The moment I saw that black tidal wave, I knew I was screwed.

My first impulse was to run into the hotel, though, of course, it wouldn't have protected me any. I could see it now, the elevator going down floor by floor, doors opening to flood each hallway in a way similar to that blood river scene from the Shining...and The Simpsons. Either that, or the scene from Creepshow where the guy yells "I beat you!" and the oil slick swallows him up.

My second impulse was to wonder where Cupcake's body went to.

None of us on the rooftop had a chance to do much of anything. The wave blasted us over the sides of the building, rushing down its walls like a waterfall, a cataract of sludge. I could have sworn I saw a spiky blue hedgehog being swept away with it, his mouth calling for help in slow motion, but I could have imagined it. There were a lot of weird animated shapes emerging from that gunk.

I had reverted to human, which made it that much harder to stop my fall.

As I flipped head over feet, catching alternating flashes of the darkened sky and the Las Vegas Club, I adjusted my signet ring, focusing on bird thoughts.

I turned into Bird King, but I maintained that mouse brown feathered body only a few seconds before squawking and dropping several stories.

I saw hotel rooms and the Golden Gate casino as I flipped.

I willed my bird subjects to come forth and save me, and my friends if they were able, but nothing happened. We kept falling.

My whole life flashed before my eyes.

I briefly pondered the inconsistency of my memories, such as how I could remember being a toddler and turning animated, yet remember seeing dad eating hot dogs and pooh poohing my drawings, when I shouldn't have seen him at all after the Vegas incident. He was out of prison, and gone, wasn't he?

That's when I remembered: I wasn't in the real world when I showed dad my drawings. He had taken me to meet my sister in Cool World, hanging out in that painting he called a house.

A trick of my brain, like how I had a false memory of my mother and dad coming to my high school graduation when it was really grandma and a school teacher. Because mom and dad didn't actually come.

Or how we had a Bring Your Family to Work day at my job, and I only thought mom stopped by to see me at my job. The person had been, in fact, someone else's mother.

Was this a sign of getting old, or did my brain always wallpaper over really depressing things to make me feel better?

Oh well, I was going to die anyway.

I heard that Harris was once human, that a doodle pushed him off this very building, turning him into a doodle through death. Would being pushed off the roof by a wall of animated sludge work the same way?

When I looked below, I could see the victims of Flo's insanity. The people that weren't screaming and running from the flood of `crude' were either doodle-fied or dead. I saw one corpse flat on the smashed roof of a BMW, legs sticking through the broken windshield.

Yet, oddly enough, I could also see cartoon characters of ordinary people groaning and getting up from the sidewalks next to them, like they were recovering from a fall from a shorter height.

There didn't seem to be a rhyme or reason for which ones got to live. This did not comfort me any.

I screamed as the ground came rushing up at me.

The sludge beat me to the ground. The wave appeared to only be a couple feet deep, but when I fell into it, it was like six or twelve. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me, as Daffy Duck could jump off a mile high diving board into a glass of water without serious injury.

When I splashed down, I saw a dormouse and a dodo and a mock turtle paddling past the submerged limousine in the porte-cochère.

The liquid washed me down the driveway, and I was out on the Fremont Street Experience, fighting against the current as I drifted beneath that weird vaulted ceiling thing.

I grabbed a lamp post, climbing up on a police car.

"Drew!" I heard my sister shouting. "Up here!"

Sneezer and the Turtles stood on the awning above the Golden Gate, next to that big sign shaped like an exclamation point.

"How did you get up there?"

"Take the Meat Stairs!"

I looked around and found a spongy red staircase with a stupid looking one toothed face on the bottom rung, which floated like a buoy on the black liquid. Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hungerforce, apparently.

"Yeah," I groaned. "Great."

When I reached the top, and crossed that awning, I suddenly realized that my sister looked different.

She was completely animated, like she did when we first met, at the Halftone Club. Maybe it was due to me seeing her so much as a real human, but that sexy bunny costume seemed so much better as ink and paint.

"Amanda," I said. "You're animated."

"You're staring," said she.

I had been Cartoon Drew at the time, and yes, I had been. "Sorry," I stammered. "I..."

"You like me better as a doodle, don't you?"

"I...well...you looked nice as a noid, too."

"But you like this version of me better."

I couldn't exactly deny it. "Well..."

"What do you like about this that you didn't like about my other form?"

I fumbled for the words.

"Is my noid form just not sexy enough? What?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes. Honestly."

I swallowed. "I don't feel as guilty about sleeping with my sister when she's animated."

Amanda frowned. "But if we do it now, I'll be just like I was. Half doodle, always changing all the time. A freak."

She sighed. "I work so hard to turn human, and look what happens to me!"

My sister started crying.

Feeling sorry, I put my arm around her. She turned and kissed me on the mouth.

Immediately, I turned into kimono rat, pulling away.

"Great," she groaned. "I'm not only one hundred percent doodle, but I also made the only man who ever slept with me switch teams."

She yanked me in close, kissing me again. When I remained a rat, she blurted, "Nothing?"

"You're really pretty," I blurted in a high pitched squeal.

"Not as pretty as you," Splinter purred, kissing my hand, I mean, paw.

:Little hearts popped out of my kimono.

"Sensei," said the sword bearing turtle with the blue headband. "I'm happy that you've finally found someone you like, but she was male just a few seconds ago."

"I do not judge," Splinter said. "She is beautiful, and her Kung Fu skills are equal to my own."

I found myself blushing.

Leonardo rolled his eyes. "Okay..." He walked away, muttering to the other turtles.

"I thought it was bad enough when Holli ruined things," Whiskers muttered as he stared at the carnage.

I looked around for Sneezer, and found him leaning over the awning, peering down at something.

Puzzled, I stared down with him...after admiring his hindquarters for a moment.

Below us, I could see a group of dancer girls in black bikinis floating on a table from some restaurant. The girls were animated, and all looked like mice, but when Sneezer wrapped his tail around a letter on the light up sign and dropped down to say hi, they all screamed and dove in the ooze to swim away.

Despite being rodents, they were scared. I guess they hadn't looked in a mirror.

Well, except for one, who waved and said, "Hi, cutie!" until the other girls grabbed her and dragged her off.

Following this, the alligator from the sewer swam past. I pretended not to see her, creeping back from the edge.

"Master, what's that?" I heard Extra saying from my shoulder.

I looked up to where his wing pointed, and saw a giant jukebox floating across the sky. "It's more wackiness. Nothing surprises me at this point."

The bird whistled the theme song to Saint Elsewhere.

I frowned at him. "What now?"

"Nothing, master. I'm just nervous."

"I think we're all nervous, Extra."

He smiled at me. "You are such a good and wise king. And queen. I would be sorry if you ever left."

I gave him a smile, rubbing his head.

"Is something going on out here?" came a sleepy voice from my kimono top. I looked down and saw Mack Daddy wiggling out of the folds.

"Uh, just the end of the world."

"Oh." He crawled back into my clothes.

"Hey!" I cried, but he had gone back into Hammerspace or something, I guess.

"What do we do?" Amanda asked me.

"I don't know. Practice our swimming techniques?" I stared at the growing sea, thinking about my apartment, my job, my bank account. For once, it didn't turn me real. I just changed into Cartoon Drew.

"What would you do if this all went back to normal?" she asked.

I didn't have an immediate reply to this. I had other things on my mind. My apartment didn't have much of anything left in it but clothes, someone was probably draining my bank account down to the last penny, which wouldn't be terribly hard to do after the clocks and the rent check. Come to think of it, even if they revoked the provisional credit, those fraudulent checks could still get me evicted.

So all I had left was my job, and my ID badge was in a car sitting on four flat tires. "I've still got a largely unblemished attendance record at work. I could probably stay with mom until I got all this stuff sorted out."

"That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "Someone went to a lot of extremes to ruin my life."

"I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention."

"No, no, not you. Never you. Someone else."

Though as the words came out my mouth, I wondered.

I told her about the apartment and everything.

"Oh. Well...if you ever need a place to stay, you can always stay with me." She seemed way too eager.

"Thanks," I muttered.

I glanced at Splinter. "Where's your Power Wagon?"

Sensei shook his head. "Someone pushed it over on its side while we were birds."

"What about April?"

"My sons were just discussing this."

Sons, I thought. If me and Splinter got together, I'd be...Leonardo's mom?

I had a visual of tucking the turtle in at night.

I tried not to think about it again.

...And really hoped it didn't appear in a thought bubble above my head.

"They are planning to make a raft," Splinter said. "Although I do not wish to break the law by breaking windows and stealing furniture, it may be the only way to get materials for this...device."

I heard a low puttering sound, then a honk.

I leaned over the awning. It was the Cat-Illac approaching...in boat mode. It docked at the Meat Stairs.

Riffraff stood on the hood, waving to us. "Anybody need a ride?" he called through a horn he'd removed from his Viking helmet.

Immediately one of the dancing girls climbed up on the trunk.

"Not you!" he cried.

She smiled and waved, so he let it pass...

...Until a green bear in a blackjack dealer's outfit climbed aboard with her.

"Okay, her, but definitely not you."

"He's my boyfriend," the dancer said.

The cat rubbed his face in frustration. "Fine."

He waved to us frantically, the nonverbal message being, "Hurry before we take on more unwanted guests."

I rushed down the Meat Stairs, the rest of my team following close behind, quickly jumping aboard the car.

Once we were all inside the vehicle, Meatwad resumed his normal spherical shape, staining the upholstery orange as he climbed in the back seat.

"Oh gee thanks, meatball!" Riffraff complained. "As if the car isn't dirty enough!"

"My name is Meatwad, man!" the creature said. "Meatwad!" Then he looked depressed, muttering, "I wish Boxy Brown were here. He'd show you who's boss..." He then busied himself playing some handheld video game about dressing up dolls.

"Where to?" Cleo called from behind the wheel.

"Did you see a green wagon around here?" I asked. "One with a shell on the roof?"

The Viking bride gazed back at the Plaza Hotel. "Maybe..."

She turned the vehicle around, aiming toward the waterfall of inky liquid.

"Would you mind swinging by my apartment?" the bear asked. "Becky's mother is coming over tonight, and I want to get the place cleaned up."

"This isn't a taxi," Cleo said.

When she noticed Riffraff staring at the dancer, she slapped him.

"What."

Instead of replying, his wife's eyes bugged out, her jaw literally dropping to the floor.

"Honey, is something wrong?" Riffraff asked.

When he looked ahead, his jaw dropped too.

We no longer saw a simple waterfall of black sludge coming down the side of the Union Plaza. It was now a creature, a fifty foot human shaped blob, with long bulging arms and feet like willow tree roots.

As we stared, the level of ooze around the vehicle decreased, the liquid flowing into those enormous legs.

"Drew," Amanda hissed, pointing to the creature's right arm.

I looked up and saw a tiny green cube clutched in its fist.

"Guys," I said. "I think I've spotted your Power Wagon."

Extra flew up in the air, indicating a yellow suited figure danging from the vehicle's back end.

"...And April."

"We're screwed," said Michelangelo.

I nodded. "That's putting it mildly."

'Wait, guys," Donatello said. "In the past we've fought lots of giant things. Shredder made giant robots, and enlarged animals and people to the size of Godzilla, I mean, Gorgonzola, so they could destroy New York. The question is, what is this creature's weakness?"

"A lit match?" Raphael suggested.

"No," said Whiskers. "If it were that simple, I would have taken care of the problem years ago, when Holli removed the spike the first time. This isn't oil."

"Dude," Michelangelo muttered. "I think what this thing needs is a giant assed sponge, maybe some Dawn soap."

"That's great," I said. "Except you're not going to find a giant sponge on the Vegas Strip."

"You sure? I think I saw a giant casino chip down there..."

I shook my head.

"Which reminds me. Are any of the casinos still open?"

"Can you please explain to me how you turtles get money to begin with? That part never made sense to me."

"E-trade," said Raphael.

"That's not an answer."

"I've got it," Donatello said. "We'll go back through Ewes Bank, grab a giant sponge from Cool World, and come back out here to face it down."

"Sounds like a plan," I said.

"Can we please stop by my apartment?" Becky asked. "I need to take the puppy out!"

We ignored her.

"What about April?" Leonardo cried. "We can't just leave her up there!"

"She's animated. She'll live. And even if she wasn't, she's got a river of slime to break her fall."

Leonardo paid no attention to me, maybe because I broke the fourth wall or something. "We've got to rescue her!"

Cleo motored toward the creature, until it loomed directly above us.

While this happened, Sneezer introduced himself to Becky. She giggled, seeming to enjoy the attention, but Mr. Green Bear was not amused, especially when `Cave Mouse' put his paw on the girl's thigh.

My pal ended up getting punched in the face so hard that he flew overboard. He kept his paws to himself after that.

"All right, turtles," Leonardo said as he stood on the car hood. "Here's the plan. We use our weapons to scale this thing, we grab April, and we book the shell out of here."

"That plan sucks," I said.

"You got a better one?" he challenged.

"Yeah. We just went over it. She's animated, ergo she can't get hurt."

Leonardo responded by shouting, "Turtle power!" and jumping at the creature with both swords, climbing up its leg, sword stab by sword stab.

The other turtles cheered and followed him.

"This is...a bad idea," Splinter muttered.

The blob kicked our car, and a huge black wave threw us into the Golden Gate casino.

The car fell sideways and dumped us. For a few minutes, we struggled to keep afloat, but then Cleo pushed something on the bottom of the car, and it righted itself, pumping the ooze out of a series of drains in the floor. We all climbed back in, motoring through the building's interior, a maze of restaurants, half submerged one armed bandits, blackjack tables and Romanesque decor. The sludge had interfered with the electrical appliances, so it was dark.

Down the hallway, I could see the bikini mice paddling their table, muttering about how they'd get paid during all this. Becky waved and shouted to them, and the girls chatted and laughed about the whole thing.

Sneezer drooled and stared at the mice. He would have fallen out had Amanda not grabbed his tail and pulled him back.

Crowds of cartoon ducks and amphibians with touristy clothes swam by.

All of a sudden, I heard a curious sounding whistle. "Hey! Kupo!"

A fat white ball of fur flew towards us, a thing with cat ears, tiny bat wings and a stupid looking blob of red fuzz dangling above its head on a stalk like some kind of anglerfish.

I could discern its features quite well because it clutched a glowing piece of sculpture in its tiny little feet.

"Hey!" the bear laughed. "Isn't that the thing from Final Fantasy?"

I ignored him.

The object in the creature's feet looked sort of like a goblet, except its bottom slanted off, making it a mystery how it held a swirling ball of clear liquid in its center. "Kupo! You're going to need this!"

Seeing that it addressed me, I frowned at the creature. "My name isn't kupo. It's Drew."

"Very well, kupo. But you're still going to need this."

I stared at the water. "What is it?"

"It's myrrh," the creature replied.

"Myrrh!" I said. "That's the stinky perfume they put on dead bodies! And plus, myrrh is supposed to be brown, not clear. I ask you again, what is this?"

"I do not understand the question, kupo. This is finest myrrh from the big weeping willow trees around our magical land."

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

The creature shrugged. "I am tired of carrying this chalice, kupo. You take it for awhile."

"No," I said. "Stick it up your butt."

"I don't think it would fit inside my butt, kupo."

"C'mon, you stupid floating blob! What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Destroy the miasma, kupo."

"You mean the sludge? This is just a ball of water."

"No it is not. Try it, kupo."

As an experiment, I stuck my index finger into it.

When it came back out, it became solidly human, while the rest of my body was animated. I had a finger of fleshy human skin.

"It's a cure!" I cried. "I could use this to make myself human forever!"

"Maybe, kupo," the puff ball said. "But you would not save the world!"

"Look at what it's doing, Drew!" The professor pointed to the masses of ink blobs. "The mog is right! This may be the solution we need!"

Sure enough, the stuff was clearing, folding back, retreating. So was my animated form, but I wasn't complaining. "So what do you suggest?"

"If we can get that myrrh close enough to that creature, we may be able to destroy it for good."

"All right. It seems straightforward enough. We only need to drop this into the sludge we're sitting in, and it's all gone."

"Actually, no, kupo," the mog said. "That will only destroy part of it. You need to destroy the head."

"Destroy the head," I repeated skeptically.

"Yes, kupo. There is a red eye. You must hit the eye with this chalice to destroy the miasma."

That's when I saw a black wall closing over the entrance, throwing everything into darkness.

"And you can't just smash it into that wall and kill it that way."

"No, kupo."

"Well, shit."

"Only if it helps you save the world, kupo."

The ooze was not exactly harmful. I'd gone swimming in it.

"So," I said. "Let's rev up and drive through that junk."

"I'm not sure you want to do that, Drew," Amanda said. "You saw what that thing did to the turtles' van. What if we boat right into its fist or something?"

In answer, I held the chalice above the liquid, and it shrank away, causing the Cat Boat to dip sideways, due to the displaced fluid.

"Oh. Maybe that will work."

I climbed out on the hood, holding the object over my head as Cleo gunned the engine.

I felt incredibly silly until we reached the wall of ooze and a hole opened in its surface like someone dropping a dab of soap on a grease spot.

It actually was a fist. And when we passed through it, another fist raised up and tried to smash us.

Riffraff threw his ax in the giant's direction, but a pair of hands popped out of the ooze, flinging the ax back with such force that it stuck in Cleo's headrest.

Becky squealed in terror, but the green bear clutched her to his waistcoat protectively.

Riffraff said something he would never say on Saturday morning TV.

Cleo sped up, swerving the car boat around to escape the creature.

I climbed onto the trunk, holding up the chalice to protect the vehicle.

"What am I supposed to do?" I called to the mog. "Throw this thing?"

"Only if your arms are really strong, kupo."

"My sons..." Splinter said.

I glanced around, but couldn't see the turtles anywhere.

"I'm sorry, sensei."

"Yamato, please," he said in a warm tone, because I was turning into Rat Girl again.

I blushed a little. "I'm sorry, Yamato. I don't think they made it."

"My sons are strong. Other things have appeared to kill them before."

"Yeah," I agreed.

I frowned at the chalice, then at the beast. "How am I supposed to get this...up there? I don't have a cannon or a slingshot or anything."

"We do have something..." Amanda said.

I stared at her. "Like what?"

My sister folded down the rear seat, pulling a blue baseball bat out of the trunk. "I thought we might play again sometime, you know...for old time's sake..."

"You really think I can knock this thing out of the park."

"Well," she said, turning a bit pink. "Not really..."

"You're hoping for spectacular failure, then."

"Well, if you can save the world, it would be nice, but if you can't..." She slid a hand down her thigh.

"I understand." I sighed. "No pressure, then."

"I...would find it infinitely sexier if you could, in fact, save the world," said Splinter.

I swallowed hard, not quite sure if that were an incentive, or a reason not to try. "Wait. You're a ninja, with lots of heroic world saving under your belt. Why can't you do this?"

Splinter shook his head. "I fear...if I touch that liquid, I will be no more."

"Drew..." Whiskers said. "In your animated form, you should be able to emulate doodle baseball players enough to send that chalice flying!"

I took a deep breath. "You're right. I can do this."

"I'm counting on you," Splinter said.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

The moment I lifted the chalice for a practice toss, I discovered a problem. My body became human the moment I tried to swing.

"It's no use!" I cried. "There's no way I can knock this thing up in the air that far!"

I handed Amanda the bat, but she refused to take it.

"This is your second chance, Drew. Your opportunity to show Riffraff up!"

"That's right!" the squat Viking agreed. "In fact, if you can knock that chalice right into that monster's face, I'll forget the whole slavery thing and let you live happily ever after with...whoever you want, in your little bird kingdom."

"Thanks. I actually like your incentive the best."

He grinned, pretending to shine an invisible medal on his chest.

I looked down at my hands and groaned. "That still begs the question of how."

"Drew..."

Amanda reached in between her breasts, pulling out a thermos. Hammer space. "I think you're going to need to drink this."

I took the bottle, staring at it with apprehension. "It always seems to come down to this, doesn't it?"

"Drew, I know you want to regain your normal human form, but you're not a professional baseball player. I don't think you have a chance without this stuff."

"But that's just it! I don't have a chance with the stuff! If I drink that stuff and turn fully doodle, I won't be able to touch the chalice, will I? I'll be just like you!"

"There's a chance your noid physiology will remain in your body, even after ingesting the concentrated doodle essence," Whiskers said. "And the added strength should be enough to launch the myrrh."

"How about I just get Meatwad to make himself into a tower and I go up there and drop the myrrh on the monster's head?"

"No way man!" said the red blob. "Leave me out of this!" He squished himself into the trunk.

The towering blob loomed closer.

"Damn," I growled, unscrewing the thermos lid.

I didn't drink the whole bottle, but I did drink roughly a cup. I heard the Popeye theme song playing from somewhere.

The flavor was rather bland, kind of burnt tasting, with something like dirt floating in it. I choked it down anyway.

We sped between Binions and the Golden Nugget. The liquid became choppy due to the wind and the creature stirring up waves. I wasn't so much standing on the Cat-Illac as surfing on it.

And I was supposed to hit a...sculpture out of the ballpark from there.

Not really, Amanda said.

All I could do was give this my best shot and hope for the best.

I raised the chalice and found my ink and paint hands rapidly disintegrating. I had to work fast.

I waited for the giant to come closer, tossed the `cup' into the air, imagining myself as Casey At Bat as I gave it my most vigorous swing.

This was it.

The fate of the entire world depended on a one half second swing of a baseball bat.

Crack.

The bat connected with the chalice, sending it high in the air.

I was actually astonished. I'd never knocked a ball or anything as far as I hit that cup.

Of course, it would mean nothing if I missed and hit a `foul.'

I watched with breathless anxiety as the object arced skyward, rising above the giant's head.

Foul ball.

The object missed, flying off at an angle. In an instant, it would shoot harmlessly over the thing's shoulder, smash on the ground, and the world would never be normal again.

Did I say foul? I meant fowl ball.

You know those idiotic buzzards from all those Warner Brothers cartoons? The kind of retarded ones with the crossed eyes and the dinner bibs? One of them just so happened to get in the chalice's path.

Here's what I expected: The chalice breaks open, completely obliterating the mentally challenged buzzard guy, the giant gets a little sprinkle on the shoulder, he gets pissed off, and the world ends.

Instead, the chalice bounced off, flying back in my direction.

As if that wasn't enough of a suspension of the laws of physics, a second buzzard swooped down from a nearby hotel, bouncing the chalice back the other way, at an angle.

The chalice hit the monster square in the face, shattering in a burst of broken glass and glowing liquid. Why it didn't shatter on the buzzards, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how my signet ring caused all that to happen.

What I saw next reminded me of that special effect they used on Freddy when he got buried in the third Elm Street movie. A magical glowing effect where you see a bunch of brilliant light while the bad guy's body disappears into thin air. Cleo stopped the Catboat, turning around to stare at it.

The light burned through the majority of the giant's torso in a matter of seconds, then rushed downwards like someone dropping a lit match into gasoline.

The wave of energy flowed backwards, rushing up the circle drive of the Union Plaza.

At the same time, a secondary wave rushed forward in our direction.

"Quick question. Anyone can answer. Tell me, what happens when that glowing light comes in contact with something that isn't a glob of black slime?"

In reply, Cleo started up our vehicle, stomping the pedal to the floor.

Our boat rushed down the Vegas Strip, swerving back and forth to avoid floating cars, or the reaching tendrils of glowing light.

The level of liquid became shallower and shallower the further we got from the stuff, to the point where we ran aground, and nearly got vaporized during the time consuming process of making the wheels pop back out.

We neared the school. I could see the U.S. Bank building across the street.

Cleo gunned the engine, swerved and the Cat-Illac smashed through the revolving glass door at the entrance of the building, rocketed into the lobby, bowling over a crowd of corporate sheep in business casuals.

With her foot still pressing the pedal down all the way, Cleo drove us around the security desk, slowing to a stop only when we made it around the corner, right in front of Pete's training classroom. It appeared our tires were puncture proof.

"Oh good Lord," Pete said as he stepped out of his classroom. "Do you have to park that here?"

"It's only for a few moments," I said. "Until we finish saving the world."

Pete laughed. "Good one! I like the sense of humor, Drew! But seriously. Could you get that thing out of here ASAP?"

"Sure," I groaned.

"You should see the lobby," Sneezer said with a naughty grin.

Pete rubbed his face in frustration. "I really don't want to know."

He returned to his room.

Fearful that the glowing light had not finished its work, I climbed out of the vehicle, hurrying to the lobby.

I saw a brilliant flash, and the lobby emptied of everything animated, with no evidence that it had ever been there.

I waited, but nothing else happened. It seemed the coast was clear.

I sighed in relief. "Looks like we've just saved the world!"

"Not quite," Whiskers said. "We still need to recover the five spikes."

Amanda squeezed my hand. "You didn't fail, but I'm not as disappointed as I thought I'd be. I'm not turned on, but I am proud."

"Um, thanks," I said, a little embarrassed.

Splinter cleared his throat. "I, unlike her, was indeed turned on."

I blanched.

Riffraff pulled out an official looking scroll, ripping it up with his claws. "My friend, you are officially emancipated!"

"Thank you. I'm never gambling again."

Cleo muttered something to her husband, giving him an elbow.

"About that...We, uh, knew you'd lose that bet from the beginning."

"Well that makes two of us," I muttered. "Which is why I'm glad I'm finally free from our agreement."

"Actually...There actually wasn't a wager or slavery contract at all. We just said there was, to make your sister happy, and keep you in Cool World."

"What!" I cried.

"I felt sorry for Amanda," Cleo said. "So I did what I could to make sure you'd stay with her."

I glared at them in disgust, scowled at my sister.

Amanda started crying.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Come here..."

I hugged her.

She immediately kissed me on the mouth. I transformed into rat girl out of reflex.

Amanda pulled away quickly, but now Splinter was smiling at me.

"You did an excellent job." And he slapped me on the butt.

My emotions got so confused that I didn't respond, except to say, "We, uh, should find your sons."

The moment I said this, a little red helicopter, similar to the type featured in Mad Max movies, descended in front of the smashed in entrance, bearing four green creatures and a female in a yellow jumpsuit. Sensei ran out to greet them.

I stared down at my hands, depressed at how I had abandoned my humanity.

I did a double take. My hands were human, not animated.

The rest of my body was animated rat. Some effect of the chalice?

Although happy to not lose my hands, it still depressed me.

I'm stuck like this forever! I thought.

The moment I dwelled on this, and thought about my job and apartment, I suddenly turned all the way human.

"The hell?" I cried. "I'm not complaining, but didn't I drink pure cartoon essence?"

Amanda blushed. "I didn't want to tell you, but I accidentally gave you the wrong thermos. You only drank a bunch of old coffee."