Miss Terious and her butler disappeared into the upstairs office, leaving me to my fate.

I glanced down at my feet. "Margaret Shusher."

"Yes?" Owl Woman blurted, then, catching her own mistake, pretended like she hadn't said it. "That name sounds...oddly familiar. It puzzles me why you would mention such a name in my presence..." She trailed off.

The saw kept coming closer.

"Unless?" I prompted.

"Unless you happen to be a patron of the Cool World Cedar Roe Library."

"What?" I said.

"People do say my voice sounds a lot like Shusher's. But you needn't be confused. I and Shusher are merely friends, and sometimes when two friends hang out together for a long time, they start to sound alike."

I sighed impatiently, annoyed with the little charade. "Look, Margie. I know who you are. My dad bought your lemon of a minivan and your name badge was in the back seat. I don't need to be a genius to figure out who you are."

"Lemon!" she shouted. "My Owlmobile has a mobile surveillance center! It has wings and jet engines!"

"So do some versions of the Batmobile. But those actually go back in, or stay out so you can actually use them! Plus your car is a minivan! What, are you Bat Soccer Mom?"

It appeared I struck I nerve. She fell silent for a moment.

"But yeah," I continued. "I figured it out. You're as convincing as Superman putting on glasses and pretending to be Clark Kent."

"Oh God!" she cried. "I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone! I promised!"

"What?"

"Superman told me to never divulge his secret identity."

I shook my head. "Relax, lady. That cat got out of the bag a long time ago. My point is, he's not fooling anyone, and neither are you. Now, do you have some sort of Owl Boomerang, or an Owl Saw or something to get us out of these chains?"

"No," she said. "But those do sound like very good ideas."

I groaned. "Then what do you have?"

"The love of reading?"

"That's not going to help," I said.

"What do you mean, it's not going to help! Why, with a little research-"

"I mean, it won't do us any good right now. For starters, you should have researched the building before busting in here."

She sighed. "I have a Fine Gun."

I'm sure there's a great pun in there somewhere, but I just said, "As in library fines?"

"Yes. According to my records, Miss Terious checked out a copy of Green Eggs and Ham seventeen years ago, and still hasn't returned it. She also dog eared a copy of The Five Hundred Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins, and then there's the audiobook of Sense and Sensibility...

I rolled my eyes. "Is that why you're here?"

"Why else? I wouldn't break into a heavily guarded facility like this just to save your sorry posterior!"

"Look," I sighed. "Just...figure something out so we don't end up...bisected."

"Impressive! I had no idea you were capable of such vocabulary!"

"Could you please impress me and find us a way out of here?"

She did not.

So. Chained to a log, about to be sliced in half, to the tune of that shitty song from The Lion King.

I was pretty well done for. I wasn't animated at the moment, so I couldn't, I don't know, stretch my arms around the log, or whip my hands out of the cuff to pick my nose, or whatever Roger Rabbit would do to free his hands in this situation.

I tried to sing myself into a doodle, but the first things that came to mind were Paint It Black, Don't Fear the Reaper, and Don't Pay the Ferryman.

And then, everything stopped. The conveyor, the birds, everything.

The lights went down, and a bunch of disco lights came on.

A familiar looking warthog and meerkat appeared on top of one of the machines, armed with microphones.

An orchestra started up, and they sang this song:

"If you really love your work, you'll make a better world

The money will keep rolling in, your plans will all unfurl

So everyone, be optimists, keep smiling at your desk

`Cause if you keep on smiling, your ship will come in next..."

And so on.

I know, typical Disney musical.

The machinery started back up, the birds doing their assigned tasks to the music.

Blue men hid the chains holding the birds down, others disguising the bird saws.

A second later, the office door came open.

"Everyone look lively!" Pumbaa barked. "The next bird with a frowning face will be in the discard oven!"

And then he sang, "Keep trying, keep trying, it doesn't matter who you know, just keep on working really hard and the streets will flow with gold. My pocketbook will overflow if you believe this song, so everyone be optimists, now come on sing along..."

And so on.

Disney musicals. They're all the same.

I saw a pair of slender legs stepping out the office door, and then, there she was.

I thought for a moment she was your regular she-villain, like Harley Quinn or Emma Frost.

She was animated, she had on a cape with a skull brooch, black bikini, elbow length gloves, and boots that cinched way above the knees.

But then her body flickered, and I saw a human standing there.

When I remembered Dane's drawing, I suddenly put two and two together.

"Jessica!" I yelled. "Jessica!"

For a couple minutes, she just ignored me. Miss Terious was giving them a tour of the facility, and they were fascinated. I was glad I was in a Slow Moving Death Trap. I probably would have been dead otherwise.

Mr. Eyepatch Guy was with the girl, of course, walking around with a baby carrier strapped over his stomach.

The baby looked human.

Ish.

It was rather disturbing, actually. Although non-animated, the infant had long floppy ears, like (presumably) the father. It had a muzzle, and its eyes didn't look right for a human baby, more rounded and golf ball like. It was like a cartoon character covered in human flesh.

Remember that scene in the Twilight Zone movie where the boy makes his cartoon characters turn real in a grotesque and disturbing sort of way? It was kind of like someone had sex with that and had a baby.

I didn't have the luxury of mocking at the moment. All I could do was yell and hope Jessica heard me.

"Chad!" I suddenly heard Owl Woman yelling.

I stared down at her. "You know that guy?"

"I..." she stammered. "Let's just say I do, and leave it at that."

"Fine by me," I said with a shrug, and we yelled the two over to us.

The spinning saw blade now came within a foot of my head.

Jessica spun around, her mouth falling open in shock. "Drew?"

"Yeah! A little help, please?"

"Drew!" she laughed. She marched closer, but didn't lift a finger to help. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story and I'm short on time!" I nodded to the saw.

"Chad?" Ms. Shusher said.

The kangaroo looked horrified. "Owl Woman! What have they done to you?"

"Shut up and help us!" I and Owl Woman yelled in unison.

Jessica grabbed a lever and pulled.

It was the wrong lever. The blade sounded angry now.

"No no!" I shouted. "Shut it off!"

I swear I could feel the blade brushing air particles next to my scalp.

As Jessica peered at the controls, the log rolled closer to the blade.

I felt the blade tugging at my hair.

She slammed her palm down on a large button.

The saw blade stopped with a noisy alarm bell. I and Owl Woman sighed in relief.

"Turn that back on!" Miss Terious shouted. "They're saboteurs!"

Jessica crossed her arms. "If they are, they're very stupid ones."

"Hey!" I cried.

Ignoring me, Jessica continued. "I doubt very seriously that Mr. Deebes can sabotage anything. Even with Moth Woman here, I can't imagine it happening."

"Moth Woman!" Shusher cried indignantly.

Miss Terious sighed. "I suppose you're right..."

She clapped her hands, and a group of blue goons unshackled us.

The moment he was free, Mack Daddy dove into my dress and hid there.

I climbed down, staring at Jessica. "So...I guess...you and Mr. Eyepatch..."

She nodded. "It was awesome."

Feeling slightly ill, I frowned at the baby. "I see."

Of course, then I flickered and turned into the little red tin can robot from Ulysses 39.

"Who did you sleep with?" she asked with a giggle. "Please don't say Rosie the Robot."

"My sister," I muttered. "Half sister, to be precise."

She burst out laughing. "So...uh..."

Cool World's official historian and researcher had to stop and figure that one out.

"So your dad...slept with..."

"Holli Would," I said. "She used to be completely animated. Getting the picture?"

She furrowed her brow for a moment, then smacked the side of her head. "Of course! That makes perfect sense!"

Then she looked confused again. "Did you...not know she was your sister, or did you know she was and slept with her anyway?"

"I seriously didn't know," I said. "Now, I think I should probably make a graceful exit before..."

I glanced at Extra apologetically.

Owl Woman looked down at Chad's baby carrier and smiled. "You have a very beautiful baby."

"Thank you," said Jessica. "I made it myself."

"Si," Chad said. "Thank you."

Owl Woman sighed, looking into his eyes. "I just want to know something. Do you love her? Is this something long term?"

Chad frowned. "Why is this any concern of yours?"

Shusher put a hand on her feathery hip. "I think you know why this is my concern."

The kangaroo looked like he were concentrating really hard. "Because...you're a superhero."

"No, Chad," she said. "Try again."

He still had that stupid look on his face.

Jessica was covering her mouth, suppressing a giggle.

"You..." Chad's eyes darted back and forth. "No. This is not possible. You are a strange superhero and you help me more than others, but...no. I cannot...no. I..."

Owl Woman shook her head sadly. Then, after gazing at him a moment, she said, "You look just like your father when he was your age."

"But!" Chad stammered. He let out nonsense syllables.

Jessica shook the superhero's hand. "Nice to meet you, Owl Woman. I-" She fought down another giggle. "Ahem. Maybe we can have a baby shower at the Owl Cave or something."

"It's called The Roost," Owl Woman corrected. "But yes, I'd like that. We have a lot of catching up to do. A lot of...explaining."

Jessica chuckled. "You want to set a date, or do you want to give me an invitation by Owl Batarang?"

Owl Woman frowned at Miss Terious. "I'll let you know. Too much has been said here already."

"Can I come to the baby shower too?" Miss Terious asked. "I love baby showers."

We just stared at her.

"Drew," Jessica said. "Have you been in the real world any?"

I shrugged. "A little. Why?"

"Is my car still at the hotel?"

"Yeah," I said. "I even filled it up for you."

She smiled. "Thanks. Did you move anything around at all?"

"I put some of your stuff in my apartment. Let me know when you want it. I'll get you the keys."

I dug in my pocket. "Speaking of which..."

Instead of the keys, I pulled out a banana.

Frowning in dismay, I threw it aside and found myself pulling out all sorts of junk. A multicolored scarf, a sonic screwdriver, then a mallet with a really really long handle. "I put your keys in my pocket. They've got to be in here somewhere!"

She sighed and shook her head. "God. Forget it. I'll go to my apartment and get a spare or something."

"I can't help it. I went through Hammerspace and I was trying to grab my bird, which incidentally is over there making toothpicks." I pointed that way. "I guess that somehow messed everything up."

Then I eyed her in puzzlement. "Wait. How did you get here?"

"Chad drove me."

She said it like this were as easy as a trip to the grocery store.

That didn't make sense to me, but nothing in Cool World did.

I turned human for a moment, with human clothing.

Thankfully, I could at last find the keys. She took them with a curt nod.

I stared at the kid in the carrier. "That baby isn't...animated."

Jessica nodded. "So?"

"So..." I said. "He's clearly...not one hundred percent human. How is that even possible?"

She gave me a smile. "Magic."

"Can you use...your magic to fix me?"

"Sorry," she said, flashing animated. "You think if I could, I'd still be doing this?"

I didn't reply.

She must have noticed my facial expression, for then she said, "Don't get me wrong. Being a doodle is great. It's the turning back into a regular noid that pisses me off. If I knew how to do it, I would make myself completely animated by now."

"Have you tried asking a doodle to push you off a roof?" Hey, I was being helpful.

She gave me a solemn nod. "Yes. But I somehow think there's a better way."

"Well, I'm also working on a cure," I said. "When I find something, I'll let you know."

A blue man marched up to Owl Woman with a CD, a copy of Bartholomew Cubbins, and a wad of money.

"I believe you were looking for these?" Miss Terious said.

The superhero took them with a nod. "Our records still indicate you have not returned Green Eggs and Ham."

Miss Terious rolled her eyes. "I was opening a portal to the Shadow Realm and it fell into the Swamp of Lost Souls."

"There's a replacement fee for lost or stolen books."

The blue guy handed her about six dollars.

"There is also interest associated with the non-return. It has been gone from our shelves for a number of years..."

The faceless man dug in his blue pocket, handing her a wad of cash.

"Thank you for your patronage."

Owl Woman threw a canister of something on the floor, but all it did was make a little fog that barely obscured the ankles of her orange bird boots. Looking embarrassed, she spun and marched out the back door.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" Jessica asked me.

"It seemed like the thing to do."

She chuckled.

I turned to face Miss Terious. "How do I get out of here?"

"Right this way." She lead us up the flight of steps to the office.

Extra's eyes turned doe-like and brimmed with tears as I departed, but there wasn't much I could do.

We entered a control room full of buttons, lights and switches, all apparently for monitoring and controlling poor little birds.

The place reminded me of what they used to have in the control board at hydroelectric dams, except they had some computers set aside for more nonstandard functions, like selecting targets for atomic destruction, and popping kettle corn with just the slightest hint of bacon flavoring. For some strange reason, the popcorn device worried me more than the atomic warheads.

"What are you doing in this factory?" Jessica asked me.

"I was trying to save Extra. He's my bird. Actually, he used to be your bird, until, uh...well...they don't like your boyfriend."

"What's so bad about this place? The birds seem happy here."

"They are happy." Miss Terious pointed to a pair making clocks in the floor below. "See?"

On cue, the birds turned and smiled, looking like the happiest fowl this side of Snow White.

Jessica apparently failed to notice the withering glare Miss Terious had given the birds, for she only gave the villainness a smirk.

I frowned. "I can't talk about it here."

"Then I'm sure you can discuss that matter at a later time," Miss Terious said. "Now, assuming that you do not wish to be confused with a saboteur, I will have my guards escort you out the front entrance."

Jessica gave me a wink. "Bye, Drew."

I didn't know what that wink meant, but I decided it best not to assume she was `open for business', so to speak.

I let the basketball goblins lead me through a door, into a warehouse full of...you can probably guess. Those poor overworked birds.

Past that room was an actual store that sold the items.

The goons threw me to the floor, then, as they had slid aside a wall to get me into the shop, slid the wall back in place, a wall, which, from my vantage point, looked like nothing but a painting of a dozen kookoo clocks.

For shopkeeps, the place had a kindly looking old Geppetto, and that weird half human sheepdog thing from The Black Cauldron.

I wouldn't have been surprised if the two had mustache growing contests when they thought no one was looking.

At any rate, the two did not seem not terribly surprised to see me enter the store via a secret entrance, so I doubted they would be of any help. I brushed myself off and marched outside.

CC KnickKnocker, I discovered, stood across the street from a very familiar looking pizza place and Al's Vegetarian Poodle Clipping. I stepped out on the sidewalk, wary of crossing the street, seemingly empty at the moment.

A Cadillac had been parked in front of the store, but it was not the Cat-Illac, so I decided to leave it alone. This was Cool World, not Grand Theft Auto.

I needed to get help, but I didn't know where to go. Some tough hero type who was sympathetic to my cause, and not a wimp like Owl Woman. But what kind of tough hero would care about little birdies in a factory?

I wandered up the sidewalk, staring in the dress shop, the deli...

The sidewalk stopped at an intersection. I ran like hell to cross it, nearly getting creamed by a delivery truck.

I glanced at the shop windows.

Acme.

A bookstore, one full of puns.

Two more Acme stores. For a company notorious for making shoddy goods, they sure had real estate.

I found the police station a block down.

The moment I stepped through the door, a dozen cartoon cops pulled their guns on me.

Someone said something, and they all put them down again, except for Cartoon Dirty Harry, who kept asking me if I felt lucky, and when I said no, he would pull out a different gun and ask me again. "How about now?"

I asked for Officer Harris at the front desk.

The hippo sighed. "Just a moment."

"Harris," she said into the switchboard phone. "The Deebes guy wants to speak to you."

A second later, Harris's spider pal stood in front of me, chomping his cigar back and forth in his mouth. "Boss says to take you upstairs. You must be a glutton for punishment."

He led me into the elevator, the same one we had previously taken to the jail, except now we were traveling upwards.

"In case you're wondering," the spider said. "When we found out you were only sleeping with your sister, the charges against you were dropped. That's the only reason why you're not rotting in a jail cell right now." He paused. "Anything more about the Spike of Power?"

"No," I said. "Holli drained some juice off it, but left it where it was."

The spider sighed in relief. "Last time was horrible. I'd prefer not repeat that ever again."

"What's your name again?" I asked.

"Nails. Why?"

"Nothing," I said. "We just seem to keep running into each other, so I thought I'd ask."

The trenchcoat wearing orange cat from Last Action Hero joined us again, but he seemed more interested in picking his boogers and eating them than talking to us.

The elevator opened, and I was led down a spartan looking hallway lined with offices. I saw names on the door plaques, but the only one that I recognized was Commissioner Gordon, and he was out at the moment. I couldn't see through the frosted glass, so I couldn't tell who anyone else was.

Harris's office lay at the end of the hall. The room was rather up-to-date and sophisticated, with a 1930's twist, like the Batcave combined with a PI's office from a Raymond Chandler novel. The big antique desk had a computer and telecom systems on it, the gun locker had an electronic security system, and there was an elaborate surveillance system hummed next to the rusty old file cabinet in the back corner.

I stared at the framed pictures on the desk, a black haired cartoon woman and two children. They owned a dog, sort of a simplified imitation of that sheepdog from Disney's Little Mermaid.

The officer reclined in a posh swivel chair, smoking a cigarette. The old ceiling fan creaked noisily above our heads.

Noting my manner of dress, Harris said, "Great! You know, I was just thinking this place needed some spit and polish. You can start in the corner with the plant and the filing cabinet."

I frowned at the philodendron. "Funny."

"So," he said. "To what do I owe this great honor? Want official permission to sleep with someone else? The answer, of course, is no."

I frowned at him. "What do you know about CC Knickknocker?"

Harris shrugged, pointing to a clock. "Damn fine workmanship if you ask me."

I told him about the birds. The animal cruelty. Everything. He just silently puffed his cigarette.

"Deebes. Would you listen to yourself? This whole place is filled with animal cruelty. You can't even walk outside without seeing a cat getting blown up, or stabbed, or beaten with a club. If I go and arrest the people at Knickknockers, I'd have to arrest everyone in town!

"Take my advice, Deebes. Go back to your sister and find another birdie. You're out of your depth."

I half expected Mack Daddy to fly at Harris and pound some sense into him, but when he popped out of my dress, he only drooped like a beaten plug horse.

"Why did I even bother," I said. "You're still an asshole."

Harris tapped is cigarette into an ashtray, took another drag. "Ditto."