A/N: Sorry for the late chapter! I drifted away from anime for a while to focus on my job, which got me a pay raise! Woot woot! I've since managed to carve out some time and return to picking up HxH.
Enjoy!
;
Kurapika led Titania to the sketchiest desert slums Titania had the misfortune of entering. Apparently the equivalent of a hunter job broker was a wrinkled, bony woman with more piercings than skin, and what qualified her for her position was sass and a computer. The woman flicked a thumb over her shoulder and mocked how Kurapika and Titania couldn't see "it," leading the woman to conclude that the two of them weren't actually hunters. This cryptic observation evidently justified her in kicking them out of her office.
Titania and Kurapika aimlessly drifted away from the broker's workplace, the both of them feeling like tearing their hair out for different reasons. Kurapika helplessly confirmed with Titania that they both had decent eyesight and yet hadn't seen anything behind the broker's thumb. Titania internally wailed at her luck.
She hadn't truly graduated the hunter exam? Was the plastic card in her pocket actually just a permit!?
They took a break in a forest, setting up camp as they struggled to decide where to go next. That was when a scruffy homeless man fired what seemed like bullets at them and taunted how for all their senses, they couldn't see "it."
Titania had a feeling the element in question wasn't "love." She definitely wasn't sensing compassion.
There was a time where Titania engaged in strength training by moving around heavy teacups while in the shadow of assassins. What the hobo made Kurapika and Titania do for the following months was something much…different. Was it worse? Titania couldn't tell.
There were a lot of breathing exercises.
Tai chi.
Then the homeless man had the two of them kamehameha a glass of water with a leaf in it under the guise of "teaching."
Somehow, Titania found herself still able to be surprised by the actions of the exam instructors. In the rare moment an examiner was actually personally assisting an examinee, the help was thoroughly puzzling and eccentric. When Kurapika made something indecipherable form in his glass of water, the hobo nodded sagely and declared Kurapika a conjurer. He explained that "nen" was life energy, and everyone was inclined towards different manifestations of it, like "conjuring," based on their nature.
The idea seemed rubbish to Titania, especially when the hobo began pulling out hexagonal diagrams with numbers and stuff.
Honestly, Titania would have been content taking an MBTI or enneagram test. She didn't need a leaf to explain her personality.
When Titania's leaf split in half as if by its own will, the hobo hummed.
"Specialist," he identified. "Your use of nen isn't inclined toward any of the other types."
Titania's head blue-screened while Kurapika grilled the hobo on the definition of conjuring. Her hatsu was defined by its lack of definition!? If the easiest way of using life's crayon for her was not drawing shapes or throwing her crayon across a bloody room, then what was left for her?
No, she was approaching her present situation from the wrong angle. She only had to learn how to use nen to pass the hunter exam. After finishing the exam, Titania just had to maintain her ability to use nen, in case she crossed paths with someone who questioned her authenticity as a hunter. She didn't want to be accused of falsely passing the exam.
In the midst of her internal reasoning, Kurapika and the hobo erupted into an argument.
"Revenge is shallow, kid! What will be left of you afterwards!?"
The homeless man bellowed after Kurapika's vanishing back as the blonde stormed off. Titania panicked and raced after her walking club friend. A wild glance back revealed the homeless man mutely watching them disappear into the forest like a solemn statue, resolute to remain in place if they ever decided to return to him for further instruction.
"Kurapika!" Titania caught up. "Wait!"
"I just have to place conditions on myself," Kurapika determined. "If I want to imprison the Phantom Troupe with an unbreakable chain, I have to act with unbreakable resolve."
"Sounds pretty," Titania panted, "on paper. You already know you'll avenge your people, but the tai chi hobo didn't seem to believe you capable of conjuring impossible things anyway…. What?"
Kurapika stopped to turn an odd gaze on her. "Tai chi hobo?"
Titania fluttered a hand. "A homeless man who subscribes to callisthenics, meditation, and glasses of water. Like drinking water would solve everything. That's not the point!" She shook her head and refocused. "How will you consistently summon the willpower to cheat reality? You're not an energy drink commercial. Even if you were, abusing your adrenal glands like that would be unhealthy."
Maybe the hobo had it right, after all. Titania didn't want Kurapika to pressure himself for the ability to make sturdy bling from thin air, when he could just spend the money she knew he had. Science's wonders were the same across worlds. There had to be a portable utility cable for sale somewhere, and Kurapika did have access to hunter eBay.
"If I use the chain on anyone not in the Phantom Troupe," Kurapika decided, "I'll immediately die."
Titania grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Am I being ignored!? I'm a delicate flower that requires care and validation! Ha. You blinked."
Kurapika flustered. "I don't mean to ignore you, Ti. My apologies. For what it's worth, I admit that I'm struggling to comprehend most of what you said."
"I'm just trying to get you to pause," Titania surrendered, "and think. Don't cheapen your life with a few words. If you truly intend to conjure an impossibility, then imagine a scenario where you don't avenge your kind."
"What…?"
Titania pointed at his chest. "Remember the old lady our group met on our way to the hunter exam? What if you had to choose between saving a child, or capturing the Phantom Troupe?" Titania cut Kurapika off because she wasn't finished. "If you have to change your personality for revenge, then you need to find a different approach. Even the heavens find a way to seize retribution without becoming hell."
Kurapika's gaze fell to the forest floor they stood on, as if the answer to his problems was in his shoes. A sullen silence descended.
"If…" he murmured, "…I use the chain on anyone not in the Phantom Troupe…then I must immediately give up on vengeance."
The instant Kurapika said it, his composure shattered and his eyes dimmed red. Kurapika valued avenging his clan more than his own life, and human life was of no small significance to him. It was a testimony to the fact he was willing to lose his. Vengeance's weight on Kurapika was like a blackhole's, bending reality around him toward its dark centre. Now, by sparing Kurapika's life and placing revenge on the line, Kurapika had access to a unique sense of despair and determination. As the hobo had said, breaking one's vow risked losing one's nen to possibly irreversable and damaging effects.
If Kurapika didn't have an unbreakable chain on hand to face the Phantom Troupe, he wouldn't be able to get revenge.
However, if he used his unbreakable chain on anyone who wasn't in the Phantom Troupe, then revenge would be lost to him.
He was slotting himself into a narrow and difficult position that assuredly required substantial willpower to follow through. If Titania was feeling generous, she could say that the conditions were just one absurdity short of a Catch-22. However, the opportunity to contemplate Kurapika's decision was quickly stolen from Titania.
Kurapika gestured. "Do you think…you can help me develop my chain?"
Titania followed Kurapika's motion to the thin chain delicately wrapped around his palm for grip. The blonde was already experimenting.
Titania shrugged. "What use am I?"
Kurapika loosened the chain in his hand, revealing a weight at its end to influence its movement. "…Target practice?"
"Oho!" The old woman leaned towards her computer. "Back so soon? What can I do for you?"
Kurapika gestured. "I seek someone with strong ties to the Southernpiece Auction. Job type is irrelevant."
Titania watched the woman languidly type away with the pads of her fingers. The job broker must have refreshed her acrylic nails.
"Most employers at that level won't consider hunters without experience," the woman hummed, shifting to her mousepad. "I do have three exceptions. Bodyguard positions, no resume required, interview process only. The employers are a gun buff, an antiquarian, and a flesh collector."
Kurapika's lips thinned. "Connect me with the last one."
The job broker's eyes passed to Titania. "And you?"
Titania blinked. "Are there any employers in the occult?"
The job broker's eyes flicked to her screen. "Anything specific?"
"…Shamans?"
The woman suddenly chuckled like Titania had told a joke. Or was one. "You're in luck," the woman shared. "The VIP for the bodyguard detail is an important figure in the underground world. They're renowned for their accurate fortune telling, particularly towards one's misfortune. If you pass the interview, you're assured proximity with them."
"…Is there anyone else?"
The job broker rose a brow. "Occult shamans?"
Titania sighed. "Understandable, please connect me as well."
Kurapika and Titania ended up in a mansion with other applicants, scrolling through rare items they were to search for as part of their application process. Their employer had appeared to them through a framed painting hiding a high definition widescreen. The camouflaged display had perfectly captured his expectations for them to double as a bodyguard and collector.
"It's part of the application process," the man with eyebags had said. "Refer to your devices for an item you must retrieve." The mobiles they were given had a large screen that could display objects like the skull of a one-horned creature, or the right arm of an Egyptian mummy.
"Mummy," Titania enthusiastically murmured to Kurapika, quickly elaborating with, "I'm going to hunt for the mummy's arm!" She knew she was in a different world, but the fact that it apparently had a place called Egypt? Titania's curiosity burned with the need to investigate for similarities.
Kurapika merely side-eyed her. "You really are inclined towards the occult, I see." The last item on the list froze the teen in place.
Kurta eyeballs.
A nearby applicant leaned over Kurapika's shoulders, the man's pompadour bobbing. "You feeling alright? You look pale. Oh! Kurta eyeballs, huh? They're tough to get––"
Titania cut in with a raised hand. "Not as tough as your pecs, am I right? They're like the devil's bosom: soft at first then unapologetically rock-hard!" She patted the man's hairy chest worthy of a month in a biker's calendar.
She wasn't groping. Was she?
It was with good intentions!
"Another thing," the framed painting spoke up from the side. "For this role, you must be tough enough to escape this mansion alive."
The room's doors exploded.
Titania coughed through the smoke, tripping backwards over a chair. She was simultaneously embarrassed that her potential employer had witnessed her getting touchy-feely, and despairing that the mafia evidently shared the hunter exam's philosophy on how to run tests. Through the smoke came hazmat ninjas pouncing on the closest target with swords and guns. The stuffed armchair Titania had knocked over rescued her from bullets, but obstructed her from attempting the doors that the ninjas had blown up. Maybe she could try the doors upstairs?
Titania looked up to see Kurapika leap away from ninjas at the banisters and onto a chandelier.
Yeah, no.
Titania scurried around fallen furniture like a cockroach for the windows, climbing over the dead butler on the way. Seriously, one of the applicants had used the old man as a shield!? That meant Titania couldn't even trust her fellow applicants!
Nothing new for her, but still! She had hoped the mafia would be better!
"Bloody criminals," Titania muttered as she picked up a framed family photo from the ground. It was heavily paned and the frame must have been eight pounds of precious metal. Perfect for vandalism or bludgeoning heads. "If I commit crime against criminals, does that make me a criminal?"
The windows shattered with Titania's homerun pitch, the photographed family smiling their way out into a manicured lawn. At the same time, Kurapika descended and held an applicant hostage.
"You're the manipulator controlling these puppets," Kurapika deduced, pressing a letter opener into the applicant's neck. "Call them off."
Titania nodded from where she stood with one leg out the window. If her friend jumped off a cliff, she would…hesitate, but still follow. Metaphorically. She had already jumped off a literal cliff after her friends before. Regardless, Kurapika was committing a crime, and Titania was present to support him as a fellow walking club member.
The hazmat ninjas deflated into rubber starfish peppering the ground. Kurapika released the manipulator who likewise collapsed into a shredded sofa.
"No hard feelings," the manipulator confessed. "The boss wanted me to test you guys. The name's Shachmono Tocino."
Titania retreated back indoors as the room's energy levelled. "You also a cook?"
Shachmono tilted his head. "No, why?"
His last name meant bacon. "No reason."
Kurapika lowered the weight of his chain, drawing near the rest of the applicants. "The only question left is, who else here has come to serve the same purpose?"
The pompadour applicant perked up. "Like a traitor?"
Everyone shifted as the weight undulated in front of the last applicant Kurapika walked near.
The last applicant waved his hands in denial and threw accusations back at Kurapika and a short applicant who supported Kurapika. The room descended into chaos as mistrust and offense grew, before finally the pompadour applicant solved the issue by writing haiku and punching a chair to death.
There was fire.
More lying.
…Kissing?
Until finally the suspect confessed that he was an unlicensed hunter named Squala, hired to also test the applicants via dogs he had breeded, trained, and now manipulated with his nen. Titania frowned. People could be hunters without a license!? What was the point of an exam!?
The five actual applicants ended up strolling out of the mansion, leaving Squala and bacon behind. As far as tests went, this had been better than the hunter exam.
"We haven't shared names yet," the pompadour applicant noted, nudging the rest of the group. "I'm Basho, a conjuror as you've seen."
"Baise," the tallest woman present shared. "And I didn't kiss Squala to keep him. When it comes to pets, I'm pickier."
"Melody," the shortest shared, not batting an eye at the statement.
"Oh yeah, you can hear heartbeats," Basho commented. "What's your nen type?"
"You'll find out eventually."
"Coy!" Basho chuckled while Titania inwardly panicked. Right, if someone could detect deceit through one's heartbeat, did that mean Titania's past was in danger? Of course, who would believe her even if she spoke the truth? Would Kurapika and the rest be offended if they learned she had been lying to them since the beginning?
"And you?" Melody directed to the side. "What is your name?"
Titania shook herself out of her thoughts, blinking between Kurapika and Melody further over. "Me?"
"Don't bother," Kurapika murmured. "We have no certainty that we will all work together by the time of the auction."
Basho hummed. "Kid has a point. You're after the mummy arm, yeah?" At Titania's hesitant nod, Basho shrugged. "Then I'll find a case of fingernails from a six-fingered hand. Have fun in Egypersia."
Wait, Egypt didn't actually exist in this world!?
Titania drooped in her spot. "…Thanks."
Over the next month, Titania plagiarised as many heist movies as she could remember — within budget, since the scant money her hunter sign-on bonus got her only allowed her to purchase her Padokea tourist ensemble and cheap food. Bread and beans could stretch out when one was patient and, especially, desperate. In the end, Titania's knowledge of cinema and torrent brought her to scouting the local police department, spending time in a net cafe, and doctoring illegally downloaded movies to piece together a fake security tape. Given that Kurapika was hunting the hair of a famous actress passing through Egypersia, the blonde helped Titania with all the reading in his spare time.
The end result? Titania had sent a threatening "live" video feed to the director of a local, modest museum. The director could wire a million jennies to an Egypersian orphanage, or he could witness a roomful of artefacts in his museum blow up. When the equivalent of a SWAT team arrived, Titania bonked the last runner with her teacup-raising strength, slipped into their uniform, and tailed after the rest of the team to enter the museum unobstructed. While everyone was focused on the room she had threatened, Titania slipped into the mummy section using zetsu and stole an arm.
She left behind enough money for the entrance fee.
Either way, with Kurapika's assistance and overwatch, Titania had successfully committed her first full-blown crime. Thank you, Hollywood.
By the end of the month, all of the applicants managed to reunite at the mansion with their rare items. There, they were accepted by the man from the talking painting, a mafia family's head of security by the name of Dalzollene. He laid out their boss's route into Yorknew City, along with security expectations. It was a far cry from what Titania had experienced with an underfunded museum. From Egypersian news, however, Titania's little stunt had evidently gotten the museum publicity and inspired overwhelming funds to flow in. Did that make Titania less of a criminal?
Dalzollene cut off Titania's internal contemplation.
"I'll take you to the boss," the man with eyebags said. "Follow me."
Titania trailed after the group as Dalzollene led them through a show-and-tell. A former careless bodyguard who had risked the boss's life was now captured in a painting as a literal, silently screaming corpse. The current group of new hires were to replace him. Either the former bodyguard had been that valuable, or the mafia family had decided that it was cheaper to employ untested talent. Titania felt like a fresh college graduate entering the abusive wheel of capitalism.
Or in this case, organised crime.
Maybe if Titania failed her job, she would only be fired without severance pay…?
Dalzollene eventually halted the group at the end of a red carpet and nodded up a pedestal. "This is your boss, Miss Neon of the Nostrade Family."
Titania gaped up at the figure lounging on a sweet sixteen pajama party photo set. Their boss was stylish! She had a funky hairstyle involving marbles and distinct hair bangs! There were striped clothing and stuff!
"Ayooo…!" Titania faltered as heads turned her way.
Just when Titania thought a hidden sniper would finish her, the boss beamed down at the group. "Nice to meet all of you!" She gestured at her stuffed toy collection. "You like?"
Dalzollene stared at Titania with an intensity that said she would shut her mouth or die. He could have also been planning how to "dismiss" her.
"Just your spiffed up look," Titania hesitantly confessed.
Oddly, she wasn't fired. In fact, Titania was allowed to follow the group up into an airbus and down into a motorcade as part of Neon's protection detail. When Titania nudged Baise for insight on why Dalzollene had accepted Titania's behaviour, the tall woman rose a brow and looked Titania up and down.
Ah, yes. Titania's "I love Padokea" tie-dye shirt and her "Kukuroo Mountain" sport shorts. The cheapest items from the Padokea souvenir shop. She was also still wearing one sweater sleeve around her forehead to hide her scar.
In Titania's defence, it wasn't her personal fashion choice.
At the hotel Neon would be staying at, Dalzollene gathered the new hires, Squala, Shachmono, and two other bodyguards for their additional assignment. The head of the Nostrade Family wanted them to win three items from the Southernpiece Auction, regardless of bidding price. An attack during the auction could be expected.
Titania internally sweated. Dalzollene was referring to the Phantom Troupe, right? Should Titania tell him?
Yet Kurapika said nothing, only murmuring to Titania that logically, knowing the troupe would attack would make little difference. The bodyguard club could no more mentally profile the troupe than they could other complete strangers with vague records. They might as well follow Dalzollene's instruction to defend Neon from danger, regardless of the who, how, where, or when.
"Won't Melody sense we're deceiving everyone?" Titania whispered to Kurapika.
The blonde merely patted her on the back. "Don't feel guilty about something you can't control. Your pulse will even out."
Titania and Baise spent the rest of the day preparing for the auction night. Dalzollene wanted Baise to team up with two permanent bodyguards to go fetch Neon's desired items. For that, they had to be dressed up. Titania begged Baise to bring her along in her mafia-funded shopping given that Titania's wardrobe consisted of bargain t-shirt and shorts, and sweater weather clothing that had been hacked at by a kitchen knife.
Baise merely pointed her to hunter eBay.
"You're buying clothes online?" Titania moaned as she scrolled through her options. "What if it doesn't fit?"
"I've memorised what looks good on me," Baise shared. "Shop online more, and you'll develop a sense for it. What do you think of this colour?"
"Oooo," Titania leaned over. "Where did you find that?"
"Too late, it's sold out."
Both women groaned.
They ended up purchasing the first pair of clothes in their size that they could find. Baise had a black cocktail dress shipped to the hotel. Titania ordered…a candycane onesie.
It was one size fits all.
She didn't trust online shopping, alright!?
The bodyguard club and the actual bodyguards split up in pairs to stand guard from a determined radius that wouldn't alert local law enforcement of mafia activity. Dalzollene, Squala, and Titania were exceptions, instead sticking close to Neon as her immediate security. Titania mostly spent nightfall not making eye contact with anyone.
"You planning a pajama party?" Squala remarked.
"This is breathable!" Titania defended. She secured the onesie's hood up by its drawstrings. "Besides, red is slimming."
"Didn't know you cared about looks."
"Okay, love slave."
The dog breeder was still mortified he had ended up a "bitch's pet." "For just three hours!"
"Be honest, Squala; you were the b-word."
Squala had his St. Bernard jump on Titania. It was like having a brick wall collapse on her. Titania was eventually freed when she threatened to find his missus and tell her about Baise.
When Titania ran out of distractions, Squala commented on her twitchiness. "You nervous?"
"I'm not sleeping!" Titania jerked up, then covered her mouth.
Dalzollene popped his head out of Neon's room to shush them.
Titania slumped at her post. Ever since the Apalachin Meeting, mafia dons in her world had sworn to never collectively meet in one place lest they risk being arrested or wiped out in one go. Titania's paranoia liked even less the fact that the infamous summit had taken place in Apalachin, New York. While in her world, the meeting had occured in a sleepy hamlet, the circumstances were similar enough to the Southernpiece Auction that standing in the heart of Yorknew City made Titania antsy.
Then again, the auction was a yearly occurence, and Dalzollene's description of the venue security was impressive.
Titania only had to worry about thieves.
Maybe the Phantom Troupe were so good at their job, no one would detect their involvement until after the crime?
Dalzollene's hurried departure from Neon's room dashed those hopes. Everyone attending the initial auction had reportedly vanished from a room full of bulletholes, and the auction vault had been emptied. A hot air balloon had been sighted drifting away from the venue.
"There's a large reward out for the thieves' capture, along with the auction items," Dalzollene shared. "Squala, leave five dogs behind to guard the boss while we're out."
Titania and Squala followed Dalzollene downstairs to a family car, where Squala took the wheel and drove them for the hot air balloon's direction towards the desert. Dalzollene pinged Kurapika and the rest to follow suit, until they found each other a few kilometres from a desert valley where the thieves had parked their balloon. Squala and Bosha kept the cars idle while Kurapika reported an ongoing battle with his binoculars. The mafiosi who had arrived at the site first were being massacred by one of the thieves.
The thief was apparently immune to bullets and grenades.
"Are we supposed to fight that?" Titania searched Dalzollene and Kurapika for answers.
"No need."
Titania screamed and grabbed the closest person while a slimy, earth-coloured human rose from a freshly-dug tunnel in the ground. Three other equally bizzare people stepped out of the valley shadows to reveal themselves as the Shadow Beasts, the strongest fighters of the global mafia community. They were satisfied with Dalzollene's response that he and the bodyguard club were part of the Nostrade Family. The Shadow Beasts strolled past the group for the site of destruction,
––Only to suffer an instant knockout that also carved out the face of the earth.
Hello!? That was basically a meteor impact!?
While Titania didn't have access to binoculars, the Shadow Beasts hadn't left the bodyguard club for long before the valley had blown up. Dalzollene had enough time to identify the invincible thief as part of the Phantom Troupe before an eardrum-shattering roar split the valley. The man with eyebags dazedly reported that the Shadow Beasts were all defeated.
"This is it," Titania trembled, "this is how I die twice. Karma won't even have enough time to get me."
Kurapika patted her shoulder as he passed her. "I'm going to capture him."
Dalzollene spluttered. "After witnessing that fight, you think you stand a chance?"
"Yes."
Dalzollene and the bodyguard club reeled at Kurapika's confidence, before Titania hesitantly rose her hand.
Kurapika blinked. "What is it, Ti?"
"Are you gonna use the extreme bondage technique?"
Basho choked.
Kurapika blinked. "…Word choice aside, yes, I will."
"Okay." Titania strode for the car and collapsed into a leather seat. "I'll wait for you here, then. Please don't die."
Kurapika lowered his voice. "I don't plan to."
Sure enough, Kurapika returned with a goliath entangled in the blonde's chains. Dalzollene clumsily helped move the towering thief into the backseat next to Titania while everyone split up between the two cars. Melody rode shotgun with Kurapika as they drove back to the hotel in an extremely awkward road trip.
No one turned on the radio, for one.
"Could we at least have air conditioning?" Titania requested, inching away from her fellow passenger. "No offense."
"I'm paralysed by poison," the goliath remarked, "and caught in chains. This is your best chance to finish me off, so why don't you?"
"Quiet," Kurapika murmured.
The blonde was in a bad mood. He was in the desert and didn't even want air conditioning.
The goliath tossed another comment, only for the chains to cut off his air. Kurapika spun around in his seat with a hiss. "I said quiet!"
"Holy crap!" Titania clutched the grab handle on her side of the car as it swerved. "The road! Watch the road! Nooo, I don't want to die! Melody!"
Melody seized the steering wheel and steadied the car as Kurapika threatened the pro wrestler in the backseat. That was when Kurapika's mobile chose to ring.
The blonde reluctantly grabbed the wheel and picked it up. "They're chasing after us? How?"
Melody turned and pointed. "There's a needle in his calf."
"With a string of nen," Kurapika noted with gyo.
Titania plucked the needle and tossed it out the window. When she glanced back, a cloth came out of nowhere and vanished the thieves' car tailing them. Dalzollene confirmed over the phone that the remaining Shadow Beasts had intercepted the thieves. The group was able to arrive back at the hotel safely and secure the goliath with relaxants, cuffs, and a metal table. Titania opted to stay near Neon instead of witness the thief's torture.
She had nearly fallen asleep from the long night when Melody rang her.
"Melody?" Titania groaned. "It's 2 AM."
"The big man we had captured was freed by his associates," Melody's voice strained. "We're moving forward to Plan B. I can't connect with our leader, so he might be dead. Meet us in the drawing room of Miss Neon's hotel floor."
;
A/N: Why did I have Titania follow Kurapika!? Honestly! Blondie is over here in the thick of fatal danger while the rest of the walking club are out street shopping!? I've also endured too many "Sasukeeeee" moments to not try nipping Kurapika's developing emo phase in the bud. Without changing canon. I'm sorry, Titania….
At least now that it looks like Kurapika's flashbacks are over, I can stop watching ahead before writing in this fic. Thanks for all of your support!