When Writers Go Bad: Chapter Sixteen
Every last one of the literary figures were at the edge of reason. Their nerves were nearly shattered. They spat, and snapped, and fought constantly, until the stress became almost too much to take. Finally, after a brawl that had ended up breaking a coffee table, cracking Javert's rib, and sent Marguerite to her room in tears, Shadow13 was fed up.
Everyone was locked into their room, and meals were delivered only by plot bunnies. This continued for five days before she finally thought up a solution. Shoving a camera into Lita's hands, she instructed her egos to make an educational film.
"Make it big, sappy, cute. I mean fluffy puppy cute, too. I want them to be so stuffed with adorable-ness that they won't even think of glaring at each other."
Ellen accepted the task with relish, but Lita and Shadow shot each other wary looks. "Uh….." protested the former.
"I'm not sure that will work," finished Shadow.
"Is it your job to question what I ask for you to do?"
"Well….no."
"Then don't question it."
Shadow gave up, took that camera, and stalked out of the castle to try and find the most cute spot she could.
Needless to say, the results were less than stirring. The camera was often tipped at odd angles, and went fuzzy whenever Shadow and Lita got into a fight over the directing. Still, Shadow gave an all night crack at trying to edit it, and it eventually fit onto a DVD at forty minutes long.
…
The home theater unit of the castle started with two basic, movie theater like doors. Upon entering it, you were confronted with your basic movie theater showing room, with several rows of folding seat chairs lined up from front to back, all facing the large, flat screen. It had surround sound, cup holders in the arm rests, all the latest theater technology. Most of the time, the bunnies used it to watch movies, and Shadow13 put it under Ellen's supervision to make sure they took the disc out when they were done, and put it back in the right place on the shelf (she was a stickler for alphabetizing.)
At four in the morning Shadow had finally finished editing their project, making it only just viewable. By four fifteen she was in her own room and out like a light. At four thirty, the person entered the A.V. room where Shadow had been editing the film. It was also where all the movies were kept, and where you put the disc in for it to show on the screen. There was a window so that the film monitor could watch as they kept an eye on the screening process.
The person hunted around along the desk and keyboard where Shadow had been working, and finally succeeded in finding what they were looking for: The case with the movie project in it marked "The Cuteness Experiment." Carefully, they opened the case and took the disk out, sliding another in. They were identical in their plain, silver coating and "Memorex™," printed in bold lettering on the side. Carefully, they hid the true movie disk behind a filing cabinet where papers and markers and other such things had fallen years before, never again to see the light of day.
Equally silent, they slinked out of the A.V. room and out the home theater system all together, locking the door behind them.
…
"Okay, let us go over a few simple rules before we begin," addressed an extremely groggy Shadow the next morning. The characters were all seated in the chairs in the home theater unit, most several feet away from each other. Shadow was so exhausted from her all-nighter that even the espresso wasn't helping. "Hands to yourselves. No funny business once the lights go out, romantic or otherwise." Sir Percy shouted "Drat!" and Shadow sent him a withering look. "Absolutely no death threats. Erik, no Punjab lassos!" She quickly confiscated the piece of rope he'd been diligently toying with. Erik began to pout. "Please remain seated after the film starts. Don't put your feet onto the chair of the person in front of you, even if it's empty. These things are expensive to replace." She paused, thinking everything over. "Well….I guess that's it. I hope you guys enjoy it."
"Not bloody likely," whispered Javert, crossing his arms and sinking into his red velvet chair. Shadow quickly stalked out of the theater, closing the doors behind her, and up the stairs into the A.V. room where Lita and Ellen were already waiting.
"Everyone have their fingers crossed on this?" Lita asked as Shadow slid into the swivel chair next to the operating system.
"Should I cross my eyes for extra luck?" Ellen inquired while Lita smacked her palm to her forehead, groaning.
Groggily, Shadow snatched up the disc case, and opened it with a "click!" and slid the silver DVD in. The lights dimmed, the screen began showing the film, whilst the literary characters stared in absolutely wonder.
The screen, still black, lit up with simple, blue lettering: "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away….."
"Ohh…." Lita praised. "Hey, kudos on the editing job if it isn't plagiarizing, Shadow."
Exhausted, confused, Shadow leaned slightly forward in her seat. "I….I don't remember doing that."
With a bang, the fanfare started (which was also odd, since the movie had no score) and the large title "Star Wars," flashed upon the screen.
"Okay, now I think you're starting to infringe on George Lucas' territory."
Shadow had now stood up. "Seriously, Lita….I didn't do this." They looked at each other as fear flashed across their faces, and both simultaneously shouted "Shit!"
Racing down the hall way, the egos tripped through the stairs and raced to the doors. They tugged at the handles, pounding furiously, shouting like mad.
"For the love of God, open up!" Shadow cried, fists assaulting the door mercilessly.
"It's no use!" wailed Lita mournfully. "The doors lock once the movie starts to keep people from entering while the film is going."
Shadow had seized Ellen by the shoulders and was now shaking mercilessly. "Do you know what we've done? Do you understand what this means?" Clueless, Ellen shook her head no. "It means we've introduced them to pop culture! We're dead ducks once Emily hears about this!" She'd released her comrade, slumping against the door and howling "Noooooo!" Shadow had pounced upon Ellen again. "How many times have I told you to make sure Steve and his friends put the movies back when they're done?"
"But, Shadow, Steve wasn't watching Star Wars, honest!"
"Wait, wait, calm down!" Lita shouted, for once in more control than Shadow. "Why is this such a problem?"
"Think carefully," seethed the other girl. "People from eighteenth and nineteenth century France are now, at this moment, being bombarded with a movie classic from 1977."
Lita stared at her clueless. "Okay, other than the seventies just being an all out messed up time period, I still don't see the problem."
"Merde, Lita, don't you get it? They don't even know what a movie is! They don't know that none of that is real!"
Ellen looked crushed. "Ewoks aren't real?"
Shadow continued unperturbed. "I mean, that's almost as bad as letting them listen to rap music."
"Correction," said the DragonRider. "Rap isn't music."
"Fair enough."
"First Santa and now the little, fuzzy Ewoks?"
"Ellen, let the Ewoks go," advised Lita. Ellen had broken into tears, while Shadow was smacking her head against the door and swearing in various languages. "Look," calmed Lita, "It's a two hour movie. What's done is done. We can't get them out, we'll just calmly explain to them all of that stuff. We wait two hours, the doors unlock, we herd them out; Emily doesn't even have to know."
"That's deceitful," snarled Shadow.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her, whilst what she does know will hurt us."
Shadow thought it over carefully, and finally nodded, sighing. "Okay, let's go get something to eat and come back."
To Be Continued….