"There has got to be a better way," I said as I turned the thermos over in my hands again.

The whole situation seemed...contrived, like Sneezer or someone else had arranged this fatalistic little bit of drama to keep me wrapped around their finger forever.

They were asking me to give up my entire life. All that work to get myself established in the world, to get a job and a car, and a place to stay, plus all that schooling...it would have no meaning. Family and friends? Goodbye. Well, except dad and sis.

But then I thought about what the doctor said after that time grandpa took too many of his medications at one time and spent an entire day staring vacantly into space. "The devil is in the dosage."

Certainly, gulping the whole thermos would "make Kansas go bye bye," but maybe a sip wouldn't hurt.

And so I took a little sip and closed the lid.

I didn't hear the Popeye song, but I figured it wouldn't happen in the real world.

As an experiment, I sang the theme song to Hong Kong Fooey, and immediately saw my fists and forearms turning fuzzy. A kimono whirled around me like a tornado, replacing the clothing I had been wearing.

Well, I thought, no time to think.

I capped the bottle and charged at the demons that attacked my sister.

I did well.

Too well.

I feared I was human no longer.

I effortlessly dispatched two large demons with a couple well placed jump kicks, hammerfists and karate chops, then brought down two more with sweep kicks.

I killed one with a rock, another by breaking its ball bat in half and shoving the pieces through its skull.

My sister, wincing from bruises, staggered to her feet.

"Drew?"

I looked at her sadly.

She touched my furry cheek. "Drew, you didn't drink that stuff in the thermos, did you?"

I swallowed. "I kind of had to. But I only took a few drops. I should be okay."

"Drew...I'm not sure that's how it works."

I was horrified, but at the same time aroused by the apparent failure, so it was difficult to tell if she were right. Depressing things were supposed to turn me human, right?

I did that starry tear thing they do in Japanese cartoons again. "You could be wrong. There's always a possibility."

"Well," she admitted. "It isn't an exact science..."

I whirled around. "We gotta save Dane."

Following the screams, I rushed into a cluster of demons, knocked two out with some kung fu moves and a lockout punch to the crotch.

Four of the beasts stood around my friend, chortling and looking like they wanted to do something worse than beating her to death.

With a snort, one leaned over her, jabbed a claw into the bra portion of her costume, and ripped down.

I stepped back into a fighting cat stance and screamed at the top of my lungs, which sounded outrageously girly.

Before I could take a step, I saw a green blur, and someone yelled "Cowabunga".

One of the thugs collapsed to the ground in a twirl of wood and metal chains.

With the flash of a blade, a second demon fell over backwards, its legs reduced to bloody stumps.

A wooden stick knocked the third one off its feet.

The eyes of the bodice ripper widened in shock as a pair of sai buried themselves in his chest. He too collapsed in a puddle of blood.

And there they all were. The Ninja Turtles. The sword guy helping Dane to her feet, the others glancing back and forth between me, my sister, and the mob of monsters.

"Please don't lick my ass," I said. Once I noticed my verbal slip-up, I quickly corrected myself, "I meant kick. Please don't kick my ass."

I got a couple laughs, but the guy with the blue headband scowled at me, and the guy with the red headband looked like he actually might lick my ass.

I still couldn't believing what I saw. "Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello. How did you guys get here?"

Leonardo warily pointed his sword at me. "How do you know our names?"

I quickly covered my mistake. "April O' Neal. She did a report on you guys."

"Oh."

That seemed to convince him, though I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be the type of thing their reporter friend would blab on the news.

"How did you cross over to the real world? The spikes of power are gone."

"The spikes of power aren't the only power that can extend into the noid world," said Mr. Purple Headband.

He pointed across the street, where a familiar glass and steel office building stood.

The Ewes Bank sign had reverted back to its original name.

"A dude with a red robe was floating in the cafeteria," said Yellow Headband (Mike, I think). "He led us out the back door. To here."

I shook my head in disbelief. "All this time I thought it was easier to escape Gillian's Island."

"It is. A lot easier. If a dude can build a radio out of coconuts, you'd think he'd be smart enough to fix a little hole in the Minnow!"

I smacked my forehead. "That's not what I meant."

The turtle shrugged. "Anyway, Floating Guy said we were needed out here."

"Where's Master Splinter? Did you leave him at home?"

One of the turtles pointed at me, muttering and chuckling to the other.

"He'll be along," said Leonardo.

I suddenly saw a mocha colored shape speeding past, and three more demons came crashing to the ground.

And then I saw him in all his long nosed, crazily bandaged, fuzzy brown glory.

That tattered red bathrobe clad figure I grew up watching on the TV, complete with Shredder shredded ear.

All of this stirred feelings in me I couldn't describe. My heart was pounding, and I found myself short of breath.

The other rat gave me a low bow, little hearts popping out of his body. "Konnichiwa!"

I stared at him in horror. "Oh God."

"My name is Master-"

"I know who you are," I snapped. "I..."

I felt I had been a little harsh, and I felt like I should thank him for rescuing Dane, so I gave him a low bow in response, blurting, "Arrigato, Yamato san."

In case you're wondering, that was all the Japanese I knew.

All of a sudden, the rat looked angry, or maybe embarrassed. "You know my real name! How?"

Knowing this information was an ultra secret thing on the program, I stammered, "I...heard it while...living in Japan. While...studying...Ninjitsu. You were...famous...at the school. I, um, arrived after you left."

Splinter furrowed his brow, but before I could truly get into trouble, I heard a voice shouting "Help!"

Cleo was still stuck up in a tree, the demons playing piñata with her.

"We should go," I said.

The rat nodded. "Children!" he shouted, pointing a claw at the feline in the long dress.

"Yes, sensei!"

Leo and the other three leapt into action, swinging and slicing and chopping and kicking through an army of thugs.

Cleo's tree stood in front of a grade school. As I came closer to the place, I noticed the presence of several tall, pale white creatures bearing guns, both real and animated.

I signaled for the turtles to stop, which they did, but then an ax whirled through the air, burying itself in the chest of a big purple and green spotted demon.

I turned and saw Riffraff giving me the thumbs up. I gave him the finger.

The creatures with guns opened fire.

The moment the guns blazed, I ducked behind a brick monument bearing the name of the school. Frank Rushton or something, I think.

A fuzzy brown body joined me there.

He leaned close to me, gazing into my eyes. "What is a beautiful young rat like you doing in a place like this?"

I swallowed. "You did not just say that."

"But I did."

"You did not," I insisted.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

I suppressed a laugh. "Splinter, you've been spending way too much time in the sewer."

"Then take me up top. Teach me how to be a civilized rat."

I had to admit, he was my favorite TMNT character, but did I love him? Like that?"

"Just one date. Gojo's on eleventh street. My treat."

I trembled nervously. "This is not happening."

"But it is." He took my hand. "Just once. This is all I ask."

"Okay, okay," I groaned. "Fine. It's a date. After we get rid of these guys with guns and save the world." To myself, I muttered, "This is so weird!"

Suddenly, an unpleasant creepy voice behind the wall shouted, "Drew Deebes! Come out from hiding!"

Judge Myxo had returned.

In cowboy movies, the hero yells stuff back, but that's stupid. I just bit my lip and hid there.

"I have your noid sister! I wonder what color blood will come pouring out her neck when I slash it?"

I looked out again and saw the ghastly rabbit indeed had Amanda in his clutches, bone knife poised at her throat.