When Writers Go Bad: Chapter Eight

"There you go. Knock yourselves out."

The box for Monopoly™ hit the floor with a "whump," as Shadow recklessly dropped it, the literary hostages sitting in a circle around it. It was just after breakfast, which had gone surprisingly calmly, due to the fact that Shadow13 was not attending.

"Um…" Marguerite began slowly, "what is it?"

Unfortunately for all parties concerned, Ellen caught sight of the box.

"Monopoly!"

Lita quickly tackled the girl to the ground as she made a dash for the box.

"Oh, oh, can I play, can I? Please! Please Shadow, I promise to be extra good and I'll feed it and walk it and clean up after it, and-"

"Absolutely not," Shadow interrupted. "We have chores."

Ellen's eyes then grew watery and took on the resemblance of a puppy's. "But…but I want to be the shoe!"

"Tough. As long as Shadow13's gone, I want to use the time to make sure this place sparkles." She now rounded on the circle of rather confused men and women. "Which means I need all of you to sit quietly and play while we work."

"By the way," Lita asked, managing to distract Ellen – she of the short attention span – by shoving a rabbit into her arms, "where is Shadow13?"

"I told her she needed to take a break, so I sent her down to the cinema on earth. Now, as for all of you," she turned back to the others, who actually looked somewhat frightened of Shadow, who was glaring daggers. "When she gets back, you're all going to be very nice and quiet and not argue with her. She's been very sick lately, and has been working her butt off for all of you. Understand?" she snarled through clenched teeth.

"Yes, mummy," Percy whispered under his breath to Marguerite, who giggled.

"Good. Okay, you two, let's get to work."

The three left, reducing the room's number of occupants to ten.

"So…." began Sir Percy. "What exactly is it?"

Experimentally, Erik poked at it with his gloved hand, making sure it wasn't like any of the other weird stuff in this castle. Bravely, Christine removed the lid, and slowly took out the contents.

"It's a game of some sort," she said, picking up the rule packet. "Oh, it's all in English, I can't read it!"

Sir Percy reached across the circle and snatched it from her hand. "If you would be so kind. Thank you, madame." He coughed and held it at arms length before briefly flipping through the pages. He then began to read the rules aloud, and, eventually, they selected their pieces. Erik was the dog, Christine was the cannon, Raoul was the train, Javert declined to play, Valjean was the thimble, Cosette was the hat, Marius was the cowboy, Chauvelin also declined, Marguerite was the car, and that left Percy the iron. Finally, after much translation and confusion, the game commenced.

…

"I would like to purchase a hotel."

"But, Erik," protested Raoul, "the only property you have is a railroad."

"Precisely."

Javert blinked, confused. "But you can't put a hotel on a railway."

"Don't be silly, inspector, there are hotels by railways all of the time."

Valjean now scratched his head and snatched up the rule book, flipping through the pages, forgetting that he couldn't read it. "You can't do that, can you?"

The Phantom of the Opera was now starting to look rather annoyed and he rapped his gloved fingers impatiently against the floor, growling rather menacingly in his throat. Cosette sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, just let him have it!" she cried, tossing him the small, red, plastic object.

"It's just a game, Erik," grumbled Marius, crossing his arms and pouting, not quite happy that his wife had let him have his way.

"Will you all stop behaving like children?" demanded Citoyen Chauvelin, who was growing immensely tired of being herded from one place to the other and forced into idiotic games.

"It's my turn in any case," said Marguerite, snatching up the dice, ending the argument. She was just about to roll, when the doors to the castle slammed open and there was a terrible, angry cry of "YEARHG!" The doors had been knocked open with such force that more than a few of the pieces on the board jumped. The character's all went slightly bug eyed and stared in the direction the noise had come.

"Oh, you're back!" cried Shadow, racing into the hall way, trailed by Lita and Ellen.

"Of all the bloody nerve!" Shadow13 snarled, looking about ready to toss a chair. "They gave him sideburns!"

Lita, who was actually frightened into obedience, asked "Who?"

"The Phantom of the Opera! Who are they trying to turn him into, Javert?" snarled her creator, ripping off her coat and tossing it into the air. Shadow watched it fall and land on a plot bunny, who gave a rather surprised squeak.

"You know, I would have hung that up," she sighed.

"You let her see Phantom of the Opera?" hissed Lita to her partner.

"It was the only thing playing she was interested in."

"But you know how she gets when that story isn't followed exactly as the book depicted it! She'll be ranting for weeks!"

Shadow shrugged. "What could I do?"

"And that sword fight! Come on!" Shadow13 had completely ignored the ten people sitting in a circle, silently watching the scene, and was instead storming down a hallway. "I'm going to go type!"

Shadow followed at her heels like an obedient puppy. "Can I get you some food? Something to drink?" She insisted on these things as she followed her creator down the hall. Lita threw her arms into the air and sighed, knowing they were in store for a bad evening. Ellen, on the other hand, was shrieking.

"Haunted coat! Somebody kill it!"

The coat which had fallen on top of the bunny seemed to be moving of it's own free will, moving with short hops across the floor, struggling against the weight of the black coat. The characters now looked from the screaming girl, back down to the coat, and as it passed Javert, he lifted it up, revealing a trembling rabbit.

Ellen relaxed almost instantaneously. "Larry, what on earth were you doing dressed as a haunted coat?" she asked him.

"Larry," looked rather traumatized. She clucked her tongue and scooped him up. "Come on," she insisted, "we can go play some 'Extreme Pong!'" And so, skipping merrily, she left.

For a while, everyone just sat there, and stared. Finally, Sir Percy broke the silence with "Alright then……"

The silence then continued for several minutes, people looking around the hall; at the coat, at the hall where the strange girls had disappeared to, and back at the game board.

"So, um, it's my turn then, is it?" asked Marguerite

"I suppose so…." replied Christine, rather confused as to what had just happened.

Erik, however, gave a very satisfied "Ha! I know, I know!"

He stared at Javert for a several moments, who awkwardly inquired "Um…is there something on my nose?"

The Phantom of the Opera clapped his hands in satisfaction, and suavely asked Christine "Would you love me if I had sideburns?"

Christine blinked, rather put off by the question. "Well, I….uh…."

Raoul put an arm around Christine's waist and delicately dragged her closer to him, growling. "Mine….."

All watched this scene with a great deal of confusion and discomfort. "Right-o then….." Percy finally said, not liking how the afternoon was turning out. "Um, do you think we could finish the game?"

There were some murmured agreements of alright, glad to watch the awkward moment pass, and Marguerite rolled the dice. Erik, however, was now pouting as much as before.

To Be Continued…..