"

Kate shook her head. "That's not so easy. I know of a few holes in the fabric of this world, but they're not very large."

I swallowed as I thought about what Holli told me about widening them. "What about these spikes? Don't they do anything?"

"Some," she said. "The trouble is, they're not accessible from this plane."

"So you're saying I'm basically stuck down here."

She shrugged. "You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

I really didn't want to bring up the subject Holli mentioned. Especially in the presence of a real woman, one that saw...something in me that others didn't, but I didn't want to live in this nuthouse forever, either.

"Is there any way to make the holes bigger?"

"I don't know," she said. "There have been attempts to build machines, but I don't know what good they did."

"Is it true that...my dad and Holli...doing it...expanded one of the holes in reality?"

"That's what I heard," she said.

"Was dad trapped here too? Until that happened?"

"No," she said. "The tears in reality were bigger then. Once the spike was replaced, it seems they all either shrank or disappeared. Some say there's a machine that either enlarges them or shrinks them down, but doodles that ask about it tend to disappear."

"Disappear?" I said. "Like, into reality?"

"I don't know," she said. "Rumor has it that they were just erased from existence."

"Great," I groaned. "So you're saying I need to sleep with a doodle to get out of here."

"Not necessarily," she said with a smirk.

"What do you mean?...You?"

She reddened, shook her head. "I don't know. I might know some...people who could steer us in the right direction...I can't make any promises, but..."

"Anything's worth a shot," I said. "When can we start?"

Kate gave me an apologetic smile. "Drew, this isn't going to be an instantaneous process. You could be here for a very long time. You might as well try to enjoy yourself. Besides, we're kinda sorta on a date."

She did have a point. And I didn't mind spending some time with her. Being with her made Cool World seem a lot less stupid.

"Yeah," I said, making my smile noticeable.

After a silent moment, I said, "Answer me this question. How come so many things in this world are made of cardboard?"

She shrugged. "When a person looks at a comic, they only see two dimensions. I think it has to do with where in Cool World an object is situated, and where the object is manufactured. A lot of lamp posts and beer bottles were made near the border of another reality, so they end up being flattened.

"If it's in a comic book you've seen, chances are, it's flat. Jack told me about that. The man knows a lot about comics."

"And nobody cares about flat sofas," I said.

"Doodles are fine with cardboard. They can sit on anything that looks like a chair. I...however, have to be careful when I pick my furniture."

"I guess you'll have to show me what to pick, if I end up shopping here."

She made a pleased little humming sound in agreement, which made me think I had just hinted at proposing to her. You know, picking out furniture...

I decided to think about that later. Getting home was the priority.

I stared anxiously at the road.

"We're going two hundred miles an hour, and the desert doesn't look any different," I said.

"I know," she replied. "We're also having meaningful dialog. It affects the transit time."

"It's boring if you don't talk," I said.

"I know. That's why we'll hit a cut scene as soon as we stop talking for, I don't know, ten minutes?"

I laughed. "I'm going to be in a straight jacket when this is over. I just know it."

We sighed and silently stared at the road. The car's stereo was playing The Way by Fastball. I often wonder if that band regularly gets confused with Aerosmith.

"So," she said. "Why didn't you follow in your father's footsteps and become an artist?"

I swallowed. "Mom called them `dribblings.' She never liked the stuff I made. Said it didn't look like her. I'd make her birthday cards and she'd toss them aside or lose them in a pile of paperwork or something.

"When I told her about wanting to go to art school, she laughed and said I had no talent and I was a fool for wanting to pursue that career, as there's no money in it. Said my dad just got lucky and other artists are either unemployed or working fast food. She said my father's success was a fluke. `You're never going to find that kind of success,' she said. I believed her."

"So you just let her bully you into not being an artist?"

I sighed. "It's not just her. People at school said my art sucked. They'd rip it out of my hands and draw dicks and other stuff all over it, make it look ugly. I don't know. I really don't think I'm that good, to tell you the truth.

"My art teachers weren't particularly helpful, either. Instead of steering me away from art with criticism, they did the opposite and just ignored me. I got passing grades, but it was like `who cares?'"

"I'd like to see you draw something."

I rolled my eyes. "What, so you can laugh at it?"

"No..."

"I don't know. I'm not sure I feel like it. I don't think you're a fair judge. Kinda like how my dad used to take one of my pictures and say `That's great' and put it on the fridge without even looking at it. His mind was always here, you know."

"I'm not like that," she said. "I'll be honest."

"I'm afraid of that too."

"Don't be. Draw something. If it's terrible, I won't ask you about it again. I promise."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Fine. But I don't see any art supplies-"

She pushed a button and my seat retracted a few feet.

A trapdoor on the floor popped open, and I saw a drafting table unfolding in front of me, complete with pencils, pens and markers.

"Good grief," I groaned as I stared at the blank artist's tablet lying open on its center.

I just stared at the page.

"Can't think of anything to draw?"

"Um, yeah?"

I was thinking about drawing her, but she wasn't in front of me, so I thought I'd mess it up.

She chuckled, then addressed the computer. "Chips, take us to the usual place."

"Yes, ma'am," it replied.

Thinking I wasn't her first, I said, "What...usual place?"

"There's a place I visit all the time, to look for artifacts. You'll like it."

And she climbed into the back, pulling out a bench built into a bulkead across from me. The vehicle, apparently, was driving itself, but I figured it par for the course in cartoon land.

"So you're watching me draw?"

Kate nodded. "I figured you might want me here, to inspire you."

I swallowed. "Okay."

And so I started a sketch.

"So, um," I muttered. "Being as you are a stripper, I suppose this is a dumb question, but have you ever had any other boyfriends? Like in a serious relationship?"

She chuckled. "You mean, have I ever had sex?"

Her blunt reply caused me to mess up my sketch. "Yes. Have you ever...?"

She paused for a moment, then said, "No."

"Never?" I asked, not believing what I was hearing. "Not ever? The whole, what, twenty years you've lived here?"

"...No. Have you?"

I gulped. "Almost. The other noid girl that came with me. But then Little Sneezer...sneezed, and that's how I found this place, and you."

"So you're not seeing her anymore?"

I shook my head. "No, no. She ran off with a kangaroo."

I frowned at my drawing. It didn't look anything like her.

"Can I see it?" she said.

It was ugly. Slightly masculine, even.

"I'm not done."

She leaned over me anyway, pressing her breasts against my shoulder as she examined the drawing.

The moment she looked at it, I saw the drawing move on its own accord, eyes looking straight at me, smiling.

The ugly thing blew me a kiss, then waved back when Kate waved to it.

"It's cute," she said.

"Really?" I cried with my hand clutching an eraser. "It doesn't even look like you. Or even your animated sister for that matter."

"It's real," she said. "It's what a real ordinary person would draw. That's what's important, and that's why I'm going to frame this picture."

"It's an eyesore," I groaned. "But it's your decision. I fear if you keep this up, I'm going to wind up like Yoko Ono, so blinded by praise that I don't know I'm making junk."

Kate giggled. "Is that why you ordered a hat suspended in purple liquid?"

"No, but it's interesting that you made that connection. I bet you've seen her somewhere, haven't you? The animated version?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, unfortunately."

She gestured to the pad. "Done?"

I nodded, so she pushed a button on the wall, causing the drafting table to retract, with the sketch pad and drawing still on it. I didn't ask about it, as toons generally do that kind of thing without getting anything mussed up or wrinkled in the process.

Suddenly I heard a loud beeping from the computers.

Kate rushed to the consoles, pushing buttons. "Oh no!" she cried. "Not again!"

"What is it?" I said, dreading the answer.

Hearing a chorus of angry screeching sounds, I turned and peered through the glass.

Outside our vehicle, I saw a cluster of animated humanoid apes and chimpanzees clad in crude harnesses fashioned out of...real non animated objects, approaching us in armor plated open vehicles, howling as they brandished spears and rifles.

"What the hell is that?" I yelled.

"Those," Kate said, pulling a machine gun off a wall rack. "Are called The Howlers."

She slapped a magazine into the gun, clicking the safety off.

"It's been nice knowing you."