The bird recovered from her faint, bursting out from under the table to French kiss the iguana.

Me Too staggered back, staring at her in disgust. "Whoa," he said, wiping his mouth. "What was that about?"

"My conscience, that's what," she said. "I may be a conservative Jew, but I've always secretly been pro life. You don't know how happy your little act of sabotage makes me! For hours, I've had nothing but constant migraines, and now they're gone! You saved me. You may have saved my job!"

"You have more than one job," he said.

"(Ahem) yes, but now my hours won't get cut! The babies are alive!"

And then she jumped on me, Frenching me as well.

It amazes me how a bird beak, which isn't supposed to have lips, somehow gains lips when it's animated.

She suddenly pulled away, looking embarrassed. "Sorry."

"About what?" I blurted.

I guess the place was getting to me. Or maybe it was just my frustration about my sister, and the bird being kind of cute.

It seemed she did not agree, for she suddenly turned red, and I heard rather nauseating squishing sounds.

That did it. The mood was gone.

Actually, I said. "What I meant was, `You'd better be sorry.'" And I shoved her out of the booth.

She stood on the tile floor, staring at me with little hearts popping out of her uniform.

"I thought you were disgusted by humans, and doodles sleeping with noids," I said.

"I am," she said, red faced. "What makes you think..."

She noticed the hearts.

"Oh damn," she whispered.

And then, forcing more sternness into her voice, "Look, I don't like you. It's just, with the noid-doodle hybrids and everything..." Her beak started trembling. "I'm very confused." And more hearts popped out.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Her answer, of course, was, "For what?"

Becoming even more red faced, she turned to speak to the lizard instead.

"We need to talk to management about getting our jobs back. We have enough to make them change their minds."

"You really think so?" Me Too asked.

Cupcake nodded, leading him to the door.

"Wait," I said to the lizard. "About that noid office building. Were you talking about the place down the street from the dump, or is there another one?"

"There's two of them," he said. "And a few more a couple blocks down from the Slash Club."

I cringed. "Great. Thank you, I guess."

As the two departed, the bird blew me a kiss, which flapped over and got me on the mouth.

Right. So, kinda weird. I wasn't even sure she knew that Amanda was my sister, or if she just liked stealing people's boyfriends. I really didn't go for the poopy pants thing anyway.

I marched up to the goat. "Hey, Mr. H," I said as Drew Scout. "Have you seen Amanda around lately?"

He frowned, looking rather tense. "I'm sorry, she's...not the kind of character that patronizes this establishment."

I rolled my eyes. "What about Vanessa Vixx?"

"She and her noid friend...may have come by just a few hours ago..."

I flickered human.

The goat's demeanor suddenly turned grandfatherly. "I knew you two were destined to be together. Little Amanda...I can scarcely recognize her anymore. I'm glad she finally found a soul mate."

"Soul mate nothing," I said. "I'm her brother."

Mr. Hoofnagel shrugged. "Maybe that's what she needed."

Mac Daddy popped out of my dress, fluttering over to the goat. "Alex?"

"Shreveport?" the goat answered. "Is that you?"

"Lex! You old goat!"

Mr. H looked worried now. "What happened to your beak?"

"Miss Terious captured me and used me as her slave. Long story, but at least I'm free now. How about you?"

The goat cleaned a glass like a stereotypical movie bartender. "Oh, same old, same old." He pointed a hoof at me. "Is that your friend?"

"Yes," he said. "He's been trying to help my son."

Hoofnagel sighed and shook his head. "Shreveport. You always did keep the strangest friends."

"It's Mac Daddy now," the bird corrected. "The noid named me."

Mr. H's eyes widened.

I raised my hands defensively. "Actually, I think Shreveport is a much better name."

"Yes," said the bird. "But it didn't come from you."

I sighed. "What about Daddy Shreves? Or maybe Shrevemac?"

Shreveport looked indifferent. "Just don't call me late for dinner!"

Hoofnagel leaned toward the bird conspiratorially. "Did you know he's Amanda's sister?"

Daddy Shreves gawked at me. "Little Amanda?"

"She's big Amanda now." The goat cupped his hoof toward the bird, intending for me not to hear, but I heard anyway. "I think they're sleeping together."

Shreve gave me a wheezy old man laugh. "If he wants to do that, it's his business."

Irritated with the both of them, I pulled my phone out of my button coat and called Dane.

It rang several times, going to voicemail.

"Oh great," I groaned. "This is perfect."

"Dane," I said after the beep. "I'm stuck at Hoofnagel's. Can you please get someone to pick me up?"

She picked up in the middle of my speech. "What are you doing over there?"

I told her what happened to me.

"All right," she said. "We'll be over in a minute."

And then I waited.

"Mr. Deebes," said the goat. "Come over here. There's something I want to show you."

"How do you...?" I began, but I stopped when I supposed he knew my sister's last name.

Mr. H unfolded a newspaper on the counter, showing me the want ads section. "You were asking about the strange new buildings in town. I believe these are the ones."

There were more than I realized. In addition to Legitimate Solutions Services Inc, and Ewes Bank, there was a Navient, a Sunfresh and a Treasure Chest Printing LLC. You could tell they were real, and not fictional, by the serious, rather uninteresting way they phrased their ads, followed by the letters EOE. Even `Ewes' had that dry corporate flavor, hinting that it wasn't as cartoony as it sounded.

The other businesses, like Acme, all sounded rather suspicious, like, "Mad Scientist's Lab assistant wanted. Massive growth opportunity!" or, "Taffy Puller Machine Tech needed. Must be flexible."

Of course, I also saw ads saying "Safe sex - get paid", "Work from home, make money - be your own boss," or "Take a survey, win cash", but those are suspicious in both worlds.

"Mind if I take this?" I asked.

When he handed it over, I glanced at the front page, some story about the baby farms and that bird I just talked to. I only watched a little of its animated picture before I heard the door chimes and saw Dane walking in.

"Drew?"

I waved to her. "Hey."

"Nice outfit," she said with a grin. "It probably looks better when you're in your animated form."

I decided it best not to `bite the hand that drives me'. "Yeah, probably."

Dane smiled and waved at the goat. "Hey, Mr. H."

And then she frowned at me. "So your bird buddy's in trouble?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Damn. Let's go ask Amanda."

My sister was waiting outside in Chips. Since Dane took the front passenger seat, she had to pull a lever and make a small motorcycle seat pop out in the back for me to sit on.

As she started up the engine and drove down the street, I told her about my predicament.

"That's terrible! That poor bird!"

"We've got to do something," I said. "But the cops aren't going to help. I already tried."

"Put up the Bat Signal!" Dane said. "Or call for Underdog!"

Amanda shook her head. "Batman won't help animals. I already tried that once. And...I've called for Underdog too many times. He won't come anymore. I...think we're going to have to deal with this one on our own."

Dane sighed.

"Someone nabbed your bird friend?" I heard a voice calling from the back.

Riffraff had been reclining on Amanda's bed the whole time. He sat up, looking at me with pity.

"Yeah," I said. "I tried to help, but Miss Terious's thugs got me. I barely made it out alive."

The cat rubbed his chin, looking worried. "Have you thought about calling Sonic the Hedgehog? He's into saving boids."

"He's too busy," Amanda said. "He has to save lots of animals all over the place."

"But he can run fast," Dane urged.

Amanda frowned. "Not that fast. And if he's tied up..."

"You should at least try."

My sister sighed. "All right. I'll send him a message, but I don't know if it will do any good."

Dane snapped her fingers. "The Ninja Turtles!"

"No," I said. "The last time I met them, they beat the crap out of me."

"What about the Rescue Rangers? They help animals."

"Uh," I stammered. "I kinda helped kill Dale. I doubt they'll want to help me with anything. If we could bribe Fatcat, on the other hand..."

"Bribe!" Riffraff cried. "You took out a loan to pay for a car!"

"This place is full of superheroes," Dane said. "Surely you can find someone..."

Amanda let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. It's not that easy. We should go see dad. He'll know what to do."

Riffraff tugged on my outfit. "I see you found the slave shop."

"Yeah," I groaned. "I found it, all right."

He pointed to the paper I had clutched in the crook of my arm. "What's that?"

"Want ads. I gotta pay for the car somehow." I paused. "Of course, I saw a few things that look suspicious. I think we're going to have to take a brief detour."