"And there's a demon in my head who starts to play
a nightmare tape loop of what went wrong yesterday.
And I hold my breath til it's more than I can take,
And I close my eyes, I dream that I'm awake...
I try to keep awake.
I try to keep awake.
I try to keep awake, but I,
I can feel this narcolepsy slide into another nightmare..." -'Narcolepsy', Third Eye Blind
"Draco..." she began, in a pleading voice.
"Red, stop it." He said firmly. She had no idea what she was talking about, and yet she wouldn't leave it alone. Part of Draco thought bitterly that that was one thing he liked so much about her.
"Look me in the eye." She said firmly, "Look me in the eye, and tell me that you don't care about me." He tensed and turned to her. He couldn't believe she was pushing this so hard - he was a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake - a murderer.
"Is that what you want?" He asked quietly, looking right into her. He saw her pain and her confusion, but he couldn't feel a thing. He couldn't feel bad, he couldn't feel upset, he couldn't feel guilty. He couldn't feel.
"Of course that's not what I want!" She cried, "What I want is for you to drop this crap and tell me what the hell's going on! But you seem to be stuck on breaking up with me. So look me in the eye and tell me you don't care about me, and if you can't do it, I want some answers." He looked at her and something inside him began to break. Just as it did, though, something else hardened and he went back to the icy guard he'd kept for too long. The cold indifference.
Draco jerked awake and hit his head on the wall. For a second, he had no idea where he was. His hands ran over the dirt floor, and he felt the cold chill of indifference in the atmosphere. He was going to rot in Azkaban...he was never going to get out. Ginny had forgotten about him, had left him. She probably hadn't even called Stefanie...no one wants to help a Death Eater. No one wants to know a Death Eater.
Draco wanted to hit something, punch a wall, but he was too tired. He was drowning in his memories, falling faster into the dark times of his life, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He was going to rot in Azkaban and there was nothing he could do to stop it...
He leaned up against the back wall and tried to breathe deep, but found he couldn't breathe well at all. He'd been doing the best he could to supress any memories the dementors' presence brought to his consciousness, and he'd been doing a good enough job so far, he thought. He was still relatively sane - at least, he knew what was real and what wasn't...
"No, please...please, what do you want?" The old woman begged. Draco gulped, but didn't lower his wand.
"Shut up, woman!" Another woman screamed. "Now, Draco. Come along now..." she said viciously. Draco fought to keep his hand from shaking as he tried to open his mouth to utter the curse. He couldn't turn around, but he could feel the wand at his back.
Draco hit his head against the wall behind him. Again, and again, he just hit the wall. He knew that memory wasn't real, it was just a memory. It wasn't real...they must be getting closer.
Sure enough, a dementor opened up the door to his cell...
"I SAID SHUT UP!" Bellatrix screamed. Draco almost flinched, but was completely numb. He was only seventeen, he didn't know how to do this...He couldn't feel his legs, he couldn't feel his fingers. He couldn't open his mouth, so he'd have to cast the curse silently - as if his voice would work anyway.
He tried casting the curse silently, but failed numerous times.
"Draco, hurry up!" Bellatrix prodded him in the back with her own wand. Draco shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the old woman, shaking in fear. She was small and frail, pale and white with horror.
Draco opened his mouth, but it was completely dry. He cleared his throat and opened it again.
"Avada Kedavra," he said clearly.
Draco felt ropes wrap around his wrists, as he was dragged out of...where ever he was. He still saw everything as if he were in his memory, back in that old woman's house again, everyone's life on the line. It was hard to tell what was real...he saw his wand pointed out in front of him, the terrified old woman cowering in fear...but he felt himself stumbling forward, being thrown into somewhere...falling onto the floor.
He groaned softly as reality came back to him. He blinked a few times before he heard someone mutter a curse word, and he finally saw the room around him come into focus. It wasn't his cell, but it didn't look much different. Draco rolled onto his back as he felt someone close in on him. He held his breath for a second before opening his eyes.
"Draco?" Ginny asked softly. What was left of his heart leapt, he hadn't expected to ever see her again. He smiled softly, almost smirking. He mustered all the strength he had left in his starved body and sat up. She tried to help pull him up, but she was shaking so badly, he had to hold her hands to help her calm down. He smiled at her as she tried obviously not to cry, and his hand graced her cheek.
He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. As his head came back to him, he looked around. The room did look like his cell, but a little bigger, and a little cleaner. As he looked around his eyes came upon another smirking face sitting at a table in the middle of the room.
"Holy --"
"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" Stefanie interrupted, still smirking as she stood up. Draco, with Ginny's help, stood up and crossed the room. When he reached Stefanie they both looked each other up and down, and then he hugged her. She stiffened for a second, before chuckling and hugging him back. Soon enough, she was in tears, unwilling to let him go.
"Merlin, Stefanie, it's been a long time." He said, laughing.
"How can you laugh you stupid jerk!" She cried. "You stop responding to my owls, you don't call me for a decade, you get married and have beautiful kids and don't tell me, and now I have to come save your stupid --"
"Alright, alright, I get it." Draco said, trying to supress his laughter. Stefanie sniffed as she pulled back and looked at him.
"They're not feeding you, are they? You're not eating, are you. I can't believe they would do this...I'll have to see someone about this..." Stefanie said, sitting down and writing something down on a piece of parchment.
Draco walked over to where Ginny was standing and smiled at her. She looked up at him with concerned eyes - the eyes he loved so much. They were full of confusion and hopelessness, but he knew her better than that. She'd be just fine, soon enough...and he kissed her. He just leaned down and kissed her, he could never help it around her. She made him break, every time.
When they finally broke apart, Stefanie was in tears again and Ginny leaned her head against his shoulder.
"I miss you," she said softly.
"I miss you, too." He replied. "How are the kids?"
"Which you didn't tell me you had!" Stefanie interjected. Ginny smiled,
"They're confused and scared, but they don't know too much. Except for Emma." Ginny admitted.
"Uh oh," Draco said, as they sat down at the table across from Stefanie. "Eavesdropping?"
"My niece would do no such thing!" Stefanie yelled at him. "She is a proper young lady and will be talked about as such!"
"Oh Merlin, Red," Draco sighed, looking at Ginny. "You took her with you to meet her?" He asked in disbelief. Ginny got an innocent look of indignation on her face.
"She threw one of her hissy fits," she protested.
"My niece does not throw hissy fits!" Stefanie defended. Draco looked between the two women, astonished and hurt at how much he'd already missed.
"Wanna fill me in?" he asked, resting his head in his hands in defeat. The mood in the room immediately sobered, and the two women exchanged obvious glances.
"You didn't tell me she was your cousin," Ginny offered.
"Yeah, well, there wasn't much time as your brother was dragging me off." Draco replied helplessly. Silence took over the room as he tried to decide what to do.
After a few moments, Stefanie cleared her throat.
"Alright, that's it." She said viciously, glaring at Draco. "This poor woman came to me in hysterics and I will not have you or anyone else talk to her like that. Your daughter is beautiful and will grow into a fine young woman, but I will not have you speak about her like that. You will not bite the hands that are trying to bail your arse out of jail!" Draco glared right back at her.
"You do not understand what you're talking about, so don't sit here and tell me what my daughter is and isn't. Do not sit here and speak to me like I'm a child. I fully understand the gravity of the situation, moreso than I think you do, so don't think you can get away with talking to me like that." He spat back at her. They stared each other down for a second, before Stefanie broke into a smile.
"Just like old times!" She exclaimed with glee.
"Just like old times..." Draco muttered with a tiredsigh. Another awkward silence took over as Draco tried to regain his head, tried to figure out what he was going to do.
"So how are you?" He asked, looking at Stefanie and trying to smile. She smiled back.
"I'm alright," she answered honestly. "Never married or had kids, not that I could deal with them if I did. You should've seen me at lunch yesterday with Emma, I sounded like my mother...it was the scariest afternoon of my life, I'm telling ya." Draco smirked, remembering his Aunt Alexandria. She was a stickler for manners, almost more than his mother.
"Still in France?" He asked offhandedly.
"Yup," she nodded, "defense lawyer. Best one in the city, actually. Haven't lost a case yet." She smiled proudly. Draco just smirked back at her.
"Defense lawyer? Why am I not surprised?" He distinctly remembered Stefanie's argument methods. She wasn't great at making a case, but she was always incredible at making people unsure of right from left. She could convince an Eskimo that he needed ice, just because if he didn't buy it, the ice would be lonely and forgotten, and that would be mean.
"Because I like to argue." She answered with a grin. "So, are all your kids like the little angel I met yesterday?"
"Seriously, Red, whose child did you bring?" He asked, amused. She finally smiled, she'd been looking so scared and unhappy the whole time.
"I brought Emma," she confirmed, "they just...hit it off."
"Now there's a scary thought." Draco muttered. "No," he replied to Stefanie, "the others are much more well-behaved than she is."
"She was an angel!" Stefanie cried. Draco looked skeptically at Ginny, who shrugged.
"Don't look at me." she said, "Emma sat still, sat up straight, drank her butterbeer and only interrupted me two or three times in an hour." Draco looked at her confused,
"That's..."
"Not like her, I know. She adores your cousin here - her Aunt Stef. Has a million questions now, by the way." Ginny added.
"Aunt what?" Draco asked, astonished. No one had ever called Stefanie by less than her full name without suffering some sort of consequences in the thirty years he'd known her. Stefanie giggled,
"That was my doing." She mentioned.
"So what does Emma know?" Draco asked, realizing the gravity of what they could be dealing with. He was scared - he didn't want his little girl knowing certain things about him, about his past.
"Besides a little vocabulary," Ginny said quietly, "Just about everything." Draco's jaw tightened, and he looked down at his hands. He opened his mouth to say something, but Stefanie began before he could.
"It's alright," she said seriously, "I think she's ok with it."
"She may be, but I'm not." He said, just as seriously.
"Oh please," Stefanie said, brushing off Draco's concerns - just like she always did - "No one's dyin-- ...I suppose that's a bad choice of words now, huh?" She said, mostly to herself. It always irked Draco, how unaware she was of other people's concerns and feelings.
"Not the time, Stefanie." He said through gritted teeth.
"Let's just...talk, alright?" Ginny interrupted timidly. Draco had almost never seen her act timid. When they first left she'd been quiet and distant, but that's about it. It struck him and made him feel awhful - it was his fault she was feeling like this, acting like this. It was his fault they were in this situation, his fault they'd left. He put his head in his hands and tried to breathe deep, but nothing came of it. He didn't calm down, he didn't feel better, and he certainly didn't know where the hell to turn.
"Alright, here's the deal." Stefanie began decidedly. Draco looked up at her, confused. "I'm going to petition the Wizengamot, they're going to allow me to defend you, and then you'll get to go home to your family, say, two months tops." She brought out another piece of parchment, a quill, and a bottle of blue ink.
"What?" Draco asked, dumbfounded. "You're going to what?"
"Did I miss something?" She asked, just as confused.
"Don't you live in France?" He asked.
"Haven't you ever heard of Apparition?" She shot back.
"Why would you defend a murderer?"
"Why did you kill those people?"
"Stefanie," Draco growled, hating it when people didn't answer his questions. "Why are you here?"
"So you can...not be here." She shrugged. She started writing on her piece of parchment, but her handwriting was so loopy and illegible, Draco couldn't understand a word of it. "Ok. So, we have star-crossed lovers, divided by a war, their families, endless deadly fights and their young age. Am I missing something?" She looked up at Draco and Ginny questioningly.
"Only the suicides." Ginny replied, seemingly caught offguard. Draco considered it - when you put it like that, it was very Romeo and Juliet. After a lengthy discussion about it, Ginny promised Stefanie her copy of the classic play.
"Stefanie..." Draco began tentatively.
"Listen, you little Malfoy." Stefanie spat viciously, "I don't care what you think or who you're upset with. I'm going to defend you because you deserve it."
"Stefanie," Draco growled viciously, "I killed five people."
"What?" Ginny interrupted, alarmed. "No...no - they arrested you for killing three people." Draco sighed, the truth had to come out sometime...
Afteran hourof explaining everything, Ginny and Stefanie were left awestruck and in tears. Neither woman could speak, or even wrap her mind around what was happening.
"I...I'll be right back..." Ginny said quickly, getting up and leaving the room. Draco tried to stop her, but she brushed right by him and nearly sprinted out the door. Draco took a deep breath and sat back down across from Stefanie, who only had one thing to say, but she kept saying it over and over and over.
"Wow. ...just...Wow. ...wow."
"I get it." Draco said, annoyed. "Not my finest hour. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen." He looked helplessly at the door, hoping she'd come back.
"I just...can't believe you killed five people. Do they even know about the other two?" Draco shrugged pathetically.
"Who cares? Doesn't make a differece."
"Of course it does!" Stefanie shrieked, beginning to smile. "This is better than I thought..."
"Better?" Draco hissed, "What's better?"
"This story!" She replied excitedly.
"This is not just a story, this is my life!" He hissed violently. "Alexander's birthday is in less than two weeks, and I'm not going to be there. You're introduced to my family, these two worlds collide, and I can't be there. Red is out there, right now, probably crying, and I can't be there. This is not just some campfire story you tell when you're bored!" Stefanie looked at him in awe as his voice rose and he started to yell at her.
"Can you say that in court? It'll be a great piece of your defense." She said, admiring his indignation. Draco nearly broke - he couldn't believe how lightly she was taking this whole situation.
"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Red. Get out of here before something happens." He growled. He knew she was only there to get back at him, make him pay for breaking up with her.
"Something like what, Draco?" She shot angrily, "Like I get tortured again? What's it matter to you, anyway? You don't care about me." He couldn't imagine why she'd say that - she knew for a fact it wasn't true. But as soon as he thought that, he repressed it and got back to the matter at hand - he wasn't going to get into that argument right now, there just wasn't time.
"Get out of here, Red, or I swear I'll take you out." He snarled, trying to sound more convincing than he felt.
"Try me." She challenged. He grabbed her upper arm and started to drag her back to the castle, but she twisted out of his grasp. "I grew up with six older brothers who use the same tricks, don't underestimate me." She said slyly, but with venom. He grabbed her wrist and started dragging her away, but she twisted so that she had ahold of his wrist, and twisted it behind him. He winced in pain, but didn't say anything. "Now you listen to me," she hissed into his ear from behind him. "You were the one who left. You were the one who said this was over. So goddammit, leave it be." He felt her shove him away, but he couldn't look back to see where she'd gone. He was angrier and more hurt than he'd ever been. He took a moment to catch his breath -
"Draco?" Someone said, alarmed, somewhere near him. He got so confused - he could still see the battle, or at least, bits and pieces of it. He could still hear her voice in his ear...
"Draco, stop it!" that same someone yelled. ...but wait...that's not what had happened next...
He blinked a few times and realized he was lying on the floor, Stefanie crouching over him. He didn't know how he'd ended up on the floor, but apparently he had.
"What...what happened?" He asked, blinking and trying to remember what was going on. He muttered a curse as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"I don't really know, I think a dementor walked by but I didn't see it..." She said, the concern gone from her voice.
"Here's the deal." Stefanie said again. "I'm going to defend you, and you don't have a choice. I don't care why you called me back into your life, but I'm here and you can't make me go away. Got it?" Draco was too exhausted to do anything but nod. "Good. I'll be in touch, I promise. You don't worry about anything except...not going crazy. I'll worry about the rest of it, alright? Including Ginny and the kids."
"Is Mike here?" Draco asked quietly.
"I think that's his name, yeah. Him and his mom are here. Anyway, don't worry. Once this is over you'll be back to the status your grandfather had in society. Lickity split. All this Death-Eater War nonsense is making me sick. We'll make sure it ends here."
"Stefanie," Draco said warningly, knowing she'd never understood the full gravity of the War and its...incidents. "You can't just tell people not to care and expect them to do it. That War was a big deal around here, and people don't take lightly to seventeen year olds killing their grandmother. You need to..walk on eggshells."
"I will do no such thing!" Stefanie said, almost offended. "This is ridiculous and I will not have you missing your son's birthday because of it!"
"Stop it," he growled warningly, "I'm serious. Do not push this too hard or you'll go down in flames, too."
"I will push it as hard as I like. That's what wrong with England, no one wants to actually come out and say what's wrong, they just bottle it up until it gets to be too much, and a war explodes out of nothing." She ranted on and on about the differences between England and France, making little to no sense at all and very few points.
"Just...make sure she gets my Gringott's key, and my ring." He said quietly as Stefanie was walking out the door.
"Still in the same place?" Stefanie asked, and he nodded. She gave him another once-over before nodding and walking out.
Draco looked at the door again, hoping Ginny would come back at least to say goodbye, but he had no such luck. Of course she wasn't coming back. He'd probably find an empty house once he got out of Azkaban. If he got out of Azkaban, which he probaby wouldn't. She was probably on her way home now, to pack up the kids and move back to the Burrow...he'd have no one left. Not that he'd never dealt with that sort of situation before, it was just...now he needed to relearn how to deal without her. He wasn't sure if he could ever do that, especially now, with the kids - what were they going to think of him? Emma probably already hated him, and would make sure none of the kids ever spoke to him again - she had that sort of power over people, the same kind that Stefanie had.
Stefanie. He knew she was going to push this issue right into the eye of the public, and then even if the Wizengamot wanted to let him go, they couldn't. He goes free and all hell breaks loose. Again.
Maybe it would've been better to have stayed in New Jersey. Hell...maybe it would've been better to not leave in the first place.