Jessica

0000

The weapon would destroy the Pentagon, maybe the whole of D.C. in the process.

I jumped out of the way just seconds before a heavy aluminum coffin dropped on my head, inadvertently colliding with some Nazi or another, probably from Johnny Quest or James Bond Junior, judging by the comic book style of design.

As I lay on top of him on the floor, I thought about Chad for a moment, specifically how it would be funny if I reached out of my handcuffs and stole this guy's gun.

I actually succeeded in the theft, but it's kind of hard to shoot with your hands stuck behind your back.

I tried to figure out a way to joke the gun out long enough to shoot someone, but the gun got stuck in the cuff, and then I turned real, so my hand wouldn't go anywhere.

"Come closer!" Misty hissed to me. "I have a plan."

And so I did.

"Press your gun against my handcuffs."

"That sounds dangerous."

"I'm animated, and that's a cartoon gun. It'll be fine."

I pressed the muzzle against her cuffs and fired.

Instead of doing what a gun was supposed to do in real life, under real physics, the real cuffs actually shattered, causing no harm to her.

Rubbing her wrists, she rushed to the death ray, climbing the side of the hydraulic lift.

The Nazis opened fire, but she only dodged out of the way and kept climbing.

Attempting to give aid, I darted around the weapon, ramming my body into Red Skull henchmen, football style, firing random shots at Nazis the best I could with my hands behind my back, occasionally punching people when it was funny to do so.

When they fired at me, I dove behind a casket.

My actions served to divide the enemy's attention long enough for Misty to reach the top of the machine, and work on removing the spikes.

Sadly, this was when Chad chose to make his entrance. "I have cleaned the baby."

He looked up in surprise. "Misty? What are you doing up there?"

"Get out of here, fool!" she shouted.

I made myself think cartoony thoughts, bowling him onto the floor before anyone could shoot him, back first so as to not harm the baby.

Chad grabbed my gun, shooting my cuffs apart.

Misty had now successfully removed the Spikes from the weapon, shoving them into slots on the sides of her bikini.

Her body glowed white, and I saw it growing larger and larger.

Now, instead of looking human, Misty kind of looked like that giant thing from the movie Aliens, except with a pink party dress.

The Nazis fired, but their bullets bounced off.

She roared, slashing the laser, causing the nose to come crashing to the ground

But then someone got the bright idea to shoot her with real bullets. Misty screamed and fell off the laser cannon, bleeding ink as she shrieked and writhed on the ground.

"Misty! No!" I cried, leaping to my feet.

Hitler leaned over her body. "I should have killed you back in Berlin!"

I ran through the crowd of soldiers, blasting everyone that got in my way, until I at last reached my friend's side.

Chad covered me with a Luger he found on an unconscious Nazi, shooting anyone that aimed at me.

Hitler ran away.

My friend was dying, dripping blood and ink everywhere. "Come closer," she gasped.

I did, but it apparently wasn't close enough.

"Closer.

I placed my ear to her, thinking she had something super secret to tell me.

"I'm giving you my power," she said. "Kiss me."

"Misty, we're close, but we're not that close."

"Please, Jessica. This is important. Kiss me. We don't have much time."

Okay, so it's a dying woman's wishes, so I humored her.

At first, she was just making out, and I felt really awkward and embarrassed about the whole thing. Well, except for the fact the Nazis liked the show too much to shoot us.

But then I felt a large oozing object squishing through my mouth and down my throat.

I couldn't breathe. My arms flailed around in desperate attempts to escape, but the thing was already in.

Tentacles shot out of her body, slipping the Spikes into my bikini.

I swallowed...whatever it was, and discovered I didn't need to breathe. Maybe I had become completely animated or something.

My body had suddenly grew plates like Misty had.

I hopped to my feet, spun around to face my attackers, kicked some ass.

Like some comic book character, I flipped around the room, shot people with their own guns, quite a few of them with the real kind hat actually killed doodles.

When I landed from another flip and paused on a pile of bodies, I admired my strangely modified body, caressing my leg plates. "Huh. I could get used to this."

That's when I noticed Hitler pointing a real gun at my boyfriend's head.