I flipped through pages of lorem ipsum text, my paws becoming slightly less shaky as my mind shifted gears. "Cupcake, we've got to talk about this lack of content on your forms."

The bird grinned. "Your sister did say we'd make a perfect pair."

"Team," I corrected.

Getting a little annoyed by what was happening between my legs, I dismounted sensei, examining the papers more carefully. "Does any of this actually have meaning, or do you interpret these papers to mean anything you want them to mean?"

"A little of both," she said with a shrug.

"Then let's start with some minor edits. What's this top page say?"

She leaned over my shoulder, squinting at it through a pair of reading glasses. "That's a declaration of intent to appear in serious cartoons."

I grabbed her glasses. "Let me see those."

The moment I pulled the spectacles over my muzzle, I could see an entire universe of glowing objects. It reminded me of a scene from one of those X-Men movies where the Professor uses Cerebro to see every mutant in the galaxy, except this one showed nothing but cartoon characters having sex. "Oh God," I muttered.

"That's generally what they say to their partner before I drop by," Cupcake replied. "Are you done with those yet?"

"Oh. Right." Through the lenses, the papers now looked like something a ten year old wrote on a tablet of Big Chief notebook paper. I got through the whole packet in a couple minutes.

The bird impatiently put her feathery hands on her hips. "Done now?"

"Why? Got somewhere more important to be? I mean, you did stop for the show..."

"It's a busy job..." She patted the nest. "Unless you want to change my mind..."

I cringed. "Sorry. I'm a girl."

Clearing her throat, Cupcake held out her hand for the glasses.

"Your paperwork...needs work." I wanted to say that it sucks, but that would have just been rude.

I tried to write a title on one of the pages, but it came out as lorem ipsum, so I had to alternate between writing and lifting the glasses. "There's something that bothers me. I thought you said your people weren't wealthy."

"I may have exaggerated a little."

"Pottery Barn poor," I muttered.

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

Master Splinter grabbed my tail, tugging me back into our literal love nest. "How is this for open hand technique?" he purred as he ran a paw around my buttocks.

"Splinter! I'm tired!"

The bird snatched the glasses away from me, tucking the forms in her briefcase. "Ahem. I can see that you're busy. We'll have plenty of time to discuss this matter further when you're not so...preoccupied."

I noticed a conflicted expression on her face, like maybe she felt her job threatened, but also maybe something else, like I'd just invented the internet and she wanted in.

"Don't worry," I said as Sensei pulled me close to his body. "There's no way in hell I'd take your job. I'd rather be an outside consultant."

She blinked uncomprehendingly.

"It's part time." My eyelids slowly closed. "Let's do lunch some time and talk about it."

You understand that I drank the blue Kool-Aid and was, for all intents and purposes, female, not male. I'd embraced my feminine side enough to sleep with Sensei in the first place, and had therefore gotten used to pressing my body all up against him in a very sexual way.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself male and naked, with Master Splinter's paw gripping me around the butt.

He gave me a wry smile, kissing me.

I screamed, jumped out of the nest, covering my crotch with a pillow. "This isn't supposed to happen! That stuff was supposed to permanently make me a cartoon!"

"You are still animated," Splinter pointed out. "You are just male. Come back to bed."

"Oh God." I shuddered, backing away. "God. You are really...uh..."

"Open minded?" Splinter suggested.

I blushed. "That's one way to describe it."

The rat beckoned to me. I guess he liked what he saw.

"Look. I know you're...bi...And I did sleep with you, but I don't have the right equipment right now, and...we're not doing it the other way."

Splinter furrowed his brow, his face appearing to reflect an expression of disappointment. "So...no anal."

I suddenly felt ill. "Splinter, honey, do me a favor. Never say that again."

He kept staring.

"That's it. I...need some alone time."

I hurried to the elevator, mashing the down button.

The moment the door opened, a blue figure in a nurse's outfit pulled me in, shoved me into a wall, and a brightly colored beak pressed against my mouth, giving me tongue.

Feathery fingers pressed a number button, and the door closed.

I pulled my mouth away. "Hey! What about you and Sneezer?"

"It didn't work out."

She spread her wings, and her lab coat flew open, revealing her bra and panties.

"I thought you had to take those papers back to the farm or something."

"Already on their way." She kissed me again.

I pushed back. "I drank the stuff! I thought that was supposed to make me rat girl forever!"

She glanced down, below my waist. "I guess you thought wrong, huh? More fun for me!"

"Is everything...normal? Is the spike of power still in place?"

"The birds haven't told me anything different. Maybe this is just your thing, like how Bruce Banner turns into The Hulk completely at random."

"He turns into The Hulk when he's angry."

The bird smiled. "I see you've been networking with my flocks."

"More like network TV."

"Let's network a little deeper." She unsnapped something between her legs.

"Stop," I stammered. "I..."

She playfully flicked my growing erection. "You what."

"I'm married."

Cupcake rolled her eyes. "You're also male right now."

I opened my mouth to protest.

"Are you seriously telling me you believe in gay marriage?"

I shook my head. "What I meant to say is we're-"

She pulled a scroll out of her lab coat, unrolling it to show me the text, written in lorem ipsum, of course.

"All right," I groaned. "What's this?"

Her hand slid into one of her lab coat pockets, coming out with a gold ring on one finger. "There's a clause in your marriage contract/writ of royal ascendancy."

She dug her reading glasses out of her bra, gesturing to the paper. "Go ahead. Read it."

I did. The paper said I was married to both her and Splinter. "Oh God. Bigamy? Really?"

She flashed the glittering ring on her right hand. "Remember when I gave you the Signet Ring of the Bird Kingdom, and you gave me True Love's Kiss?"

I swallowed. "That does ring a bell...But..."

Cupcake ran her hands over my chest, caressing my skin. "I saw what you daydreamed in court. You want me."

I reddened. "I'm a guy. A guy can have a lot of fantasies."

She massaged my stomach. "I know. Do you really want to sleep with a guy right now? Or would you rather bring your fantasy to life?"

I swallowed. "I..."

Her feathery digits curled around my buttocks. "Would you prefer to let Splinter try anal?"

My cheeks flushed hot with anger. "How did you...?"

She gave me this look that said `You should know the answer to that one.' "Your choice: Boned from behind, or live out your wildest fantasy. I know, a man with a female wife-what a concept!"

From the corners of my eyes, I could see my face turning fire engine red, then neon pink as, well, I kinda accepted it. "Okay. Let's just say I'm not adverse to the idea...But, um, we never actually said our official vows."

She grabbed me by the shoulders, flapping her wings as she wrapped her legs around my waist, crotch poised directly above my stiffening manhood.

"I do," she breathed in my ear.

"My queen," I cried, giving her a passionate kiss.